I am lonely.
Definitions of Lonelieness
-->The body is a house of many windows: there we all sit, showing ourselves and crying on the passers-by to come and love us.
-->The person who tries to live alone will not succeed as a human being. His heart withers if it does not answer another heart. His mind shrinks away if he hears only the echoes of his own thoughts and finds no other inspiration.
(not so poetic responses)
-->an incredible intensity and pain that obliterates the memory of past relationships and spills over into the future
-->defined as an enduring condition of emotional distress that arises when a person feels estranged from, misunderstood or rejected by others and/or lacks appropriate social partners for desired activities, particularly activities that provide a sense of social integration and opportunities for emotional intimacy
The psychological aspect of lonelieness.
Millions of people are lonely every day. No matter your age or intelligence loneliness wastes opportunities for friendship and can cause some individuals deep unbearable pain. Understanding the fundamental characteristics of loneliness enables you to identify it in yourself as well as in others. Once identified its effects can be reduced. Introversion, self-consciousness, shyness and difficulty in approaching people to initiate relationships are all clear signs of being lonely.
Lonely people often expect their friends to meet expectations that are very high. For example they expect friends to always be available even if it is not possible.
Key signs of loneliness include:
Self-preoccupation.
Dissatisfaction with social or family relationships.
Negative attitudes.
A tendency to be self-critical.
A tendency to make critical statements of others.
An inability to create or maintain interpersonal relationships.
Lack of self-motivation.
Lack of direction.
Dis-interest in activities of others.
Lethargy.
A feeling of emptiness and being very much alone.
A feeling that your intimate needs are not being met or, if they are, they seem unsatisfying.
Over-reacting to everyday events that you would generally take in your stride.
Feeling worthless, helpless, powerless, unacceptable, self-absorbed.
Feeling separated from other people.
Feeling bored, self-pitying, sad and sometimes depressed.
Feeling nervous and disoriented.
Low self-esteem and the feeling that there is no one with whom you can communicate openly, honestly, and intimately.
What you can do.
Do not expect too much from friends and family. Try to set realistic expectations about what you can reasonably expect from your relationships. This avoids continued frustration and disappointment.
Try to identify your emotions accurately. Do not misinterpret your loneliness for depression. This may make you behave in a 'depressed' manner and make the situation much more serious.
Understand that being alone is not the same as loneliness. Being alone can be very healthy. We all need to be alone from time to time. Some activities such as reflection, reading and writing are often best done when you are alone.
Loneliness and its associated anxieties do not need to rule your life. By recognising your loneliness it is often possible to understand what you are dealing with and relieve the anxieties.
Take time to choose the people you want to be intimate with or let into your life. Many lonely people suffer from an unnecessary sense of urgency and desperation about having to quickly establish a special confidante or partner.
It is important to learn appropriate and effective interactive skills. Many lonely people fail to realise clearly why or how they are ineffective at building relationships. Social skills training should be sought. Your tutor, student counsellor or warden can help you receive suitable training.
Recognise that conflicts can make relationships stronger. Lonely people often feel that conflicts or problems in a relationship mean that the relationship has 'failed' in some way. This is not necessarily true.
Lonely people tend to blame both themselves and others for their unhappiness. Recognise that some relationships just 'do not work out' and no one is to blame.
Try to understand other people and consider their feelings. Lonely people are often self-centred and think only of themselves. This leads to being easily injured or gaining an inflated opinion of yourself.
Practice tasks to reduce your loneliness. Try to meet and talk with one new person each week.
The best way to begin to understand loneliness is to examine some of the ways people experience it. You may feel lonely when:
you're alone and you don't feel you have a choice not to be;
you feel that you're lacking attachments you had in the past;
you are facing changes in your life--a new school, town, job, or other changes;
you feel there's no one in your life with whom you can share your feelings and experiences;
your self-perceptions are that you're unacceptable, unlovable, not worthwhile even if others don't share those perceptions.
loneliness and the human condition (B.Palmer)
there's something cold
something all around me
this disenchantment with myself
can only go so far
this eager disconnection
bound by words of disinterest and
foregone conclusions
bringing with the sorrow the silent affirmation
that i am not good enough
i will linger like a ghost
something overlooked in a photograph
until it's time to hole up
in our new discoveries
hide away in secrecy
hide away in lies
grey will be the only color
grey will be the only name you know
"these waters are too deep," you say
"cannot let the traction pull away
at things less fantasy, things more sensible"
i turn these disenchanted eyes
disenchanted eyes
see into you
see the coward trying to deny
the emptiness one only claims as prize
for the murder of his own dreams
i try to trace the lines to you
try to trace my thoughts to see
where i got caught up
in this ridiculous idea
that i was a part of anything
or that i might be good enough for anyone