brings you glory, brings you shame. nothing in the world can ever be the same...
soooooo, i've been thinking alot about money lately. actually, i've been thinking a lot in GENERAL lately, hence all the entries (even if they have nothing to do with the three million things running through my mind).
but yeah. money sucks. i feel so effing guilty all the time. like seriously, ALL the time. i mean, what the hell am i doing? i've taken so much for granted and i feel like shit. like i seriously should NOT be at cath. at all. alskdfja;lskdjfasdf i mean i was kinda talking about it to my dad/in front of my dad and he was like "as long as you have a job when you get out, it's worth it." well i kinda feel like waitressing isn't exactly the job he has in mind, but that's basically the ONLY job i'm guaranteed with my bm. asldkjfalskdfjalskdf i know anyone who still reads this (hopefully there are very few of you) is getting sick of me venting all of this on here, but whatev. and i'm sure i'll do this again sat night after seeing a few of my fucking amazing friends be incredible.
i don't even know why i even think about london. with the loans my fam has/i have/my car crash last year/school/EVERYTHING who am i to think i can go?? and even if my parents randomly were like "okay" i could never ever take that much money, or even a portion of that money, from them and not feel like absolute shit. alsdkfjalskffalksf
it's so hard. sometimes i am so resolute in getting my ass into gear and somehow getting as good as i need to get but so many other times i say "what the fuck am i doing?" sometimes i think i should've gone to mc for a year or two and made money (and saved money) until i could choose a fucking expensive school knowing i was doing the absolutely right thing and knowing it was so right i wouldn't feel so terribly guilty about it.
i don't know. but i wish i did.
i think i'm just scared.
but yeah. money sucks. i feel so effing guilty all the time. like seriously, ALL the time. i mean, what the hell am i doing? i've taken so much for granted and i feel like shit. like i seriously should NOT be at cath. at all. alskdfja;lskdjfasdf i mean i was kinda talking about it to my dad/in front of my dad and he was like "as long as you have a job when you get out, it's worth it." well i kinda feel like waitressing isn't exactly the job he has in mind, but that's basically the ONLY job i'm guaranteed with my bm. asldkjfalskdfjalskdf i know anyone who still reads this (hopefully there are very few of you) is getting sick of me venting all of this on here, but whatev. and i'm sure i'll do this again sat night after seeing a few of my fucking amazing friends be incredible.
i don't even know why i even think about london. with the loans my fam has/i have/my car crash last year/school/EVERYTHING who am i to think i can go?? and even if my parents randomly were like "okay" i could never ever take that much money, or even a portion of that money, from them and not feel like absolute shit. alsdkfjalskffalksf
it's so hard. sometimes i am so resolute in getting my ass into gear and somehow getting as good as i need to get but so many other times i say "what the fuck am i doing?" sometimes i think i should've gone to mc for a year or two and made money (and saved money) until i could choose a fucking expensive school knowing i was doing the absolutely right thing and knowing it was so right i wouldn't feel so terribly guilty about it.
i don't know. but i wish i did.
i think i'm just scared.