No control part 1 (of 2)
Not so productive anymore, but I hope this is liked.
Title: No control part 1 (of 2)
Author: Fairygodmother9
Characters/pairings: Paul/Jacob
Genre: angst
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: pairings and rating says it all
Summary: one-sided imprinting sucks, especially if you have no control!
NO CONTROL
Paul POV
He had been feeling anxious all day. This morning when he woke up, he had felt as if today something important was about to happen. All through breakfast his insides had been twisting and turning making it difficult to keep his food down. Which is something he usually never has a problem with.
He hadn’t felt like this since…. well since he imprinted on Jacob, to be honest. Yes, that’s right. Paul had imprinted on Jacob. It has taken him a while to come to terms with it himself. He remembered it very clearly, dreamed about that moment almost every night.
While he started getting ready to meet the pack, he let his thoughts stray back to that very event.
Paul had been having a great time with the pack. They hung out all the time. Every single one of them was his best friend. More, they were his family. Life just couldn’t get any better. He had always had a temper but when he was with his pack, he was all smiles and laughs. Even when they were patrolling, he was all serious wolf on the outside, but inside he was smiling, because this was where he belonged, finally feeling at home.
That all changed one day though. The pack was in wolf form and Paul and Jared were fighting. The others cheering them on, howling so loud it was a wonder no one at the reservation could hear them. They fought a lot for practice, but this time it was just for fun. They kept count of how many times one could bite the other. The loser had to buy the other lunch. It might not be much, but like the wolfs can eat, it doesn’t come cheap!
Paul had lifted Jared up and was just trying to snap at Jared’s left paw, which would have earned him victory, when they heard Sam arriving and saying “stop it boys” As fast as he could, he dropped Jared who directed a “Hey! Dude watch it” at him. Jared crawled back on all fours with the rest of the pack laughing at him.
When they turned towards Sam, they noticed the russet coloured wolf trailing behind him. “Boys, we have a new addition to the pack. Say welcome to Jacob Black”. Paul had to refrain himself from thinking “God no” because he knew Sam wouldn’t appreciate that kind of welcome. It’s not that Paul wasn’t happy there was a new addition to the pack. The more that shifted, the stronger the pack would be. But he never really liked Jacob. When he had been around him before, he always felt as if Jacob wanted something from him, expected something from him. He had caught him staring a few times and just couldn’t disciple the look in Jacob’s eyes. But he had to keep these thoughts deep down as he new all the others, including Jacob, would be able to hear them.
He lifted his head and was just about to direct a “Welcome to the pack” at Jacob, when he was caught in the eyes of the russet wolf. His entire world started spinning and he felt his heart rate go up until it felt like his chest was about to burst open. He immediately knew what had happened. Sam had tried to explain this feeling when he told them about his imprint on Emily. Quickly he ran behind the trees, shifted back and pulled his shorts on. He ran back to the reservation before anyone could stop him.
It hadn’t taken long before Sam, back in human form, had found him. “Paul, what was that? I bring over Jacob to introduce him and you welcome him by running away? That must have made him feel really welcome’” his voice sounded harsh, but when he saw the tears in Paul’s eyes, he quickly asked with concern “What’s wrong? Something happen?”. Paul wiped the tears away and tried to make his voice sound steady, not really succeeding “I, just,… I imprinted on Jacob” he confessed immediately, knowing it was useless to lie to Sam. Sam’s reaction had been unexpected “congratulations!” was all he said and that just brought out all the anger in Paul. He threw himself at Sam, trying to punch him in the face. Paul was very strong when he was angry, but Sam was still stronger. He was able to throw Paul on his back, straddled him and pinned his arms over his head. Paul was almost growling up at Sam. Sam said “What’s wrong with you? Imprinting is a good thing, you should be happy”. Paul snapped back “Happy? You want me to be happy that I imprinted on that brat? He is the last person on this planet I wanted to imprint on!”. It had taken several minutes for Sam to get Paul to calm down. They had agreed that it was best not to tell anyone from the pack because Paul hadn’t accepted the imprint himself.
Ever since that moment, Paul had tried to bury the feelings from the imprint deep inside, not letting the others know. It had taken a lot from him to do this and it had made him snappy most of the times, sometimes even explosive. The pack knew when to avoid him and just let him be.
Slowly though, he had gotten used to the imprint and everything that went with it. It wasn’t just because he has had the imprint for almost six months, it was more that he had gotten to know Jake. Yeah, he called him Jake now instead of Black, or even Jacob. He really wasn’t a bad person. Actually, Paul had started to like him. He found himself not so adverse to the imprint anymore.
So yeah, this morning he was actually feeling a bit giddy about meeting the pack, and of course Jacob.
Jacob POV
Jacob got out of bed this morning in a really bad mood. Sam had sceduled a full day of training. As if they weren’t training enough already. It’s not that he didn’t like spending time with the pack. He really did. They are his family, all of them. Well except maybe Paul. What exacly Paul was, he didn’t know.
Before he knew anything about their heritage, Jacob had noticed Paul. He was a good looking man, scratch that, he was hot. Yeah, Jacob wasn’t above admitting that. He never told anyone and he hadn’t acted upon it, but he knew he was attracted to men sometimes. When he first shifted and Sam explained everything to him and told him about the others in the pack, he had been exited to meet them all, looking forward to actually getting to know Paul.
But things went wrong between them from the start. When Sam had introduced him to the pack, Paul just simply ran. To say he had felt rejected was putting it mildly. Sam had made quick introductions and then left to go after Paul. Everyone else had been very nice to him, immediatly fake fighting him to test his skills. When Sam came back, without Paul, he never really explained what had happened. The others had asked, but he just shrugged it off.
The next time the pack met, Paul just gave a small “Sorry about last time, Black” and it was never mentioned again. He hated to be called by his last name, but he felt it was best not to say that to Paul. The following weeks proved he was right. Paul always snapped at him, pushed him away if he came to close. Like litteraly shoved him away. This one time in wolf form, they were running to test their speed, and apparently Paul thought he was running to close to him or something. Paul just shoved him with his muzzle and Jacob actually flew several feet away against a tree. And the strange thing; Sam didn’t even say anything to Paul about that. If he would have done something like that, he wouldn’t hear the end of it!
And then the looks Paul gave him. Now those he didn’t understand. Sometimes it was like he wanted to kill him, other times he looked at him like a starving man at a nice medium rare steak (appologies to vegetarians). It just didn’t make any sense. Admittedly it had gotten better the past few weeks. Paul hadn’t snapped at him so much which meant only once or twice every hour.
All things considered, he didn’t look forward to today. An entire day training with Paul, was something he would rather miss.
Paul and Jacob POV
Paul arrived at the clearing where the others already stood waiting. Looking around quickly, he saw Jake wasn’t there yet. “Hey everybody, nice weather for a day of training” He greeted them. “Wow, someone is in a good mood today” Embry replied back, giving Paul a small swat on the shoulder. Paul playfully grabbed Embry around the neck trying to give him a noogy. Embry tried to pull away and tried to make him fall off balance. The pack started to cheer them on, just like old times. Sam was smiling at this scene. Paul looked relaxed today. He knew how hard it had been for Paul to imprint on Jacob, but he had seen that he had slowly gotten used to it and had even started to accept it. But having ignored the imprint for so long, he also knew that when it came to Jacob, Paul’s emotions were very strong. He was either hungry for the boy or was about to attack him.
Jacob stood behind the trees, looking at Paul and Embry fighting. He was kinda jealous of Embry. He wished Paul could be like that with him, just buddies hanging out. But apparently even that was too much to ask for. He made his presence known by stomping into the clearing. The fight almost immediately broke off and Paul looked away almost as if he was caught doing something wrong. Jacob’s face must have shown the mood he was in because everyone greeted him carefully. “Hey Jake” “Hey man”. All except Paul, who just gave him a small nod. Jacob didn’t take the effort to nod back.
Sam saw this little exchange and cleared his throat to get everyone’s attention.
The day had started off okay. They started with some running, practicing quick stops and turns. Sam had found them a very muddy part of the woods so that they could get the feel of moving on slippery ground. One by one they all missed turning at a corner and slid on their side through the mud. They had rolled across the ground howling with laughter. Even Sam hadn’t been able to keep standing from laughing so hard. By lunch time they all looked like they had just been at a muddy battle field, mud having clothed in their fur making it stick out to all sides.
Emily had made them a picnic fit for a king, or better for hungry wolfs. But before they could dig in, Sam made them wash up in the nearby river. They all shifted back to human form and jumped in from the rocks, washing off the mud. When Jacob stepped out of the river, he felt a shiver run through his body, like someone was watching him. He turned back, but saw nothing.
Paul was still in the river, waiting to come out. He had seen Jake stepping out and hadn’t been able to stop himself from looking. Jake was build like a freaking Greek statue, lean muscles flexing as he moved, skin so flawless it almost seemed impossible. He had felt the need rumbling inside of him. Just as Jake turned around, he quickly dove under water, out of sight. When breathing became necessary, he came back up and looked at the riverbank. Jake was nowhere to be seen so he came out of the water and pulled on his shorts.
Paul joined the rest of the pack who has wasted no time delving though the sandwiches. “Hey, save some for me” he said by matter of greeting. He sat down between Sam en Jared and took a sandwich out of the three baskets.
All through the meal he risked short glances at Jake, who was sitting across from him. Sam picked this up and gave him a small poke to get his attention. “What’s going on, Paul” he said quietly so no one else would hear. “Later” Paul gave as answer.
After their lunch, it was time for some fighting practice. Sam split them in pairs. Not so accidently Paul and Jacob had to fight each other. In all of their previous training sessions, they had never been paired together. Jacob had once asked Sam about this and Sam had realised that it had become suspicious as no one knew about the imprint. So this time he saw no way out but to pair them with each other.
They started off slowly, just pushing each other, trying to throw the other off balance. But soon, Paul was starting to get irritated and started to really fight. They pushed up against the other, paws flying everywhere. Jacob wasn’t about to let Paul win and he gave as good as he got. Teeth barred and snapping wherever they could. Both of them got some good bites in and started to draw blood. Sam saw this and ordered “Hey, that’s far enough”. But neither paid any attention to him. They continued to fight. Finally Sam had to throw himself in the middle to get them to stop. “What’s with you two? We’re training, not trying to kill each other” Both had the decency to lower their heads at their alpha.
Both got ordered to shift back and side at the side to tend to their injuries. Paul had a nasty gash on his left shoulder while Jacob had several gashes on his back from Paul’s claws. “Serves you right for trying to win from me” Paul tried to sound to throw at Jake, but his heart wasn’t really in the insult. As he looked at Jake’s back he was really sorry for hurting him like that. It hadn’t been his intention, but being so close to Jake just brought out such strong emotions in him that he had trouble controlling himself.
“Yeah well, I got you good too, didn’t I” Jacob responded. Yeah, Paul thought, you got me good.
When the sun started to set, they packed up the baskets and started to make their way back to the reservation. Sam came walking next to Paul saying “You’re coming back to my house now, you have some explaining to do”. Paul knew not to argue with Sam so he followed him, saying his goodbyes to the rest.
When they arrived at Sam en Emily’s house, Sam went to Emily, kissed her en spun her around. He excused himself saying he had to discuss something with Paul, who was lingering in the doorway. When they sat outside, Sam gave Paul a look that said “Spill it kid” and Paul did. He explained to Sam how things had changed for him. At first he had hated the imprint on Jake, but he had started to like him. “I really like him, Sam” Paul whispered. He told Sam that he had felt all excited today and that he just wanted to tell Jake about the imprint. “I don’t know if I can wait any longer” Paul emphasised. Sam said “Maybe it’s time to tell him, Paul. But I want you to wait until tomorrow. We can go to Jacob’s house together. I know you have trouble controlling yourself around him and I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be alone with him right now”. Paul agreed with him.
They said their goodbyes and Paul started to walk home.
The talk with Sam had been exactly what he needed. He agreed that it was best for Sam to be there when he told Jake because he didn’t know how he would react if Jake rejected him, hell he didn’t know how he would react if Jake accepted the imprint.
He had started to walk home, lost in his thoughts. Suddenly he looked up and noticed that he was standing in front of Jake’s house. Wait how did that happen? Jake’s house wasn’t even on the way from Sam’s to his house. But deep down Paul knew how he ended up here. Being so close to Jake during their fight, after having been careful not to get to close to him, had made the imprint so much stronger. He felt like he just couldn’t ignore it any longer. Tomorrow was just so long away. He needed to tell Jake now, he needed Jake now.
Control never had been his strongest quality.
Title: No control part 1 (of 2)
Author: Fairygodmother9
Characters/pairings: Paul/Jacob
Genre: angst
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: pairings and rating says it all
Summary: one-sided imprinting sucks, especially if you have no control!
NO CONTROL
Paul POV
He had been feeling anxious all day. This morning when he woke up, he had felt as if today something important was about to happen. All through breakfast his insides had been twisting and turning making it difficult to keep his food down. Which is something he usually never has a problem with.
He hadn’t felt like this since…. well since he imprinted on Jacob, to be honest. Yes, that’s right. Paul had imprinted on Jacob. It has taken him a while to come to terms with it himself. He remembered it very clearly, dreamed about that moment almost every night.
While he started getting ready to meet the pack, he let his thoughts stray back to that very event.
Paul had been having a great time with the pack. They hung out all the time. Every single one of them was his best friend. More, they were his family. Life just couldn’t get any better. He had always had a temper but when he was with his pack, he was all smiles and laughs. Even when they were patrolling, he was all serious wolf on the outside, but inside he was smiling, because this was where he belonged, finally feeling at home.
That all changed one day though. The pack was in wolf form and Paul and Jared were fighting. The others cheering them on, howling so loud it was a wonder no one at the reservation could hear them. They fought a lot for practice, but this time it was just for fun. They kept count of how many times one could bite the other. The loser had to buy the other lunch. It might not be much, but like the wolfs can eat, it doesn’t come cheap!
Paul had lifted Jared up and was just trying to snap at Jared’s left paw, which would have earned him victory, when they heard Sam arriving and saying “stop it boys” As fast as he could, he dropped Jared who directed a “Hey! Dude watch it” at him. Jared crawled back on all fours with the rest of the pack laughing at him.
When they turned towards Sam, they noticed the russet coloured wolf trailing behind him. “Boys, we have a new addition to the pack. Say welcome to Jacob Black”. Paul had to refrain himself from thinking “God no” because he knew Sam wouldn’t appreciate that kind of welcome. It’s not that Paul wasn’t happy there was a new addition to the pack. The more that shifted, the stronger the pack would be. But he never really liked Jacob. When he had been around him before, he always felt as if Jacob wanted something from him, expected something from him. He had caught him staring a few times and just couldn’t disciple the look in Jacob’s eyes. But he had to keep these thoughts deep down as he new all the others, including Jacob, would be able to hear them.
He lifted his head and was just about to direct a “Welcome to the pack” at Jacob, when he was caught in the eyes of the russet wolf. His entire world started spinning and he felt his heart rate go up until it felt like his chest was about to burst open. He immediately knew what had happened. Sam had tried to explain this feeling when he told them about his imprint on Emily. Quickly he ran behind the trees, shifted back and pulled his shorts on. He ran back to the reservation before anyone could stop him.
It hadn’t taken long before Sam, back in human form, had found him. “Paul, what was that? I bring over Jacob to introduce him and you welcome him by running away? That must have made him feel really welcome’” his voice sounded harsh, but when he saw the tears in Paul’s eyes, he quickly asked with concern “What’s wrong? Something happen?”. Paul wiped the tears away and tried to make his voice sound steady, not really succeeding “I, just,… I imprinted on Jacob” he confessed immediately, knowing it was useless to lie to Sam. Sam’s reaction had been unexpected “congratulations!” was all he said and that just brought out all the anger in Paul. He threw himself at Sam, trying to punch him in the face. Paul was very strong when he was angry, but Sam was still stronger. He was able to throw Paul on his back, straddled him and pinned his arms over his head. Paul was almost growling up at Sam. Sam said “What’s wrong with you? Imprinting is a good thing, you should be happy”. Paul snapped back “Happy? You want me to be happy that I imprinted on that brat? He is the last person on this planet I wanted to imprint on!”. It had taken several minutes for Sam to get Paul to calm down. They had agreed that it was best not to tell anyone from the pack because Paul hadn’t accepted the imprint himself.
Ever since that moment, Paul had tried to bury the feelings from the imprint deep inside, not letting the others know. It had taken a lot from him to do this and it had made him snappy most of the times, sometimes even explosive. The pack knew when to avoid him and just let him be.
Slowly though, he had gotten used to the imprint and everything that went with it. It wasn’t just because he has had the imprint for almost six months, it was more that he had gotten to know Jake. Yeah, he called him Jake now instead of Black, or even Jacob. He really wasn’t a bad person. Actually, Paul had started to like him. He found himself not so adverse to the imprint anymore.
So yeah, this morning he was actually feeling a bit giddy about meeting the pack, and of course Jacob.
Jacob POV
Jacob got out of bed this morning in a really bad mood. Sam had sceduled a full day of training. As if they weren’t training enough already. It’s not that he didn’t like spending time with the pack. He really did. They are his family, all of them. Well except maybe Paul. What exacly Paul was, he didn’t know.
Before he knew anything about their heritage, Jacob had noticed Paul. He was a good looking man, scratch that, he was hot. Yeah, Jacob wasn’t above admitting that. He never told anyone and he hadn’t acted upon it, but he knew he was attracted to men sometimes. When he first shifted and Sam explained everything to him and told him about the others in the pack, he had been exited to meet them all, looking forward to actually getting to know Paul.
But things went wrong between them from the start. When Sam had introduced him to the pack, Paul just simply ran. To say he had felt rejected was putting it mildly. Sam had made quick introductions and then left to go after Paul. Everyone else had been very nice to him, immediatly fake fighting him to test his skills. When Sam came back, without Paul, he never really explained what had happened. The others had asked, but he just shrugged it off.
The next time the pack met, Paul just gave a small “Sorry about last time, Black” and it was never mentioned again. He hated to be called by his last name, but he felt it was best not to say that to Paul. The following weeks proved he was right. Paul always snapped at him, pushed him away if he came to close. Like litteraly shoved him away. This one time in wolf form, they were running to test their speed, and apparently Paul thought he was running to close to him or something. Paul just shoved him with his muzzle and Jacob actually flew several feet away against a tree. And the strange thing; Sam didn’t even say anything to Paul about that. If he would have done something like that, he wouldn’t hear the end of it!
And then the looks Paul gave him. Now those he didn’t understand. Sometimes it was like he wanted to kill him, other times he looked at him like a starving man at a nice medium rare steak (appologies to vegetarians). It just didn’t make any sense. Admittedly it had gotten better the past few weeks. Paul hadn’t snapped at him so much which meant only once or twice every hour.
All things considered, he didn’t look forward to today. An entire day training with Paul, was something he would rather miss.
Paul and Jacob POV
Paul arrived at the clearing where the others already stood waiting. Looking around quickly, he saw Jake wasn’t there yet. “Hey everybody, nice weather for a day of training” He greeted them. “Wow, someone is in a good mood today” Embry replied back, giving Paul a small swat on the shoulder. Paul playfully grabbed Embry around the neck trying to give him a noogy. Embry tried to pull away and tried to make him fall off balance. The pack started to cheer them on, just like old times. Sam was smiling at this scene. Paul looked relaxed today. He knew how hard it had been for Paul to imprint on Jacob, but he had seen that he had slowly gotten used to it and had even started to accept it. But having ignored the imprint for so long, he also knew that when it came to Jacob, Paul’s emotions were very strong. He was either hungry for the boy or was about to attack him.
Jacob stood behind the trees, looking at Paul and Embry fighting. He was kinda jealous of Embry. He wished Paul could be like that with him, just buddies hanging out. But apparently even that was too much to ask for. He made his presence known by stomping into the clearing. The fight almost immediately broke off and Paul looked away almost as if he was caught doing something wrong. Jacob’s face must have shown the mood he was in because everyone greeted him carefully. “Hey Jake” “Hey man”. All except Paul, who just gave him a small nod. Jacob didn’t take the effort to nod back.
Sam saw this little exchange and cleared his throat to get everyone’s attention.
The day had started off okay. They started with some running, practicing quick stops and turns. Sam had found them a very muddy part of the woods so that they could get the feel of moving on slippery ground. One by one they all missed turning at a corner and slid on their side through the mud. They had rolled across the ground howling with laughter. Even Sam hadn’t been able to keep standing from laughing so hard. By lunch time they all looked like they had just been at a muddy battle field, mud having clothed in their fur making it stick out to all sides.
Emily had made them a picnic fit for a king, or better for hungry wolfs. But before they could dig in, Sam made them wash up in the nearby river. They all shifted back to human form and jumped in from the rocks, washing off the mud. When Jacob stepped out of the river, he felt a shiver run through his body, like someone was watching him. He turned back, but saw nothing.
Paul was still in the river, waiting to come out. He had seen Jake stepping out and hadn’t been able to stop himself from looking. Jake was build like a freaking Greek statue, lean muscles flexing as he moved, skin so flawless it almost seemed impossible. He had felt the need rumbling inside of him. Just as Jake turned around, he quickly dove under water, out of sight. When breathing became necessary, he came back up and looked at the riverbank. Jake was nowhere to be seen so he came out of the water and pulled on his shorts.
Paul joined the rest of the pack who has wasted no time delving though the sandwiches. “Hey, save some for me” he said by matter of greeting. He sat down between Sam en Jared and took a sandwich out of the three baskets.
All through the meal he risked short glances at Jake, who was sitting across from him. Sam picked this up and gave him a small poke to get his attention. “What’s going on, Paul” he said quietly so no one else would hear. “Later” Paul gave as answer.
After their lunch, it was time for some fighting practice. Sam split them in pairs. Not so accidently Paul and Jacob had to fight each other. In all of their previous training sessions, they had never been paired together. Jacob had once asked Sam about this and Sam had realised that it had become suspicious as no one knew about the imprint. So this time he saw no way out but to pair them with each other.
They started off slowly, just pushing each other, trying to throw the other off balance. But soon, Paul was starting to get irritated and started to really fight. They pushed up against the other, paws flying everywhere. Jacob wasn’t about to let Paul win and he gave as good as he got. Teeth barred and snapping wherever they could. Both of them got some good bites in and started to draw blood. Sam saw this and ordered “Hey, that’s far enough”. But neither paid any attention to him. They continued to fight. Finally Sam had to throw himself in the middle to get them to stop. “What’s with you two? We’re training, not trying to kill each other” Both had the decency to lower their heads at their alpha.
Both got ordered to shift back and side at the side to tend to their injuries. Paul had a nasty gash on his left shoulder while Jacob had several gashes on his back from Paul’s claws. “Serves you right for trying to win from me” Paul tried to sound to throw at Jake, but his heart wasn’t really in the insult. As he looked at Jake’s back he was really sorry for hurting him like that. It hadn’t been his intention, but being so close to Jake just brought out such strong emotions in him that he had trouble controlling himself.
“Yeah well, I got you good too, didn’t I” Jacob responded. Yeah, Paul thought, you got me good.
When the sun started to set, they packed up the baskets and started to make their way back to the reservation. Sam came walking next to Paul saying “You’re coming back to my house now, you have some explaining to do”. Paul knew not to argue with Sam so he followed him, saying his goodbyes to the rest.
When they arrived at Sam en Emily’s house, Sam went to Emily, kissed her en spun her around. He excused himself saying he had to discuss something with Paul, who was lingering in the doorway. When they sat outside, Sam gave Paul a look that said “Spill it kid” and Paul did. He explained to Sam how things had changed for him. At first he had hated the imprint on Jake, but he had started to like him. “I really like him, Sam” Paul whispered. He told Sam that he had felt all excited today and that he just wanted to tell Jake about the imprint. “I don’t know if I can wait any longer” Paul emphasised. Sam said “Maybe it’s time to tell him, Paul. But I want you to wait until tomorrow. We can go to Jacob’s house together. I know you have trouble controlling yourself around him and I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be alone with him right now”. Paul agreed with him.
They said their goodbyes and Paul started to walk home.
The talk with Sam had been exactly what he needed. He agreed that it was best for Sam to be there when he told Jake because he didn’t know how he would react if Jake rejected him, hell he didn’t know how he would react if Jake accepted the imprint.
He had started to walk home, lost in his thoughts. Suddenly he looked up and noticed that he was standing in front of Jake’s house. Wait how did that happen? Jake’s house wasn’t even on the way from Sam’s to his house. But deep down Paul knew how he ended up here. Being so close to Jake during their fight, after having been careful not to get to close to him, had made the imprint so much stronger. He felt like he just couldn’t ignore it any longer. Tomorrow was just so long away. He needed to tell Jake now, he needed Jake now.
Control never had been his strongest quality.