reunited beginings
It was Christmas Eve, 2007 when Brendon had found the small park near his new house. Big and vibrant green with brightly coloured furniture inside; Tyler obviously had figured out his taste when he found him a home. Right now he was kicked back upon a soft wooden bench, legs crossed as his head was lounged back and eyes closed while he thought. Sure, he’d been there for only three days now but there was no sign of Ryan. Somehow he’d quickly given up all hopes of even seeing the younger man there at all.
Tyler had been leading him on all week, saying something good would come out of all of this. With his mention of Ryan when they first met and his obvious knowledge of his boy-crush Brendon just naturally assumed that was what he had meant. If it was though, where on earth was he? Brendon stretched his hands out in front of him before placing them on top of his lap, feeling hard jeans under his fingers. He was wearing his red circus jacket still, and Ryan’s old black t-shirt. It gave him a weird comfort.
Several hundred feet away, Ryan slowly rose to his feet and dusted his knees off. He wiped his forehead free of sweat, leaving a smear of dirt across his face. He smiled with relief as he finished helping the earth elementals with the plants. While there wasn’t an actual winter around, everything had been colder, leaving some of the needed plants frozen. Ryan had been working overtime to prevent anything from freezing solid, but there were times when he wondered if the air elementals were just trying to make it snow on the island.
Ryan waved good-bye to his fellow workers and picked up his bag, pulling out his current novel and started a combination of reading and walking. He quickly became completely engrossed in his book, barely paying attention to where his feet were leading him. Usually he walked the same path every time, so he wasn’t really concerned with getting lost. That evening though, his path was disrupted. He tripped over something and fell, his book flying several feet away.
Jumping, Brendon’s eyes whipped open as he felt something collide with his extended legs. He should have known to keep the tucked in, especially when his eyes were closed. He laughed and got to his feet, glancing briefly down at the unknown person - known to be his crush - and murmured a quick “Sorry,” with a smile, kneeling down beside him. “You alri -“
Looking up while trying to gather his things, Ryan’s eyes quickly connected with deep brown ones; that was when he managed to freeze completely without using his powers. His breathing stopped, he wasn’t blinking and he had literally stopped moving as he stared in disbelief that Brendon Urie was back in front of him after so long. He swallowed nervously, mouth growing drier and drier the longer he stared. Brendon just stared back, trying to mask his nerves with a smile.
“I was wondering if I’d see you here,” he said with a lopsided grin, one corner of his mouth slightly higher than the other. Ryan missed that.
Ryan stuffed his book into his bag and stood up, stepping away. He was completely shocked to see Brendon, and was at a complete loss for words. Brendon on the other hand, was in awe as he stared at Ryan. The man had aged beautifully, his hair longer and thicker; there was a sparkle in his eye that told of a deep enjoyment of life, something that had been absent in his youth.
“When did you get here, Brendon?” Ryan asked; his voice smooth, though there was a slight tremble as he spoke the other man’s name; the only indication that he was unnerved with seeing his secret love before him.
Brendon had aged beautifully too, though his face seemed so torn and distorted not just from age but from emotion. There were visible lines under his eyes, ones that weren’t easily covered with makeup; his hair was darker and more of a thick wavy mess. Ryan remembered Brendon straightening his hair everyday, but it looked like he now didn’t care about his appearance as much. All he was wearing was eyeliner.
“I got here a couple days ago,” he said simply, pushing himself off the grounds and sitting back on the bench, “You alright?”
Rubbing his hands nervously on his pants, Ryan nodded. He looked to the other side of Brendon before shrugging and moving to the other side of him, sitting down. Ryan turned to Brendon just as Brendon turned to him; both studying each other silently. Ryan was trembling inside, secretly plotting to hurt Tyler for not warning him sooner. Brendon on the other hand was trying to restrain the impulse to pull Ryan into his arms and hold him. He thought about that for a moment before abruptly reaching out and pulled Ryan against his chest, hugging him as tightly as he ever had.
“I missed you, Ryan,” he murmured softly, now restraining the impulse to kiss the younger man.
“I missed you too, Brendon,” Ryan replied softly, hugging Brendon back.
Brendon held him there for maybe longer than he should have, secretly inhaling Ryan’s sweet scent as his fingers laced through his hair. It smelled like the shirt he wore, only more fresh and beautiful. He was surprised Ryan didn’t even notice that he had his shirt. Eventually Brendon pulled away, leaning back against the bench with a brilliant smile upon his worn face. Ryan was here again; maybe this time something would finally work. Now was his chance to not be an asshole.
“Why’d you leave?” Brendon asked, turning to look at Ryan again. All Ryan did was shrug nervously and bite on his lip, looking down at the ground. He sighed, licking his own lips as he watched the gorgeous man beside him. “Ryan. Why’d you leave the circus?”
Biting his lip, Ryan looked at Brendon, taking in the gorgeous features he’d been dreaming about for 6 long years. He decided to tell the truth, sort of. He looked at Brendon from under his bangs and spoke, “I fell in love with someone who would never love me back…”
It hurt, like a knife had just been thrust through his heart. Brendon restrained himself perfectly, showing now reaction to the pain the coursed through him at those words, “What a silly reason to leave,” Brendon said, earnestly, thinking that he at least loved Ryan, even if who ever it was Ryan loved didn’t.
His heart literally felt like it was sinking in a pool of regret underneath his ribs. Why had Brendon even decided to come in the first place? It was obvious Ryan didn’t love him back so why had he even tried? Now that the jealousy began taking over, there was a bitter, resented and sarcastic tone to his voice that was normally expressed to Victor back in the day.
On the other hand, Ryan was rather offended. He’d left because of Brendon and all he had to say was it was practically stupid? He rolled his eyes and pushed himself up off the bench, grabbing his bag and slinging it over his shoulder with a rough hit. Ryan snorted, glancing up at the dimly lit Christmas sky. “Well, it seems some things never change.” He said in a rude tone, attempting to leave.
“Excuse me?” Brendon said, getting up and stepping in front of Ryan.
The eyes that turned back to Brendon made him take a hasty step back. They were filled with bitter anger, regret and a hint of sadness, taking away Brendon’s breath. Ryan glared slightly suddenly and spoke, “I bet you’re thinking about you now, always you,” he snorted and turned around, starting to walk away.
“No!” Brendon exclaimed, anger tainting his words as they spilled freely from him, “You don’t get to run away again, Ryan Ross.”
His eyes were dancing with flames. His eyes were dancing with waves. It was all very intoxicating as they stared back at each other, had they not been glaring fiercely at each other. “Not my fault you’re an asshole!” Ryan snapped back, gritting through his teeth. He’d never been so bitterly honest in his life, it was literally painful. “Maybe if you thought about someone else for a change you’d see what I was running away from!”
That had seriously hit Brendon with a hit of at least fifty pound bricks. He blinked his eyes in surprise, wanting to either cry or punch the kid in the face. Deciding to do neither, he grabbed his backpack and pulled him closer, forcing him to turn and look at him fully. “What did you say to me?!”
“Wasn’t I clear? I said you, Brendon Urie, are a self, centered,” Ryan jerked himself away from his grip, “Asshole.”
Disbelief filled Brendon as he realized that Ryan was no longer was the timid man he’d known back in the circus. Anger filled him then, raging through him like his flames often did; without thinking Brendon shoved Ryan harshly, knocking him back into the bench, “And maybe if you had taken the time to speak to people more, you wouldn’t have had to leave!” he exclaimed, knowing he wasn’t really making sense.
Ryan glared fiercely and jerked to his feet again, with a wave of his hand water exploded between them, pushing Brendon back a few feet, “That might be true, but if you weren’t such an attention whore maybe I would’ve felt more at ease with talking to people.” With those words Ryan glared once more before spinning on his heel and starting to stalk away.
“Do not think you’re getting away after saying that Ryan Ross!” Brendon shouted and waved his hand, letting flames wrap around the man, ordering him to stop. Ryan grumbled and gripped onto his bag as he turned around to face him. Both of them were oh-so extremely mad about nothing, yet it seemed like a lot more. “It’s hard to think about anyone but myself if you never give me anything to think about! Always quiet little Ryan, never saying a word until he’s found bleeding on the bedroom floor!”
That was when Brendon wished he had bit his tongue. Ryan’s eyes widened, almost glossing over with tears in disbelief that he could be so horrible bringing it up. “I… I can’t believe you just said that…”
It was obvious to see that his words had just cut into Ryan, and there was nothing he could do to take back the words. Brendon stepped forward, reaching out, wanting to apologize, but in a flash, Ryan was back to being furious, waves crashing violently in his eyes. He jerked back, pulling away from Brendon’s reaching grasp; he even took several steps back. He stared at the flame filled gaze before him, a gaze that was now filled with regret and spoke softly, anger barely heard, “Isn’t it amazing how I always end up running away from you, Brendon Urie?”
Just like that, Brendon felt as though he was falling. He gasped in disbelief and stumbled back at the cold words that fell from perfect lips. He tried desperately to say something, but Ryan was already walking away, frozen foot steps imprinting themselves on the grass as he left. Brendon sank to the ground and clutched at the shirt he was wearing, his favourite reminder of Ryan, wondering how it was he kept managing to chase the other man away.
*****
He’d stayed in his bed most of the day, feeling completely disgusted with himself. Brendon hadn’t even taken the time yet to find a job. Christmas had gone by in a flash with no celebration, no lights, no presents, no desert, no anything; just the occasional children’s cartoon when Brendon managed to get out of bed.
Now it was New Years Eve; six years today Brendon would have kissed Ryan. He wondered whether or not he had meant it at the time, but he sure as hell meant it now. Glancing up he watched the morning sky start to jump through his window, illuminating the bright red painted bedroom with a weird orange glow.
Sometime after lunch had passed Brendon managed to get himself out of the bed. For the last week he’d been wearing the couple of t-shirts he’d brought of Ryan’s, needing the comfort. Sometimes it upset him to the point he’d cry into his pillow, and sometimes it made him smile like a fool in front of his mirror. It was really the last thing that meant anything right now.
Brendon looked at the clock and groaned, wanting it to be tomorrow already. This day was a day with too many memories, and having basically chased Ryan away again, he didn’t want to remember. He stumbled into the kitchen and looked around, wondering if it was possible for him to actually cook anything without getting killed or seriously injured. He thought about it for a moment, before remembering the few times he had ever tried cooking. He decided that he might have to go out and find food.
Eventually he settles on a box of Cheese-Its and carried them into his living room, hoping he’d eat his memories in cheesy goodness. Brendon dropped down onto the floor and dug his hand hopelessly into the half empty box, chewing on the square crackers and turning on his television. Each and every channel had a midnight countdown up already, and it was only noon. One news channel was even reporting the fact that he had seemingly disappeared. He rolled his eyes and angrily flicked the television off, tired of hearing the high noise it usually gave off.
Several blocks over, Ryan was slamming the door on Tyler’s fingers, making him yelp in pain. Alyx was laughing at her brother, since she was one of the few people who had ever seen Ryan so furious. Tyler managed to pull his fingers free and Ryan leaned against the door, listening as his friends left. He knew they meant well, but he honestly had no use for cheerful conversations right now.
Sighing, Ryan walked towards his living room, picking up his guitar along the way. It the only guitar he had ever owned, something that was given to him by Brendon. He looked at it and let out a frustrated shout. Forgetting it was plugged in he threw it at the amplifier and stalked towards the kitchen, unaware of the sparkles that were showering out of the destroyed mess.
He started digging through his cupboards, muttering under his breath about the stupid man. Still though his heart fluttered at the very thought of him. Why was it so damn hard to get Brendon out of his head? He was a self centered ass, and he’d meant everything he said to him; sort of.
Moments later, there was a strangely familiar scent in the air. It reminded him of Brendon, like every thing did, but in a different way this time; the smell of hot flames licking through cold air; almost addictive in a sick way. He whipped his head around just in time to see fire eating its way through Ryan’s living room and hallway, soon reaching the kitchen. He panicked, trying to create water but soon found it too difficult with all the smoke that collected.
Panicking was not the best of things to do, but it was something he felt entitled to do. Ryan moved towards the back door, wanting to escape, only to find the flames had already reached the only other escape he had. He was trapped by flames, and he certainly did not feel as safe as he often did when Brendon had wrapped flames around him. Ryan cried out for help, but the smoke chocked him, cutting off his desperate attempt to be rescued. The last thing he saw before falling forward, unconscious, was his front door bursting open.
Back a few blocks away, Brendon had eventually gotten back to his feet and pulled his black velvet jacket on over his shoulders. There wasn’t much use getting dressed if he was just going for a short walk in the cold air. As soon as he stepped outside though he raised his temperature, making sure he wouldn’t be cold. That was another thing to remind him of Ryan. Part of him wished that he could run into him today, just to say he was sorry. The things he said he only partially meant, but in the best way possible; if that made sense.
His hands were shoved into the pockets of his worn out jeans while he walked, passing by the happy couples that held hands. At some point he’d shoved ear phones in his ears; this way he wasn’t able to hear what they were talking about - even though they were talking about the erratic fire two blocks down. He just kept his head down and kept walking.
After a while Brendon could definitely smell the heat that for once wasn’t his fault. He looked up seeing a billowing tower of black smoke running through the sky, and knew exactly what street it was coming from. He’d picked up word of where Ryan had lived a few days ago, was it so wrong? Right now it sure didn’t seem like it. His heart was pounding in his ears as he ripped out the headphones and shoved them into his pocket, his feet practically on fire.
He had never run so fast in his life, not for anyone or anything, but that day, he ran as fast as he ever had, literally leaving fire in his wake. He came to a stop outside a house where several other fire elementals were trying to pull the flames out of the house and several water elementals were desperately trying to put out the fire. Fear filled Brendon completely, correctly assuming that it was Ryan’s house on fire.
A little to the left, he could hear Tyler speaking to someone, “I don’t care, he’s still in there, get him out!”