(no subject)
back to school tomarrow =(
well this week off has been awesome. i love not going to school :) i hope that we have a snow day, doubtful tho i guess. 1st day of conditioning is tomarrow, i dont think im gonna make the team, but waht the hell might as well try.
me and allison are talking again, i love it. its weird cuz like no matter what, me and her will always be best friends at heart. i hate it how we like talk for a month, then dont, then do..but hey, the time we do talk and hang out is amazing. so many old times with her and rachelle. ill never forget them..lol " i just gotta spit" ha i dont think i will EVER forget that.
jerry- well me and him have been talking again. its getting into bad stuff tho, the same stuff that me and him stopped talking over. i dont expect him to give it up for me, bc i didnt stop for him, but i just wish he could understand what hes doing. hes an amazing athlete and excellent student, its all going down hill.
brandy and justin- lmao..well brandy has been like my older sister since i was about 7, she actaully moved abut a month before i did, it was hell, i still talk to her every once and a while and now shes married to a wonderful husband and has a beautiful baby boy. justin on the other hand i cant stand at all anymore, and i dont even know why? bc of waht he did to me? or bc of waht he did to himself? i dont know, i just hate the thought of hating him so much. its scary bc he..well lets just say that he took something from me that he had no right to and i can never get back now
gosh damn whenever i start talking to people from belleville i hate it bc i think back to how much better it was out there. things werent always perfect, but shit compared to this, i'd say it was damn near. maybe its just highschool and maybe im wrong. i loved all of my friends, and actaully stayed friends with all of them, compared to out here ur friends, then ur not, then u are, then ur not, its so much drama. i miss everyone that i grew up with, everything i knew seems likes its still lost, but when i think about it more, its like im glad that i did because of the few amazing people that i have met out here.
like pat, i unno this was in his info and its like hes the only thing that i can rely on to stay true anymore. everyone else has told me so many lies, or has hide their true self from me. and ive done my fair share of hurting him, and i feel so bad bc of it bc i know that i made him so awful things to hurt himself, then i read that and can't help it but to cry, but i dont know why? bc of what ive done? or waht i know we'll always have? i unno i love him to death and i dont know waht i'd ever do without him =) i love you pat.
CmD~I love you. You are my bestfriend, you are my sister. You are my everything. I have no idea where i would be without you, but i know i wouldnt be here. I feel so blessed that i even know you and im sorry for everything ive said, done, and put you through. I really wish and hope 1 day i can repay you for even half of what you did. If i had to give up everything for one thing itd be for your happiness because noone has gone through what you have, and noone deserves it more. Dont ever settle for less, you are truly perfect. I want the old days back so so bad..
"your my best friend, just remember that"
that was said by brandy and it kills me inside. me and her clicked so instantly, i think it was all to good to be true. the past month or so havent been the same with her and i hate it. its like shes always to busy for me er something? i unno she was my best friend, dont get me wrong i still love her to death, but shes not the her that i know anymore. shes allowing to many things to happen =/
Tla
it seems like things have changed dramatically in the past month with her. maybe its my fault? i unno we've been talking and hanging out again so who knows, maybe things will get back to normal? liek they say, when ur with someone so much, u dont know who you are without them.
linda april and amanda.
i miss all of you, and our memories. i will never forget any of you. just remember that =(
Tiffany and James- i miss them so much, its unreal. but its like my brothers taken my spot over. i hate how i feel like i can't talk to either of them. oh well =/ =/