Challenge #1 -- Entry 12
Title: Hit
Pairing: Jonghyun/Key
Rating: PG
Summary: When I was hit by that car, my brain couldn’t process anything. What came afterwards threw my life into a hurricane of chaos and strange peace.
Song(s) used for inspiration: Eternal Morning: Tablo + Pe2ny - White
When I was hit by that car, my brain couldn’t process everything. I couldn’t tell what had just happened and I couldn’t hear anything. I couldn’t see anything for the longest time either. The only that I realized was that there was an intense pain spreading through my whole body. I wanted to scream. But with the wind knocked out of me, I had no air to scream with.
After the brief second of seeing only black, my sight returned and I hit the ground hard. The breath suddenly tried to force its way back into my lungs so fast it hurt. I was cold and then warm at the same time and shivered uncontrollably like I had a fever. I coughed on something and felt a liquid dribble down the side of my face. It was warm.
I heard my name called but never saw anyone. I heard screams and gasps from somewhere. Then I heard someone crying. The sound was close by.
I blacked out before I could force myself to understand.
------------------------------
I woke up staring at a white wall. Or was that the ceiling? I couldn’t feel my body for another moment. When the feeling came, I wished it hadn’t. I hurt everywhere. I felt like all my bones were broken, moving around, and I had no pain medication in me. The tears fell from my eyes and I whimpered pitifully.
“Kibum?” called someone’s worried voice. It was the first sound I registered since I opened my eyes. I then became aware of more sounds: the steady beeping of a heart monitor, breathing, distant discussions, and crying.
I tried to turn my head to look at the person who had called me. As soon as I moved so much as an inch, pain shot through my head and down my neck. I almost screamed. It hurt so much it was almost unbearable.
“Kibum!” called the voice. Then I saw a figure leaning over me; a mop of dyed brown hair and nervous mocha brown eyes. “Don’t move.” he ordered. “You were hit by a car. You shouldn’t try to move for a while.”
“A…car…?” I whispered. But I didn’t really understand. How was I hit? “Jinki…” My head hurt like hell and all the sounds around me seemed to slowly get louder and louder as time wore on. The crying was the worst of all the sounds. “Make it stop.” I whined weakly as I automatically brought my hand to my head. It hurt. I whimpered.
“I told you not to move!” Jinki said with deeper concern as he forced my arm to my side again. “I’ll call the doctor and tell him you’re awake.” I tried to stare after him, but I was afraid of the pain in my head hitting me again. Before I heard the door shut, Jinki said, “I’ll try to get him to stop crying, but he hasn’t stopped since he hit you.”
------------------------------
I managed to fall asleep again somehow after the doctor checked up on me. I heard Jinki trying to talk to the crying person, but all he got were scrambled sentences and more crying. He never left either. It had been a few days already and the crying was always heard no matter what time of day it was. I heard him crying at night as well. One night, I had finally had enough.
“Will you shut up!”
The crying stopped almost immediately. I sighed in relief and laid my head back on the stiff hospital pillow. Moving was getting easier every day, but the doctors and nurses still wouldn’t allow me to get up out of bed. They didn’t say why.
I heard someone walk into my room. I didn’t bother looking. I wanted to pretend I was asleep so they would leave me alone. But the person came up to my side and didn’t leave.
“I know you’re awake.” came a broken voice. “You yelled at me a second ago.”
I opened my eyes because of curiosity. Who was the person that had hit me with his car? Was there a reason he had hit me? Was he drunk while driving? And for me, the most important question of all: why was he still here?
My eyes were met with a face stained with tears and dyed blonde hair that was tangled from fingers curling in the locks too many times. The eyes were saddened beyond anything I had ever seen before and he looked like there was something he wanted to say but didn’t have the courage to follow through with it.
“I’m sorry.” he whispered to me. “I’m so, so, so sorry.” Tears began flowing from his eyes again, but I did not know what to do for him. If he was drunk when he hit me, it was definitely his fault and at that point, I wouldn’t have been able to forgive him. He continued his apology by saying, “I didn’t mean to hit you.” The tears were coming faster now. “Never in my life had I imagined the guilt that comes with hurting someone the way I’ve hurt you. I’ve taken so much from you now…”
That last bit puzzled me. “What have you taken from me?” I asked. “I’m alive. And unless you put a gun to my head, I won’t die by your hand.”
The blonde just stood there staring at me with an uncomprehending frown. “They haven’t told you?” A chill ran down my spine at those words. I didn’t know why, but I knew something was coming that I wasn’t, and never will be, prepared for. He continued to speak. “How much have you felt in your legs the past few days?”
It was then I realized that I hadn’t. I hurt all over, but I guess not entirely. That was why the doctors told me to stay in bed. I couldn’t walk even if I wanted to.
“Please, I swear if I could go back and try again, I’d-”
“You’d what?” I demanded. My rage boiled over. “You wouldn’t drink before you drive?”
“I wasn’t drunk!” he defended himself. “I-”
“Get out!” I demanded. “Get out! Get out! Get out!” My own tears were falling as much as his were. I definitely couldn’t forgive him now. Never. Never ever.
------------------------------
“His name is Jonghyun. He is nineteen years old. He loves to sing and loves to write music. He feels increasingly guilty about hitting you. He-”
“Jinki, I don’t want to hear it.”
“You have to! There’s something you don’t know about him!”
“I don’t need to know anything about him to know he’s the stupid driver who took my legs away.”
“Did you even talk to the doctors?” demanded Jinki. “Yes, right now you’re crippled. But there’s a chance for you to walk again if you put the effort into it.”
“But did you hear the chances?” I asked. “Five percent. A lousy stinking five percent. Do you know how hard it is to be motivated when the chances of success are that low?”
“But -”
“Just leave me alone!” That was the first time I ever really yelled at my best friend. It was also the first time he really walked out on me.
------------------------------
The doctors had me getting into a wheelchair after a few weeks. Jonghyun was still around every single day and cried without fail. He tried to talk to me multiple times, but I would always ignore him. I knew he was just going to ask for the same thing as he always did: forgiveness.
A few times when Jinki was pushing me around, he tried to force me to stop and talk to Jonghyun. I just twisted in my chair to slap his hands away from the handles before propelling myself forward on my own. He was always angry at me later.
I didn’t go into physical therapy. I was too scared.
One night I just laid awake in my hospital bed and stared at the white walls and ceiling. I cried. In the first few days, everything had changed. In the past few weeks, I had begun to change. I didn’t like it. I hated it. I didn’t want to change, but I was changing anyway.
I heard the door open quietly. I didn’t bother closing my eyes, it was dark anyway. I thought it was just a doctor doing a quick check to see if I was doing alright. But I was wrong. You know how when even in the dark, you can see things that are really bright? I could see a head of blonde hair come closer in the dark. It was Jonghyun.
I didn’t do anything. If I wasn’t pretending to be asleep, I would have told him to get lost at least a dozen times by that time. But what was he doing in my room this time?
He kneeled down next to my bed and I saw an outline of a hand reach for the lamp, so I closed my eyes quickly. I heard it click on and then I felt a warm hand on my face. I heard quiet, constant apologies and soft sobs. The warm hand didn’t leave my face for what felt like an eternity. What came next almost scared me enough to reveal that I wasn’t sleeping at all.
Jonghyun placed his soft lips on mine and just stayed there for a while. He was still crying. My face was becoming wetter and wetter with his tears the longer he stayed there. I don’t know what took me so long to react, but after about half a minute, I jerked away and pushed him off of me.
“What the hell!” I yelled as I sat up and wiped my mouth. Jonghyun fell backwards on his butt and just stared at me with still more hurt in his eyes. When he saw me wiping away his kiss, he stared at the ground in embarrassment. “Seriously, what is wrong with you?” I demanded.
“Whatever’s wrong with me will be fixed if you forgive me and work on walking again.” muttered Jonghyun. But I heard it.
I scoffed. “If you’re so sorry about what you’ve done to me then you wouldn’t have drank and driven.” I said as I crossed my arms over my chest. Before I knew it, my head was slammed back down onto the stiff fabric and my hands were secured over my head while a hand was placed over my mouth. It was like being in an accident all over again; I was one place, then another.
“If this is the only way I’m going to get you to listen to me then so be it.” Jonghyun sobbed. I couldn’t do anything. My legs barely had any feeling in them at all, so I couldn’t kick and my arms were above my head. He had me completely pinned down. “I was not drunk! I was avoiding another car. I swerved to avoid a car that wasn’t where it was supposed to be. When I corrected myself, you appeared in the road. I tried to stop! God knows I did! And I’m sorry you’re suffering because of me, but I’m hurting too! I feel so guilty that it’s unbearable.
“I’ve see that moment of hitting you replay in my head like a broken record since a few weeks ago when it happened.” He was hysterical at this point. “I began crying when I realized what I had done. I couldn’t even let go of the steering wheel. When the medics told me you were still alive, I thanked God and all the other gods in existence that that was at least true.” He paused.
“Then I looked over at your body on the pavement, and even through the cuts and blood and the strange ways your arms and legs were positioned, I fell in love with you. First sight. No shit.” He laughed a little at that through his tears. “When you first spoke to me, you didn’t even seem to mind very much that I had hit you. When I told you that you probably wouldn’t be able to walk is when you started hating me.
“Please forgive me.” Jonghyun begged as he began to let go of me. “I don’t care if you don’t love me back, just forgive me. Please.”
I took in everything he had said and just watched as he once again reduced himself to a puddle. I was starting to cry as well. Without realizing it, I automatically reached out and brought his head to my shoulder. He continued to cry there and I just held onto him the whole time. His sobs quieted as time went on and so did mine. He fell asleep with tears still rolling down his cheeks.
Maybe change wasn’t so bad, or maybe I really wasn’t changing, I was just confused. Maybe I did love him like he loved me. I looked at him and mumbled, “Maybe I can forgive him…just this once.”
Just once. If he ever runs me over again, he’s so dead. And so am I.
Perfect.
Pairing: Jonghyun/Key
Rating: PG
Summary: When I was hit by that car, my brain couldn’t process anything. What came afterwards threw my life into a hurricane of chaos and strange peace.
Song(s) used for inspiration: Eternal Morning: Tablo + Pe2ny - White
When I was hit by that car, my brain couldn’t process everything. I couldn’t tell what had just happened and I couldn’t hear anything. I couldn’t see anything for the longest time either. The only that I realized was that there was an intense pain spreading through my whole body. I wanted to scream. But with the wind knocked out of me, I had no air to scream with.
After the brief second of seeing only black, my sight returned and I hit the ground hard. The breath suddenly tried to force its way back into my lungs so fast it hurt. I was cold and then warm at the same time and shivered uncontrollably like I had a fever. I coughed on something and felt a liquid dribble down the side of my face. It was warm.
I heard my name called but never saw anyone. I heard screams and gasps from somewhere. Then I heard someone crying. The sound was close by.
I blacked out before I could force myself to understand.
------------------------------
I woke up staring at a white wall. Or was that the ceiling? I couldn’t feel my body for another moment. When the feeling came, I wished it hadn’t. I hurt everywhere. I felt like all my bones were broken, moving around, and I had no pain medication in me. The tears fell from my eyes and I whimpered pitifully.
“Kibum?” called someone’s worried voice. It was the first sound I registered since I opened my eyes. I then became aware of more sounds: the steady beeping of a heart monitor, breathing, distant discussions, and crying.
I tried to turn my head to look at the person who had called me. As soon as I moved so much as an inch, pain shot through my head and down my neck. I almost screamed. It hurt so much it was almost unbearable.
“Kibum!” called the voice. Then I saw a figure leaning over me; a mop of dyed brown hair and nervous mocha brown eyes. “Don’t move.” he ordered. “You were hit by a car. You shouldn’t try to move for a while.”
“A…car…?” I whispered. But I didn’t really understand. How was I hit? “Jinki…” My head hurt like hell and all the sounds around me seemed to slowly get louder and louder as time wore on. The crying was the worst of all the sounds. “Make it stop.” I whined weakly as I automatically brought my hand to my head. It hurt. I whimpered.
“I told you not to move!” Jinki said with deeper concern as he forced my arm to my side again. “I’ll call the doctor and tell him you’re awake.” I tried to stare after him, but I was afraid of the pain in my head hitting me again. Before I heard the door shut, Jinki said, “I’ll try to get him to stop crying, but he hasn’t stopped since he hit you.”
------------------------------
I managed to fall asleep again somehow after the doctor checked up on me. I heard Jinki trying to talk to the crying person, but all he got were scrambled sentences and more crying. He never left either. It had been a few days already and the crying was always heard no matter what time of day it was. I heard him crying at night as well. One night, I had finally had enough.
“Will you shut up!”
The crying stopped almost immediately. I sighed in relief and laid my head back on the stiff hospital pillow. Moving was getting easier every day, but the doctors and nurses still wouldn’t allow me to get up out of bed. They didn’t say why.
I heard someone walk into my room. I didn’t bother looking. I wanted to pretend I was asleep so they would leave me alone. But the person came up to my side and didn’t leave.
“I know you’re awake.” came a broken voice. “You yelled at me a second ago.”
I opened my eyes because of curiosity. Who was the person that had hit me with his car? Was there a reason he had hit me? Was he drunk while driving? And for me, the most important question of all: why was he still here?
My eyes were met with a face stained with tears and dyed blonde hair that was tangled from fingers curling in the locks too many times. The eyes were saddened beyond anything I had ever seen before and he looked like there was something he wanted to say but didn’t have the courage to follow through with it.
“I’m sorry.” he whispered to me. “I’m so, so, so sorry.” Tears began flowing from his eyes again, but I did not know what to do for him. If he was drunk when he hit me, it was definitely his fault and at that point, I wouldn’t have been able to forgive him. He continued his apology by saying, “I didn’t mean to hit you.” The tears were coming faster now. “Never in my life had I imagined the guilt that comes with hurting someone the way I’ve hurt you. I’ve taken so much from you now…”
That last bit puzzled me. “What have you taken from me?” I asked. “I’m alive. And unless you put a gun to my head, I won’t die by your hand.”
The blonde just stood there staring at me with an uncomprehending frown. “They haven’t told you?” A chill ran down my spine at those words. I didn’t know why, but I knew something was coming that I wasn’t, and never will be, prepared for. He continued to speak. “How much have you felt in your legs the past few days?”
It was then I realized that I hadn’t. I hurt all over, but I guess not entirely. That was why the doctors told me to stay in bed. I couldn’t walk even if I wanted to.
“Please, I swear if I could go back and try again, I’d-”
“You’d what?” I demanded. My rage boiled over. “You wouldn’t drink before you drive?”
“I wasn’t drunk!” he defended himself. “I-”
“Get out!” I demanded. “Get out! Get out! Get out!” My own tears were falling as much as his were. I definitely couldn’t forgive him now. Never. Never ever.
------------------------------
“His name is Jonghyun. He is nineteen years old. He loves to sing and loves to write music. He feels increasingly guilty about hitting you. He-”
“Jinki, I don’t want to hear it.”
“You have to! There’s something you don’t know about him!”
“I don’t need to know anything about him to know he’s the stupid driver who took my legs away.”
“Did you even talk to the doctors?” demanded Jinki. “Yes, right now you’re crippled. But there’s a chance for you to walk again if you put the effort into it.”
“But did you hear the chances?” I asked. “Five percent. A lousy stinking five percent. Do you know how hard it is to be motivated when the chances of success are that low?”
“But -”
“Just leave me alone!” That was the first time I ever really yelled at my best friend. It was also the first time he really walked out on me.
------------------------------
The doctors had me getting into a wheelchair after a few weeks. Jonghyun was still around every single day and cried without fail. He tried to talk to me multiple times, but I would always ignore him. I knew he was just going to ask for the same thing as he always did: forgiveness.
A few times when Jinki was pushing me around, he tried to force me to stop and talk to Jonghyun. I just twisted in my chair to slap his hands away from the handles before propelling myself forward on my own. He was always angry at me later.
I didn’t go into physical therapy. I was too scared.
One night I just laid awake in my hospital bed and stared at the white walls and ceiling. I cried. In the first few days, everything had changed. In the past few weeks, I had begun to change. I didn’t like it. I hated it. I didn’t want to change, but I was changing anyway.
I heard the door open quietly. I didn’t bother closing my eyes, it was dark anyway. I thought it was just a doctor doing a quick check to see if I was doing alright. But I was wrong. You know how when even in the dark, you can see things that are really bright? I could see a head of blonde hair come closer in the dark. It was Jonghyun.
I didn’t do anything. If I wasn’t pretending to be asleep, I would have told him to get lost at least a dozen times by that time. But what was he doing in my room this time?
He kneeled down next to my bed and I saw an outline of a hand reach for the lamp, so I closed my eyes quickly. I heard it click on and then I felt a warm hand on my face. I heard quiet, constant apologies and soft sobs. The warm hand didn’t leave my face for what felt like an eternity. What came next almost scared me enough to reveal that I wasn’t sleeping at all.
Jonghyun placed his soft lips on mine and just stayed there for a while. He was still crying. My face was becoming wetter and wetter with his tears the longer he stayed there. I don’t know what took me so long to react, but after about half a minute, I jerked away and pushed him off of me.
“What the hell!” I yelled as I sat up and wiped my mouth. Jonghyun fell backwards on his butt and just stared at me with still more hurt in his eyes. When he saw me wiping away his kiss, he stared at the ground in embarrassment. “Seriously, what is wrong with you?” I demanded.
“Whatever’s wrong with me will be fixed if you forgive me and work on walking again.” muttered Jonghyun. But I heard it.
I scoffed. “If you’re so sorry about what you’ve done to me then you wouldn’t have drank and driven.” I said as I crossed my arms over my chest. Before I knew it, my head was slammed back down onto the stiff fabric and my hands were secured over my head while a hand was placed over my mouth. It was like being in an accident all over again; I was one place, then another.
“If this is the only way I’m going to get you to listen to me then so be it.” Jonghyun sobbed. I couldn’t do anything. My legs barely had any feeling in them at all, so I couldn’t kick and my arms were above my head. He had me completely pinned down. “I was not drunk! I was avoiding another car. I swerved to avoid a car that wasn’t where it was supposed to be. When I corrected myself, you appeared in the road. I tried to stop! God knows I did! And I’m sorry you’re suffering because of me, but I’m hurting too! I feel so guilty that it’s unbearable.
“I’ve see that moment of hitting you replay in my head like a broken record since a few weeks ago when it happened.” He was hysterical at this point. “I began crying when I realized what I had done. I couldn’t even let go of the steering wheel. When the medics told me you were still alive, I thanked God and all the other gods in existence that that was at least true.” He paused.
“Then I looked over at your body on the pavement, and even through the cuts and blood and the strange ways your arms and legs were positioned, I fell in love with you. First sight. No shit.” He laughed a little at that through his tears. “When you first spoke to me, you didn’t even seem to mind very much that I had hit you. When I told you that you probably wouldn’t be able to walk is when you started hating me.
“Please forgive me.” Jonghyun begged as he began to let go of me. “I don’t care if you don’t love me back, just forgive me. Please.”
I took in everything he had said and just watched as he once again reduced himself to a puddle. I was starting to cry as well. Without realizing it, I automatically reached out and brought his head to my shoulder. He continued to cry there and I just held onto him the whole time. His sobs quieted as time went on and so did mine. He fell asleep with tears still rolling down his cheeks.
Maybe change wasn’t so bad, or maybe I really wasn’t changing, I was just confused. Maybe I did love him like he loved me. I looked at him and mumbled, “Maybe I can forgive him…just this once.”
Just once. If he ever runs me over again, he’s so dead. And so am I.
Perfect.