He said fuck you too.
Dear death,
I'm changing this to death. Cause everytime I type into this stupid thing it gets me closer to dying. And I am fucking serious. I need to vent I really do so here it goes.
the_afi_lady (7:24:06 PM): hi ya
dealer_of_death666 (7:24:16 PM): hey...
the_afi_lady (7:24:51 PM): whats wrong?
dealer_of_death666 (7:26:11 PM): nuttin just slightly confused about things, you and me, and im tired
the_afi_lady (7:26:35 PM): well kenny you shouldnt be confused. I still <3 upi
the_afi_lady (7:26:37 PM): *you
dealer_of_death666 (7:28:42 PM): yea i know but i dont know why you wanna go lez and why we both wanna go back out but yet we dont go back out
the_afi_lady (7:29:25 PM): hmmm i dunno
the_afi_lady (7:29:51 PM): cause im dumb
the_afi_lady (7:32:55 PM): hey did you say anything after i did cause my computer is messing up?
dealer_of_death666 (7:33:14 PM): you arent dumb. i still love you and i know i said this before but i dont know if you still love me but i know deep down inside you still do. i wanna hang out tommorow but i wish you didnt have feelings for that asshole jeff still. almost all of your ljs for the week involve him.
the_afi_lady (7:33:34 PM): I know.
the_afi_lady (7:34:00 PM): and its ridiculous... but he is my First love. I cant just snap out of this shit even though I wish I could.
dealer_of_death666 (7:36:14 PM): well he may be your first love but im your second and i didnt fuck you over like he did. look what hes doing to you know. you are going lez slowly becuz of his shit towards you. i wanna see you soon and hold you becuz i fucked up and walked aweay before i left and left you there by yourself. im very sorry for that
the_afi_lady (7:38:45 PM): its fine. dont worry about it. ok
dealer_of_death666 (7:39:42 PM): i am going to worry cuz i dont want that becuz if you are a lez then i will never be bale to be with you again....
the_afi_lady (7:41:03 PM): huh?
dealer_of_death666 (7:41:48 PM): i said, i am going to worry cuz i dont want that becuz if you are a lez then i will never be bale to be with you again
dealer_of_death666 (7:42:17 PM): meaning i still wanna be with you and if you go lez then youd only date girls. we wouldnt be able to date
the_afi_lady (7:42:54 PM): hmmmm... wait presley said the funniest thing!! She said I would have to go straight because everyone i have ever dated was a girl
the_afi_lady (7:42:55 PM): lol
dealer_of_death666 (7:44:21 PM): that makes me feel so good nicole.....
the_afi_lady (7:45:04 PM): but she was kidding!
the_afi_lady (7:45:06 PM): Im sorry
the_afi_lady (7:45:13 PM): i really am i shouldnt of said that...
dealer_of_death666 (7:47:07 PM): well i just think that was wrong of her cuz everyone knows you and i were perfect for each other. our freinds have said that. amanda has told me that, ethan has, even your lil sis said that to me. god i feel like i took part in causing you to start to go lez. damn this is annoting
the_afi_lady (7:48:14 PM): I'm sorry but i'm taking this all as a big joke. KENNY WE ARE IN JUNIOR HIGH! MY GOSH
dealer_of_death666 (7:50:36 PM): I KNOW THAT NICOLE... but my god. you even told me that you wanted to be together forever the one day. it doesnt bother me if you dont wanna go back out. i mean i want to dearly but you are acting like you dont want to anymore
the_afi_lady (7:51:51 PM): hmm.... I do want to go back out. I am a very complicated. Can you just chill with me? I mean I really do like you and such... just right now (if you havent noticed) i am fricken immature
dealer_of_death666 (7:55:45 PM): well yeah we can just chill but i thought a week without me would have you more mature then you were before
dealer_of_death666 (7:56:05 PM): if you want you can veiw my new lj
the_afi_lady (7:56:56 PM): hm ok. what if i dont want to be immature?
the_afi_lady (7:57:03 PM): *do
dealer_of_death666 (7:57:43 PM): then thats your choice and you seem like you are having fun with this whole ordeal
the_afi_lady (7:57:53 PM): i am actually.
dealer_of_death666 (7:59:04 PM): well are you having fun with toying with me
the_afi_lady (7:59:57 PM): in a way yes.
the_afi_lady (8:00:00 PM): in a way no
dealer_of_death666 (8:00:19 PM): well what are those ways nicole
the_afi_lady (8:01:27 PM): well ... im laughing my ass off first off. and i just dont want to hurt you but I tend to be hurting you. I just dont know what to do
dealer_of_death666 (8:02:41 PM): well have fun laughing cuz you wont laugh that long after you find out what can happen when you fuck over the ones you love or love you
the_afi_lady (8:03:18 PM): omg. you need to freaken chill.
dealer_of_death666 (8:05:01 PM): i have been chilled for the last 2 hours but you telling me you are having fun toying with me and laughing isnt something i wanted to hear. my god nicole, i go away for a week and you have gone to insanity
the_afi_lady (8:05:34 PM): I'm not toying with you.
the_afi_lady (8:05:58 PM): jesus. and make me sound like im even worse then what I am. I know im insane. Get over it
dealer_of_death666 (8:07:10 PM): i have been insane for 2 years but i dont laugh because someone has been trying to help me. you tell me to chill, you should be the one to chill
the_afi_lady (8:07:42 PM): Hmm... ouch
dealer_of_death666 (8:11:24 PM): sorry but i know what is the whole cause of this thing is and its becuz of jeff
the_afi_lady (8:13:27 PM): yah ... i dont know what to do now cause your freaking out on me. maybe you should become more immature...
dealer_of_death666 (8:14:26 PM): me become inmature, you know what fuck that
the_afi_lady (8:15:34 PM): Jesus your being really mean
dealer_of_death666 (8:15:57 PM): im trying to get a point across
the_afi_lady (8:16:45 PM): you need to chill out. Now you know why I don't want a relationship wiht anyone. Cause your too freaken tight. I like to sit and have a good time and joke around while you are so freaken serious and shit. you need help
dealer_of_death666 (8:19:08 PM): ohh i see how it is. i need help huh?. fuck that cuz i may be unstable mentally but inever had the thought of commiting myuself or changing my sexual likings for some dumb reason. you are only acting like this because you are freeking out over jeff. you know what i say he can go screw himself
the_afi_lady (8:21:17 PM): You know what. who the fuck cares if I like girls or guys? He isnt my cause on that. I would commit myself so I can stay away from assholes. I would be better off in an institution because I would rot away and in there if I commit suicide no one would know for awhile. okay? Yes jeff can go screw himself... who teh fuck would really care if he did? I wouldnt but right now i am just not too happy... cause while im still trying to have a good time with presley i dont know what to do or say because You seem really pissed off at me
dealer_of_death666 (8:22:52 PM): pissed isnt it, im just kinda fed up with the crap you are putting me through at the moment
dealer_of_death666 (8:23:03 PM): god you know what ill talk later
dealer_of_death666 (8:23:04 PM): goodbye
the_afi_lady (8:25:50 PM): Oh jesus christ. Don't make me puke. Okay? Your being a little bitch boy. And I am fed up with it. Right now I am passed pissed. You know what I am not ready for a relationship with you yet because You are too serious, you dont know how to have fun and joke around, and you are clingy. This is fucking Junior high. Everyone says I want to be with you forever and a week later they are broken up. those words mean nothing half the time. I am freaken scared to be in a relationship wiht you because I dont want to hurt you... and this crap i am putting you through? Just imagine how I feel trying to actually fake a smile and laugh it off. ok? enough said
the_afi_lady (10:26:16 PM): im really really sorry.
dealer_of_death666 (10:26:28 PM): we both should be
the_afi_lady (10:26:39 PM): yah... but im saying sorry now
dealer_of_death666 (10:28:01 PM): well i still dont know why you acted how you did earlier
the_afi_lady (10:28:27 PM): i dont know either
the_afi_lady (10:28:31 PM): im a mental trip
dealer_of_death666 (10:30:17 PM): thats your choice to say that and i only acted as i did to try to get you to snap out of whatever you were in and to get a point across
the_afi_lady (10:31:38 PM): but it didnt work.
dealer_of_death666 (10:32:11 PM): i noticed too well because you still arent as how i left to go down tate
the_afi_lady (10:32:48 PM): huh explain
dealer_of_death666 (10:38:40 PM): well you werent acting like you were gonna go lesbian because of jeff as you told me earlier, you didnt treat me like shit and toy with me, you were actually wanting to still date not acting like you didnt care anymore, you werent freeking out over jeff, you didnt treat any of us (your freinds) like shit. ashley already told me that you bitched her out like you did me. im sorry but you arent the person i fell in love with.
the_afi_lady (10:39:21 PM): obviously
the_afi_lady (10:39:23 PM): times change
the_afi_lady (10:39:25 PM): get over me
dealer_of_death666 (10:42:07 PM): i have slowly today because of the way i was treated earlier but goddamn you didnt have to do that to me. and i have one last question, do you still love me, yes or no?
the_afi_lady (10:42:26 PM): I do but im pushing you away
the_afi_lady (10:42:28 PM): ok
dealer_of_death666 (10:44:06 PM): i see that but whats funny is you say you want friendship but yet you pull this shit. i have to say this is fucking dumb and shitty
the_afi_lady (10:44:48 PM): Yah well you know what?! YOU DONT know what its like to live my life. I am terrified of getting hurt again. and moving too fast and shit and I hate it all
the_afi_lady (10:45:06 PM): I hate holding hands now... and that was something I loved very much... at one time.
the_afi_lady (10:45:15 PM): I just hate even fucking being a love.
the_afi_lady (10:45:36 PM): I dont want a guy and I dont want a girl. I want to be dead. I hate this fucking life so If I push everyone away then maybe NO ONE will care if I died
the_afi_lady (10:46:31 PM): I mean common is that what you wanted to hear? Hmm... That I still love you to death. but I dont even want to be alive..
the_afi_lady (10:47:17 PM): I hope you enjoy this cause im on the verge of crying
dealer_of_death666 (10:51:33 PM): well i hate to say this but i dont beleive that you love me, you dont act it at all. there was a time between you and me where all we wanted to do was be with each other but that got fucked up. there was a time when we didnt argue and fight, we fight like two fucking boxers now. there was a time when wqe told each other we loved one another, that went to fucking hell and hasnt came back. i dont enjoy that you are gonna cry but goddman it
the_afi_lady (10:52:23 PM): you know what Fuck this. fuck everything im leaving.
dealer_of_death666 (9:55:43 PM): sorry to say this but FUCK YOU TOO!!
I cant believe I got into a fight with him, and that severe. I really do fucking care about him but you know what if he doesn't believe me then whatever. I fucking love him. I LOVE HIM. And Of course I have been changing. I am just SO FUCKING DEPRESSED. Isn't that enough? I just want to DIE. Hmmm isn't that enough either? Yah I know what I am doing right now. I have a plan. To make everyone hate me. So when I die no one would care. Hmmm how nice is that? I fucking hate guys. And I fucking hate some friends. You know Ashley I am sorry for fucking yelling at you. I was just pissed. But its fine or whatever... you can hate me i dont care anymore. And Kenny you might as well get over me. You know I am so fucking sorry about earlier. I am so fucking sorry about that conversation but how come no one believes me. I am so fucking scared and I cant help it. I dont want to be crushed again. I don't want to be broken again. I don't want to go through it ever again. See I am this fucking young and already dealing with this shit. I am sick of it.... JUST KILL ME NOW. I fucking can't take it. And Sara I am sick of being a bitch to you. Im sorry ok. I hope you can accept that apology.. but its your call not mine. AND IF YOU REALLY WANT A RELATIONSHIP WHY DONT YOU JUST GIVE ME TIME? AND NOT PRESSURE ME INTO SOME SHIT. It was so obvious before that we were going to break up. I am so fed up with liking people... my favorite thing to do was cuddle and hold hands. I even hate that now. IM SICK OF THIS I AM SICK OF THIS AND I AM SICK OF THIS. Just think one step closer to suicide.