Fandom Radio, Saturday July 22, 2006
Good evening, campers and welcome to another edition of Fandom Radio with John 'the King of all Things' Crichton. I really like bathrooms tonight.
School Daze
Today's detention is held by the Swedish Chef and attended by Cameron Mitchell, Walter Dornez and Jude Lizowski.
Coed Cabana Craziness!
Sakurazaki chills out by the Puffin campfire and talks to Jude and is very confused. Pip and Cally are at the gym together.
Rory tells Xander she's dropping out of schools and then a bunch of whores sing. Okay, where did the whores come from? How did they randomly appear and when did Crazy Hooker Bluth teach them to sing?! Pippi is upset that she doesn't have a Pink Ladies jacket, Sam is very nervous and has dressed very conservatively today, and Kawalsky goes to get his leather jacket from the dorms.
Okay, not so bad. The whores singing though...what did they sing? You Are the Whore Beneath My Wings?
Peter Parker is a blonde now. I will refrain from making a blonde joke, I will refrain from making a blonde joke. Tyler dresses conservatively as well. What is this, Conservative Saturday? GET NAKED PEOPLE. Peter Griffin has lots of hair gel. Well, congrats there, Peter!
Peter Pevensie is sad that he has no leather jacket. Woe. Dean longs for cigarettes and poofier hair. Okaaaaaaaaay. Anakin is a greaser today and wears leather pants. I'm sure the girls are going wild, Annie. Parker is kind of skanky today. The notes said that, not me! Liz is sad that she has no pink jacket either. Janet likes pink. I like pink too except where I TOTALLY DON'T. WTF PEOPLE WTF.
Rory decides her hair is too flat and teases it not dirty. Buffy sends email and Aeryn and I played Monopoly...in the Meerkat bathroom. Right. Dean and Ivanova also got dirty...and not with mud and grass. No, the real kind of dirty! And that made Dawn sad and she talked to Isabel about it. And Aeryn talked to Isabel too. About Monopoly.
This morning in the gym, Kawalsky, Dean, and we three Peters all loiter and gossip. Anything juicy, boys? And...okay, this isn't too odd. Peter Griffin gives Tyler a wedgie and Pippi threatens him with Peter Parker for bumping her. First, Tyler didn't sock you for giving him a wedgie? And second? Peter, buddy, you're a weapon? I always knew you had it in you, not dirty!
And there is singing by the boys. Okay...we've sung before. Not so bad.
Rory, Pippi, Ivanova, Sam and Elizabeth all loiter. And then they sing too. Did I miss a glee club sign up? Because, if I did, that fricking sucks, man!
Parker is mocked by Rory and Pippi. Wait, what? Parker is mocked? And she didn't proceed to kill things? No maiming? Is she sick? Wtf happened!
Ivanova holds courts with the...Pink Ladies and people are skeptical over Sam because she's too virginal. WHAT? Pink Ladies? When did this school gain a gang that wasn't me and Greg and...never mind. And Sam's a virgin? WHAT? I thought you and Jack and...WHAT?
Molly is humored by Pippi, ignored by Rory and Elizabeth and recruits Sam to be a cheerleader. RORY IGNORED SOMEONE? What is going on here? Was there a mass lobotamy overnight? And Sam's a cheerleader? I'm...feeling faint. I missed all this because I was...in the bathroom. Right.
Elizabeth has outgrown Twinkies but not...cigarettes. WHAT? I thought this was a smoke free school?! And, rightly so, Aeryn and Pip are afraid of the crazy people. Run away, sane people, run away!
At the main campfire, Ivanova loiters and smokes. Dude, has no one heard of Smokey the Bear? Ivanova flirts with Pip. Pippi also flirts with Pip and Pip flees to the gym. Ivanova challenges Pippi to do more than snap her gum and I hope that's not dirty. Dean flirts with Ivanova, doesn't know who Pip is talking about, doesn't know who Dawn is and I am officially in some alternate universe of Fandom High. C'mon, where are the apes? Where's Dr. Zaius? Anakin struts around in black leather and gets insulted by and then flirts with Ivanova. Anakin strutted? Did anyone get that on tape? And then... Anakin and Parker make out.
...
*sound of something being uncapped*
Oh, sorry, that's me drinking. Booze. A lot of it. Because I have no idea what the hell is going on today so I'm drinking.
Jan and Anakin glare at each other. And time for more booze, yay! Maia gets pushed into the dirt by Ivanova and ouch, that had to hurt. Rory gives Hermione an aneurysm by telling her she's dropping out of school...and okay, just stop right there? This is obviously a dream? WAKE UP JOHN! WAKE UP! You had a hard day in the bathroom and you're worn out and you're sleeping! So, wake up and get these mental images out of your head!
...
*sounds of heavy drinking*
Rory compliments Angela's hair and tells Angela she always smoked. IN WHAT UNIVERSE? I AM IN THE TWILIGHT ZONE!
Toon Town
*sound of another bottle being opened*
And here comes part two of strange land, folks.
At the junkyard, Kawalsky, Peter Pevensie, Peter Griffin, Peter Parker and Dean all sing about rickshaws. WHEN DID WE GET RICKSHAWS?
And there's also a dance contest. Of course there is. In Strange Land, there are always dance contests. Jude flirts with Elizabeth and they dance together! Tyler really likes the decorations. Kawalsky tells Sam Carter she'll do just fine in the dance contest and that he doesn't know Parker. Pippi and Peter Parker think they rule. Yes, in Strange Land, you are the King and Queen. And I am getting drunk! Wheeee! Peter Pevensie says Rory has beautiful pineapples. I think...there's some ink smudged on my sheet.
Anakin is greasy and mean to Tyler. Take a shower, Annie! The Peters spike the punch. That wasn't very nice! Anakin and Ivanova flirt and then they dance too.
WAIT WAIT WAIT. STOP.
ANAKIN SKYWALKER DANCED?
*sounds of someone thudding off the chair*
*silence*
Okay, I'm back now. Isabel and Jack have ABSOLUTELY no idea what's going on. I am so there, guys. We're in Strange Land. Sam and Kawalsky dance and Parker tries to cut in. Mean! Rory and Peter Pevensie dance too. Pippi and Peter Parker are dancing dorks. Anakin and Ivanova are bumping and grinding and omg I am so leaving town. Peter Griffin has a problem with Jude and The Peters moon the park. DAMMIT, I WOULD'VE TAKEN PART IN THAT!
Later, there is a rickshaw race. Anakin hangs on Parker and feels her up. And my brain just exploded. Thank you, people, for taking away the one thing that could've gotten me into college! I am not sleeping my way into MIT! Peter Parker and Kawalsky cheer Dean on. And then Dawn hits Dean in the head with a frying pan. GO DAWN GO. Knock some sense into Strange Land!
Anakin and Kawalsky race and Anakin makes vroom noises. AND I AM SO TELLING OBI WAN. Parker consoles Anakin after the race and there is more making out and I feel so dirty and wrong telling you all this. Those of you who are still sane? Get out of the dorms, now. We'll flee to England. I have a friend there! We can stay with her! Rory decides to help make Sam Carter a skunk. SKANK. A skunky skank. I don't know.
*more sounds of drinking*
Pippi hangs out and watches the race. Jaye is totally shocked by Rory. JAYE IS SHOCKED.
When Jaye is shocked, SOMETHING IS SERIOUSLY WRONG HERE. And there is not a shrub at the race.
At Luke's Diner, Pippi and Peter Griffin talk about Parker's hair, Pippi's new jacket, and someone named Vince Fontaine. Ivanova has hickeys and Peter Griffin offers to add another to that collection.
In the clinic, Alanna is hungover and Janet thinks everyone is acting weird.
Quark does his radio show today. And there is no weirdness. At All and Sundries, Seras helps Pippi get a pink jacket. The Doctor tells Seras he thinks Daisy got lost within the TARDIS. Which...wow. TARDIS not tartar sauce, John. Tyler wants a slide rule and a pocket protector. Rory gets hair dye from Baldrick and cigarettes from Seras.
CIGARETTES? Rory Gilmore bought cigarettes? Rory, you're smart! Did you not see that gross black lung picture that scarred every kid in school? COME ON.
Elizabeth also buys cigarettes even though Seras tries to talk her out of it.
*another bottle is opened*
Wheeee. Strange Land!
Peter Pevensie also bought cigarettes.
*sounds of a muffled thumping*
Ow, yes, that was me. I'm just trying to wake myself up from this NIGHTMARE. Ivanova also buys cigarettes and yes, folks, all the cigarettes in the town of Strange Land are gone. Woe and mourn. And Dawn buys a frying pan. I WANT EGGS!
And really later, there is a bonfire!.
Tim opens Luke's and Peter Parker and Zero have a date at Pizza Planet.
At Caritas, the Doctor thinks Cally and Joxer are a couple. Hey, congrats you two! Love can't be stopped by Strange Land! Cafe Fina is open.
And that's all for tonight. STRANGE LAND WILL NOT TAKE ME ALIVE, I TELL YOU. YOU WILL NOT TAKE ME.
...
Oh, wait, we have a visitor to the radio station. It's...Conservatively Dressed Sam Carter!
*sounds of throat clearing* Um, hi. This is Sam Carter, and to the extent that I, or anything I may have baked yesterday, caused today to happen, I apologize profusely to everyone who was affected and swear off baking for the good of humanity. *more throat clearing* Yes, very, very sorry.
I wonder if I could get a trip to Egypt at this time of night...
*sounds of door closing*
And this is John Crichton once again, signing off from Strange Land Radio Station! Night!
[Sam Carter's apology written by carter_i_am]
School Daze
Today's detention is held by the Swedish Chef and attended by Cameron Mitchell, Walter Dornez and Jude Lizowski.
Coed Cabana Craziness!
Sakurazaki chills out by the Puffin campfire and talks to Jude and is very confused. Pip and Cally are at the gym together.
Rory tells Xander she's dropping out of schools and then a bunch of whores sing. Okay, where did the whores come from? How did they randomly appear and when did Crazy Hooker Bluth teach them to sing?! Pippi is upset that she doesn't have a Pink Ladies jacket, Sam is very nervous and has dressed very conservatively today, and Kawalsky goes to get his leather jacket from the dorms.
Okay, not so bad. The whores singing though...what did they sing? You Are the Whore Beneath My Wings?
Peter Parker is a blonde now. I will refrain from making a blonde joke, I will refrain from making a blonde joke. Tyler dresses conservatively as well. What is this, Conservative Saturday? GET NAKED PEOPLE. Peter Griffin has lots of hair gel. Well, congrats there, Peter!
Peter Pevensie is sad that he has no leather jacket. Woe. Dean longs for cigarettes and poofier hair. Okaaaaaaaaay. Anakin is a greaser today and wears leather pants. I'm sure the girls are going wild, Annie. Parker is kind of skanky today. The notes said that, not me! Liz is sad that she has no pink jacket either. Janet likes pink. I like pink too except where I TOTALLY DON'T. WTF PEOPLE WTF.
Rory decides her hair is too flat and teases it not dirty. Buffy sends email and Aeryn and I played Monopoly...in the Meerkat bathroom. Right. Dean and Ivanova also got dirty...and not with mud and grass. No, the real kind of dirty! And that made Dawn sad and she talked to Isabel about it. And Aeryn talked to Isabel too. About Monopoly.
This morning in the gym, Kawalsky, Dean, and we three Peters all loiter and gossip. Anything juicy, boys? And...okay, this isn't too odd. Peter Griffin gives Tyler a wedgie and Pippi threatens him with Peter Parker for bumping her. First, Tyler didn't sock you for giving him a wedgie? And second? Peter, buddy, you're a weapon? I always knew you had it in you, not dirty!
And there is singing by the boys. Okay...we've sung before. Not so bad.
Rory, Pippi, Ivanova, Sam and Elizabeth all loiter. And then they sing too. Did I miss a glee club sign up? Because, if I did, that fricking sucks, man!
Parker is mocked by Rory and Pippi. Wait, what? Parker is mocked? And she didn't proceed to kill things? No maiming? Is she sick? Wtf happened!
Ivanova holds courts with the...Pink Ladies and people are skeptical over Sam because she's too virginal. WHAT? Pink Ladies? When did this school gain a gang that wasn't me and Greg and...never mind. And Sam's a virgin? WHAT? I thought you and Jack and...WHAT?
Molly is humored by Pippi, ignored by Rory and Elizabeth and recruits Sam to be a cheerleader. RORY IGNORED SOMEONE? What is going on here? Was there a mass lobotamy overnight? And Sam's a cheerleader? I'm...feeling faint. I missed all this because I was...in the bathroom. Right.
Elizabeth has outgrown Twinkies but not...cigarettes. WHAT? I thought this was a smoke free school?! And, rightly so, Aeryn and Pip are afraid of the crazy people. Run away, sane people, run away!
At the main campfire, Ivanova loiters and smokes. Dude, has no one heard of Smokey the Bear? Ivanova flirts with Pip. Pippi also flirts with Pip and Pip flees to the gym. Ivanova challenges Pippi to do more than snap her gum and I hope that's not dirty. Dean flirts with Ivanova, doesn't know who Pip is talking about, doesn't know who Dawn is and I am officially in some alternate universe of Fandom High. C'mon, where are the apes? Where's Dr. Zaius? Anakin struts around in black leather and gets insulted by and then flirts with Ivanova. Anakin strutted? Did anyone get that on tape? And then... Anakin and Parker make out.
...
*sound of something being uncapped*
Oh, sorry, that's me drinking. Booze. A lot of it. Because I have no idea what the hell is going on today so I'm drinking.
Jan and Anakin glare at each other. And time for more booze, yay! Maia gets pushed into the dirt by Ivanova and ouch, that had to hurt. Rory gives Hermione an aneurysm by telling her she's dropping out of school...and okay, just stop right there? This is obviously a dream? WAKE UP JOHN! WAKE UP! You had a hard day in the bathroom and you're worn out and you're sleeping! So, wake up and get these mental images out of your head!
...
*sounds of heavy drinking*
Rory compliments Angela's hair and tells Angela she always smoked. IN WHAT UNIVERSE? I AM IN THE TWILIGHT ZONE!
Toon Town
*sound of another bottle being opened*
And here comes part two of strange land, folks.
At the junkyard, Kawalsky, Peter Pevensie, Peter Griffin, Peter Parker and Dean all sing about rickshaws. WHEN DID WE GET RICKSHAWS?
And there's also a dance contest. Of course there is. In Strange Land, there are always dance contests. Jude flirts with Elizabeth and they dance together! Tyler really likes the decorations. Kawalsky tells Sam Carter she'll do just fine in the dance contest and that he doesn't know Parker. Pippi and Peter Parker think they rule. Yes, in Strange Land, you are the King and Queen. And I am getting drunk! Wheeee! Peter Pevensie says Rory has beautiful pineapples. I think...there's some ink smudged on my sheet.
Anakin is greasy and mean to Tyler. Take a shower, Annie! The Peters spike the punch. That wasn't very nice! Anakin and Ivanova flirt and then they dance too.
WAIT WAIT WAIT. STOP.
ANAKIN SKYWALKER DANCED?
*sounds of someone thudding off the chair*
*silence*
Okay, I'm back now. Isabel and Jack have ABSOLUTELY no idea what's going on. I am so there, guys. We're in Strange Land. Sam and Kawalsky dance and Parker tries to cut in. Mean! Rory and Peter Pevensie dance too. Pippi and Peter Parker are dancing dorks. Anakin and Ivanova are bumping and grinding and omg I am so leaving town. Peter Griffin has a problem with Jude and The Peters moon the park. DAMMIT, I WOULD'VE TAKEN PART IN THAT!
Later, there is a rickshaw race. Anakin hangs on Parker and feels her up. And my brain just exploded. Thank you, people, for taking away the one thing that could've gotten me into college! I am not sleeping my way into MIT! Peter Parker and Kawalsky cheer Dean on. And then Dawn hits Dean in the head with a frying pan. GO DAWN GO. Knock some sense into Strange Land!
Anakin and Kawalsky race and Anakin makes vroom noises. AND I AM SO TELLING OBI WAN. Parker consoles Anakin after the race and there is more making out and I feel so dirty and wrong telling you all this. Those of you who are still sane? Get out of the dorms, now. We'll flee to England. I have a friend there! We can stay with her! Rory decides to help make Sam Carter a skunk. SKANK. A skunky skank. I don't know.
*more sounds of drinking*
Pippi hangs out and watches the race. Jaye is totally shocked by Rory. JAYE IS SHOCKED.
When Jaye is shocked, SOMETHING IS SERIOUSLY WRONG HERE. And there is not a shrub at the race.
At Luke's Diner, Pippi and Peter Griffin talk about Parker's hair, Pippi's new jacket, and someone named Vince Fontaine. Ivanova has hickeys and Peter Griffin offers to add another to that collection.
In the clinic, Alanna is hungover and Janet thinks everyone is acting weird.
Quark does his radio show today. And there is no weirdness. At All and Sundries, Seras helps Pippi get a pink jacket. The Doctor tells Seras he thinks Daisy got lost within the TARDIS. Which...wow. TARDIS not tartar sauce, John. Tyler wants a slide rule and a pocket protector. Rory gets hair dye from Baldrick and cigarettes from Seras.
CIGARETTES? Rory Gilmore bought cigarettes? Rory, you're smart! Did you not see that gross black lung picture that scarred every kid in school? COME ON.
Elizabeth also buys cigarettes even though Seras tries to talk her out of it.
*another bottle is opened*
Wheeee. Strange Land!
Peter Pevensie also bought cigarettes.
*sounds of a muffled thumping*
Ow, yes, that was me. I'm just trying to wake myself up from this NIGHTMARE. Ivanova also buys cigarettes and yes, folks, all the cigarettes in the town of Strange Land are gone. Woe and mourn. And Dawn buys a frying pan. I WANT EGGS!
And really later, there is a bonfire!.
Tim opens Luke's and Peter Parker and Zero have a date at Pizza Planet.
At Caritas, the Doctor thinks Cally and Joxer are a couple. Hey, congrats you two! Love can't be stopped by Strange Land! Cafe Fina is open.
And that's all for tonight. STRANGE LAND WILL NOT TAKE ME ALIVE, I TELL YOU. YOU WILL NOT TAKE ME.
...
Oh, wait, we have a visitor to the radio station. It's...Conservatively Dressed Sam Carter!
*sounds of throat clearing* Um, hi. This is Sam Carter, and to the extent that I, or anything I may have baked yesterday, caused today to happen, I apologize profusely to everyone who was affected and swear off baking for the good of humanity. *more throat clearing* Yes, very, very sorry.
I wonder if I could get a trip to Egypt at this time of night...
*sounds of door closing*
And this is John Crichton once again, signing off from Strange Land Radio Station! Night!
[Sam Carter's apology written by carter_i_am]