Day 11 Evaluation!
To the very dedicated and devout Vongola IX,
Don Timoteo,
Whose amazing skill in sports and stringent Catholicism
Have me cowering in fear of the Lord
And of being pelleted with meteor-quick golf balls,
And who makes me feel as though I picked the right cologne for once in my life
(Thank you for telling me it smells like mafia),
I kiss your hand; it seems with each time I write you there's more "news" to make my grabbing a brand new shovel, digging and digging until it breaks, and then proceeding to toss myself into that hole and tell Romario to bury me alive, appropriate.
I realize the gravity of the above statement, but I assure you this is simply my moral sense talking, it's not that I'm -- right: "emo" is this phenomenon where a perfectly healthy youth will, without warning, don thick eyeliner, dark clothing, and greasy hair plastered over one eye in order to enhance their devastated stumbling with partial blindness. They'll wander the streets as though lost -- as though searching for something they cannot have -- and speak in dulcet tones; they're prone to sulking and writing poems with titles including, but not limited to, "Betrayed", "Broken Starry Heart", "The Dark of My Eyes Reflects the Dark of My Soul," and "I Hate My Friends." This phase will usually occur between the ages of fourteen to sixteen, but in extreme, profound and soul-shattering cases, can last until adulthood. . . . Now that I've explained that, I guess calling myself "emo" isn't going to work. I'm just a little worried about some things right now -- strange how personal business can be so risky for a mafia boss. We ought to just design robots to take on the task of boss. Or clone you. Whichever technology we acquire first.
On another note, I must apologize and confess that I do not think Xanxus and I have taken your/Dr. Shamal's/really-who-was-the-one-who-said-it-first's advice on how to keep content. Now that I consider it, this may partially be my fault. Maybe one day we'll get around to it, but -- for the moment, I think we're good on our own, thanks.
It's been a few days since I've reported, and I cannot promise a satisfactory report. You have my deep apologies and hopes that you'll be able to glean some sort of worthwhile information from it.
Sawada Tsunayoshi -- rather wise, rather neutral. As a big fan of "neutral," I have nothing but praise for Sawada, and have been assured time and again he's shaping into the boss you had faith he would become. I haven't heard too much for him lately, as I'm out of the loop, as they say, and only just fitting back in -- but his work in town seems to be progressing very well, and he even has been dealing with pent-up affections with more grace than I could ever muster. On that note, there seems to have been a confession sometime recently -- to a young lady you and I know and thank every moment for being such a stable pillar in this Den of Destruction. I can assure you he seems to have recovered -- if I come to find he hasn't, I will do my best to ease that pain in whatever way I can. . . . . Except romantically. . . . And I only say that because apparently there are some rumors floating around that I'm some sort of deviant, and please, I beg of you, don't listen to them. Even if they come from our voice of reason, Doctor Shamal.
Gokudera Hayato -- I feel sometimes like I'm talking to the child Buddha when I talk to him. There's this gravity so crushing I feel like a bug with a refrigerator fallen on top of me and suddenly I hate myself for smiling around him. (I'm a bug who can smile, let's pretend. I'm that gnat from Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, except that gnat just cried and made bad jokes; he probably didn't know how to smile, but I digress.) And his pauses -- they could suffocate you, I kid you not. This obviously means he's smarter than I am, so you gotta give him that. I haven't been following his serious, heavy endeavors as of late, but I can assure you he's looking out for at least one of the other guardians of Sawada's family. Love has its merits, after all.
Sasagawa Ryohei -- once more I feel his well-taught phrase "extreme suck" has a rightful place in this portion of the evaluation, as that is the brand of news I have heard from Sasagawa's way. The drinking-and-waking-up-in-a-clichéd-post-drinking-situation is done, never shall we speak of it again. I do wish to defend him, if I may, however, and relate to you, my most esteemed Vongola IX, that when one lives a KYOKUGEN life, there's no copping out. Everything must be to the limit, or you're hardly KYOKUGEN at all. Yes, indeed, we can feel pity that Sasagawa has been chained to this fate of excess and motivation, but all the same when his days of glory have passed and you and I sit in our rocking chairs, smoking pipes and reminiscing, we can list the title "Sun Guardian: Sasagawa Ryohei" along with names of other greats: Lord Byron, Oscar Wilde, Siegfried Sassoon, Virginia Woolf -- . . . . . There's some sort of strange connection there I'm seeing. I just can't place what. --At any rate, I must wonder at times why he chooses to pick fights with Joushima Ken; and then, as though a darkened room has been lit and the troublous wringing of hands turns into colors and ducks, I realize that they're both KYOKUGEN. . . . . . I guess, anyway. I'm going to stick to that story. ---And, I hope you don’t mind if I don’t touch the issue with his Varia counterpart. I’m certain your son has mentioned it in brief to you already, and I assure you that’s just about all that can be said about it. It’s a little like the Bermuda Triangle; it’s murky and dark and frightening and your compass only points the way you came, which probably means you ought to run while you still can. So, so . . . . that’s a nice cologne you’re wearing, by the way. It smells like - Don.
Hibari Kyouya -- excellent as always. I'm quite impressed with his keeping a close watch on his territory (kingdom, isolationist nation, police state . . . ) back in Namimori even from this distance. I imagine all the sitting and waiting in a hotel room must be harrying at times, yet he pulls it off with grace and dignity. He really ought to watch his mouth sometimes, but that's part of his charm, right? . . . . No? I find it charming, anyway, but if I ever see him again I'll shove a social etiquette or social norm book in his face and tell him Ms. Emily Post has a homework assignment for him. Now that I mention it, I wonder if he's ever truly needed to do homework in his life. He’s probably got a whole album full of gold stars, bequeathed out of fright. Can’t say it isn’t an excellent technique. As for goings-on with him, it seems matters of romance have kept him out of the limelight for some time now, and I’m sure a number of us are pining for his presence as though it were a fjord. I don’t doubt he’s sticky with sap and happy with Gokudera Hayato, but other than that, there’s not too much to report in his dark-colored spectrum. Enzio misses Hibird -- maybe I could lure that thing out with mochi.
Joushima Ken -- is partying like a rockstar. So last I heard, in a true elite’s fashion, there were upended tables, broken chairs, and chips ground into dust in the unforgiving fibers of the hotel room rug. And smashed game consoles. He is indeed some sort of deviant of a match for Ryohei, and so I can’t exactly disapprove of his method of becoming more acquainted with a guardian who will one day work alongside Rokudou Mukuro. Surely all the help the Vongola family can get is of worth. I think his lion channel’s really cool - I wonder if he has a dinosaur one? I know what you’re going to tell me - ask him, ask him, right? . . . . The thing is, I just want to know; no demonstrations. I’m actually not certain how adept I’d be against a dinosaur if events became rather - severe. There was a reason God invented partying like a rockstar only in the last few centuries. Ah, a horse channel? A robot channel! A shark channel. . . . . This is pretty fascinating; Joushima ought to write a Guide to Joushima Ken - I know I’d buy it.
I believe I have extended myself as far as is in my power for now, but I assure you my eyes and ears will remain open for any rather more helpful information. I pray you will remain well in the meantime, and I thank you with all my heart for your continued support and guidance.
With deep regards
(And assurances that all will soon be well),
Dino
Tenth boss of the Cavallone family