we're not feeling it yet
siiiiiiigh.
Being back is always a weird time for me, mood-wise. I mean, it's not that I'm incredibly upset to be back or anything, and I'm not incredibly enthused, it's just... meh. I think it's the first few days when you don't actually have a purpose in being back. I'm not an extremely social person, and going from my nice, quiet existence at home, talking to only a few friends, my family, and spending most of my time with Jilly, and being thrown into an environment with thirty super excited sorority girls is a culture shock for me. For the first few hours I just want to close the door, put on some music, unpack and get used to being at school again. I just can't flip on the social switch and jump back into the swing of things without a little mental stretching.
I think I also have this disease where drastic, if not unwelcome, change puts me on a mental backburner for a few hours. I mean, this is my room, these are my things, and I was living here only a month ago. But I was at home for so long that readjusting to the fact that my family isn't here, I have to go to class, I don't have a car, etc just takes me a bit to process.
Don't get me wrong -- I'm glad to be back at school, and if I'm totally honest with myself, I love going to class and being on campus. I think it's definitely the social thing (you know, since I'm not) and I think the first few days are hard when you don't really have a purpose. I don't have classes, I don't have any work to do, and I really, honestly and truly hate bumping around to other people's rooms (on other floors) when they're in a state of unpacking -- I just feel in the way and purposeless. I like to spend time with people when we're settled. I don't know, the more I try to explain my state of mind the more confusing it sounds. Suffice it to say, for my first night back I just want to unpack, take a shower and watch a movie. Alone in my room. Tomorrow I'll come visit and bounce gleefully because we have again returned to these hallowed halls of learning, but tonight I need to adjust.
Also, I'm definitely getting a little panicky about graduation. I mean, I think I'm not terribly upset about leaving Wagner but... I don't know. It doesn't change the fact that I'm not going to a bar every night, but it does make me want to spend more time with people since there are some I probably won't ever see again, or at least not very often. I can compile a mental list as I type this. I definitely do want to spend more time with Amanda, who has been my best friend here for years and with whom I feel like it's been months since I've actually spent quality time. This must, of course, be remedied.
I think my biggest challenge will be being more social -- it's pretty inherent to my inner programming to just curl up with a book and forget about everyone else. I wish there was a way to spend time with people and read at the same time. Fortunately Kat understands this dilemma perfectly and often just comes to my room with a book, and we sit and read together. Amanda and I used to do something similar -- she would do homework and I would read for class but we'd be together. This is definitely something a boyfriend would have to understand and accommodate for -- I want to be with you, but I want to do this other thing at the same time.
The bottom line is I don't want to change my lifestyle, but I do want to remember to include more friend time. Hopefully it'll be a light schoolwork semester, and the only real scheduling challenge I'll have will be sorority stuff. Which, by the way, is getting really old. I am definitely on the back end of any enthusiasm I ever had for recruitment, ribbon sales, or new member nights. I understand that the sisters want older sisters to participate -- I UNDERSTAND because there was so much crap like that when I was a younger sister. But I also understand the get-me-the-hell-out-of-here mentality when I feel like a one hundred year old woman in a sandbox. You can only build castles out of sand for so long; eventually you have to get out there and build things that are real. .
Being back is always a weird time for me, mood-wise. I mean, it's not that I'm incredibly upset to be back or anything, and I'm not incredibly enthused, it's just... meh. I think it's the first few days when you don't actually have a purpose in being back. I'm not an extremely social person, and going from my nice, quiet existence at home, talking to only a few friends, my family, and spending most of my time with Jilly, and being thrown into an environment with thirty super excited sorority girls is a culture shock for me. For the first few hours I just want to close the door, put on some music, unpack and get used to being at school again. I just can't flip on the social switch and jump back into the swing of things without a little mental stretching.
I think I also have this disease where drastic, if not unwelcome, change puts me on a mental backburner for a few hours. I mean, this is my room, these are my things, and I was living here only a month ago. But I was at home for so long that readjusting to the fact that my family isn't here, I have to go to class, I don't have a car, etc just takes me a bit to process.
Don't get me wrong -- I'm glad to be back at school, and if I'm totally honest with myself, I love going to class and being on campus. I think it's definitely the social thing (you know, since I'm not) and I think the first few days are hard when you don't really have a purpose. I don't have classes, I don't have any work to do, and I really, honestly and truly hate bumping around to other people's rooms (on other floors) when they're in a state of unpacking -- I just feel in the way and purposeless. I like to spend time with people when we're settled. I don't know, the more I try to explain my state of mind the more confusing it sounds. Suffice it to say, for my first night back I just want to unpack, take a shower and watch a movie. Alone in my room. Tomorrow I'll come visit and bounce gleefully because we have again returned to these hallowed halls of learning, but tonight I need to adjust.
Also, I'm definitely getting a little panicky about graduation. I mean, I think I'm not terribly upset about leaving Wagner but... I don't know. It doesn't change the fact that I'm not going to a bar every night, but it does make me want to spend more time with people since there are some I probably won't ever see again, or at least not very often. I can compile a mental list as I type this. I definitely do want to spend more time with Amanda, who has been my best friend here for years and with whom I feel like it's been months since I've actually spent quality time. This must, of course, be remedied.
I think my biggest challenge will be being more social -- it's pretty inherent to my inner programming to just curl up with a book and forget about everyone else. I wish there was a way to spend time with people and read at the same time. Fortunately Kat understands this dilemma perfectly and often just comes to my room with a book, and we sit and read together. Amanda and I used to do something similar -- she would do homework and I would read for class but we'd be together. This is definitely something a boyfriend would have to understand and accommodate for -- I want to be with you, but I want to do this other thing at the same time.
The bottom line is I don't want to change my lifestyle, but I do want to remember to include more friend time. Hopefully it'll be a light schoolwork semester, and the only real scheduling challenge I'll have will be sorority stuff. Which, by the way, is getting really old. I am definitely on the back end of any enthusiasm I ever had for recruitment, ribbon sales, or new member nights. I understand that the sisters want older sisters to participate -- I UNDERSTAND because there was so much crap like that when I was a younger sister. But I also understand the get-me-the-hell-out-of-here mentality when I feel like a one hundred year old woman in a sandbox. You can only build castles out of sand for so long; eventually you have to get out there and build things that are real. .