fic: the theory of narrative causality; ii
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From: my_croft
To: cons_detective You have yet to thank me for pairing you up with your little crush, brother mine.
MH
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From: cons_detective
To: my_croft I do not require coddling.
SH
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From: cons_detective
To: my_croft It's not a crush.
SH
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From: my_croft
To: cons_detective But you are now in speaking terms with him.
MH
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From: cons_detective
To: my_croft You rigged the poll. Of course.
SH
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From: my_croft
To: cons_detective For which I do believe you now owe me.
MH
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From: cons_detective
To: my_croft Piss off.
SH
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i'm not half the man you think i am (not_thatbill) wrote,
@ 2011-04-20 22:19:00
Let's have a con show
THIS IS THE GATHER-UP POST FOR THE MAY 7th-8th WEEKEND CONVENTION. Comment if you're planning on going, blah blah, you know the drill, etc
Word on who's coming among the crew and actors says definitely Ritchie, and at least RDJ and JL too, we're hoping for Steven Motherfucking Fry to come play Big Brother but don't get your hopes up
The Doctor Who panel apparently has the Moff itself, and possibly the main trio (yay Karen Gillian!), but no spoilers given about the second half of the season just yet
Neil Gaiman has just confirmed he'd be there
And there's something going on about the new Tintin movie shit, but that's super-secret and no one knows anything about it yet, so we'll just have to play it by ear, link me if you know more
CAN WE HAS CAT MACROS NAO
COME AT ME BROS
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From: jumperfkr
To: cons_detective So what you're saying is, basically, you can deduce people out the way Sherlock Holmes would. By, uh. Looking at their thumbs? or something?
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From: cons_detective
To: jumperfkr It is only a matter of looking at people, John.
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From: jumperfkr
To: cons_detective Yeah, but. I mean, things have changed since 1881. There's the Internet, and the jobs people do have changed, and social cues are entirely different. To apply Holmes' deductions to today - well, it's a completely different world.
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From: cons_detective
To: jumperfkr I am thirty-four years old. Cambridge was boring. I had a lot of free time on my hands.
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From: jumperfkr
To: cons_detective Cambridge was boring?
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From: cons_detective
To: jumperfkr You do realize you are repeating yourself.
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From: jumperfkr
To: cons_detective Yeah, yeah, alright. So what about me? go on. I've cached my IP address long ago, so unless you've been stalking me, which I don't think is quite your style, all you've got is my journal entries to go on. I'd like a deduction, please.
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From: cons_detective
To: jumperfkr Very well. You're an army doctor. You've been invalidated home from Afghanistan, or possibly Irak, somewhere in the Middle East. You've been wounded, probably in action, and suffer from a strong case of PSTD. You work daily at a surgery with your beta ssarah_s, with whom you have had a casual relationship for a few months, but eventually broke it off on the basis that you remain friends.
You read Doyle's stories as a child, but never had any personal involvement in them until your return to London two years ago, when you found the resemblances between yourself and handsome Doctor Watson rather striking. You consider fanfiction a means of coping with your post-trauma and convincing yourself into a normal life once again. You are not particularly fond of a normal life, but are highly susceptible to peer pressure. Also, it's fun.
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From: jumperfkr
To: cons_detective I
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From: jumperfkr
To: cons_detective Sorry, was a bit amazed, hit Send too soon. So I, uh. That's pretty amazing.
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From: jumperfkr
To: cons_detective Sorry, right, that doesn't quite cover it. That's brilliant. How d'you do that? I mean, I guess you could know the army doctor, working at a surgery thing if you were stalking me, but the PTSD? and the reading Doyle's stories when I was a kid?
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From: jumperfkr
To: cons_detective If you say 'Elementary, my dear Watson,' I will hunt you down.
:D
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From: cons_detective
To: jumperfkr You're babbling.
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From: jumperfkr
To: cons_detective I'm aware of that, yeah.
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From: jumperfkr
To: cons_detective Also, you're stalling.
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From: cons_detective
To: jumperfkr Oh, fine. The medical studies are obvious - you speak of medicine yourself at length in your journal, protesting against a certain type of drug, making a celebratory post about that AIDS breakthrough a few weeks ago, you probably don't quite realize it yourself you are knowledgeable in military matters, more so than anybody else in this fandom. You mentioned having had a gun in your hand and riding a chopper in the past, and you've talked at length on the situation in the Middle East recently; you're clearly directly affected by it. Hence, military doctor, simple enough.
You have talked of pains in your shoulder and your leg without extrapolating on them; you seem relatively unfazed by the shoulder ache, but increasingly irritated by your leg, which means the reasons for each are different. You accept the shoulder wound because you consider it justified by your past; so, wounded in action. But your leg plays up when it should not, most likely from a psychosomatic limp, of which you are aware but unable to get rid. Your working daily at the local surgery fits in with the logical continuity of your medical knowledge.
Your relationship with ssarah_s is a close one, and you've several times mentioned having lunch with her; however, you've also made a point of not meeting fandom friends offline, and of reserving this for people you know from everyday meetings. You lead a very busy, tiring day, if your complaints of paperwork and long hours are to be believed, and would not take several hours off on a weekday merely to have lunch with a friend. So you're working together, and are eating out on your lunch hour for company. You are informal with each other, but there is a slight awkwardness to your relationship, especially when you mention going out with someone, which can only fit new acquaintances - a level you have already passed through - or lovers turned friends again, unwilling to pry in their ex's affairs.
As for fanfiction, I should think that was obvious. Your past still haunts you, but you clearly enjoy writing your stories, and generally favour John Watson's POV, which, knowing your history, indicates that you are projecting your own experiences into them. It is quite a common means of coping with their pasts for invalidated soldiers to write down their experiences, and clearly your psychiatrist has put you up to it. You do it in quite a derived way, but you do it nonetheless.
Satisfied?
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From: jumperfkr
To: cons_detective Wow.
No, hold on, I need to reread this.
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From: jumperfkr
To: cons_detective What about the bit about my reading the Doyle stories when I was a kid?
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From: cons_detective
To: jumperfkr You said so yourself.
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From: jumperfkr
To: cons_detective Did I?
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From: cons_detective
To: jumperfkr Yes.
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From: jumperfkr
To: cons_detective How'd you know I have a psychiatrist, though?
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From: cons_detective
To: jumperfkr You are an ex-army doctor with a psychosomatic limp. Of course you've got a psychiatrist.
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From: cons_detective
To: jumperfkr John?
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From: jumperfkr
To: cons_detective Rrrrrrrright, hold on, still need to swallow this.
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From: jumperfkr
To: cons_detective Nope, sorry, still amazing. It's got to be tremendous work, remembering all these things, how'd you do that? It's extraordinary.
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From: cons_detective
To: jumperfkr Do you think so?
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From: jumperfkr
To: cons_detective 'Course I do. It's amazing. Surely you know that.
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From: cons_detective
To: jumperfkr It's not what people usually say.
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From: jumperfkr
To: cons_detective What do people usually say?
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From: cons_detective
To: jumperfkr GTFO.
Or, alternatively, DIAF.
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From: jumperfkr
To: cons_detective LOL.
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From: jumperfkr
To: cons_detective Seriously though, I feel a bit like the original John Watson must have felt when Holmes deduced the shit out of him in STUD.
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From: cons_detective
To: jumperfkr The original John Watson.
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From: jumperfkr
To: cons_detective Oh, you know what I mean.
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From: cons_detective
To: jumperfkr Yes, John, I rather think I do.
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cute enough to shoot you down (jumperfkr ) wrote,
@ 2011-04-23 14:54:00
So. Remember the superhero!Watson!thread? and me saying I'd write crack!fic of it?
10,000 words later, here I am, still wondering when the hell the whole thing turned into such a monster. I'm working on Big Bang Fic, I don't have time for cracky AUs.
Or, well. Apparently I do.
Title: Derringer Sky
Pairing: Holmes/Watson
Verse: '09
Length: give or take 10,000 words, I don't even know.
Rating: NC-17. Android!sort-of!sex, yo.
Warnings: Where to start, um. Violence, gore, sex, secondary character death, swearing, potentially triggering for war wounds and bombings, Consensual Feelings between a human being and a thinking machine (literally).
Beta Credit: ssarah_s and storm_ford, as usual, with all the love and gratitude they deserve.
Disclaimer: I own neither Sherlock Holmes nor Doctor Watson, though technically they're been in the public domain for a while now. Originally ACD's, Ritchie's in this 'verse.
Summary: The third time he woke up, John Watson was strapped to a table in a white lab, and a man was standing over him with a scalpel and a highly alarming grin. Modern!AU: Watson is a rather befuddled superhero, Holmes's his breathing android.
( you clearly don't know what you are about, my dear )
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... objectively enough, Holmes knows what his skin tastes of - it is polyethylene and plastic, and with mouth pressed to it it tastes of machine oil and metal. The blood that runs in his veins is synthetic, his brain a fine web of silver fiber, a network. His heart is gold, beating faintly against his ribcage, where he would feel it if he would but press his hand to his chest. As it is, it is Watson's head that rests in this place - golden and drunken, mumbling as Holmes turns a page. From this close, there is a faint birthmark where the man's jaw touches his neck, a cross-like indentation into the skin, and Holmes thinks of touching it, of feeling the slight depression dip smoothly underneath the synthetic pad of his thumb.
They have hours until dawn and until Watson wakes up, with a gasp and a jolt and a base apology, and so Holmes takes the opportunity to map him out, categorize his jaw and his nose and his eyes, the fine bristling hairs of his moustache. Oh, he has done it before. But a sleeping Watson is a sight to behold - he is quite different, like this. He would also smell quite terrible, if Holmes had not switched off his olfactive facilities.
Holmes enjoys alcohol on a purely aesthetic level, but does sometimes wonder - to lose consciousness as his friend does, abandon the cherished control of his actions, might be quite the magnificent experience. Something superb to remember, when his framework becomes too fragile to sustain the assault of voices and colours. Methadone's the closest he's come to it, just yet; Mycroft built him well.
But Mycroft would not foresee Watson, the bare scrap of a man, returned from Afghanistan with a limp, sun-bleached hair, and a heart fit for heroes. He'd not foreseen the addiction - the gambling and the drink, and the terrible influence, the lure itching at the edges of Holmes' skin.
(To be quite fair, Holmes had not, either; the good doctor was a statical unlikelihood, a pretty mixture of sound and unsound morality, something breathless and inconceivable.)
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From: theimprobableone
To: jumperfkr please stay away from cons_detective
hes a better man than you could evr dream to be and you dont deserve to be his friend
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From: jumperfkr
To: theimprobableoneNice sock-puppetry you've got going on there, mate.
Fuck you, by the way.
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this is your larynx (ssarah_s) posted in cox_and_co,
@ 2011-04-26 20:08:00
REC POST FOR NEWBIES
SHALL WE HAVE A REC POST? LET'S HAVE A REC POST. REC POSTS ARE COOL.
Because if there's one thing the newbies need when they come here, it's a place to find the fandom classics. The stories that became fanon. Those that influenced us all, and continue to do so. I asked my_croft if this was legit, and he said Yes of course, but obviously I couldn't gather everything that was ever written, that'd be impossible, we're the oldest fandom ever. So, all, this is a dynamic post! just add in your favourites, everything you've ever loved about this fandom, everything you think new members of the comma would need to know - your favourite fics, your favourite essays, your favourite fanart, your favourite zines, your favourite ids, your favourite everything! make this fun for everyone, this post must be FILLED WITH LOVE.
I'll start.
fic;
The Remembrance Series, by jumperfkr
Holmes/Watson | NC-17 | 43,000 words
It was quite the wonderful thing, these Strand books standing in line, on our shelves, thin red-spined soldiers that told old stories, stories I had written once and then forgotten as I wrote more. I set the last one down, and as my hand lingered on its cover, where it rested against a bronze elephant of a bookend, I heard Holmes muttering to himself in one of our lumber-rooms, where he doubtless accomplished a task equal to mine. He had kept all his notes, after all, of every case I had ever recorded, of those I had published, of those I kept safely locked away. His were a chaotic, disorderly mess, and mine - well, here were mine. Locked away as well, in a sense, in the sharp prison of my words and pretty falsehoods. Thirty years of them, and grown silver in our memory."
The One. The Ultimate. The Only. It begins in autumn 1914, two weeks after His Last Bow and two more before Watson departs for the front in France; and then - by way of memory - travels back in time to key periods of their relationship. jumperfkr recounts thirty years of two people being so in love it physically hurts, and does so in the best, most aching way imaginable.
The Special Way, by storm_ford
Holmes, Watson, Lestrade | PG-13 | 5,900 words
"'There is a certain amount of the ridiculous in this,' Holmes remarked quite matter of factly.
'Yes, Holmes, you're very perceptive. That is quite a remarkable account of our present situation. Now would you please apply your exceptional powers of deduction to ascertaining a way out for ourselves?'
'I say, this is very uncomfortable.'
'Lestrade, that's my - er - that's a rather private. Part. That you've got your face pressed against. Of mine. A private part of mine, I mean.'
'Don't fluster the good inspector, Watson.'
'Holmes, there are merely some parts of my anatomy that I wish the good inspector had nothing to do with.'
'Well, at least it isn't the Thames this time.'
'Yes, we're all still dressed. I suppose you assume this is a good point.'
'Is this you two trying to be subtle?'"
Best. Crackfic. Ever. Holmes, Watson and Lestrade are stuck in a closet. Everything goes to hell very very fast.
Hello, by neveryou_again
Holmes/Watson | R | 15,700 words
"'Holmes,' he said, 'this is preposterous. You have but one word to say and I shall follow you this evening, wherever you please. If you have gotten tired of my company-'
'Nonsense, Watson! You have had a very trying week, I know. I should not wish to inflict a long, tiring stake-out upon you.'
'I would hardly call my week trying, Holmes. I have spent it tending to rheumatic spinsters who believe everything is the matter with them, and then coming home to see you locking yourself in your room as soon as I step through the threshold. What on earth is the matter with you?'"Angst, UST, and misunderstandings by the dozen. neveryou_again captures all the difficulties and complexities of having a relationship with an addict, and trying to work it out, and sometimes failing. She also teaches us, with the greatest care and compassion, that sometimes, just sometimes, when you think you're just not going to be alright, there's still hope. And there's still a way.
The Back Staircase, by w_harry
Holmes/Watson, Irene/Mary | NC-17 | 6,000 words
"'Sit down, my dear,' Holmes murmured, rubbing his well-lubricated hands together briskly as he towered about me, his slate eyes taking in every detail of my anatomy. 'Make yourself quite comfortable, I shall be attending to you in an instant. Would you terribly mind undoing my trousers? My hands are somewhat occupied, you see.'"
A fandom agrees: w_harry writes the best porn, slash and femslash both. She isn't afraid of anything kinky - ever - and makes even physical technicalities sound hot. (Trust me, this is coming from a doctor, I know how unsexy a close-up look at a man's perineum can be. And yet w_harry makes it somehow really fucking sexy.)
art;
An Evening In Bed, by cons_detective
Holmes/Watson | NSFW
DO NOT OPEN THIS AT WORK. OR WITH ANYONE IN THE ROOM. AND MAKE SURE TO HAVE A SHOWER NEARBY.
cons_detective 's art has become fanon by now, I'm sure, and much as I'm sure he would scold me for not focusing on his drawing techniques and crayon skills, I'll just touch a word on the (gorgeous) anatomy and then just tell you all how marvelously hot his art is. Like jumperfkr , though, this really stands as a rec for everything he's ever drawn - just follow the tags on on his journal.
SHERLOCK HOLMES IN STICK FIGURES, by salts_theway
ensemble cast | SFW
All 26 stories and four novels reinterpreted. In stick figures. Genius.
The Motherfucking Task Force of Scotland Yard, by di_mock
ensemble cast | SFW
If you don't LOL fit enough to break a rib, you've no soul whatsoever. Just sayin'.
misc;
THE NOT-ENTIRELY LEGAL POST OF DOWNLOADING STUFF, in which you can find pretty much every Sherlock Holmes TV-show and movie you might hope for. The list is continually updated as more links are offered to the mods, so be sure to keep checking in!
I present you with one Doctor Watson, by jumperfkr , an study of our favorite ex-army Doctor and his many, many incarnations and interpretations.
miss mary morstan, miss violet hunter, mrs irene norton, by lass_sirene , a fantastic essay on how misogyny affects a fandom and how it is possible to fight it.
Icons & Graphics: a celebratory post, by let_us_trade , on occasion of holmeschat 's seventh anniversary.
EVERYONE, PLEASE PARTICIPATE. C'MON, ALL. LET'S MAKE THIS THE HAPPIEST, CRAZIEST POST IN THIS COMM.
<3
(154 comments) - (Post a new comment)
part iii.