report 2?
To the esteemed and venerated
Vongola IX,
Don Timoteo,
Utilizer of fine pens,
Whose handwriting is a little difficult to read,
But don’t worry - I figured it out,
And yes I do remember the time I accidentally trapped myself in that huge oven,
With you and Xanxus and the whole of the Vongola famiglia watching and agreeing:
Whatever would happen in the future of the Cavallone would indubitably be
Laughable,
I kiss your hand; I admit I’m a little hesitant to be reporting to you on the second day’s events. The truth is, I feel a little guilty over one of the incidents, and before I proceed I would like to sincerely apologize and tell you that if you would like to hear the details I suppose I would be obliged (but please don’t ask), and do not worry, I did go to confession the following day. with Xanxus and he frightened the priest some more and it was really funny and I’m going to Hell It was a foolish mistake which should not reflect at all on Hibari Kyouya, but solely on me; I promise on the Cavallone famiglia’s honor it will not happen again.
That rather cryptic apology aside, it would be good to mention that whatever Xanxus said about me, don’t listen to him. I say this as I’m expecting the worst, and evaluation of evaluators is not necessary as it is.
Sawada Tsunayoshi - I continue to be impressed with him and admire him greatly for his dedication and determination to see to the welfare of his famiglia. I do think he’s beginning to find it easier to stand up for what he believes in. One small (well, I suppose that would be dumbing it down a bit if I called it ‘small,’ but Romario does this thing where he brings delicacy to a potentially explosive situation by using adjectives like... ‘small,’ ‘minuscule,’ um, ‘miniature,’ ‘trifling,’ ‘lovely,’ ‘only-slightly-fucked’ -- I mean -- er, what?) -- one small mistake of Sawada’s was around the time when Gokudera Hayato went missing: while he made certain members of his famiglia were coordinated and all aiding in the search for him (admirable, I must say), he mentioned the desire to call in... the authorities. It’s not Sawada’s fault that no one has explained to him yet that ‘Fuck Da Police’ is a phrase the mafia take very seriously. I’ll explain it to him sometime, if I have your permission, my Don.
Gokudera Hayato - of course love is taking its toll on him (yes, I do remember that one time I couldn’t sleep for days because I was in some sort of love -- or deep, deep, deep, deep like -- that’s something I’d rather forget), but I admit I was slightly disappointed with the irresponsible way he indirectly treated Hibari Kyouya (not to mention Sawada) because of it. In many other aspects of love Gokudera has shown great wisdom and resilience, yet to simply leave Hibari alone without so much as a message and to remain out of touch for so long, to the point that even Sawada, whom I heard received a message from Gokudera, were terribly worried and at a loss. I heard things are more or less being settled between Hibari and Gokudera; we’ll see how that goes in the next exciting installment of -- ..it’s awkward following love lives like this. It makes me wish I had Romario here; he gets a vicarious joy seeing lovers’ tribulations dominated. No matter. Hibari is my student; I am concerned about him. I hear Gokudera was locked outside his room by none other than Xanxus; Gokudera was crafty enough to get himself inside, which I do say says a number of positive things about his character. I would’ve just slept in the elevator. Other than these events, Gokudera has spent much of his time away from the hotel, hopefully in Hibari’s presence. Witnesses tell me only about their grim faces, so that's all I have.
Yamamoto Takeshi - I hear he’s corrupting a young Varia’s mind. Always a positive influence on the events playing out on this strange stage. He’s getting along quite well with Belphegor while keeping close relations with his own famiglia. He seems to be able to manipulate conversation onto ones concerning intercourse and contraception, and can easily arouse curiosity in those in his presence; I have yet to determine whether this is a good or bad thing. Will keep scratching my head over this matter, I assure you.
Hibari Kyouya - I’ll teach him how to say Hail Marys or something, that’s what helped me along when things were not quite up to par. I suppose you could call this biased, but I don’t see him as an instigator in any of the events concerning him. He’s shown great resolve by seeking out Gokudera when Gokudera’s time away reached worrying lengths; he’s pursuing this relationship with tireless energy. I heard someone (I have an idea who) dropped his mobile phone into the pool. What an asinine thing to do. However, I did not hear about any consequent bloodshed on Hibari’s part, and as you can imagine, this connotes that for the time being he’s using his powers only for good. He uh er ah ummm stayed with me a couple nights when he absolutely could not take Lussuria’s presence any longer, which I believe shows great responsibility. Last I heard he was with Gokudera, so nothing more to add until we sitting ducks hear back from them.
Sasagawa Ryohei - I wish he were a movie. So I’m assuming the shopping trip I mentioned last time went well; everyone’s out of there safely and the bond between I-Pin and Sasagawa seems strong as ever. Lussuria’s so creepy. ...Did I just write that? -- Lussuria will not cease his pestering of Sasagawa, which I half-believe is a beneficial plan: Sasagawa is currently facing his most formidable opponent yet in a variety of scenarios, and it is plain to see in each one he’s emerging victorious. Currently, he’s dealing with a rather steady barrage of text messages, sex education, and offers for one-handed ‘extreme’ activities. It seems Sasagawa is partial to button-mashing when it comes to relaying important and/or angry messages, which makes him prone to being read like a book. He was incredibly enthusiastic about searching for Gokudera, who we have all seen as his evil nemesis for some time now -- perhaps this stay in the hotel is strengthening his relationship with Gokudera, as well. He made sure to tell Miura and I-Pin to be safe while he was away searching. He ought to have been Rocky, but I don’t mind Sylvester Stallone sucking up all the heroism too much -- his middle name is Enzio, anyway.
I-Pin - I know she isn’t quite in the Vongola famiglia (yet), but I do feel an urge to tell you she has been the glue keeping so many together. I admire her for her strength in dealing with such issues as Lussuria’s lessons and the epic Sasagawa-Lussuria interactions. She is certainly valuable, and a much-needed influence in this hotel. I wish she were paid, because then I could tell you to give her a raise.
Kakimoto Chikusa - ........He said he wants to dispose of me. ........
Naito Longchamp - Coming soon to a theatre near us. At least he’s rather retaining his friendly edge despite being alone in Napoli. I do believe some form of diplomacy is in order with him; he really seems intent on playing hide-and-seek getting closer to the Vongola famiglia. It could be just so he can share his ‘super porn magazines,’ but there must be some potential in other areas.
And suddenly I hear Basil decided to drop by -- if you have arranged for this, I am eternally grateful to you. I suppose it was easy to see sanity is not easy to come by here; another pillar of common sense would be a wonderful addition to our growing group.
With fondest thoughts and sincerest apology,
Dino Cavallone
Tenth boss of the Cavallone Famiglia
(PS. Enzio says ‘bites-the-paper-affectionately.’)