Serving Suggestion
This fell out of my head and landed inside my computer this morning.
Title: Serving Suggestion
Words: 766
Characters: Kenny M. and Butters S.
VERY loosely based on an incident that took place at the author’s house a few hours before this was published; I play the part of Kenny (or maybe it’s the other way around and Kenny plays the part of me…) Idiotic crack oneshot.
Kenny and Butters each carried full armloads of plastic grocery bags from their truck into their kitchen and piled them onto the countertop, and while Butters set about putting everything away, Kenny went into the living room to check their voicemail. He listened to two messages (neither of which was the one they were waiting for, about a large pending business contract). As he turned to go help put away groceries, he heard an unexpected noise that took him a moment to identify as Butters laughing hysterically.
Kenny grinned and walked back into the kitchen. Butters was leaning over the counter on his elbows holding a small box against his forehead, his eyes pinched shut and his shoulders quaking with mirth. His happy laughter filled the room.
"What is it now?" Kenny asked, sidling up next to him, his infectious hilarity already affecting him as well.
"This!" Butters shoved the little box he was holding into Kenny's hands. It was an ordinary box of macaroni and cheese, a picture of a spoon holding some of the creamy yellow curly side dish on the orange and white cardboard. Butters looked at Kenny with a mock-serious expression for a moment before doubling over laughing again.
Kenny was fighting hard not to laugh as well. "Ohh…kay." He shook his head. "Er…but what brought about this extreme reaction?"
Butters pulled himself together for a moment to say. "Read what it says underneath the picture."
Kenny turned back to the box as Butters fell against him, almost knocking it out of his hand into the stainless steel sink. He countered Butters' push just enough to keep upright and read aloud, "Cheddar cheese…macaroni and cheese dinner…seven point two five ounces…enlarged to show texture." He came to the last line, and the last two words, and said, "Oh…"
Butters started laughing even harder as Kenny read aloud the two words that were the source of Butters' meltdown: "Serving suggestion."
"Their brilliant idea is that you eat it with a spoon, Kenny!" Butters cried before dissolving into complete hysteria. Kenny lost it as well, dropping the box onto the counter where it fell with a sound like a box full of tiny ball bearings.
Butters pulled himself together again. "I keep seeing the same serving suggestion thing on boxes of cereal, where they show a picture of a bowl of Fruit Loops or something in milk; or a can of tomato soup in a bowl with a spoon next to it…this one just struck me extra funny I guess, but, I mean, how the fuck else are you supposed to eat these things?"
It was Kenny's turn to compose himself for a moment. He grinned lecherously at Butters and said, "Well, I can think of at least one place I'd like to eat macaroni and cheese from besides a spoon."
"Yeah." Butters face got very serious. "But they couldn't very well show that on the outside of the box!"
That did it. Kenny tipped his head back and howled laughter at the ceiling before his legs gave out and he collapsed on their kitchen floor. Butters sat down next to him and they clung to each other until their hysteria finally played itself out long minutes later.
"Jesus jump roping Christ, Butters," Kenny finally managed to say, turning around to pull Butters tighter against him and lean his shoulders against their dishwasher. "Putting groceries away has never been quite this interesting before."
"This makes me think, Kenny," Butters said, still trying to pretend he was being serious. "We should go online…and if no one else has done it yet, we should look around for a picture of someone holding a bottle of Jose Cuervo or Jack Daniels or something, passed out in the middle of the street face down in a puddle of their own puke, and put the words 'serving suggestion' underneath it…"
That led to two more minutes of hysteria before they finally collapsed against each other, their ribs aching too much to laugh anymore. By then, Butters had his head resting on his favorite part of Kenny's chest while Kenny squirmed around trying to get comfortable on the linoleum floor.
"I love you, Butters," Kenny whispered, and their arms tightened around each other even more. When they looked back on this the next morning, they realized it was the funniest and most romantic moment they'd ever had together in the house they'd been sharing for the last fifteen years. "You're funny, dude!"
Butters kissed him hard against the corner of his mouth and grinned. "I love you too, Kenny."
THE END
Title: Serving Suggestion
Words: 766
Characters: Kenny M. and Butters S.
VERY loosely based on an incident that took place at the author’s house a few hours before this was published; I play the part of Kenny (or maybe it’s the other way around and Kenny plays the part of me…) Idiotic crack oneshot.
Kenny and Butters each carried full armloads of plastic grocery bags from their truck into their kitchen and piled them onto the countertop, and while Butters set about putting everything away, Kenny went into the living room to check their voicemail. He listened to two messages (neither of which was the one they were waiting for, about a large pending business contract). As he turned to go help put away groceries, he heard an unexpected noise that took him a moment to identify as Butters laughing hysterically.
Kenny grinned and walked back into the kitchen. Butters was leaning over the counter on his elbows holding a small box against his forehead, his eyes pinched shut and his shoulders quaking with mirth. His happy laughter filled the room.
"What is it now?" Kenny asked, sidling up next to him, his infectious hilarity already affecting him as well.
"This!" Butters shoved the little box he was holding into Kenny's hands. It was an ordinary box of macaroni and cheese, a picture of a spoon holding some of the creamy yellow curly side dish on the orange and white cardboard. Butters looked at Kenny with a mock-serious expression for a moment before doubling over laughing again.
Kenny was fighting hard not to laugh as well. "Ohh…kay." He shook his head. "Er…but what brought about this extreme reaction?"
Butters pulled himself together for a moment to say. "Read what it says underneath the picture."
Kenny turned back to the box as Butters fell against him, almost knocking it out of his hand into the stainless steel sink. He countered Butters' push just enough to keep upright and read aloud, "Cheddar cheese…macaroni and cheese dinner…seven point two five ounces…enlarged to show texture." He came to the last line, and the last two words, and said, "Oh…"
Butters started laughing even harder as Kenny read aloud the two words that were the source of Butters' meltdown: "Serving suggestion."
"Their brilliant idea is that you eat it with a spoon, Kenny!" Butters cried before dissolving into complete hysteria. Kenny lost it as well, dropping the box onto the counter where it fell with a sound like a box full of tiny ball bearings.
Butters pulled himself together again. "I keep seeing the same serving suggestion thing on boxes of cereal, where they show a picture of a bowl of Fruit Loops or something in milk; or a can of tomato soup in a bowl with a spoon next to it…this one just struck me extra funny I guess, but, I mean, how the fuck else are you supposed to eat these things?"
It was Kenny's turn to compose himself for a moment. He grinned lecherously at Butters and said, "Well, I can think of at least one place I'd like to eat macaroni and cheese from besides a spoon."
"Yeah." Butters face got very serious. "But they couldn't very well show that on the outside of the box!"
That did it. Kenny tipped his head back and howled laughter at the ceiling before his legs gave out and he collapsed on their kitchen floor. Butters sat down next to him and they clung to each other until their hysteria finally played itself out long minutes later.
"Jesus jump roping Christ, Butters," Kenny finally managed to say, turning around to pull Butters tighter against him and lean his shoulders against their dishwasher. "Putting groceries away has never been quite this interesting before."
"This makes me think, Kenny," Butters said, still trying to pretend he was being serious. "We should go online…and if no one else has done it yet, we should look around for a picture of someone holding a bottle of Jose Cuervo or Jack Daniels or something, passed out in the middle of the street face down in a puddle of their own puke, and put the words 'serving suggestion' underneath it…"
That led to two more minutes of hysteria before they finally collapsed against each other, their ribs aching too much to laugh anymore. By then, Butters had his head resting on his favorite part of Kenny's chest while Kenny squirmed around trying to get comfortable on the linoleum floor.
"I love you, Butters," Kenny whispered, and their arms tightened around each other even more. When they looked back on this the next morning, they realized it was the funniest and most romantic moment they'd ever had together in the house they'd been sharing for the last fifteen years. "You're funny, dude!"
Butters kissed him hard against the corner of his mouth and grinned. "I love you too, Kenny."
THE END