(no subject)
February is offically one of my least favorite months. For sure. So lets start with yesterday...
I didn't even go to 1st period. I'm really going to fail Physical Science. The class isn't even hard, I just have no motivation when it comes to school anymore. Well...I actually never have, but now more than ever. Band, geometry, and art was good like usual. Physical Science is the only class I'm worried about, because it has the most work and it's the class I have the least amount of homework turned in. But I can't afford to fail it. I'm already a failure at life, I don't need to flunk out of school either. Just a few more months, and 2 more years. Afternoon: Got home and listened to Wil's CD, walked with mom, ate dinner, then went to the mall with Ciera. I got the 2 new Bright eyes CD's...which are really awesome. Conor Oberst is a drunk genius. So anyways...I get back at home at 8 something, and my dad is gone. He told my mom that he will be gone for a few days, and will call sometime. So I guess I'm getting what I wanted after all...but I think it is really hurting my mom, so I need to be there for her. I tried to get a hold of Leland for hours. I finally did, after 11 something. He was about to go get beer with all of his pals. I ended up staying home the whole night on Valentine's crying. It really blew because I was lonely, and I didn't get any sleep. I couldn't go to school today. I was too upset, and I just don't think it would of been a good idea for me to go. I ended up talking to Kevin on the phone for a really long time. I cried, laughed, and thought a lot about things. I can't believe that after all this shit I've put him through...he is still here for me. I appreciate it...more than you could ever know. Even though I should be pretty happy right now, there is still this empty space inside of me. When I thought I knew exactly what I wanted, and was good for me..I was wrong. I'm too young to have to be thinking this much and worrying about things. I think I'm going to take Kevin's advice and just not care and worry. Life is life, it's going to have its up and downs. I just need to make the best of it and be grateful for what I actually do have. *sigh*
Caring so much about people really sucks. Hopefully time will be in my favor soon, because I need it. Being depressed is really dumb, and I hate it.