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[fae_mage]

i try to be clam about this i do i try its so hard cause i just want to die this suks so much i hate myself hate life the only reson why i keep going is for her but how long can i keep this up pretending that everything will be okay nothing is okay anymore. OH Ashlene found out has decided to see if she can win me back or something thats why she

Comments

[tristeyes]

Jon, I am so sorry for bringing you this pain and confusion. It breaks my heart to read the pain in your entries and know that I am the cause of this. I love you so much and it was never my intention to hurt you. I asked for this break to prevent any further pain. Because I could not go on, taking advantage of your love and trust in me. I am not even sure why I did this, I look at our picture and my heart aches knowing that I had traded in the warmth of your arms for someone elses. I am a terrible person Jon. I know that there is good in me, YOU brought that out, but their is a part of me that adores and glories in the attention of being wanted.And those days when you are not here, Kevin yearns for this love. But I do not think I can ever love him, only tease and flirt and take part in the physical attention he showers me with. But that will never be a subsitute. He will never replace you. I just need to know this, and figure out the reason for my actions before we continue our relationship. My biggest fear is that by the time I find

[fae_mage]

i have to hate myself cause i must have done something i cant hate you i cant even get mad at you cause you were honest with me you told me where others would have kept the truth from me i love you so much and somethimes i wonder why this is happen also but its something you have to do i hate this i have a horrible empty feeling but its something you say you have to do then you have to do it. People have been saying you didnt care if you hurt me you just wanted an excuse to go out with him. I dont belive it i belive you but there is so much i wish i could tell you so much i nned to say and not enough time to say it i feel like its to late i feel as though i have lost they have one the took the only thing that matters to me. With out you i am so lost, in pain, and torn. I just wish we were together aging but you need time and thats what i am giving you i can be patiencent and wait and so i shall. So i wait, i hope and i weep for better times to come soon cause i miss you and i love you.

Makeda

[anonymous]

Hey its Makeda. You are not suppose to call me. But I do have questions so I say call me if you need to. I do have questions that I need to ask in person. Maybe we can meet sometime and talk. That would mean a lot to me. So think about it. I have an email address. Do you? I dont know how to give it to you without posting it here ( I dont want other people to have it), but I'll think. I hope you do decide to hang out with me for a while so we can talk.

-Makeda

Re: Makeda

[fae_mage]

Ok that would be cool i do have an email address its jondude1988@hotmail.com i also have yahoo im its fae_mage and if you do want to tlak sometime my phone number is 759-3601.