[Fic] Past Midnight
Past Midnight
Oppa, you are still on?
It’s late. You should sleep now.
Why aren’t you?
Sleep early, please. Good night.
The clock ticks silently on the wall and the old-fashioned, black hand points to a number past midnight. Yunho sits in front of his laptop contemplatively, his thoughts roaming like a lone train as his eyes remains transfixed on the flickering screen.
It’s the seventh night into official Spring and warmth is just starting to bud in the cool night air. The window to the patio stood wide open, sending in vivid chill into the hollow room and Yunho can see the silvery moon lighting up the entire night sky.
Silence sits him still under the shadowy cloak of the night and Yunho rests his half-sweaty palm onto his crossed legs, his fingers trembling atop his knee. It’s the first time in a couple years that he’s been ever offered a complete night of eight-hours sleep. The privilege is so unusual and overwhelming that he is almost unsteadied by the grant. And on that one special night, he can’t seem to put himself to sleep.
Maybe it’s the surreal atmosphere that’s keeping him up-with the silhouette of the trees wavering in a haze of moonlight, as if the whole world is enveloped under a mysterious wing and will be swallowed into an unknown dimension any second. He feels like he’s sitting in the midst of another world.
Or maybe it’s fear that urged him to stay awake, knowing that this will possibly be the last night where he’ll be sitting-existing-under the same roof as the other four companions, who walked miles on a difficult road by his shoulders. Unknowing what catastrophe may be brought upon the vulnerable five tomorrow, he shudders at his own imagery.
Will they be walking onto seperate directions of the forked road? Will they still remember each other as life drags on? Will they still remember their undeniable bond that has once existed as a legend?
The answers used to be so sure in his mind perhaps months before, when they used to share paper-cup, convenient store ramen together watching late-night reruns of soccer games, when they used to laugh on for hours about a silly fan mail or a green spinach stuck to the teeth...But not now. Not when the two passes by the three without even a proper “hi”, not when the gap between their usual stand remains so visible on national TV for the world to see, not when their pain is so deep that they’ve been etched to their faces...
Not now. Not now.
Or perhaps it’s guilt that’s strangling him by his dry, scorching throat-Man, how he so desperately needs a cup of Jaejoong’s refreshing lemon punch right now. She has told him many times in the past to hold the group together no matter what, she has reminded him to stay strong under all circumstances and held five different pairs of hands in hers to keep the faith standing like an iron wall. She has tried to save them and reverse their fate for so many times...But in the end he fails to keep his promises-their promises-to her.
But it wasn’t his fault, he assures himself in his head with a balled fist, he wants to stay right here with the time stopped right at this moment, just like the rest of the world.
So it wasn’t his fault, right?
He unconsciously tilts his head to catch a glimpse of the clock-The midnight hour’s almost over. The cream-colored clock dial seems to be so blinding in the dim light, that Yunho quickly raised his hand and whipped a shoe at it, hoping to destroy the movement of time.
Tick tock, tick tock.
The clock continued to patter its way towards the morning hours perfectly. Only six more hours, before the sun rises and the world will tumble down upon his defenseless shoulders.
Stop the time...God, what he won’t give now to delay the cruelty of time for just a little while.
He loves where he’s sitting now-in this familiar, cramped condominium, where the kitchen constantly smells like Jaejoong’s delicious cooking, the closet smells like Yoochun’s mothballs hidden in the corner, the bathroom smells like Junsu’s Ivory soap and the bedroom pillows smells like Changmin’s Colgate-scented drool. And maybe, even if Yunho knows well in his heart that he won’t be stuck in the same space forever, he wants to at least stay for now. Not just until dawn, but a while, a longer while.
Tick tock, tick tock.
Stop, please...Yunho clasps onto his own roots in frustration and in panic. Tugging at it frantically, he doesn’t know what other ways there are to release the sheer pain that’s thrashing against his insides violently, knowing that he’s growing nearer and nearer to tomorrow morning’s court session...
...That can possibly shatter the five with one, easy blow.
“Yunho-ah...” A taut shadow draped over him, and Yunho raises his head up to scrutinize the familiar profile he’s known for almost a quarter of his life. Jaejoong stood in front of him, his pillow clutched closed to his chest as he sits down beside him gingerly. “I can’t sleep.”
“Jaejoong-ah...” Yunho looks over to his best friend of the same age, his marble skin glimmering under the twinkles of the night. It’s the first time they have properly sat beside each other and talked, but neither Yunho or Jaejoong can seem to do so. There are so many words boiling up in both their throats, but either seems to have lost the ability to make their choice. Jaejoong glances at Yunho coyly one more time and watches the words fall out of his quivering lips. “I’m scared.”
“Me, too.” He nods almost immediately, finding himself in a trance as he gazes up at the starry sky, “Never have been more in my life.”
The two friends stay side by side in a short reticence, enjoying the comfortable silence that lingered. After a pause, Yunho finds himself looking, and Jaejoong looking right back in coincidental sync. “I’m sorry, Jaejoong, for not standing by your side.”
“That’s okay.” Jaejoong stays genuine. “Doesn’t mean we aren’t friends even if we chose different sides-there are no sides to friendship, after all.”
“But, tomorrow...”
“Hyung, you guys are still awake?” They hear Junsu’s familiar, one-of-a-kind squeak behind them and turns at the same time. Junsu slowly sauntered close, and squeezed him in between the tiny gap of Jaejoong and Yunho forcefully. “I really can’t fall asleep, no matter how many numbers I counted through.”
“Me neither,” a crisp voice responded, and the three others find a slender figure standing behind them. Changmin rubs his eyes as he sits down beside Yunho, hugging his knees close to himself like a child. “I don’t know what number you reached, but I went past the millions.”
The other three chuckles and snickers at his childish sulk and realizes that a fourth, husky laugh joins them unknowingly. Yoochun wanders to their side, already fully dressed in a formal suit, as if knowing that he won’t be getting any sleep for the rest of the night. “You guys are such weirdos, all sitting here instead of sleeping.”
“Says the man dressed in a suit in the middle of the night,” Junsu snorts.
The five laughs loudly, their brisk laughter resonating in the canvas of the night just like many other times when they accompanied each other through the years. The stars are watching over them as if they were eyes of angels, and suddenly Yunho doesn’t feel so lonely or helpless to carry on the weight of tomorrow anymore.
After all, there are always other four different sets of shoulders to lean onto when he feels like collapsing.
“I wish time would stop.” He hears himself sigh wistfully.
“Right here,” Jaejoong smiles.
“Right now,” Changmin closes his eyes as he rests his head onto Yunho’s shoulders, like he’s the sixteen year old young boy, who’s just made his first debut, again.
“So we can stay...” Junsu murmurs softly.
“Together, right at this moment and right where we are.” Yoochun whispers, as he leans back to fall onto Junsu’s lap, never-mind his wrinkling suit.
Yunho looks over at his friends-his four soul mates, that has somehow grew attached to his life more than a family did. Understanding suddenly rushes over him like a tsunami, sending goose bumps rising across his skin-
It’s never over, is it? No matter what paths they each choose to take, no matter what they might be facing against tomorrow, they’ll always have each other supporting each other at the bottom of their hearts.
“Forever 5"-Is that what it means?
He lets his eyelids close and feels the moist air that brushes past his cheeks. Holding on to both Changmin and Jaejooong, who sat close to his side, he wants to feel that his friends are right here with him and he wants to feel reality-which is suddenly not as terrifying anymore.
He feels his thoughts roaming again, running at a even faster speed this time. He isn’t sure if he’s falling asleep-not that it matters anymore-he’s sitting with his whole world right here, courageously waiting for the arrival of the uncertain tomorrow.
The laptop on the floor flashes again.
Oppa, why are you still on?
04.04.10
A day to remember.
ps. She = all dbsk / Cassiopeia fans :)
ps. For those of you who have been here before and have read the stuff I've posted, :) thanks for your kind comments but I'm sorry to say I've deleted all of my past posts. Since I know that fan fics will come to a stop for me, I've decided to keep it to myself and the back of my mind, not that I'll ever forget ot5 tho. I have to say I was quite sad and crushed to hear about the expected announcement and I'll probably mourn for awhile... (considering im an...obsessive fan who has their stuff scattered all over the place)...It's going to be sad when I see their faces around again. But either way, thanks for reading, and keep the faith for ot5 for me.