Calling in the Flock

[falwellfriends]

I know it's been a long time since you've been called home. It's time children to rejoin the worship of our Lord and Saviour

Comments

[sarahkitty]

Oh no! God is angered at me! What shall I do?

You must help me, falwellfriends! You must help me cleanse myself of this unworthy, unclean behavior.

What should I do? I tried showering, but that becomes enjoyable too! I think about Harry Potter all the time! And when I'm in the shower, well, I can't help but think about his dark hair, his green eyes, his pale skin, and his fuzz as he nuzzles against me and kisses my neck...oh, it's so good, er bad. Should I go without showering? You must help me.

*bites nails in fear of God being angered by her* You know, if he's angered at me for my showering routines, it must be really bad, given that it's focused on me and not on all those people killing one another.

[falwellfriends]

I am so glad you came to me with this my child. Showering is indeed a cesspool for sinfulness. You must cease this act of rubbing and carressing yourself while thinking of little boys!

The only way to save you from the devil is to have a man of the cloth wash you and cleanse your soul.

[lonestarkate]

Okay, which of the fen are you?

You are the best sockpuppet EVAR.

(Okay, well, you aren't as good as evilsockpuppet, but he's in a class by himself.)

[falwellfriends]

fen? We at Falwellfriends do not align ourselves with anything but Our Lord and Saviour and of course Jerry.

You are in need of saving so I have added you to the flock of Falwellfriends.

Repent Evil Doer!

[tatooine]

Help me, falwellfriends! I One of my friends loves the Harry Potter books -- and not only does he love those devilish works, he enjoys envisioning Harry Potter characters of the same gender getting it on! Will burning his copy of the books be enough to cure the mischief, or is a full exorcism required?

[falwellfriends]

My first thought was that the only way to cure such deviant behaviour is to burn all books and castration, but I have received counsel from Jesus and he advised against that.

Jesus says that you must burn your books, magazines, and dirty videos in addition to any printed copies of your work. Once that is done you must watch the inspirational Liberty channel http://liberty-channel.tv/Program_Info.html nonstop.

Remember with Jesus and Jerry you can be saved.

[tatooine]

I'm not sure. Mightn't the Liberty Channel deliver too much of a shock to smut-writing athiests? I mean, they might drop down dead without ever really accepting Jerry Jesus into their hearts!

(Also, do the printed copies have to be burned, or can I put them through a shredder? Fire ordinances here are pretty harsh.)

[falwellfriends]

I find that burning things exercises more demons, but if you must shred them that's ok.

Jerry says that if the Liberty channel causes someone to drop dead that they are beyond saving. So, it is better that they drop dead.

If you are unable to save this friend you should distance yourself from them. God will be striking them down soon.

[miladyhawke]

Won't somebody think of the Lord of the Rings Fandom? We write slash too. And have a particular fetish for sib and twincest. Oh yes, and interspecies slash, especially when it comes to those kinky, debauched, over-sexed little elves with their sweet, sweet asses. *points to icon*

Somebody had to say it ;)

[falwellfriends]

I have faith that the good word will spread to other fandoms.

You can heal yourself by being a servant of Our Lord and Saviour and of course Jerry. Spread the word. Stop your descent into Hell before it's too late.

[tatooine]

Do I have to be a servant of Jerry and Jesus to be saved? Or can I get away with just Jesus or just Jerry? Because this Jerry guy seems pretty spiffy.

[falwellfriends]

If you are a servant of Jerry you are a servant of Jesus as well.

[mochibuni]

Yeah...I know what you do on Saturday nights...

I've seen you on the street corners downtown looking for little Harry Potter look-a-likes.

DON'T DENY THE URGES!

falwellfriendsxHarry Potter

Yummy.

[falwellfriends]

You speak with the voice of the devil!

[anonymous]

I talked to god last night and he told me he doesn't like you.

[falwellfriends]

I just spoke to him. He says you are a filthy sinner and are in need of my help. Tell me who you are mousy as God thought I should find out on my own. Sort of a test of my will.