Dear mom and dad,
I really hope you get the chance to read this entry one day and understand me better...
I've learned that through the years, you criticize me to make myself better. However, most of the time, the words you say go straight to my heart and make me think less of myself.
The words you say that may seem like they will help me end up hurting me. But no matter what, they test my resilience, time after time. However, I realize, that at the end of it all, I seem to prove you wong, but it also seems like what I've done wasn't for myself at all... it was for you. Only you, forever you.
Now, I try to do some things for myself, not for others, but only me. It seems that you disapprove of what I do, saying that it will only get me nowhere. I, however, find pleasure in what I do, and I believe that if I work hard at these things, I will become amazing. You say that track is a waste of my time while I think otherwise; it's one of the few greatest activities that you get to participate in high school and build strong relationships with the coach and other athletes. You say that I don't place enough emphasis on schoolwork when I believe I know my priorities and I'm able to maintain enough balance in my life to keep myself alive and happy.
It feels like I'm never good enough for you - both of you. You say that my past scores that will matter in the future will never be good enough for any Ivy League University because some other machine got straight 800s on his or her SAT IIs and still didn't get accepted to Columbia. You say that state schools are good, like U Penn, UCSD, UCLA, UC Berkeley... but they're not for me.
I'm never perfect, and I have accepted that. But I still try very hard; I always try my hardest when it comes to school and I've been pushing myself to the farthest extent lately. It may not seem like that to you, but I've been pushing hard.
Now I'm going to push myself harder. This time, it's more for me than it is for you; my decision for my future is in my life, not yours. It's time for me to make or break my future, but I prefer to make it. Nothing's going to come easy anymore, from junior year on in, there will no longer be a French that will anchor my GPA. Next year will test my integrity, endurance, preserverance; next year will put the fifteen years inside of me to the final test.
Now, I have chosen the path that I'll take for the next two and a quarter years of high school. A great friend of mine once wrote, "No matter what happens something good always comes out of every failure. You become that little much more wiser and you are ready to take on the next challenge. Now is the time in my life that I have to find my path and stick to it no matter how tough the road gets. There never is a perfect road, there are always a couple pot holes here and there. I've just got to do my best to not always just avoid them, but to sometimes take them head on."
It's true, it's all true. This decision that I've made, that will continue to stick in my head through the next two years must be the hardest one I've had to make my entire life. This is not to prove you wrong, but myself correct. For the past year or so, it's been my dream to go to college in California. Not just any ordinary college there where I can get away from this all and enjoy the cloudless skies and beautiful beaches with palm trees.... no. I'm going to Stanford University, where I will attend college with the innovators of tomorrow, the geniuses of the future.
Knowing the type of people who have been accepted to Stanford, it seems that I don't stand a chance. Currently, with a barely good enough 4.something GPA, it doesn't seem I'll ever be good enough. And junior year definitely looks promising - three APs, two sciences, everything weighted, with plenty of space to fuck up. But who says I will? I'm just giving the worst-scenario type of thing. I'm going to work hard, and I'm going to push.
It's been my dream, and I'm going to work to make it come true. How? Well, I'm Wudan Yan, your daughter, the one that carries your blood, and when I set my mind to something, there is no turning back and no changing of my mind. I'll have to work at it. Why? Cause I want to and cause I can.
Love, Wudan
PS: There is no second choice school.
I've learned that through the years, you criticize me to make myself better. However, most of the time, the words you say go straight to my heart and make me think less of myself.
The words you say that may seem like they will help me end up hurting me. But no matter what, they test my resilience, time after time. However, I realize, that at the end of it all, I seem to prove you wong, but it also seems like what I've done wasn't for myself at all... it was for you. Only you, forever you.
Now, I try to do some things for myself, not for others, but only me. It seems that you disapprove of what I do, saying that it will only get me nowhere. I, however, find pleasure in what I do, and I believe that if I work hard at these things, I will become amazing. You say that track is a waste of my time while I think otherwise; it's one of the few greatest activities that you get to participate in high school and build strong relationships with the coach and other athletes. You say that I don't place enough emphasis on schoolwork when I believe I know my priorities and I'm able to maintain enough balance in my life to keep myself alive and happy.
It feels like I'm never good enough for you - both of you. You say that my past scores that will matter in the future will never be good enough for any Ivy League University because some other machine got straight 800s on his or her SAT IIs and still didn't get accepted to Columbia. You say that state schools are good, like U Penn, UCSD, UCLA, UC Berkeley... but they're not for me.
I'm never perfect, and I have accepted that. But I still try very hard; I always try my hardest when it comes to school and I've been pushing myself to the farthest extent lately. It may not seem like that to you, but I've been pushing hard.
Now I'm going to push myself harder. This time, it's more for me than it is for you; my decision for my future is in my life, not yours. It's time for me to make or break my future, but I prefer to make it. Nothing's going to come easy anymore, from junior year on in, there will no longer be a French that will anchor my GPA. Next year will test my integrity, endurance, preserverance; next year will put the fifteen years inside of me to the final test.
Now, I have chosen the path that I'll take for the next two and a quarter years of high school. A great friend of mine once wrote, "No matter what happens something good always comes out of every failure. You become that little much more wiser and you are ready to take on the next challenge. Now is the time in my life that I have to find my path and stick to it no matter how tough the road gets. There never is a perfect road, there are always a couple pot holes here and there. I've just got to do my best to not always just avoid them, but to sometimes take them head on."
It's true, it's all true. This decision that I've made, that will continue to stick in my head through the next two years must be the hardest one I've had to make my entire life. This is not to prove you wrong, but myself correct. For the past year or so, it's been my dream to go to college in California. Not just any ordinary college there where I can get away from this all and enjoy the cloudless skies and beautiful beaches with palm trees.... no. I'm going to Stanford University, where I will attend college with the innovators of tomorrow, the geniuses of the future.
Knowing the type of people who have been accepted to Stanford, it seems that I don't stand a chance. Currently, with a barely good enough 4.something GPA, it doesn't seem I'll ever be good enough. And junior year definitely looks promising - three APs, two sciences, everything weighted, with plenty of space to fuck up. But who says I will? I'm just giving the worst-scenario type of thing. I'm going to work hard, and I'm going to push.
It's been my dream, and I'm going to work to make it come true. How? Well, I'm Wudan Yan, your daughter, the one that carries your blood, and when I set my mind to something, there is no turning back and no changing of my mind. I'll have to work at it. Why? Cause I want to and cause I can.
Love, Wudan
PS: There is no second choice school.