I feel better now
So the dosage is upped, I have my pain killers, and they took more blood. I missed class, I chemically burned off the "no-no" flesh in a not so amusing but still very testosterony type story, and I've only had four hours of sleep. Nothing matters. I found him. Five years of thinking about how he was. Three of not knowing and not having any way to find out. I found him. I've spent alot of time thinking about Karl and wondering if he still loved me, if he still thought of me, if he was even still alive and I FOUND HIM. My body started trembling and I cried. Things spun and then....nothing....life went on. It's stupid to ever think a single moment is going to make your entire life. Your first kiss, the first time you had sex, the day you got your driver's license, the day you get married. None of it has or will stop the world. It all keeps going with or without you and your joy. I think I'm happier about that then finding him. I still want my heart back. My chest aches where it's empty. But you know, I'm still me. If anything I'm more me now because I don't have to look over my shoulder. I just want everyone to step back and remember that no matter how fucking bad it is, or how monumentally wonderful it seems- Life Goes On. Live it. Don't Regret. Don't Forget. Don't Deny. Be yourself no matter who that is, because it's all you have. That's all.