clarification...

[faeryraindancer]

No, Matt didn't completely abandon me. He never kicked me out. He still housed me and fed me. He knew that I couldn't physically take care of myself, and I thank him for what he was able to do for me. What he did was back away and back away emotionally until we went from engaged to roommates sharing a bed. I still care about him. I still love

Comments

[lovewithoutfear]

"Master knew about them [disabilities] before He bought me. But I still worry that the experience of dealing with me will be so different from just talking about it that He'll get tired of dealing with me."

Do you have a firm commitment from him? I am pretty familiar with that insecure feeling, myself. I struggle with it even with my devoted partners in the present. But one of the good things about being in a committed relationship is that we deal with our partners' shortcomings, difficulties etc. even when we are tired of doing so. We stick it out.

I believe this is just as true in M/s relationships as in any other kind: people need security, and sub/slave types especially. That's why I think such relationships are best done with a true commitment.

[faeryraindancer]

W/we do have a firm commitment, which is one the reasons I feel bad for my lack of faith. I know it's just paranoia from what happened with Matt...but it won't leave me alone...

[lovewithoutfear]

Hugs if you want them. Like I said, I know some of what that feels like. Past experiences and perceptions are often not easy to overcome.

I'll bet your master treasures you, and (IMHO) a good master will treasure your insecurities too, and let you know you are cherished, and work with you to relieve the anxiety and emotional pain.

Remember, a privilege subs and slaves have (when we have compatible dominants anyway) is that it's OK and even expected that we be somewhat high maintenance. Not only does this type of partner not mind, but often prefers someone vulnerable whom they can care for and reassure. It's part of what turns them on.

It occurs to me that I'm speaking with you as though you had less experience in this area than I do. That may not be true at all -- so I apologize if I'm telling you stuff you don't need to be told.

[oakwind]

Perhaps there is something that you are feeling that you haven't looked at yet? You say you have a firm commitment and that is great. Do you need anything clarified or made explicit? Are your responsibilities and His clearly delineated?

One of the things I found in my own exploration of submissiveness was that I needed to have clear expectations and when I wasn't sure what was required it produced a lot of anxiety. And I also needed to know exactly what I could expect from my Dom.

I wish you well on your journey:)

[illusionmajik]

Damn girly girl!
I want you to be safe and do what's ever best for you

I love you muchly and miss you