Angel Soft
Title: Angel Soft
Author: burntotears
Pairing: Merlin/Arthur
Rating: PG for language
Word Count: 1266
Spoilers: Nothing. Its AU.
Disclaimer: © BBC
A/N: Completely random and probably really awful but it was fun to write, so there!
Arthur’s had some really terrible ideas in the past, but this has got to be the worst idea Merlin’s seen in ages. “Arthur, I really don’t think-”
“Merlin, look. You can’t go through life never having toilet papered someone’s house. It’s just unseemly.”
“Arthur, I have never heard of toilet papering as being one of the rights of passage to becoming a man.” Merlin scoffed.
Arthur scoffed because Merlin did. “Seriously, Merlin, you are such a wanker. If you don’t do this I’m never going to suck your dick again. And I’m serious this time.”
Merlin rolled his eyes. “You’re serious all the time. That’s why you’re always getting me into trouble.” His words dripped with affection-he really was a wanker.
Arthur snorted at Merlin’s attempt to side-step his brilliant plan. It was obviously not going to work. Arthur always got his way in the end; it was one of the things that made their relationship absolutely perfect. Arthur got to do what he wanted and Merlin got to shag him. There was no way to lose!
“Let’s just get this over with,” Merlin sighed, defeated as always.
“Alright, this one’s perfect,” Arthur pointed to a house that was probably a small castle in its own right.
“Arthur that place is huge. They’ve probably got watch dogs and military police to patrol their gardenias.” Merlin didn’t see any, but that didn’t mean they weren’t incognito; those bushes looked very suspicious indeed.
“Merlin. The whole point is to make a job of the best place in town. The richer they are, the angrier they get. It’s common sense, mate. Keep up, will you?”
Merlin had a horrible, terrible feeling that this was going to go very, very wrong. His feeling was justified considering that most of Arthur’s ideas always went very, very wrong. Why did he always agree to go along?
Arthur was pulling a roll of toilet paper out of the bag he was carrying and handed it to Merlin. He pulled out one for himself and they began creeping up the walk, Arthur looking for the winning toilet-paper-holding tree candidate. “Oh yes. This is it. Don’t you feel it, Merlin? It’s practically begging for it!”
Merlin could not understand why this was so damn exciting to Arthur, but he had to admit that the tree would be pretty easy to work with. Arthur had his roll ready and was now going to demonstrate how it was done so that Merlin didn’t cock it up. How can you mess up throwing paper into a tree?
The second Arthur had thrown his roll into the air lights flashed on all around them, drowning them in spotlights so bright Merlin had to cover his eyes.
“Oh this is just, brilliant Arthur. Really brilliant. Have you got any other brilliant ideas for us tonight? Oh that’s right, it wouldn’t really matter now, would it, since we’re in bloody fucking jail!”
Arthur couldn’t even keep from laughing while they were sat up in a holding cell. “Really, Merlin, how was I supposed to know that no trespassing included toilet papering? And anyhow, its not as if we’re being charged with manslaughter.”
“No, we’ll keep that on the list for tomorrow so we can be sure to be graced by the presence of our cell mates once more.” Merlin glanced around wearily at the other petty criminals that were being held there.
Arthur was having too much fun with this. He kept glancing around at everyone and saying, “Hi.” “Hello.” “Good night for a visit to the police station, isn’t it?”
After a while (as they waited for their friends Gwen and Morgana to bail them out) of silence in which Merlin pressed himself as close to Arthur as he could on the bench as to not catch something from the other people in the cell, Arthur turned to him suddenly and said, “Hey. Merlin…”
Merlin didn’t like the look on Arthur’s face or the sound of Arthur’s voice. More trouble.
“You fancy shagging now? I mean we are in jail and I think its only fitting to keep with the roles we’re dealt. Getting fucked in the ass is a fairly common prison experience, after all.”
Merlin did not skip a beat. “Oh yes, Arthur, let’s just have an orgy right now. I’m sure we won’t catch anything from the prostitutes sitting right over there.” Merlin actually forgot to lower his voice when he spoke.
“Merlin! Those are working ladies! Don’t disrespect them!” Arthur waved a hand at the women in question. “I apologise for him, he’s not very good in these situations. He didn’t mean anything by it.”
“I very well did mean something by it, Arthur. Maybe you’re ok with having your dick fall off but I plan to keep mine intact, thank you very much.”
Arthur’s hand went instinctively to his manhood. “I’m not ok with that!” He said defensively, as if Merlin’s words would make his beloved cock fall off of its own accord.
Merlin batted aside Arthur’s hand. “Really Arthur, stop grabbing yourself in public. We can shag when we are safely back in our flat, yeah?” Merlin really wouldn’t mind that after this ridiculous encounter with the law. Sex was usually a great way to get Arthur to forget things and Merlin wanted him to forget this entire night and hopefully never bring up toilet papering houses again.
Arthur’s protecting hand intertwined itself with Merlin’s hand and he smiled. “Oh alright, mate, we can wait to shag but really, you’re missing the entire point.”
Merlin scowled. “And what exactly is the point, Arthur?”
“The danger! The excitement! If we don’t do it in public, we’ve no chance of being caught!”
Merlin looked truly horrified. “Caught? I don’t want to get bloody caught! No one is allowed to see me naked but you!”
Arthur looked thoughtful a moment. “Well that is true. I don’t want any suave dashing blokes honing in on what’s mine.”
Sometimes Merlin found the protectiveness endearing and sometimes he found it a little creepy. Tonight he felt a mix of both. “Yes well, I don’t want anyone else seeing you naked either. I’d rather like to keep you to myself.”
Arthur smirked at his boyfriend. “Well then, I guess we’ve got ourselves a shagging appointment tonight, eh?”
Merlin groaned. “Please don’t start with the ‘eh’ again, Arthur. I don’t think I can handle that tonight as well…”
Merlin jumped up when he saw the faces of Gwen and Morgana. “Oh thank God!” Merlin spoke over Arthur, who was saying, “What are you talking about, eh?”
He drug Arthur out of the open cell door, trying to calmly explain to them why he and Arthur were holed up in a cell for the last few hours. He kept smacking Arthur on the shoulder because he would pipe in, “I think it was really brilliant, eh!” or “Can you loan me a quid, eh?”
“Really Arthur,” Gwen said, taking Morgana’s hand in her own. “Are you ever going to learn?”
Arthur looked at her quiet seriously and replied, “What else is there for me to learn? I’ve already got the best bloke in the world and the most amazing friends. Really, it can’t get any better than this, can it? Eh?” He kissed Merlin on the cheek and grinned at Morgana and Gwen who cried ‘Awwwww’ in reply to his statement.
Merlin sighed. He would never get through to these people that Arthur was a complete head case. He couldn’t complain overmuch, though, because Arthur was his head case, after all.
-fin-
Author: burntotears
Pairing: Merlin/Arthur
Rating: PG for language
Word Count: 1266
Spoilers: Nothing. Its AU.
Disclaimer: © BBC
A/N: Completely random and probably really awful but it was fun to write, so there!
Arthur’s had some really terrible ideas in the past, but this has got to be the worst idea Merlin’s seen in ages. “Arthur, I really don’t think-”
“Merlin, look. You can’t go through life never having toilet papered someone’s house. It’s just unseemly.”
“Arthur, I have never heard of toilet papering as being one of the rights of passage to becoming a man.” Merlin scoffed.
Arthur scoffed because Merlin did. “Seriously, Merlin, you are such a wanker. If you don’t do this I’m never going to suck your dick again. And I’m serious this time.”
Merlin rolled his eyes. “You’re serious all the time. That’s why you’re always getting me into trouble.” His words dripped with affection-he really was a wanker.
Arthur snorted at Merlin’s attempt to side-step his brilliant plan. It was obviously not going to work. Arthur always got his way in the end; it was one of the things that made their relationship absolutely perfect. Arthur got to do what he wanted and Merlin got to shag him. There was no way to lose!
“Let’s just get this over with,” Merlin sighed, defeated as always.
“Alright, this one’s perfect,” Arthur pointed to a house that was probably a small castle in its own right.
“Arthur that place is huge. They’ve probably got watch dogs and military police to patrol their gardenias.” Merlin didn’t see any, but that didn’t mean they weren’t incognito; those bushes looked very suspicious indeed.
“Merlin. The whole point is to make a job of the best place in town. The richer they are, the angrier they get. It’s common sense, mate. Keep up, will you?”
Merlin had a horrible, terrible feeling that this was going to go very, very wrong. His feeling was justified considering that most of Arthur’s ideas always went very, very wrong. Why did he always agree to go along?
Arthur was pulling a roll of toilet paper out of the bag he was carrying and handed it to Merlin. He pulled out one for himself and they began creeping up the walk, Arthur looking for the winning toilet-paper-holding tree candidate. “Oh yes. This is it. Don’t you feel it, Merlin? It’s practically begging for it!”
Merlin could not understand why this was so damn exciting to Arthur, but he had to admit that the tree would be pretty easy to work with. Arthur had his roll ready and was now going to demonstrate how it was done so that Merlin didn’t cock it up. How can you mess up throwing paper into a tree?
The second Arthur had thrown his roll into the air lights flashed on all around them, drowning them in spotlights so bright Merlin had to cover his eyes.
“Oh this is just, brilliant Arthur. Really brilliant. Have you got any other brilliant ideas for us tonight? Oh that’s right, it wouldn’t really matter now, would it, since we’re in bloody fucking jail!”
Arthur couldn’t even keep from laughing while they were sat up in a holding cell. “Really, Merlin, how was I supposed to know that no trespassing included toilet papering? And anyhow, its not as if we’re being charged with manslaughter.”
“No, we’ll keep that on the list for tomorrow so we can be sure to be graced by the presence of our cell mates once more.” Merlin glanced around wearily at the other petty criminals that were being held there.
Arthur was having too much fun with this. He kept glancing around at everyone and saying, “Hi.” “Hello.” “Good night for a visit to the police station, isn’t it?”
After a while (as they waited for their friends Gwen and Morgana to bail them out) of silence in which Merlin pressed himself as close to Arthur as he could on the bench as to not catch something from the other people in the cell, Arthur turned to him suddenly and said, “Hey. Merlin…”
Merlin didn’t like the look on Arthur’s face or the sound of Arthur’s voice. More trouble.
“You fancy shagging now? I mean we are in jail and I think its only fitting to keep with the roles we’re dealt. Getting fucked in the ass is a fairly common prison experience, after all.”
Merlin did not skip a beat. “Oh yes, Arthur, let’s just have an orgy right now. I’m sure we won’t catch anything from the prostitutes sitting right over there.” Merlin actually forgot to lower his voice when he spoke.
“Merlin! Those are working ladies! Don’t disrespect them!” Arthur waved a hand at the women in question. “I apologise for him, he’s not very good in these situations. He didn’t mean anything by it.”
“I very well did mean something by it, Arthur. Maybe you’re ok with having your dick fall off but I plan to keep mine intact, thank you very much.”
Arthur’s hand went instinctively to his manhood. “I’m not ok with that!” He said defensively, as if Merlin’s words would make his beloved cock fall off of its own accord.
Merlin batted aside Arthur’s hand. “Really Arthur, stop grabbing yourself in public. We can shag when we are safely back in our flat, yeah?” Merlin really wouldn’t mind that after this ridiculous encounter with the law. Sex was usually a great way to get Arthur to forget things and Merlin wanted him to forget this entire night and hopefully never bring up toilet papering houses again.
Arthur’s protecting hand intertwined itself with Merlin’s hand and he smiled. “Oh alright, mate, we can wait to shag but really, you’re missing the entire point.”
Merlin scowled. “And what exactly is the point, Arthur?”
“The danger! The excitement! If we don’t do it in public, we’ve no chance of being caught!”
Merlin looked truly horrified. “Caught? I don’t want to get bloody caught! No one is allowed to see me naked but you!”
Arthur looked thoughtful a moment. “Well that is true. I don’t want any suave dashing blokes honing in on what’s mine.”
Sometimes Merlin found the protectiveness endearing and sometimes he found it a little creepy. Tonight he felt a mix of both. “Yes well, I don’t want anyone else seeing you naked either. I’d rather like to keep you to myself.”
Arthur smirked at his boyfriend. “Well then, I guess we’ve got ourselves a shagging appointment tonight, eh?”
Merlin groaned. “Please don’t start with the ‘eh’ again, Arthur. I don’t think I can handle that tonight as well…”
Merlin jumped up when he saw the faces of Gwen and Morgana. “Oh thank God!” Merlin spoke over Arthur, who was saying, “What are you talking about, eh?”
He drug Arthur out of the open cell door, trying to calmly explain to them why he and Arthur were holed up in a cell for the last few hours. He kept smacking Arthur on the shoulder because he would pipe in, “I think it was really brilliant, eh!” or “Can you loan me a quid, eh?”
“Really Arthur,” Gwen said, taking Morgana’s hand in her own. “Are you ever going to learn?”
Arthur looked at her quiet seriously and replied, “What else is there for me to learn? I’ve already got the best bloke in the world and the most amazing friends. Really, it can’t get any better than this, can it? Eh?” He kissed Merlin on the cheek and grinned at Morgana and Gwen who cried ‘Awwwww’ in reply to his statement.
Merlin sighed. He would never get through to these people that Arthur was a complete head case. He couldn’t complain overmuch, though, because Arthur was his head case, after all.
-fin-