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[fall_fromheaven]

Day two of college. Sigh. Still not feeling this. Someone remind me why I'm going, please. I'm far too paranoid I think. I honestly believe everyone is talking about me and stuff. I'm just waiting for the real problems to start, not just the ones I'm making up in my own head. Ugh, die now kthx

Comments

[padfootlovesme]

Okay hun. You need to stop sending out negativity. Really. You'll spoil it for yourself. Even if they are talking about you, who gives a damn? You're there to better yourself and give yourself a future that does NOT involve Pizza Hut.

As for your tutor - Fuck that fucker! What the hell do they know about you and what makes you tick? They can't tell you who you are, and if they think they can, then just let them go to hell!

Yeah, Peter Pan's doesn't open again until April now, i don't think. I just like Southend for the sea mostly, though.

*Hugs*

[fall_fromheaven]

They probably aren't even talking to me, but I'm so fucking paranoid I think they are. I think the entire class is against me, including the ones I've befriended. Ugh. What is wrong with me?!

I'd probably be better off quitting and just start working full time at the Hut.

[padfootlovesme]

You're right. It is paranoia, and fear of the past. PLEASE STOP LETTING IT GET TO YOU! You have new friends, a chance for a new future, the works. Let it be all that it promises to be. Let all the negativity go, alright?

If you do that, i will honestly be so pissed off with you that i'll find it hard to talk to you without letting the Bitch out.

I have so much faith in you, and i KNOW that you can do this. You owe it to yourself to prove everyone wrong and just be a real winner. Don't fail yourself, Bethany.

[fall_fromheaven]

Easier said than done, and to be honest, I don't know where to begin letting any sort of negitivity go. It's all I know. It's like a fucked up security blanket or something.

Ooh I don't wanna face the Bitch. Eep.

Ugh...I'm so sick of this Meli. I'm sick of being this depressed and paranoid and everything. I'm avoiding everyone in my class and just being quiet and blending into the background. I'm sitting here crying and I don't even know why. I am so fucking sick of this. I need a bus to run me over or something.

[truthfulliarlau]

a) I would rather go back to John Warner than be at college. But that's not possible. So i'm taking second best as I have to.
b) I get the paranoia too. So I understand the suckiness of that. I just try as hard as possible to block it out.
c) Tutors blatently want you to love what they do, Peer kept repeating 'You need a NEW sketchbook!' at someone yesterday because he likes certain ones, lol.
d) Clacton suck! (Well it doesn't, but I will be in Southend.)

[fall_fromheaven]

Hell, I'd rather go back to John Warner than stay here. And I haven't been there in 4.6 million years.

Paranoia really sucks. I swear it's never been this bad before. I've always been a bit paranoid but I've never felt this horribly overwhelmed before. I keep panicking and other assorted bollocks.

Lock me up in a mental institution please.

[truthfulliarlau]

Yea, I know what you mean, Monday I just totally wanted to walk out and go home. And yesterday after seeing Miss Wood I was like 'I wanna stay here!!' . . . Today wasn't as bad cos we were out and about and just wandering so hopefully Friday will be ok too. Next week the panic and overwhelmedness will come back no doubt . . . Plus my random breakdowns of 'No one is allowed to leave I will chain them up here and they can stay with me and not leave MEEE!!!' don't help . . . i'm just hoping it'll go away after getting used to it.

[fall_fromheaven]

Y'know...someday...it will happen...one of us will actually stop being so goddamned emo and realise we're panicking over nothing and freaking out over everything.

Emoness is still contagious, I see. Good to know we're still having our little connection then.

[nightfall404]

Why would kids be the most important thing in your life?