so far away
So Far Away
The way pyrokinetics worked wasn’t as complicated as one might have thought. It usually came without thinking for Brendon’ most times he would just wave his hand flames would appear out of thin air. Nothing was there to catch fire, it just threaded through as if air could overheat and burst into flames too. Really, that didn’t make any sense if you thought long enough, but he never did.
When he was on stage sometimes he would catch himself on fire. It was a true trick, especially not to burn your clothes in the process (though he had done it once or twice on purpose and in private). Almost like the simple movement of blinking or walking, Brendon instinctively knew: temperature rise, boil the blood, burn the skin but leave the brain in tact. If he made one stupid slip up there was one section of his mind that would fry instantaneously. Brendon guessed that not everyone could be invincible.
Sometimes he wished he could burn away some of his mind; or at least the part that held his memories. Images of Ryan that had been once pushed back now remained at the front of his brain, lingering and torturing. He had the power of fire and pheromones, and yet he wasn’t able to simply let go and move on. Oh, how much one takes things for granted. It certainly gave meaning to you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.
*****
Later that night while backstage, Brendon was dealing with a long line of fans. The Cylens’ had forced him to an autograph session to maybe pick up his spirits. All the attention did make him a little distracted, at the very most.
The girl at the front of the line had long blonde hair and strangely familiar auburn coloured eyes. She slammed down a poster of both The Flame and Aquarius onto the table, eyes dancing with fire. Brendon blinked in surprise, wondering if she was like him too. But then the short little woman cut him off.
“Where the hell is my brother?”
She had to be (at the most) in her early twenties. She was extremely small, yet there was something about her that told Brendon she was not someone anyone would want to double cross. She stared almost violently at him as she waited for a response.
“You…” Brendon mumbled; hands shaking as he picked up one of the sharpies. “You’re Aquarius’… sister…?”
“No, you jackass, I’m Ryan’s sister.” She snapped in an annoyingly high steel edged voice. Brendon didn’t even know Ryan had a sister, let alone one that was obviously bitchy. Brendon glanced up into the hauntingly familiar eyes as she spoke again, “Make that out to Cyndrella Ross,” she said, pointing to the poster calmly, “And… while you’re at it, answer my question. Or, even better, maybe you could tell me how you managed to drive him out of the show and out of the tents? Are you seriously as thick as everyone says you are?” then, she muttered: “Arrogant moron…”
Running a hand through his raven hair, Brendon’s face fell again. When it did you could quite honestly tell how miserable the man was. “I’ve got no clue where he is, alright?” he said quietly, voice shaking as he looked back at her with sincerity flowing through his words. “I wish I did, but I don’t, so fuck the hell off, alright?”
He scribbled out a sloppy message on the paper; saying how Ryan had left and handed it back to her. Her face churned into a concerned for several seconds; she stared silently at him before scowling. She muttered something under her breath about it being Brendon’s fault before turning on her heel and stalking away. Brendon was thankfully for the private roomed signings now; he didn’t need everyone knowing how much of an ass he was (though he hardly cared).
As if that wasn’t enough, the man that followed looked almost like a hit man. He stood well over six feet and had the best build Brendon had seen in a long while. His sandy blonde hair and bright blue eyes weren’t bad either. He offered the gorgeous older man a seductive smile, leaning over across the table a bit as he sat down.
“Hey handsome,” Brendon said bluntly. “What is it you wanted signed?” his eyes started lingering over the man’s buttoned up shirt, mentally tearing it off.
“I’m not gay, Brendon,” He said. “And I am certainly not here for your autograph, I’m here for you.”
“I thought you weren’t gay?”
The man’s eyes lit up with literal flashes of lightning as he laughed, leaning back in his chair casually. “My name’s Tyler Locura,” he said. “I’m here to talk to you about your powers.”
Brendon leaned back in his own chair now and crossed his legs, looking taken back. “Oh,” he replied flatly, “Alright then.”
“Do you know you’re not the only one with this special gift?” Tyler asked.
A bitter smile crept across Brendon’s lips as he was once more reminding of Ryan. He bowed his head for a moment before looking into the lightning filled eyes above him and nodding his head, “Yes, I am aware of that.”
Tyler looked relieved at this before moving and sitting on the table, obviously needing to rest somewhere. He paused for a moment, “Oh yeah, you know Ryan,” he shook his head, “There are other’s who can control fire, is what I meant.”
Startled, Brendon looked up at Tyler. He had assumed that Ryan and he were rather unique within the world, and now that was being torn from his grasp. He ran a hand through his hair absently, never noting how Tyler snickered slightly at the movement.
“Wait a second,” he said, suddenly seeming concerned. “How do you know Ryan? And where are these other people?”
With a more then slightly amused grin, Tyler rose to his feet and motioned for Brendon to follow him. Brendon looked completely baffled before he rose to his feet and followed the much larger man from the tents. He looked up as thunder crackled through the air. He frowned in concern before turning to Tyler, and could only stare. The man was literally aglow with lightning, tiny bolts crackling over his skin. Tyler looked at him and shrugged, “I prefer being outdoors during the storm. If you are worried, don’t be,” he said, leaving it there. He motioned for Brendon to follow and headed over to a rather large tree that had been planted just for the people in the circus. They both sat down and Tyler relaxed against the tree, on leg stretched out before him and the other bent.
“How do I know Ryan? I’ve spoken with him. He’s become my sister’s best friend or something,” he said, shrugging and leaving it there. Brendon looked at Tyler, and noted there seemed to be something the other man was leaving out, but before he could try and get the hidden information, Tyler ploughed right on through, “And as for the other people? There are a couple hundred still wandering around, but the majority of the people, also known as Elementals, are on a little island called Avvelenare.
“It’s basically a three part island that we inhabit; I’d even go as far as to say that the island is the safest place for people like us. Mind you, there are vampires,” Tyler explained, but was interrupted by a gasp from Brendon. Brendon was in completely disbelief over the mentioning of vampires that when Tyler looked at him, he could only laugh. He reached out and gently patted Brendon’s leg, “They don’t eat us, though I suppose there have been times when they have. We tend to work together to prevent people from bothering us.”
Brendon nodded slowly and bit his lip, something he had started doing when he was worried, and he was certain he had acquired that particular habit from Ryan. He looked into the blue eyes of the man beside him, “Are you here to take me there?”
Shrugged, Tyler explained, “I figured you were a fire elemental when I saw your posters, and thought I’d let you know about the island. If you want to come, awesome, if not, I’ll leave you my number in case you ever change your mind.”
Nodding, Brendon requested Tyler’s phone number. He was surprised when Tyler simply pulled out a folded sheet of paper and handed it to him. Brendon unfolded it and read the number there, nodding slightly and slipping it into his pants pocket. Tyler rose to his feet, just in time for a vicious bolt of lightning to strike him. He looked amused as he remained standing and looked down at Brendon.
“I suppose I’ll see you around, good luck Brendon,” were his parting words before Tyler disappeared in a crash of thunder, leaving Brendon wondering if he had done the right thing. Brendon frowned slightly, leaning back against the tree, watching the rain fall. There was another burst of thunder suddenly and Tyler stood there with two posters and a sharpie pen, “Man, ok, I’m going to ask you to sign these, mostly so I can pick on a few people I know. Just your name,” Tyler said, eyes dancing with laughter and mayhem.
Amused, Brendon quickly signed both posters, even adding little x’s and o’s to the end of his name, which seemed to make Tyler snicker with glee. Tyler nodded and disappeared once more, leaving Brendon looking at the sky, thinking, and wondering why even he had a bad feeling about signing those posters for Tyler.
*****
His head was spinning so fast. The possibility of retreating to this island was definitely out of question. By the sounds of what Tyler had told him, Ryan was possibly on this weird island. Brendon paced around an empty hotel, hands folded against the small of his back as he wandered. No, he definitely couldn’t go. Ryan obviously went there to get away from him, so why would he follow? He didn’t need Ryan, he was just miserable on his own. Ryan didn’t want him anyway.
Plopping onto the edge of the springy old mattress Brendon put his face into his hands, shutting out the sounds of techno base playing in the background. Hands started running against his bare back, fingers long and thin as they wrapped up to his shoulders. Brendon jerked away, getting back off the bed again and moving to the other side of the room.
All these hotels were starting to look the same. Old faded grey carpets with shredded floral curtains. Brendon latched onto one of them, running the material between his fingers. Cold and hard now, some parts dirty from God knows what. He hated looking at anything similar now; what he hated even more is when he could see his reflection in the glass windows. Dropping the curtains back into place, he sighed and leant his head against the window pain, listening to rain crash.
“Are you coming back to bed?”
Brendon turned his head, glancing at the younger brunette who sat naked upon the bed. His sunken eyes met with the boy’s before shaking his head and staring at the floor. “We’re finished.” He said quietly with an almost bitter tone. “We should probably get our clothes.” Pushing himself off the wall lightly, he wandered towards the bed. He started shivering from the nudity, flesh exposed in every single place. There was a shirt at the foot of the bed, sweater on the floor but he had no clue where his pants had gone.
“Have you seen my -“
The man was already gone. Brendon sighed, sometimes wishing he had someone to stay with afterwards. Though he would probably make them leave anyway, he just wanted someone to hold onto him and run their long thin fingers through his hair. This person was quite obviously Ryan; Brendon just simply hated thinking about it because it hurt so badly. He could forget about it, right? Right.
He’d eventually torn the room out top to bottom. The blankets were on the floor now; one by the bathroom and one by the door. The pillows were on the nightstand too, and he had probably would have lost his shirt had he not put it on. Brendon dropped down to the ground, deciding to check underneath the bed. He shuffled stuff around, ignoring the uncomfortable feeling of old hard carpet against his thighs.
There were a lot of gross things underneath; basically what you’d expect of a hotel room. Brendon laughed with relief, grabbing hold of his black jeans and pulling them out, only to realize there was something on top of it. He raised an eyebrow as he pulled out the second object, not bothering to look at it until he stood back up.
Brendon flicked on the light and the room brightened instantly, flooding with a low saturated yellow. He shielded his eyes from the bright and cheap florescence before tossing the materials on top of the bed. Slipping his pants on, he zippered it and took a second glance at this mysterious other object. Now with the light shining on it, Brendon instantly recognised the shiny silver buttons and worn out blue leather.
His heart started yanking down on his lungs, thudding against his ribcage. The old jacket Brendon had bought for him was just left for anyone to take over the years. How had no one noticed it before? Perhaps looking at the state of the room, no one but him had been in there in years. It was his regular room after all; he just never bothered to look around in the light.
Tears started threatening to break free from his eyes, but Brendon bit hard on his lip to force them back. He ran a frustrated hand through his hair before grabbing onto the jacket and slipping it on too. He felt sort of suffocated with so many layers, but it didn’t really matter right now. It was dusty and smelled of mildew, but it was Ryan’s jacket still.
Pulling the door open with a hard snap, Brendon instantly felt the rush of cold air hit him in the face and blow through his hair. He pulled the hood of his sweater over his hair and tucked his hands into his pockets, searching for his car keys. Closing the door behind him and pushing the auto lock on his keys he found his bright convertible quickly, running over to it and making sure the hood was up over the seats.
Thankfully he had known it was going to rain and put the plastic hood over his car; nothing was wet. Brendon slipped through the car and turned it on, letting slow sad music flood through. He sat there for a minute, hands gripping onto the wheel as he listened to the words of the Canadian Avril Lavigne. He was ashamed to have the CD, but some of the songs seemed to make sense sometimes.
“I never thought I’d need you there when I cry,” Brendon sang quietly under his breath, turning the music up and watching the autumn wind blowing through the trees. “The days feel like years, when I’m alone.” He turned the keys, listening to the engine start to roar over the music. “When you’re gone the pieces of my heart are missing you,” he hummed, reaching his foot down to hit the gas petal when something caught his eye.
Off across the road Brendon could see one of the many walls lined with old torn posters. If he squinted hard enough, he was able to make out very ancient but memorable circus posters.
“Do you see how much I need you right now?”
In the image, Ryan was standing next to Brendon, very closely too. There was a tangle of ice and fire behind them as they stared into the camera with fierce and intense expressions, eyes dancing with their own elements.
“I can hardly breathe; I need to feel you here with me,”
Brendon quickly pressed onto the gas petal, hitting in reverse and getting out of the parking lot with a quick screech of tires like always. His heart was racing, his blood rushing and his palms already sweaty. He needed Ryan.
“The words that I need to hear will always get me through the day and make it okay. I miss you.”
*****
Every day Brendon seemed to be pacing now. There was a note crumpled in his hand, one he didn’t want to let go of. He wasn’t even sure if he had wanted to give it or not. For the past two or three weeks Brendon had been contemplating his escape, writing this note over and over trying to explain. But really it all came down to simple, simple words in his best printing.
It was a few days before the Christmas season’s special show, which usually was a beautiful mix of frozen flames. But this year they would have to find some way to manage it without The Flame. He glanced over the note again, reading it over in his mind:
He didn’t really have any more options left. It was either leave and make a sad attempt at even seeing Ryan’s age defined face, or live miserably to make other people happy. Seriously he didn’t care about his fans wellbeing over his own anymore. Did he ever really? Everything was about him. Right now it was still about him, but this time it was more for his own sanity.
Dropping the note on his night stand, Brendon looked back at the suitcase he had packed the day before. The scene looked much like Ryan’s departure, which seemed to tug at his heart too. It was past midnight like it always was when Brendon acted, though he was wide awake. He pretty much hadn’t slept in those weeks.
He flipped open his cell phone and hit a few keys, directing towards the number he’d so recently been given: Locura, Tyler: 555-7684. Several times he pressed call and end call within the same second. Why was he so nervous all of a sudden? It was just a stupid phone call. Yes. He was leaving. It was a certain fact, but something was missing about it.
Glancing down at his outfit, he wondered if he was in the best clothing; Ryan’s old black v-neck t-shirt, red circus jacket and a pair of fitted grey jeans. Should he seriously be wearing one of Ryan’s old shirts? It quickly became one of his favourites, and he hadn’t even bothered washing it for fear of losing Ryan’s essence. Thankfully he managed to keep clean, and being a temperature freak he hardly sweated.
Flipping open the cell phone again, Brendon decided to send him a text message instead. While he texted, he crossed over into Ryan’s bedroom as quietly as possible, digging out the key and pocketing it quickly. He wanted to take it with him for some reason. Maybe to show Ryan, or maybe just to remember the lengths he went through to stay in the mans bedroom. As soon as he entered he flicked the light on and jumped onto his bed, laying on the old sheets and relaxing.
Sender: Urie, Brendon
Message: I’m ready.
Then, Brendon hit send and waited, watching the bars of his phone sail up and down with service. At least a minute later the phone flashed message sent and he let out a sigh of relief. The service inside the tents was for some reason an awful place to use a cell phone, and it always had been.
Within minutes there was a loud crash of thunder and Tyler was standing in front of him, an amused look on his face. “Took you long enough,” he said in a sarcastic tone, smiling as he extended his hand. Brendon let out a little laugh and grabbed on, pulling himself up and picking up his suitcase.
“How’d you know I’d be in here?” he asked curiously, figuring Tyler would have appeared in his own room. Tyler however only raised an eyebrow at him, letting him know that it was obvious Brendon spent all his time in here. He smiled awkwardly in response. “What now?”
“Hang on.”
Tyler wrapped his arms around Brendon, pulling him closely. Then, some strong force pulled on the two of them and they were gone from the room instantly, away from the circus and away from the now horrible world, towards a new and interesting land of elements and wonder.