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[fairbrook]

what she wants: me to not be messy and to ask her to marry her

what i want: her, for once in our goddamned relationship, to initiate sex

the gulf between is an ancient ocean's wide....

Comments

[handstil]

Okay then! WHY do you want "her?" Do you want her because she is a perfect match for you on an emotional and intellectual level or because she is someone to have sex with? Not being a jerk here, just putting it all out there. What are her reasons for not initiating sex? I rarely do that, if ever, and it's because I have deep and scary insecurities that I don't have time to work out, LOL. I'm also not mentally stimulated by adults all day long on any day, ever, so the idea of my only time to relax and have adult conversation be instead replaced by something that essentially is serving someone else, is really a weird headspace. Is her sex drive reflected in some other way, is it her job stress that she can't let go of at the end of the day? Does she need intellectual conversation beforehand to feel like there's a connection other than the physical? This gets even more difficult once you have kids, so figuring it out now would be idea if you plan to do that

[fairbrook]

i know you are not being a jerk...but..does it have to be one of the extremes or the other?.....i am sure that it rarely is....

when you start to believe of sex as essentially serving someone else then you have pretty much lost the game and really from there on you start to see just about everything in life as serving someone else...

but i want her because she is a wonderful woman, that does mean i will deal with and try to handle the things we do not agree with..and writing it out is one way i deal with it...i also deal with it by drinking a lot and keeping it inside...

i have mentioned this to her before many times and there are many "i dunnos" and "i'm just tireds"...and i let it go until the next time.....one has to pick ones' battles....

[handstil]

I don't think is HAS to be one extreme or the other, I just know it often is

[fairbrook]

yikes...naive as i may be...i do not think people live in extremes