This Week: The War Agaisnt My Anxiety.
I am not sure where it started this bad. While, I kinda did. My depression and anxiety from being unemployed for so long has slowly been building up (if you havn't noticed), and my OCD has been rather affected by it, creating more compulsions, more intrusive thoughts or feelings, then usual, which in turn just turned into more depression and anxiety (the deadly circle). I been trying so so hard not to take one of my anxiety pills that your only suppose to take when you really need it, because I only have so few of them left (I never get many from the doctor at once cause apparently they can be addictive), but maybe I should after all.
All week it's just been panic and anxiety attacks, my ocd giving me horrible thoughts that can bring me to tears, usually over my self or about things and people I hold really close and love, and almost shredding my train of thought of reality.
It's a good thing I know how to control it most of the time, when to tell myself to stop.
I am just tired, especially at night, of getting the anxiety and depression feeling, always feeling like I am going to cry, and the ocd and the false thoughts and feelings and compulsions it brings. I don't think it's been this bad since..well..two years, since the last time I was trying to find work.
And all these worries..about finding jobs..and were we'll move to once March rolls around, IF we move, and money and just..I don't know.. all this stress and it's just getting to me in bad ways lately and I just felt like writing it here cause..ranting helps..
But I never have felt so down about myself, at least not since I was young. I just feel horrible about myself, how I look, and things like that. Thanks to my ocd I question things I shouldn't or don't need too, cause I know the truth or answer, but then I just feel worse cause it was my ocd, and my anxiety goes up. I haven't been getting good sleep.
I am just a walking disaster this week..
I think I should get back into writing though, it seems to help, I just wish plot progress on my books would go faster..
Going to try on focusing on good things, hopefully that will take care of all this, good things, tea, and getting to see my favorite band in three days with the love of my life. Yeah! <3 That's going to be great. :)
Hope everyone else is having a nice and safe night/day.