Win Friends | Period 4 | Class 9
Barney appeared in the classroom looking as amazing as he had the past two weeks in a brown suit with burgundy shirt and perfectly patterned tie. He could have stepped off the cover of a GQ and right into their lives. True story.
He took a look at the class assembled and grinned, "Today we're talking about winning friends for special dirty times through the voice of our artistic souls. I know, you're saying to yourselves But Dean Stinson, my soul is full of rainbows and puppy dogs, how could anyone be interested in it? Well, boys and girls, this is your lucky day. Think you're ready for it? No, seriously, this is going to blow your panties right off!" He waited till he thought the suspense was strong enough. "Today we write POETRY!"
Amazing, no? "I know, ladies, you're wondering what poetry will do for you while the men are wondering why they never thought of it before! As a panty-melting agent, the original poem has much to offer, especially considering how freakishly easy it is to write one. Most forms of poetry require no effort whatsoever, but the easiest of them all is the Haiku, which is what you all will be writing today! The standard haiku has three lines of syllables: 5-7-5. String together some words, unbuckle your belt, and say 'arigato' to our Japanese friends for their efficiency in getting you laid." He paused to dump a load of papers on the desks since he had no TAs to boss around.
"Let me read you some of my original compositions as can be found on my blog. Read it, live it." He cleared his throat.
High Five
one two three four five
raise each one high in the air
cut me some skin, bro
Barney paused, expecting applause or stunned silence - both were victories in his mind, LILY.
Wingman
wingman O wingman
please save me from the fatties
it's your sworn duty
"I know, it's provocative. Take my examples and expand on them! The sky is the limit, or really, your lack of imagination and ability to count five syllables, seven syllables, and five syllables properly. Go!"
He took a look at the class assembled and grinned, "Today we're talking about winning friends for special dirty times through the voice of our artistic souls. I know, you're saying to yourselves But Dean Stinson, my soul is full of rainbows and puppy dogs, how could anyone be interested in it? Well, boys and girls, this is your lucky day. Think you're ready for it? No, seriously, this is going to blow your panties right off!" He waited till he thought the suspense was strong enough. "Today we write POETRY!"
Amazing, no? "I know, ladies, you're wondering what poetry will do for you while the men are wondering why they never thought of it before! As a panty-melting agent, the original poem has much to offer, especially considering how freakishly easy it is to write one. Most forms of poetry require no effort whatsoever, but the easiest of them all is the Haiku, which is what you all will be writing today! The standard haiku has three lines of syllables: 5-7-5. String together some words, unbuckle your belt, and say 'arigato' to our Japanese friends for their efficiency in getting you laid." He paused to dump a load of papers on the desks since he had no TAs to boss around.
"Let me read you some of my original compositions as can be found on my blog. Read it, live it." He cleared his throat.
High Five
one two three four five
raise each one high in the air
cut me some skin, bro
Barney paused, expecting applause or stunned silence - both were victories in his mind, LILY.
Wingman
wingman O wingman
please save me from the fatties
it's your sworn duty
"I know, it's provocative. Take my examples and expand on them! The sky is the limit, or really, your lack of imagination and ability to count five syllables, seven syllables, and five syllables properly. Go!"