Home Sick
I miss New York.
I miss fall with its farmer's markets, crisp air, and cold days when you wear a t-shirt in a last-ditch attempt to hold on to that marvelous summer (with it's miserable heat that for some reason, you can't remember).
I miss walking to the farmer's market on that random Saturday morning when mom gave me money to get a cheese danish so she didn't have to go out. The leaves are all fabulous oranges and brown and dead in piles at my feet. The farmer's market is going strong but you don't know how many more weeks those guys are going to be out there before the winter comes so you want to try everything. The meat is fresh and free range. You know the farm where it comes from is somewhere close and has a name and that this meat hasn't been frozen and shipped out via plane who knows how many days ago. The apples and pears guy has a stall that smells so good. We buy apple cider there and it is crisp and refreshing but you have to drink it all before Wednesday or Thursday when it goes bad because if there's spoiled apple cider in the fridge mom isn't going to get more next Saturday. The bread guy is mediocre by New York standards, but he sells sour dough rosemary bread and is still a step up from most other bakeries. Nothing tops Sullivan Street bread.
I miss going to sleep with the window open feeling cold but nothing pulling my comforter out of the closet won't fix.
I miss thunder storms. When the rain is pouring down so fast on the way to school that everybody is soaked. Then I could ditch my sneakers under some radiator and run around bare foot all day. Going home and getting poked in the head by Morgan and Fio's umbrella--because it's a stupid idea to take the bus when it's raining (too many people). Once I got home I would put my clothes in the laundry and slip into pjs and watch tv or play on Larry all evening.
We don't have occasional thunder storms here. We have a rainy season that wets you slowly and your clothes never dry.
I miss Justin more than anything though. It's not just that he's my best friend, but he communicates with me in a way that only people from BHSEC can. We're the elite. Us BHSEC-ers. Everybody in that school had a common ground: education. You could talk with anybody about what you had just learned in class and that was cool. The coolest people where the people who made class more interesting.
I have a slightly over-bearing personality at times. If I have an intellectual thought I have to teach it to people. At BHSEC (and with Justin) it's like we're Socrates. Ancient Greeks sitting around being intellectual and getting each other on every level. Only Justin gets me here and for that I need him. Fuji got me too-in some ways. He understood the duality of my personality and matched himself perfectly to it.
I am sad. Josh just texted to apologize but it's probably too late. He can't cope with all my sides. I need somebody I can go dark with. I would wish that if Justin were here I could be balanced like I was last spring but I don't think he's coming back. I miss the happy equilibrium I had reached last spring in my depression.
A quote from Justin:
"We talk to each other like equals; but equals who recognize each other's differences and realize that there is stuff we can learn from each other because of those differences. But we can both hold our own in discussions and arguments because there's no feeling that one of us is inferior in terms of intelligence and logic."
I miss fall with its farmer's markets, crisp air, and cold days when you wear a t-shirt in a last-ditch attempt to hold on to that marvelous summer (with it's miserable heat that for some reason, you can't remember).
I miss walking to the farmer's market on that random Saturday morning when mom gave me money to get a cheese danish so she didn't have to go out. The leaves are all fabulous oranges and brown and dead in piles at my feet. The farmer's market is going strong but you don't know how many more weeks those guys are going to be out there before the winter comes so you want to try everything. The meat is fresh and free range. You know the farm where it comes from is somewhere close and has a name and that this meat hasn't been frozen and shipped out via plane who knows how many days ago. The apples and pears guy has a stall that smells so good. We buy apple cider there and it is crisp and refreshing but you have to drink it all before Wednesday or Thursday when it goes bad because if there's spoiled apple cider in the fridge mom isn't going to get more next Saturday. The bread guy is mediocre by New York standards, but he sells sour dough rosemary bread and is still a step up from most other bakeries. Nothing tops Sullivan Street bread.
I miss going to sleep with the window open feeling cold but nothing pulling my comforter out of the closet won't fix.
I miss thunder storms. When the rain is pouring down so fast on the way to school that everybody is soaked. Then I could ditch my sneakers under some radiator and run around bare foot all day. Going home and getting poked in the head by Morgan and Fio's umbrella--because it's a stupid idea to take the bus when it's raining (too many people). Once I got home I would put my clothes in the laundry and slip into pjs and watch tv or play on Larry all evening.
We don't have occasional thunder storms here. We have a rainy season that wets you slowly and your clothes never dry.
I miss Justin more than anything though. It's not just that he's my best friend, but he communicates with me in a way that only people from BHSEC can. We're the elite. Us BHSEC-ers. Everybody in that school had a common ground: education. You could talk with anybody about what you had just learned in class and that was cool. The coolest people where the people who made class more interesting.
I have a slightly over-bearing personality at times. If I have an intellectual thought I have to teach it to people. At BHSEC (and with Justin) it's like we're Socrates. Ancient Greeks sitting around being intellectual and getting each other on every level. Only Justin gets me here and for that I need him. Fuji got me too-in some ways. He understood the duality of my personality and matched himself perfectly to it.
I am sad. Josh just texted to apologize but it's probably too late. He can't cope with all my sides. I need somebody I can go dark with. I would wish that if Justin were here I could be balanced like I was last spring but I don't think he's coming back. I miss the happy equilibrium I had reached last spring in my depression.
A quote from Justin:
"We talk to each other like equals; but equals who recognize each other's differences and realize that there is stuff we can learn from each other because of those differences. But we can both hold our own in discussions and arguments because there's no feeling that one of us is inferior in terms of intelligence and logic."