pit stop

[fadingkisses]

ages ago all i used to do here was post writing.

recently ive managed a little.

xxxx


i mistook you for oxygen
July 19 2010

please tell me
i am dreaming
and my reality really hasn’t been shifted
ten spaces to the left
of where i should be standing

5 years ago
i left him
to find the boy
who deserved me

the boy who would fight for me
and love me
and put me above
their past

yet all i have faced
is constant repetitions
of the same thing
the same mistakes
the same faces

and i am too tired
of all of it

this boy made me shiver
and that boy made me smile

and you
you gave me hope
that good feelings
could be trusted

i have learnt the lesson
not to play with my heart
or to hand it freely
to those who use it
for their pinball ball games

(and you
you don’t have my heart
believe me)

you have the wrong walk
the wrong smile
the wrong issues

but i was treading water
and you were keeping me afloat

i am losing my breath
and my legs are aching
and my lungs are filling
with these gases of you

(i think you were poison
and i mistook you for oxygen)

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

caught in the eye of the storm
July 16 2010 at 2:33 AM cornflake girl
tossing and turning
waves crashing
trees losing battles against the winds

this is where she stands
motionless
barely swaying

hands outstretched
she fears the silence

she fights with the memories
battling for the moments she aches for

she will lose
only because those moments are fleeting
untouchable
meant to wrestle like rapids
made up of mere seconds
inside the eye of the storm

where when she is calm, she is restless
where when she is silent, she is screaming
and where when she is lost, she is waiting

knowing if she breathes deep enough
she will have the courage to be found

xxxxxx