Death: 1 - Alastair: 0
I know some of you have heard this, but I figured writing about it might help to sort out some of the things that have been running around in my head for a couple of days now.
This was from last Saturday, the 29th:
I was working at the information desk, when I heard an odd page go out over the tannoy. I was talking to a customer at the time, so I thought it said "Assistants to the Childrens' section". But what it actually said was "Emergency Assistance to the Children's section". Which is something else entirely. Either way, because I misheard it, I ignored it. I finished with my customer and I glanced up at the front doors in time to see one of the site security guards running in with a first aid kit. I jogged over to find out what was going on, and he said "You've got a customer collapsed somewhere". It was at this point that I put everything together and got off my arse towards the kids section.
It was easy to find where we were heading - a crowd of customers and booksellers, all standing around doing not much. In the middle of them was a very large man, lying on his side. I think it was about this point that I stopped thinking, and just started reacting to what was there.
They teach you at these first aid courses about A-B-C. Namely, airway, breathing and circulation. Things you should check the second you find someone in trouble. As I got to the guy though, he was already in what looked like the recovery position, so I figured that someone else had put him like that. Because of this, I just moved straight on to what you do after putting someone in the recovery position - checking that they're ok. So, I told someone to make sure an ambulance was on the way, found his wallet and a few other things that might help us find who he was there with - given that he was big enough and infirm enough (there was an empty walker nearby) - there was no way he was there on his own. It was at this point that I also asked what happened. One of the booksellers said that he'd just fallen on his side like that, after trying to hold himself up on a bookcase.
This was the point I realised I'd made a big mistake - he wasn't in the recovery position, that was just how he'd landed. I checked again for his pulse and it wasn't there. The thing that's bothering me the most is that I don't remember checking for a pulse the first time around. I think I did, but I was so busy "playing the hero" with someone who was alive (or so I thought) that I don't remember checking. Either way, I realised this guy was in big trouble and got him on his back, before starting CPR.
Luckily, the Strata guard realised what was going on, and radio'd for the other guard to bring over their portable automatic defibrillator kit. Meanwhile, I was still trying to get this guy to breathe. They tell you at the course that you should make sure that the patient's head is tilted back, his mouth open. Pinch the nose, and two strong breaths into the mouth. What they don't tell you is that sometimes even when you've done this right, you still can't get a breath down their throat. I haven't been able to find an explanation for this yet, but I'm guessing it was something to do with the size of the guy. Either way, I think I managed to get a couple of weak breaths in, because a bloody horrible taste came back out (something they did warn us about).
The other guard, Steve, had sprinted up at this point and was unpacking his kit - not wanting to make light of something very serious, but these things are cool. It tells you what to do (in a really calm voice), where to put each pad, when to stop CPR so it can analyse the heart rhythm, and whether it's going to administer a shock or not. Again - they train you pretty well for these things, but what they don't tell you is that a plastic mannequin won't jump about two inches off the ground and gurgle when you press the "shock" button. Either way, it didn't seem to work, because we were back on the CPR again.
After trying the shock button a second time (as advised by the machine), the paramedics arrived, along with a doctor who happened to be in the store. They pretty much took over at this point, but unfortunately, this was also the point that we managed to find the guys' wife who needed looking after.
The end of the story is that they worked on him for about 5 minutes outside in the ambulance, before taking him to the hospital to be pronounced dead.
I've had plenty of people tell me that I did everything I could, and that there wasn't any more that could be done. People who really do know about these things. However, I've never realised just how little it really helps (not saying it's not appreciated though). I can't seem to stop going over what went on, to see if I could do anything different. Obviously, checking to see if the guy was alive before rolling him around the place might have been an idea.
The strangest thing has been bothering me though. Part of me has always wanted to do this kind of thing, to have people come up to me afterwards and use words like "hero", or just tell me that I did well. But the thing it's made me realise is, when you come down to it - you're only a hero when you win. I don't ever want to have to do that again.
So, my apologies to anyone I've emo'd at in the last day or so, or for anything I've said that might seem a bit out of character. I'll be fine in a day or so, I just need to try and forget about this.
This was from last Saturday, the 29th:
I was working at the information desk, when I heard an odd page go out over the tannoy. I was talking to a customer at the time, so I thought it said "Assistants to the Childrens' section". But what it actually said was "Emergency Assistance to the Children's section". Which is something else entirely. Either way, because I misheard it, I ignored it. I finished with my customer and I glanced up at the front doors in time to see one of the site security guards running in with a first aid kit. I jogged over to find out what was going on, and he said "You've got a customer collapsed somewhere". It was at this point that I put everything together and got off my arse towards the kids section.
It was easy to find where we were heading - a crowd of customers and booksellers, all standing around doing not much. In the middle of them was a very large man, lying on his side. I think it was about this point that I stopped thinking, and just started reacting to what was there.
They teach you at these first aid courses about A-B-C. Namely, airway, breathing and circulation. Things you should check the second you find someone in trouble. As I got to the guy though, he was already in what looked like the recovery position, so I figured that someone else had put him like that. Because of this, I just moved straight on to what you do after putting someone in the recovery position - checking that they're ok. So, I told someone to make sure an ambulance was on the way, found his wallet and a few other things that might help us find who he was there with - given that he was big enough and infirm enough (there was an empty walker nearby) - there was no way he was there on his own. It was at this point that I also asked what happened. One of the booksellers said that he'd just fallen on his side like that, after trying to hold himself up on a bookcase.
This was the point I realised I'd made a big mistake - he wasn't in the recovery position, that was just how he'd landed. I checked again for his pulse and it wasn't there. The thing that's bothering me the most is that I don't remember checking for a pulse the first time around. I think I did, but I was so busy "playing the hero" with someone who was alive (or so I thought) that I don't remember checking. Either way, I realised this guy was in big trouble and got him on his back, before starting CPR.
Luckily, the Strata guard realised what was going on, and radio'd for the other guard to bring over their portable automatic defibrillator kit. Meanwhile, I was still trying to get this guy to breathe. They tell you at the course that you should make sure that the patient's head is tilted back, his mouth open. Pinch the nose, and two strong breaths into the mouth. What they don't tell you is that sometimes even when you've done this right, you still can't get a breath down their throat. I haven't been able to find an explanation for this yet, but I'm guessing it was something to do with the size of the guy. Either way, I think I managed to get a couple of weak breaths in, because a bloody horrible taste came back out (something they did warn us about).
The other guard, Steve, had sprinted up at this point and was unpacking his kit - not wanting to make light of something very serious, but these things are cool. It tells you what to do (in a really calm voice), where to put each pad, when to stop CPR so it can analyse the heart rhythm, and whether it's going to administer a shock or not. Again - they train you pretty well for these things, but what they don't tell you is that a plastic mannequin won't jump about two inches off the ground and gurgle when you press the "shock" button. Either way, it didn't seem to work, because we were back on the CPR again.
After trying the shock button a second time (as advised by the machine), the paramedics arrived, along with a doctor who happened to be in the store. They pretty much took over at this point, but unfortunately, this was also the point that we managed to find the guys' wife who needed looking after.
The end of the story is that they worked on him for about 5 minutes outside in the ambulance, before taking him to the hospital to be pronounced dead.
I've had plenty of people tell me that I did everything I could, and that there wasn't any more that could be done. People who really do know about these things. However, I've never realised just how little it really helps (not saying it's not appreciated though). I can't seem to stop going over what went on, to see if I could do anything different. Obviously, checking to see if the guy was alive before rolling him around the place might have been an idea.
The strangest thing has been bothering me though. Part of me has always wanted to do this kind of thing, to have people come up to me afterwards and use words like "hero", or just tell me that I did well. But the thing it's made me realise is, when you come down to it - you're only a hero when you win. I don't ever want to have to do that again.
So, my apologies to anyone I've emo'd at in the last day or so, or for anything I've said that might seem a bit out of character. I'll be fine in a day or so, I just need to try and forget about this.