Musings to search for an anchor? thaw? context?

[faerykat]

It has been a very long time since I've sat down to simply write a journal entry, to play with my thoughts or beautiful words, or any words at all.  I have mostly felt, in some combination, cold, flat, sad, frustrated, lonely, in the past few months.  I don't mean to imply that I have not had any good feelings in that time, but they don't seem to

Comments

[electricpaladin]

I have had moments like that, moments of fierce love and pride. Sometimes even moments of fierce belief, but honestly, I'm pretty far from the spiritual right now, and it often makes me sad. I don't know what to do about it. Maybe it's a natural consequence of feeling lonely, sad, and trapped so much of the time.

My favorite image of Shabbat, though, is Abraham Heschel's. Read his "The Sabbath," if you haven't already. I like the idea of Shabbat as a palace in time, a special paradise that we build with our minds and visit once a week, an eternal place existing on the eternal temporal plane, rather than in the finite material plane, that reminds us that we are eternal. That's how I feel when I have that fierce, proud feeling - like I am something vast and eternal, something beyond what I can, myself, imagine, if that makes any sense.

Good luck.

[obieards]

My neshoma has always been strong, but its strength continues to be discovered. Ever since I have stepped foot in Toledo, I have been more fiercely in love with and proud of my Jewish heritage even though I know little about it. I was thrilled beyond all belief to have taken online classes from AishCafe.com (you should, too!) I learned so much about Judaism and what it means to be Jewish! I will hopefully get the chance to learn more throughout medical school. Nevertheless, I am in a challenging environment where I spend long hours everyday studying medicine and struggling to find a small but awesome crowd of friends with whom I can relate. Thus, it's difficult to find time to go to synagogue! Yet when I do, it's on Friday nights.

I am the youngest by many decades in a crowd of barely a minyan. I find much comfort in this because I am the one who associates very well with the elders. I love the elderly (not to mention my parents!) and I am pretty sure I want to give back to them as their physician. I also find comfort in

[beatlebug77]

As you said, the desire to belong is one that's very human. That was one of the things I didn't feel at all in Cleveland, and the loneliness that results runs very, very deep. It's something that pervades your life, and I don't wonder that you find yourself shutting down on some levels. Do what you can to join and keep yourself open, and the rest will follow. With med school, I find I've managed admittance to a selective group. Sometimes I wonder at the makeup of the group, but a group it is, nonetheless. There are even unique cultural elements among doctors - who knew?

[jewymasta]

I have to agree with what electricpaladin said about shabbat. Heschel has a fantastic view of shabbat which is exemplified in his book The Sabbath. I'll let you borrow it when I see you next (which is probably this Januay) Love you lots, and look forward to talking to you.