i want you to love me (closed)

[fallenlomion]

He tried so hard.

He tried so hard for so long, to make her see. He loved her from the moment he saw her, radiant and beautiful after his mother died, bright like the sun and the stars, her skin fair, her hair golden, so beautiful - and she turned away from him every time. And now she has again. How did he ever think she wouldn't?

Maeglin felt such

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[arid_white_lady]

If Maeglin wants to be hugged by a mother, to be loved by his little sisters, the door is always open to him. They're babbling in their cribs, now, making noises, and Aredhel is singing softly to one of the girls as she changes her diaper.

[fallenlomion]

Wants to be hugged by a mother and little sisters? Oh yes. That sounds good. Though he doesn't stumble in until much later, red-eyed and tired looking and so very deeply and profoundly unhappy.

He flops down in a chair in silence and presses his face into his hands, elbows on his knees. Saying nothing because he doesn't feel like there's anything to say.

[arid_white_lady]

By then, the babies are napping, but his mother isn't, and she'll frown in deep concern.

She doesn't ask any questions - she just puts her arms around her first born and tugs him into a kiss, so that he can cry in her hair, if he needs to cry again.

Questions can be saved for later.

[fallenlomion]

He doesn't cry. He'd feel better if he did, but he doesn't, can't. Just leans his head against hers and says, dully, and completely falsely, "I'm all right, mother. It's nothing."

It's everything.

[elven_irs]

Not impossible that Caranthir smelled the rat a long ways away - and that might be why he's been skulking around the Mansion. Paying attention.

Visits he expected, visits, he did not get. It worries him.

[fallenlomion]

Maeglin says he's not a rat. :| He is, however, skulking a little himself, lurking in places, avoiding almost everyone except his mother and the very few people fortunate (unfortunate?) enough to run across him.

Right now, though, he's just pacing back and forth across the porch, wearing a hole in the wood and worrying at just about everything he could have done differently in his entire life, and wondering where he got it so wrong that someone hated him that much to make everything suck. And even now that he has her back -

Is a little happiness too much to ask?

[elven_irs]

The rat is the situation, not you, Lomion, silly elf. Caranthir pauses - his footsteps are quiet and he leans against the wall, a few strides away.

"Keep pacing like that, boy, and you'll fall through the floor," he says, deadpan, by way of greeting.

[fallenlomion]

He stops dead and whirls, the expression on his face momentarily almost vicious, but then it's back to bitterness and despair. "I think it'll hold up," he says, caustically. "It has so far, hasn't it? What does it matter if it doesn't, anyway?"

Bad mood does not quite cover it.

As agreed!~

[fairy_fingers]

Here she is, little young stubborn and dramatic French girl, actually sowing in the window, bathed in sunlight.

She's working on the vestments she promised Parsifal, and the golden thread is particularly bright in the afternoon sun. She's singing to herself, lost in her work.

yaay!

[fallenlomion]

He didn't intend to run into her. He really didn't. But he turned a corner and there she was, and he's just - still, for a moment, remembering how he mistook her for Idril in the snowstorm, but at least she never flinches from his touch, at least she doesn't keep things from him, secrets, important secrets that maybe Maeglin can fix if he just knew what they were-

Probably too late, he turns to go. Time to move on; he's too restless to stay still, these days.

[fairy_fingers]

Too late indeed - she was just about to take a break as a passing cloud killed the light for a moment, and looks up just as he turns to go.

"-- Lomion?"

Oh, this is not good. She knows that when he avoids her, he's not doing well. That's why she puts away her work hurriedly and goes to him, hopefully fast enough.

"-- What is it?" She's worried. Very worried.

[fallenlomion]

He stops, tenses, but he doesn't hurry away or ignore her, at least. It oculd be worse? "It's nothing," he lies, flatly, and in such a tone as to completely give him away. "It doesn't matter. There's nothing you can do."

Why, why why does it always have to be this way? Really, how did he ever have any choice but betrayal, when this was his reward for trying-