fic: the theory of narrative causality; iv
俺は王子だしい~♪ (technophile) wrote in fandomsecrets,
@ 2011-05-28 14:27:00
[SECRET POST #1667]
Secret Post #1667
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
01. [repeat]
Notes:
Secrets left to post: 7 pages, 120 secrets from Secret Submission Post #250
Secrets not posted: [ 0 - broken links], [ 1, 2, 3, 4 - not!secrets], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1, 2 - repeat]
Current Secret Submission Post: here.
Suggestions, comments and concerns should go here.
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fscom
2011-05-28 09:14 pm (local) (link) 16. http://i55.tinypic.com/2zirpqf.png
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(Anonymous)
2011-05-28 09:29 pm (local) (link) no idea who this is, but it sounds hot
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(Anonymous)
2011-05-28 09:45 pm (local) (link) I like this secret a lot. ♥
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(Anonymous)
2011-05-28 09:49 pm (local) (link) Oooh, is this who I think it is?
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OP
(Anonymous)
2011-05-28 09:54 pm (local) (link) Depends on who you think it is?
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(Anonymous)
2011-05-28 10:03 pm (local) (link) Not AYRT, but I've Sherlock Holmes fandom in mind. Two BNFs? check. Snarking and flirting with each other? check. Being adorably dorky over fanfic/fanart? check.
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/da
(Anonymous)
2011-05-28 10:12 pm (local) (link) all of fandom squeeing over them? check.
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(Anonymous)
2011-05-28 10:27 pm (local) (link) Who are they? come on, you can't just talk about them and not tell us their names.
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(Anonymous)
2011-05-28 10:31 pm (local) (link) Seconded, I need to know like burning!
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(Anonymous)
2011-05-28 10:44 pm (local) (link) Just check out this thread. Oh, and this one. And this, and this, and this...
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(Anonymous)
2011-05-28 10:49 pm (local) (link) This thread is my favourite. ^.^
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(Anonymous)
2011-05-28 11:07 pm (local) (link) D'AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.
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(Anonymous)
2011-05-28 11:10 pm (local) (link) Oh my god, the level of UST in these threads!
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(Anonymous)
2011-05-28 11:11 pm (local) (link) Totally agreed, OP, these two need to be a thing.
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(Anonymous)
2011-05-28 11:25 pm (local) (link) If they aren't already... *waggles eyebrows*
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(Anonymous)
2011-05-28 11:39 pm (local) (link) Ooh, there's a pool! everyone weighs in a ficlet or a doodle, winner gets to pick a prompt.
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(Anonymous)
2011-05-28 11:42 pm (local) (link) ILU.
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(Anonymous)
2011-05-28 11:45 pm (local) (link) I'm calling dibs on First Week Of September.
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consulting_detective
consulting_detective is an (in)famous fanartist in the Sherlock Holmes fandom, an Insufferable Genius with pencil and ink, and, according to some sources, one hell of a douchebag. Testimonies differ as to the level of douchebaggery - the fandom seems divided between those who adulate him and those who detest him.
He was involved/started/flounced in such timeless wanks as The Time When Everybody Was A Cat, Why U No Ask The Beeb, Elephants Elephants, and The Case Of The Dog Who Bit The Calf And Tore The Pants. (See a round-up of the fandom_wank reports here.)
consulting_detective is one of the old-school fans who got into Sherlock Holmes fandom in early 2000s, was raised on the ACD stories and the Granada series, and scoffed at the arrival of new fans of the 2009 movie casting Robert Downey Junior and Jude Law. He is said to pride himself on his honesty - i.e., his ability to tell anyone exactly what he thinks of them in vitriolic statements.
More recently, though, he appears to have changed somewhat and mellowed out, thanks to his prolonged involvement with well-known BNF jumperfucker, with whom he is partnered in the Sherlock Holmes Big Bang. The fandom seems welcoming of this change, and likes to speculate on their relationship. At length. This relationship is ongoing, and will necessitate further additions to this page.
Tropes that can be encountered when communicating with this individual:
- Ambiguously Gay: according to part of the fandom. Many use this thread, in which he discusses his very large knowledge about tailored, expensive clothing as proof.
- Awesome By Analysis: almost a Sherlock Scan, appropriately enough. consulting_detective makes no mystery of his applying Holmes' deduction techniques to real life, which would make any other person ridiculous, but he's just so darn good at it.
- Batman Gambit: in this explosive Where Is My Stick wank.
- The Chessmaster: in any given discussion, anytime, anywhere. He is always ten steps ahead of you.
- Clothes Make The Legend: consulting_detective once mentioned owning a long, flapping, tailored Badass Coat. This spawned three memes, several fic requests on the kinkmeme, and an increasing number of icons bearing the words 'consulting_detective + Teh Coat = OTP'.
- Dangerously Genre Savvy: he knows fandom and fandom's ways perfectly, and it is often discovered that he has manipulated members into doing what he wanted by using fandom etiquette or popular memes.
- Deadpan Snarker: played very, very straight.
- Doing It For The Art: he often argues this when discussing his fanart pieces.
- Good Is Not Nice: interpreted as such for part of the fandom. Others say he's rather a Jerk With a Heart of Gold. Others think he's simply a Complete Asshole.
- Ho Yay: with let_us_trade, definitely. Some insinuate that his relationship with andres_son is just too vitriolic for them not to want to fuck each other senseless. Lately, he and jumperfucker have been flirting so hard it could shatter windows.
- Recently confirmed with jumperfucker. And the Fandom Rejoiced!
- Insufferable Genius: everyone agrees on that one.
- Only Friend: jumperfucker doubles as this and as The Watson.
- Realistic Diction Is Unrealistic: inverted and lampshaded at the same time - you will never see consulting_detective without his faithful minions, Grammar, Spelling, and Punctuation, but no one really talks like that on the Internet, surely?
- Screw the Rules, I'm Doing What's Right: more a case of Screw The Rules than one of I'm Doing What's Right, but it definitely applies. Especially in cases such as this or this.
- Stealth Insult: played straight. consulting_detective can insult you so subtly you only notice it two days later, at a completely unrelated moment.
jumperfucker
Actions
19:09you: alright. how about this? go on, hit me.
no profile; journal's friends-only. you've only got the one thread.19:10consulting.detective: Russian. Either very young or trying to sound younger than they really are; probably the second - I should say twenty-six or twenty-eight years old.
Their spouse or partner has recently run out on them and they have been forced to find new lodgings; they use fandom as a means of concretizing their real lives frustrations, but do not quite succeed in the endeavour.
Good education; upper middle class to say the least.19:12you: ... and you got all that from a thread about manga.
how - no, hold on
okay. tell me.19:16consulting.detective: The overuse of exclamation points and 1s indicates either youth or the wish for it. The lack of capitals and otherwise perfect spelling and use of grammar indicate that it is probably the latter, and that their education has been good, deriving for a reasonably wealthy family life.
The points they make are interesting and well-thought, but they are argued with a desperation that brings the logical mind on the focus of the conversation, which was what is generally viewed as a shipping war.
In the subthread that follows, which concerns not relationships but single characterizations, they become much more logical in their conclusions and do not let themselves be taken away by sentiment. They are therefore much troubled by the argument of the love affairs inherent to the fandom they are involved in, possibly because the point of the conversation concerns adultery. We may therefore safely assume that the issue strikes home rather forcefully in this individual, and that they have had the same experience in their personal lives.
They exclaim especially over the necessity for the injured party to find new accommodations for themselves, which again indicates one's personal experience in the matter. Clearly they then use fandom activism as a means of taking out their anger and irritation towards this issue, but are not able to resolve them, as the argument worsens eventually into name-calling.
Does that satisfy your curiosity, John?19:17you: so far, yes
fuck that's bloody briiliant
what about the Russian bit? their English is flawless.19:18consulting.detective: Russian smileys.19:18you: sorry, what?19:19consulting.detective: These parentheses at the end of the sentences are the Russian versions of your silly little :)s.19:20you: ... russian. smileys.19:21consulting.detective: Really, John, that was the easiest bit.19:21you: there's a hilarious 'In Soviet Russia' joke in here somewhere
but
I'm not quite sure where19:23consulting.detective: Oh. Memes. Dull.19:23you: oh my god, he's bored.
just don't go trolling ffrantsrants
again19:25consulting.detective: You can hardly call it trolling when I am merely pointing out the obvious flaws in their communities' rules.19:26you: you've been banned from four rant comms, mate.
four.19:26consulting.detective: I merely told them they were being idiotic.19:27you: you think everyone's an idiot.19:27consulting.detective: Exactly.
Pop-in
i'll fix you that cuppa (mrs_hudson) wrote in shkinkmeme,
@ 2011-06-01 09:38:00
the sherlock holmes kink meme - part xx
( RULES )
(4509 comments) - (Post new a comment)
consulting_detective / jumperfucker.
(Anonymous)
2011-06-01 06:43 pm (local) (link) Because they've basically been fucking each other all over their journals for weeks now. Y/Y?
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(Anonymous)
2011-06-01 08:01 pm (local) (link) Oh my god. Why did I not know this
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(Anonymous)
2011-06-01 08:54 pm (local) (link) I ship it.
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(Anonymous)
2011-06-01 09:09 pm (local) (link) WHY DOESN'T THIS EXIST YET.
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(Anonymous)
2011-06-01 09:24 pm (local) (link) Is this allowed?
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(Anonymous)
2011-06-01 09:32 pm (local) (link) Shh, nonnie, don't alert the mods.
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(Anonymous)
2011-06-01 09:49 pm (local) (link) AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA oh my god. Who tops, I wonder?
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(Anonymous)
2011-06-01 09:54 pm (local) (link) cons_detective, of course!
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(Anonymous)
2011-06-01 10:06 pm (local) (link) dude, cons_detective is a total bottom. he probably likes to be spanked for bad behaviour. naughty boy.
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(Anonymous)
2011-06-01 10:11 pm (local) (link) Mmmm, spanking.
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(Anonymous)
2011-06-01 10:16 pm (local) (link) THIS.
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(Anonymous)
2011-06-01 10:24 pm (local) (link) +1
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(Anonymous)
2011-06-01 10:27 pm (local) (link) +2
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(Anonymous)
2011-06-01 10:39 pm (local) (link) jumperfkr, how nice of you to join us!
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(Anonymous)
2011-06-01 10:41 pm (local) (link) +1000000000000000000000000
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(Anonymous)
2011-06-01 10:16 pm (local) (link) FILLING THIS NAO.
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QUICK CRACK BADFIC FILL
(Anonymous)
2011-06-01 10:48 pm (local) (link) "Oh dear," said cons_detective, reclining upon their bed with relish. "That is certainly quite an impressive tool."
"Others have likewise called it so," jumperfkr replied, grinning, as he braced himself on his hands and knees over the other man, stark naked. "Is this why you've called me here? to talk like Victorians and fuck like rabbits?"
"Well, you write well enough to entertain me and we live in the same city," cons_detective conceded, having expertly deduced jumperfkr's address from the state of his jumper, the splatter of mud on his boots, and the tube ticket concealed in his jeans pocket.
"Romantic," jumperfkr drawled. He shifted alertly, rocking back against consulting_detective's hips.
"Get used to it," cons_detective sighed, dramatically, "for I am a soulless bastard who will probably throw you down like an old sock when I'm done with you."
"No," was jumperfkr's clever response. "I think you've been traumatized in your youth, as all tragic heroes have, and now I must cure you with my Dastardly Dick of Doom."
"That is another interpretation of our relationship," cons_detective agreed. "I would rather like to know whether you live up to John 'Three Continents' Watson, you know, or if it's the claim of your ludicrously lyrical imagination - for surely for me to be the tragic hero you must be the loyal but rather dim sidekick with the silly theories and the liking for strawberry jam."
"Christ, your mouth would do with some stuffing, the way it babbles," jumperfkr remarked, before providing the stuffing.
Afterwards, they lay in a sweaty heap upon the coverlet, breathing hard and generally praising their own performances.
"That was quite pleasing, that trick of your tongue," cons_detective admitted, much as he was loath to admit the talent of anyone other than himself.
"Thank you," jumperfkr said pleasantly. "I liked that roll of your hips, just when you were coming. Very nicely done, that."
"Thank you," cons_detective said lazily. "Oh, and next time, we're trying roleplaying. I would rather enjoy deducing how long you like to be denied orgasm, I think. You can be Watson."
(sorry, guys. i tried. D:)
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(Anonymous)
2011-06-01 10:55 pm (local) (link) "Thank you," cons_detective said lazily. "Oh, and next time, we're trying roleplaying. I would rather enjoy deducing how long you like to be denied orgasm, I think. You can be Watson."
YOU CAN'T JUST LEAVE US HERE
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jumperfkr
2011-06-01 11:11 pm (local) (link) OH. MY. GOD.
What did I just read.
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(Anonymous)
2011-06-01 11:16 pm (local) (link) Rule 34, Johnny-boy!
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jumperfkr
2011-06-01 11:21 pm (local) (link) I'm still LOLing, mate.
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(Anonymous)
2011-06-01 11:20 pm (local) (link) This is why I love you, John.
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(Anonymous)
2011-06-01 11:22 pm (local) (link) cons_detective, amirite? :D
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(Anonymous)
2011-06-01 11:25 pm (local) (link) Absolument. ;)
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cute enough to shoot you down (jumperfkr ) wrote,
@ 2011-06-03 22:13:00
Ahahahah, okay, so. This fic featuring cons_detective and myself was written on the kinkmeme. I read it, I LOL'd, and then I showed it to cons_detective , who can't be arsed to browse the meme like a normal human being and so apparently relies on me to rec him the best stuff.
We giggled over it like a pair of schoolboys. And then we wrote a prequel to it, because apparently we're as mad as they go.
(So this is fic about fic about, well, fic. I need a YOU'VE BEEN INCEPTION'D macro now.)
Title: WHAT THE HELL IS THIS no seriously, we couldn't find a title so yeah, it doesn't get one
Authors: cons_detective and jumperfkr
Characters: cons_detective and jumperfkr , ironically enough
Rating: PG
Length: 2,000 words
Warnings: HEAVY SARCASM IS PRESENT THROUGHOUT THIS STORY. DO BE CAREFUL AND DON'T TRIP ON IT.
Summary: Well, you see, when a fanartist and a fic writer love each other very very much...
( so we're basically doing what they've wanted us to do for ages? )
(I feel vaguely like Misha Collins now. Shh, it's amazing.)
(55 comments) - (Post a new comment)
w_harry
2011-06-03 10:54 pm (local) (link) oh.
my.
god.
john, you are so dating him irl. you can't not.
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jumperfkr
2011-06-03 11:09 pm (local) (link) I'm not, really! we've never even met face to face.
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w_harry
2011-06-03 11:14 pm (local) (link) PETTY LIES THESE
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neveryou_again
2011-06-03 11:11 pm (local) (link) John, surely you realize that this will only increase the gossip about you two?
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jumperfkr
2011-06-03 11:13 pm (local) (link) We be trollin'. :D
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not_thatbill
2011-06-03 11:32 pm (local) (link) John, i thought these were just rumors
Are you two really fucking or what
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jumperfkr
2011-06-03 11:38 pm (local) (link) We're not, for the record.
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w_harry
2011-06-03 11:41 pm (local) (link) but you wish you were, admit itttttt
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jim_fromit
2011-06-03 11:42 pm (local) (link) Harry, please stop it.
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ssarah_s
2011-06-03 11:55 pm (local) (link) /WHEEZING
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jumperfkr ) wrote in shkinkmeme,
@ 2011-06-04 12:55:00
On RPF, BNFs, and the Filled Prompts List
My dears, did you think I would not notice the number of cons_detective /jumperfkr prompts and fills that have been cropping up? really, you ought to know better than that.
But you have chosen your pairing wisely; I've asked the boys, and they have been kind enough to give you permission to write about them. In fact, they've written some themselves.
This meme is not supposed to allow RPF, because of the consent issues which these may bring. But since no celebrities are being harmed in the writing of these fills, and our boys have given their full permission, the mods will - just this once! - permit it. This permission concerns cons_detective and jumperfkr alone, so no cheating on the rules, everyone!
Lastly, you may have noticed that the Filled Prompts List has reached the 10,000 comments limit. And this is very good! I am proud to present you with the Second Filled Prompts List. And, as promised, we have a Party Post to celebrate this new step, awaiting your gifs and macros and celebration cake. :)
Have fun, dears!
(56 comments) - (Post a new comment)
jumperfucker
Actions
22:11you: ... oh, come off it. nobody's really called sherlock holmes.22:11consulting.detective: And yet, I am. My parents had a very peculiar sense of humour.22:13you: do you have a brother
no hold on,
i don't think i want to know
you're getting really deep into the persona, then. deductions? really?22:15consulting.detective: It seemed like the right thing to do.
You are being very hypocritical, Doctor John Watson.22:15you: how
oh, god, of course you'd know, you would
but
that's different, though. my parents never read the books. the medicine, the army, it was a complete coincidence. i didn't even realize until i came home to london and read the stories again.
so is this, by the way. i mean, i'm called john watson, and i meet a sherlock holes?
*holmes
what are the odds?22:17consulting.detective: I should say seven thousand and one hundred and sixty-three to one against.22:18you: did you actually calculate that, or did you just guess?22:19consulting.detective: I never guess.22:19you: right, yes. you wouldn't.
oh my god, and you beta fic for people.
you're a consulting beta22:21consulting.detective: That's a lousy joke, John.22:21you: you are, though
oh, i bet your literary counterpart would have loved that.22:22consulting.detective: Considering the number of times he criticized the works of your literary counterpart, I should say so.
Not that I blame him. Your use of adjectives is horrid.22:23you: is this you offering to beta my fic?
in a very convoluted and awkward sort of way?22:24consulting.detective: Only if think you're able to take it.22:25you: right, yes. i do know that, actually.
well, Sarah and Mike would probably be delighted to get a breather, but
i don't know if it would be wise of me to say yes.
you would probably rip me apart.22:25consulting.detective: Frightened?22:27you: of you?22:21consulting.detective: Petty comebacks don't suit you, John.
You are not talking with anyone else. Yes, of me.22:28you: ... i don't know. i mean, i know you are good at what you do, but - I don't know.
you would probably change me forever. for better or for worse.
i don't know if i'd like that.22:29consulting.detective: I can take care of you.22:30you: are we still talking about fanfic?22:31consulting.detective: You tell me, John.
Pop-in
cute enough to shoot you down (jumperfkr) wrote,
@ 2011-06-07 18:48:00
Guess who I met on my way to Tesco's.
There was no trace of Tall, Pale and Gorgeous on the second day on the con, as most of you know - I've sure griped quite a lot about it afterwards - so apart from the faint hope of coming across him at another con some time, I wasn't actually planning on seeing him again. Turns out the man is a Londoner.
We were on either side of the street, so I'm pretty sure he didn't see me - even if he did, I hardly think he'd notice me, let alone recognize the short bloke in a jumper he's brushed past in a con, once. Ah well. He stalked past like a dark, long-limbed panther. It was very pretty.
And, you know. I've had a long day, I was tired, I was hungry, there was Top Gear on at eight. I'm not a creepy stalker, so I didn't follow him wherever the hell he was prowling to. But it was good to dream, for a while.
(38 comments) - (Post a new comment)
part v.