i'm lonely. not lonely like nobody likes me, and i hate my life. just got the late night lonelyness. hah. i do this too often. can't fall asleep, sit here by myself, just wanting to talk to somebody
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alright. listen. i don't know why. or how. but sometime over the last 3 days, (?!!) we have seriously drifted apart. i really hope that in your latest entry when you metioned 'dumb fucks..' 'make you feel like shit'.. that you were not referring to me. i don't know why i'm leaving this as a comment, instead of just calling. but you know how we are. the fact that i called you 4 times today. and got a text message back, makes ME feel like shit. trust me i'm not trying to start drama. i'm just honestly curious. what exactly was it that happened that made things so fucking stupid? is it that we're just both busy with different things? i hope thats what it all comes down to. because thats not a big deal. thats not a huge dent in our friendship. its just scheduling conflicts. but i feel like there is more to it. the last time we hung out. well for like, 10 minutes, i just felt not wanted. so i backed off. and coincidentally got extremely sick the next day so i've literally been in bed for like 2 days straight. whatever. i don't know what to
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Re: serf43w542ewfading_awayMarch 1 2005, 05:40:57 UTC
im sitting here and i'm like "why did she leave a comment in such an old entry?" and them i'm like.... "oooh, she's smart. no one is going to read old entries and read those comments." anyway. i sat here pondering that for like 6 minutes, so i decided to tell you. i don't really know how to explain how i'm feeling AT ALL. hence, why i haven't said anything. first off, i only got 2 calls today, and my phone was on vibrate in my purse across the room. so i wasn't like ignorning them. and i don't want to like make this any worse, but how i'm feeling i've felt for a little while now..maybe it just didn't show, i don't know. sometimes i feel like i don't know you.. i can't explain it. and for a little while now, the few times we have hung out, for what feels like the entire time you've either a. talked about ashleey. b. talked on the phone/texted/whatever about you're next plans with ashleey. it's like BOOM. i felt erased, and ashleey was just totally replacing me. i mean look at it. as gay as this may seem, every lj entry is about ashleey
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yeah i totally get you. but not saying anything made it alot worse. you have to understand something though. i'm single and love going out. maybe it's a phase, but whatever it is. i'm not too 'cool' for you. lol. i've just been enjoying going out. and i completely understand that you don't feel the need to go and do that all the time. it's really no big deal. i'm not in second grade, i'm not replacing you. jamie, fuck, you cannot be replaced DUH. i really didn't mean to talk about it all the time, if i did. it's just that that's whats been going on in my life lately. i know you feel like you don't know me. but i am the exact same person. but rather than sitting around being a third wheel to you and cody's relationship (btw that wasn't meant to be insulting!) i'm going out and having fun. not that you aren't invited. of course you are. but i respect that you can't do that all the time. that's all! i love you sooo much and i know NOW that you were feeling this way. but my intentions were not bad. and i didn't want to make space between
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Re: serf43w542ewfading_awayMarch 1 2005, 06:25:25 UTC
i'm not writing anything long bc i have to wake up early BC I HAVE TO CALL DOREEN AT 10AM TO SEE IF I WORK AT 11. ASDJBSAJFSJKTGSDJFHKSHSDFGDSFGD. and i'm eating ice cream then going to bed. whatev.
i understand. i don't understand the third wheel to me and cody thing, bc me, you, and cody don't hang out all that often, but that's beside the point. annnyway. i don't mind going out. just not all the time. and again, i feel weird and unwanted when we "go out", not really by you, just in general. the whole crowd. i feel, like alone, i guess you could call it.
yes.
we are brittany and jamie.
annnnd. i don't know if i'll be able to hang out after you get out of school, i may be at work 11-9. if not that then it'll most likely be 5-9. i don't know, just call me.
i'm sorry you're sick. you're mom told me you were sick, and up "giggling" with her until 2am yesterday. or something. hahh, that sounded so funny.
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i understand. i don't understand the third wheel to me and cody thing, bc me, you, and cody don't hang out all that often, but that's beside the point. annnyway. i don't mind going out. just not all the time. and again, i feel weird and unwanted when we "go out", not really by you, just in general. the whole crowd. i feel, like alone, i guess you could call it.
yes.
we are brittany and jamie.
annnnd. i don't know if i'll be able to hang out after you get out of school, i may be at work 11-9. if not that then it'll most likely be 5-9. i don't know, just call me.
i'm sorry you're sick. you're mom told me you were sick, and up "giggling" with her until 2am yesterday. or something. hahh, that sounded so funny.
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