(no subject)
it's been well over a year... more like 2 years since I last updated, but since I figured I might as well jump on the band wagon and post.
As all of you (who are close to me know) I got engaged in January to Randy. It wasn't a huge proposal, since I already knew it was coming. It was more like "hey. sit down on the bed and let me ask you to marry me" type thing. Lauren and Cass made him do it right though shortly after at the fountain in Klaman Plaza. :)
I set the date for November 22nd, but due to finances and a personal internal struggle, it didn't happen that way. It was good though to step away from the situation and thing about some stuff... especially where my path will lead me if I did marry this man, what my life would be like without him, weighing the costs and rewards of the relationship- you know the stuff you're supposed to do when you decide to marry someone.... and then get cold feet about it.
I thought about breaking it off a couple of times simply because the pressure was so intense to get married. Then I realized that I was looking more towards the wedding than actually getting married. Not a good thing. Eventually, I sat down with Randy and told him all my fears about the relationship- what scared me most about him what I didn't like about him and of course, what I did love about him. I know I preach all the time about communication being the key to any relationship, but I have a problem opening up about a lot of things specifically about what's WRONG so I had to push passed it.
I think what scared me most was two things... one I think everyone goes through... do I want to spend the rest of my life annoying/being annoyed by this person? that means no more poon for the rest of my life. You think you'll never go through that... I never thought I would. But then I started thinking about dates... and how I would miss having a crush on someone and those little highschool things that you never want to let go of.
The other thing was lack of motivation of his part. I never want to push someone to do something huge like go to school, get a better job or just better themselves. I think you should want to do those things on your own and in fact if you did want to do something bad enough, then you'd do it. It scared me that he was alright with making the minimum amount of money, it scared me that he was ok with not having a college education.
So we talked about it.
I realized I was selfish about a lot of things and I apologized profusely for it... I didn't realize that because I didn't know where I wanted to end up (go to school) was inhibiting him fulfilling his goals.
You know you get so wrapped up in what that person is or isn't doing that you never look at yourself.
Anyway, I wanted to postpone the wedding because a) to stop the pressure and the insanity and b) because frankly finances suck right now.
We're hoping to set a date for sometime in the spring/summer, so I'll keep you posted on that.
as for everything else in my life, it's great. I got out of my overly stressful job which was giving me health problems and I'm into a new one which gives me the freedom to do my school work and feel important all at the same time. It was also an internal struggle letting go of my supervisor title, but I think it was worth it in the long run. I get to hang out at the President's House and drink and eat for free, not to mention socialize with all the higher-ups and broaden my networking horizon.
I'm still at FSU in the maintenance department just working in a different building with a different boss.
I (finally) graduate in May, which is amazing because I never thought I'd do it. Of course the last two semesters of school are just.... well, most of you know because you've been there, but frankly it sucks. I'm still trying to make a decision between going to get my masters right away or just get a job and start working. I'll already have my certification for being a Family Life Educator, so that's just bonus points.
It seems that one by one everyone is leaving Tallahassee... It seems only a matter of time before I pack my bags and go away as well.
Hopefully we'll all keep in touch because the people here have made the most impression on me and in my heart. I never like goodbyes, but memories only last you so long.
It seems with every year that passes a little piece of being a kid slowly disintegrates and transforms into something....else. Experience? Maybe. But i feel that with each little piece something replaces it with something that I dont want there..... and I just want to hold onto it for as long as I can.
In other news... I'm being tested for diabetes and thyroid on Monday. My doctor is hooking me up with B12 injections, so hopefully that will help. He's also putting me on a 700 calorie a day diet with nothing but meat for the first 3 days..
I think I'll go eat Randy's face...
As all of you (who are close to me know) I got engaged in January to Randy. It wasn't a huge proposal, since I already knew it was coming. It was more like "hey. sit down on the bed and let me ask you to marry me" type thing. Lauren and Cass made him do it right though shortly after at the fountain in Klaman Plaza. :)
I set the date for November 22nd, but due to finances and a personal internal struggle, it didn't happen that way. It was good though to step away from the situation and thing about some stuff... especially where my path will lead me if I did marry this man, what my life would be like without him, weighing the costs and rewards of the relationship- you know the stuff you're supposed to do when you decide to marry someone.... and then get cold feet about it.
I thought about breaking it off a couple of times simply because the pressure was so intense to get married. Then I realized that I was looking more towards the wedding than actually getting married. Not a good thing. Eventually, I sat down with Randy and told him all my fears about the relationship- what scared me most about him what I didn't like about him and of course, what I did love about him. I know I preach all the time about communication being the key to any relationship, but I have a problem opening up about a lot of things specifically about what's WRONG so I had to push passed it.
I think what scared me most was two things... one I think everyone goes through... do I want to spend the rest of my life annoying/being annoyed by this person? that means no more poon for the rest of my life. You think you'll never go through that... I never thought I would. But then I started thinking about dates... and how I would miss having a crush on someone and those little highschool things that you never want to let go of.
The other thing was lack of motivation of his part. I never want to push someone to do something huge like go to school, get a better job or just better themselves. I think you should want to do those things on your own and in fact if you did want to do something bad enough, then you'd do it. It scared me that he was alright with making the minimum amount of money, it scared me that he was ok with not having a college education.
So we talked about it.
I realized I was selfish about a lot of things and I apologized profusely for it... I didn't realize that because I didn't know where I wanted to end up (go to school) was inhibiting him fulfilling his goals.
You know you get so wrapped up in what that person is or isn't doing that you never look at yourself.
Anyway, I wanted to postpone the wedding because a) to stop the pressure and the insanity and b) because frankly finances suck right now.
We're hoping to set a date for sometime in the spring/summer, so I'll keep you posted on that.
as for everything else in my life, it's great. I got out of my overly stressful job which was giving me health problems and I'm into a new one which gives me the freedom to do my school work and feel important all at the same time. It was also an internal struggle letting go of my supervisor title, but I think it was worth it in the long run. I get to hang out at the President's House and drink and eat for free, not to mention socialize with all the higher-ups and broaden my networking horizon.
I'm still at FSU in the maintenance department just working in a different building with a different boss.
I (finally) graduate in May, which is amazing because I never thought I'd do it. Of course the last two semesters of school are just.... well, most of you know because you've been there, but frankly it sucks. I'm still trying to make a decision between going to get my masters right away or just get a job and start working. I'll already have my certification for being a Family Life Educator, so that's just bonus points.
It seems that one by one everyone is leaving Tallahassee... It seems only a matter of time before I pack my bags and go away as well.
Hopefully we'll all keep in touch because the people here have made the most impression on me and in my heart. I never like goodbyes, but memories only last you so long.
It seems with every year that passes a little piece of being a kid slowly disintegrates and transforms into something....else. Experience? Maybe. But i feel that with each little piece something replaces it with something that I dont want there..... and I just want to hold onto it for as long as I can.
In other news... I'm being tested for diabetes and thyroid on Monday. My doctor is hooking me up with B12 injections, so hopefully that will help. He's also putting me on a 700 calorie a day diet with nothing but meat for the first 3 days..
I think I'll go eat Randy's face...