Personal Improvement Through Science: Aperture Laboratories Presents Physical Education (Wed/Per. 2)

[gladigotburned]

Upon entering the classroom through the circular sliding doors, students would find themselves in a short corridor with a plain white wall at the far end and two much more boring rectangular doors on either side, each one labeled ENRICHMENT CENTER PRE-TEST EQUIPMENT REQUISITION CHAMBER. At least the little figures on each sign matched the kind you

Comments

Re: Talk to GLaDOS [PItS Week 1]

[exactlyaverage]

Apparently Jack had a deathwish. Or is has a brain the size of the walnut.

"Hello? Woman computer voice thingy?" Jack called out. "Just curious, but do you know a guy named Fargo? Short. Glasses. Nerd. Kind of Spazzy?"

Re: Talk to GLaDOS [PItS Week 1]

[gladigotburned]

"Short, glasses, nerd?" GLaDOS repeated. "Do you know how many people fitting that description work in a research lab? Because I do, and that doesn't narrow it down very much. You wouldn't know if he happens to be immune to neurotoxin, would you?"

Oh, good, GLaDOS, start with the neurotoxin jokes already.

Re: Talk to GLaDOS [PItS Week 1]

[exactlyaverage]

"Uhhh. No," Jack said now looking worried. "His name is Fargo and when you're talking about neurotoxin you mean... the toxin that affects neuros?"

Way to be scientific Jack.

Re: Talk to GLaDOS [PItS Week 1]

[gladigotburned]

Oh, don't think GLaDOS was above cueing up a BZZT! sound effect right there. In case you were thinking it, allow the actual BZZT! sound effect to correct that erroneous reasoning.

"Well, none of my tests so far have found anyone immune, so that wouldn't have narrowed it down anyway." You'd think she would sound sorry about that, but no, GLaDOS actually sounded smug. "If it makes you feel any better, though, I'll search my records for personnel named after cities. Hmm, nope. Not finding any-- oh. Well, that's interesting."

And she was going to leave that statement dangling, because misleading people was fun.

Re: Talk to GLaDOS [PItS Week 1]

[exactlyaverage]

Jack was sitting there just slackjawed, thank you very much. "What? What's interesting?" Jack stammered. "Is it killing people with neurotoxin? Because that sounds more horrifying than... you know. Interesting."

Re: Talk to GLaDOS [PItS Week 1]

[gladigotburned]

"For you, maybe." Nice to know GLaDOS's condescension vocal processors were working at optimum levels. "And that's not what I meant. I just ran across a subcategory for personnel who share names with major banks. I didn't even know we had that."

Still not answering the question, GLaDOS. Oh, wait, you knew that, didn't you"?

Re: Talk to GLaDOS [PItS Week 1]

[exactlyaverage]

"Okay. Yeah. Definitely more creepy than SARAH," Jack said aloud.

Again because Jack has no filter when it comes to saying what's on his mind.

"Say! Since, you know you don't have any... hands, where can I have you sign the drop form for the class?"

Re: Talk to GLaDOS [PItS Week 1]

[gladigotburned]

"Drop it off at the Emergency Intelligence Incinerator in my office and I'll have the request processed electronically," replied GLaDOS in a tone that didn't really inspire optimism.

. . . there wasn't really an Emergency Intelligence Incinerator in the AI chamber. Last time she'd had one of those, she'd gotten killed, an error she didn't care to reproduce.

"And of course I'm more creepy than SARAH," she went on, matter-of-factly, because that was just true, okay? "Good thing there's no law that disqualifies compliments if they're stating the obvious."

Re: Talk to GLaDOS [PItS Week 1]

[exactlyaverage]

And for whatever reason... Jack was now seriously creeped out.

"Yeeeeah. I'm just going to-"

And with a wordless flail Jack started heading toward the locker room. Backwards. Not that walking backwards would necessarily help him against a disembodied computer voice but it made him feel better, okay?