a family of alienation (family, the biological)

[faeredelune]

Nature vs nurture is on my mind at the moment... and the question of, how does anyone tell the difference when examining family dysfunction of epic proportions, say... four generations worth or so?

Comments

[faeredelune]

mmmmmm tic tacs.

[faeredelune]

Are they evasive if you ask them about family history?

[gothikfaerie]

If you had never known a parent would you want to?

can't answer in the first person, but my husband and several friends have dealt with it. In the former's case, he did want to know, or at least know about, his birth father for many years, since from what we gleaned that seemed who he was most like. That may have changed, we haven't discussed it in ages.. his birth family doesn't even know about events of this year.

[faeredelune]

"... his birth family doesn't even know about events of this year."

So I take it he found part of all of his birth family?

[gothikfaerie]

yeah.. he had a lucky break in that someone missed blacking out one spot on adoption papers, so he was able to get a last name. Then he used his BSing skills to get someone to tell him just his mother's *first* name, and since he already knew where, he put all that together and went searching. So he knows his mom, half-sisters & aunts. One of whom told him a "real" story about who his dad was that turned out to be complete coke-fueled invention, fortunately, since otherwise it would have been a rape/abuse situation. He does know who his dad actually is, now, but i guess that guy has no desire to meet him.

[pooklaroux]

I'm dealing with something like that right now. My family told me so many stroies that don't seem to really have much truth in them, and I know that some of it was embarassing for them -- but i think to myself -- didn't they realize it would all come out one day? That eventually, I would find out? Unfortunately, some of them are dead now, and I can't go back to them with what I know. They can't explain themselves, and I feel disappointed in them

[faeredelune]

*nod* It is very complicated.

I started wondering about metting my father when I was about eight and asked about him once in a very blue moon (as in maybe twice between 6 - 10 and that's about it) when i was about six.

In my late teens, early twenties I became wary of my interest to find him because people are suspicious creatures and I figure he would think I want money or to make troulbe. Also because if he turned out to be very sane and kind hearted I'd be very happy, but to be disappointed in those would just be more unpleasantness I don't want to add in my life.

Mainly, i don't think he would want to know about me, but that is a topic of great debate within my family due to mother's manipulative personality.

thank you for commenting by the way.