Park Bench, a Dean/Cas ficlet
Title: Park Bench
Pairing: Dean/Cas
Rating: G
Spoilers: All the way through Season 6
Dean was alone in a park. He told Sam he needed a drive. Which was code for “Please let this fix this.”, He always wished the same thing. Whether the wind was whipping in the Impala’s window or the heat was cranked. For a year, he would drive, and wish. Tonight was the last time he was ever going to try.
Dean pulled up in the park, getting out in the fading light and walking along the edge of a small pond. Ducks quacked and followed him until they saw he had no food, heading off to the water. He hardly noticed. He found an out of the way bench. Looking up at the sky he wiped an eye. This never worked. He had left him when he needed him most, he had no right to even utter Cas’ name. Except he wanted him to be OK. That was all, and it tore small holes in his heart that healed slightly when he slept, only to return when he was awake. Bleeding anew.
“Cas, I know…this is my last time talking to you OK? I know you are either still God, or just basically want me to go to hell, or both. Well, I have already been to..anyway. Please listen tonight. I am sorry. I have done a lot of crappy things in my life, and this was a huge one. I left you , when you never left me. Cas, please know that…Cas…”
“Know what Dean?” Cas said after a flurry of wings.
“Cas?” Dean kept looking down at his hands as his friend his…what was he…approached, sitting on the bench next to him.
“Yes. I am me. “ Cas looked at his own hands. “I stayed away. The way things were it seemed…best.”
“Have you heard me?”
“Yes. Every time.” Cas said quietly.
“So you knew, why didn’t you come back? Cas…”
“I just felt it better, for us. Despite being sorry we are very broken Dean. I am very broken.”
They sat quietly staring up at the sky, at their hands, looking anywhere but the one place their hearts needed them to look. At each other.
“Dean?”
“Yeah Cas?”
“I can chose now…something…would we be OK?”
“OK if what?” Dean finally looked over at Cas, seeing a tired, rumpled shell. A broken figure who continued to look at the stars.
“Friends..would we be friends?”
“Cas, yeah. I meant everything I have been saying these nights. My heart just…yeah. We would.” Dean nodded, trying to get Cas to look at him. “What choice?”
“This one.” Cas finally looked at Dean and smiled, some of the weight gone from his blue eyes as he closed them. “Close your eyes.”
“Cas what are…” Dean closed his eyes as a burst of light flooded the park, a loud pitched sound accompanying it. Dean covered his ears.
“Cas what was that?”
“Me becoming me.” Cas smiled, genuine and light. “Me knowing I can spend all the time I want with you. “
“Yeah, OK.” Dean felt the little tears sealing over with something he could not really describe. It was a tape or glue from a pair of beautiful blue eyes that burned into the very core of him that had been so torn asunder and began to knit it anew. He reached over and took the warm hand of his friend, his more than friend, the one he had loved for years and never said. They looked at each other and did not have to say.
“We have a motel. You need a place to stay?” Dean squeezed that too warm hand, too real, too finally there.
“Yes..I..have nowhere now.”
“Ok.” Dean stood up, not letting go. “Cas?”
“Yes Dean?”
“Are you sorry?”
“For this choice? No. It is the only right one I have made in a long time.”
“OK.” Dean slid an arm around his waist, and they headed to the future that started in a 1967 black Chevy Impala.
Pairing: Dean/Cas
Rating: G
Spoilers: All the way through Season 6
Dean was alone in a park. He told Sam he needed a drive. Which was code for “Please let this fix this.”, He always wished the same thing. Whether the wind was whipping in the Impala’s window or the heat was cranked. For a year, he would drive, and wish. Tonight was the last time he was ever going to try.
Dean pulled up in the park, getting out in the fading light and walking along the edge of a small pond. Ducks quacked and followed him until they saw he had no food, heading off to the water. He hardly noticed. He found an out of the way bench. Looking up at the sky he wiped an eye. This never worked. He had left him when he needed him most, he had no right to even utter Cas’ name. Except he wanted him to be OK. That was all, and it tore small holes in his heart that healed slightly when he slept, only to return when he was awake. Bleeding anew.
“Cas, I know…this is my last time talking to you OK? I know you are either still God, or just basically want me to go to hell, or both. Well, I have already been to..anyway. Please listen tonight. I am sorry. I have done a lot of crappy things in my life, and this was a huge one. I left you , when you never left me. Cas, please know that…Cas…”
“Know what Dean?” Cas said after a flurry of wings.
“Cas?” Dean kept looking down at his hands as his friend his…what was he…approached, sitting on the bench next to him.
“Yes. I am me. “ Cas looked at his own hands. “I stayed away. The way things were it seemed…best.”
“Have you heard me?”
“Yes. Every time.” Cas said quietly.
“So you knew, why didn’t you come back? Cas…”
“I just felt it better, for us. Despite being sorry we are very broken Dean. I am very broken.”
They sat quietly staring up at the sky, at their hands, looking anywhere but the one place their hearts needed them to look. At each other.
“Dean?”
“Yeah Cas?”
“I can chose now…something…would we be OK?”
“OK if what?” Dean finally looked over at Cas, seeing a tired, rumpled shell. A broken figure who continued to look at the stars.
“Friends..would we be friends?”
“Cas, yeah. I meant everything I have been saying these nights. My heart just…yeah. We would.” Dean nodded, trying to get Cas to look at him. “What choice?”
“This one.” Cas finally looked at Dean and smiled, some of the weight gone from his blue eyes as he closed them. “Close your eyes.”
“Cas what are…” Dean closed his eyes as a burst of light flooded the park, a loud pitched sound accompanying it. Dean covered his ears.
“Cas what was that?”
“Me becoming me.” Cas smiled, genuine and light. “Me knowing I can spend all the time I want with you. “
“Yeah, OK.” Dean felt the little tears sealing over with something he could not really describe. It was a tape or glue from a pair of beautiful blue eyes that burned into the very core of him that had been so torn asunder and began to knit it anew. He reached over and took the warm hand of his friend, his more than friend, the one he had loved for years and never said. They looked at each other and did not have to say.
“We have a motel. You need a place to stay?” Dean squeezed that too warm hand, too real, too finally there.
“Yes..I..have nowhere now.”
“Ok.” Dean stood up, not letting go. “Cas?”
“Yes Dean?”
“Are you sorry?”
“For this choice? No. It is the only right one I have made in a long time.”
“OK.” Dean slid an arm around his waist, and they headed to the future that started in a 1967 black Chevy Impala.