Private entry 006
After having once all but forgotten about this journal, now I find my writings are becoming only more and more frequent. My thoughts make no more sense than they have in a while, and this continues to be my only recourse to express them. Only one in the castle has attempted to give an ear…Sigurd, that pirate all but dragged me to the tavern with him.
His blunt speech left me with more questions than I had before. There were so many things he could not be made to understand…to think, he suggested I bring a sword against Lady Sialeeds. I would be struck down by a Queen's Knight if not her rune, or any of those in the castle that have taken her side as that of righteous. I still do not fully believe that is not precisely what the pirate wants to see happen. His overtures of 'friendship' nothing more than an elaborate ruse to catch me off guard and cause me to make a fatal mistake.
Even knowing that, his questions continue to haunt my thoughts. He made me think about Mother…I read some books in the library already, to see if what Sialeeds had said was true or merely a cruel joke played at my expense. There are details on Dad's…but I have found nothing of Mother's fate. To the cold hands of history it is as though she did not exist cloistered in her room.
Mother… What happened to you after? How did she react? Why did we grow more distant? I still do not know… I tried so to show her how she was needed. Why did Hiram have to die…he would have been able to handle all of this with ease. Brother would have dealt with it properly so that none of this evil would have come to pass…and Mother would have…
I cannot deny that these questions may find their answers from those who lived beyond my last memory of Falena. But, who could I ask? Sialeeds would have the most answers, but I cannot bring myself to speak with her. I cannot bare any more terrible fates to spill all too gleefully from that hateful woman's mouth. If even Luserina has turned has turned her back there is no one with whom I can ask. Just a pirate who is most likely merely waiting for an opportunity to watch my downfall.
Why do I continue to look at the past when I do not even know what step to take next? I must stop this, but…I do not know what to do next. There is no one left to guide my actions. I have never known true loneliness until these last few days. That is the cruel fact that a talk with any and all of these questions continue to bring me to…I am apart and alone.