7 Ways to Annoy Anakin Skywalker, Monday, Period 1
Bel was positively giddy for class today. He'd been busy the past week tracking down an old alumni from Fandom High and had convinced him to come back to the island for a One Time Only performance. After all, Bel had made a guest appearance in his class a few years back. (And he might have stolen an idea for a class from that as well
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"Hey kids!" Jamie said cheerfully as more of him appeared in the classroom hauling in items like a puppet stage, sock puppets and for some reason a bunch of pineapples. "First off I want to thank Bel for inviting me back because today is a very special day. Do you guys know what it is? It's Anakin Skywalker appreciation day!"
And on cue a rather bored Madrox dupe threw glitter into the air. The bored dupe then went into the corner to text Layla Miller how bored he was.
"So for today's class I thought I would put on a very special performance. It's the origin of Anakin Skywalker! Or at least as close as I could get it. I had to listen to a lot of old radio broadcasts. Did you know we had a pirate? He really liked his rum. Anyhow I think we're about ready so sit back and enjoy the show!"
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And then Jamie Madrox sat down in front of the stage and pulled out a story time book.
"Today's story is: Obi-Wan Hatches an Egg."
"Qui-Gon was bored as Jedi's do get
Especially when busy hatching an egg
Now why would a Jedi ever do such a task?
That's a question, I request, that you please do not ask."
Another puppet appeared, cleanshaven and wearing a buzzcut with a rat's tail like they did in the 80's. However this puppet did not look like the lead singer of 'Til Tuesday.
"At which point Obi-wan just happen to walk by
And Qui-Gon called out to him with a little white lie"
And then the Qui-Gon puppet began to speak in a really bad imitation of Liam Neeson. Or Sean Connery.
"Padawan come to me! I have a task just for you.
It's a mission quite dangerous and the volunteers quite few"
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"What could it be, Master Qui-Gon?
For there is no mission I'd refuse to be on."
The Qui-Gon puppet stretched it's arms and spoke again. Again in the bad imitation of Liam Neeson/Sean Connery.
"Well my legs are quite stiff my young padawan
So I need someone for this egg to sit on."
The Obi-Wan puppet danced around again.
"But Master? Why? I don't understand?
Aren't there greater matters for me, a Jedi, that I must attend?"
The Qui-Gon puppet sighed.
"Padawan Kenobi, you're not a jedi yet
So in the meantime you must sit on this egg."
Qui-Gon stood up and pointed to the nest
"Please sit here now as I need a little rest.
The egg here you see will birth the chosen one.
It needs the heat from you rear, not the heat from the sun.
Now please sit down as there matters I must attend."
And in a whispered voice Jamie Madrox whispered to the audience:
"What Qui-Gon didn't tell him it was about his split ends."
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And unfortunately it did not look like Anakin sprang from an egg. It actually looked like Anakin sprang from the Obi-Wan's puppet's rear. Avert your eyes kids.
"Unfortunately he whined and tended to pout."
At which point the Anakin began to whine and ramble about hair conditioner and how Gui-Gon didn't share. The Obi-Wan puppet pointed at the backdrop which was a cardboard replica of Fandomhigh.
"So when Obi-Wan was tired of all Annie's bellyaches
He put him on a ship and sent him to FH"
The Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon puppet disappeared and were replaced by other puppets. One looked remarkably like Bel. Another one was a vampire with spiky hair. (And for some reason the Bel and Vampire puppet started to make out. No idea why. Other puppets appeared.) Some with dyed hair. Two witches. A female warrior puppet with blonde hair. A puppet in a mountie hat and another one in a green uniform were also there. Oh and a puppet in a suit eating an egg white omelette. Which kept glaring at Bel ( ... )
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You got this room for two
One thing I've left to do
Discover me
Discovering you..
And yes. That was the Anakin puppet singing John Mayer. While it was doing... things to the Rory puppet. God help us if Bel invited Rory and the kids to class today.
One mile to every inch of
Your skin like porcelain
One pair of candy lips and
Your bubblegum tongue
At this point the Rory opened her mouth and bubble gum came out. Jamie probably intended the puppet to have a bubblegum tongue but really it just looked like the puppet was vomiting bubblegum.
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And if you want love
We'll make it
Swim in a deep sea
Of blankets
Take all your big plans
And break 'em
This is bound to be a while
Rory's body is a wonderland
Rory's body is a wonder (I'll use my hands)
Rory's body is a wonder-
The song would have continued except the Vampire puppet suddenly shouted "I'M SO HAPPY!"
And then killed the rest of the puppets in a bloody gory mess.
Jamie gave the rest of the glass a happy grin. "The End. Any questions?"
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The bored dupe got up and picked up a bin of socks and craft materials and dumped them in front of the students.
"There you go! Enough to make many Anakin puppets! Just make sure you get the hair right! He appreciates the detail on these things."
Anakin really had no appreciation for sock puppets. Probably. Yeah, no not at all.
"Have fun kids!"
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She'd met him while she was weird communist Raven. He'd been rather less manic at the time.
She thought she might like the other version better.
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