Prince of Tennis: Ibu Shinji, 034: Not Enough
Title: Touch Me, Heal Me
Fandom: Prince of Tennis
Characters: Ibu Shinji, various others
Prompt: 034: Not Enough
Word Count: 1,176
Rating: PG-15
Summary: Shinji craves the feeling of being touched, even when it feels wrong.
Author's Notes: Shinji is 18 during this fic, during his “slut” phase his freshman year of college.
Main table can be found here and here.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Shinji was never sure if he liked touching and being touched too much or not enough.
From certain people, Shinji adored being touched. If it was Kamio, Hiyoshi, or Ishida, Shinji could spend hours being touched and cuddled. Even better, all of them seemed to have an absolute obsession with playing with Shinji’s hair. Once someone touched his hair, Shinji willingly gave himself to them.
Only to certain people, though.
There were people who touched Shinji, and he felt his skin crawl. An-chan, for example, and Shinji never understood it. She was a nice enough girl, and a friend, and Shinji didn’t mind it at all when her brother touched him, but for some reason, Shinji couldn’t stand feeling her hands on him. Mori was another one. There was no real reason for Shinji to avoid Mori’s touch, but he did anyway, because something about it just felt…not right to him, and Shinji had learned early on to not ignore those feelings. Not that he thought Mori or An-chan would ever do anything bad to him, but it was hard, to break a habit.
The first time Shinji went out with someone-on a date, not with a friend or team member or Echizen-Shinji realized that he didn’t want to be touched by his date. He spent the entire evening avoiding his date’s hands. He had no idea why he was doing it, as the guy had seemed perfectly nice, but still. He didn’t even want to hold his date’s hand, and when he tried to kiss Shinji goodnight, Shinji went out of his way to dodge it.
There was no second date, and Shinji wondered if he was meant to be dating at all.
The next time Shinji went on a date, it went better. His date was a nice man, one that he had actually met a long time ago, when he was younger. Tennis was a common ground for him and Momoshiro, as was discussions of the past, of Kamio, of Echizen (even though that topic was oftentimes painful for both of them), of their teams. When Momoshiro tried to hold Shinji’s hand, Shinji let him, and when Momoshiro kissed him goodnight, Shinji responded.
There was a second date that time, and a third, and a fourth….
On the fifth date, Shinji felt himself hesitating again. He had been very responsive to Momoshiro, very encouraging…but as they seemed to be moving closer and closer to actual sex, Shinji could feel himself hesitating, drawing back. Momoshiro was very kind about it, very understanding, but from that point on, Shinji was very uncomfortable with Momoshiro’s touch, and though he tried to hide it, Momoshiro picked up on it.
Two more dates, and Shinji was single again.
The next person Shinji dated was Itsuki, a person that Shinji had known of, but never known until they ran into each other in a park one day. Again, Shinji felt that discomfort, of wanting to be touched, but not sure if he wanted to be touched, not really. But Itsuki was so nice, and Shinji found, after a few dates, that he couldn’t say no, even if he wanted to.
Shinji’s second time was everything that his first with Echizen wasn’t. It was slower, unhurried, and in a bed instead of on a tennis court. Everything about the act was designed for pleasure and comfort. But, in the end, Shinji felt that same sense of wrongness, of a touch that he didn’t want, even though he didn’t want to stop being touched. He tried to make it work with Itsuki, he really did, but in the end, it was Shinji who ended the relationship a few weeks after that.
The next date Shinji went on was with Mukhai Gakuto, something that Shinji would’ve never seen coming for himself. He remembered the redhead, remembered the school, knew that he was a good friend of Hiyoshi’s, and for all those reasons Shinji was faintly appalled with himself when he realized that, not only had he let Gakuto buy him a drink, he had agreed to go on an actual date with the other man.
What was more amazing to Shinji, though, was that when Gakuto pulled Shinji in for a kiss after that date, Shinji didn’t feel any discomfort at all. In fact, Shinji felt comfortable with Gakuto, in a way he hadn’t felt outside of Akira, Tetsu, Kippei, Hiyoshi, or Echizen.
So, when on the second date, Shinji tumbled into bed-literally as well as metaphorically, as it happened-with Gakuto, Shinji wasn’t surprised at all. Nor was he surprised at how amazing the sex was, though he was a little surprised at how flexible Gakuto was-and how flexible he could be.
It was hot and wild, and memorable, and Shinji couldn’t get enough of it. He didn’t know if he loved Gakuto, not in the romantic sense, but Shinji did realize that he at the very least loved Gakuto like a close friend, and if they clicked hormonally as well…well, there was no one else in either of their lives that filled that void.
They didn’t promise each other forever or anything like that. There was just the understanding that Shinji and Gakuto couldn’t get enough of each other, and they both understood that, when the time was right, they’d be able to move on with no hard feelings.
As it happened, it was Gakuto that moved on first, with Niou of all people. Shinji was surprised by that, but encouraged his friend to find his happiness. He had to admit that Gakuto and Niou did compliment each other well, and for the first time in years, Shinji began to crave a different sort of touch.
He wanted someone to touch his heart. Not like Akira, or Tetsu, or Kippei, or Hiyoshi, or Gakuto…but to touch his heart even deeper. He knew that was what he was looking for, the person he really would never be able to get enough of.
He was looking to fill a hollow in his heart, one that Shinji couldn’t begin to explain.
Shinji just had no idea how to find it. All he knew was that, if he could just ignore his initial reaction to being touched, he could drown himself in someone else’s arms.
Shinji continued his affairs, always searching. His heart broke a little more as he give his body first to Inui, then to Saeki, to Sengoku, to Kite, to others he didn’t know, to people whose names he couldn’t always recall, never able to stay, never able to seem at peace.
Never able to find the person that Shinji knew was out there, the one that could make him complete. The one that could fill the aching void in his heart and soul
He didn’t feel like it was enough, these random affairs. He knew it wasn’t enough, but sometimes, that didn’t seem to matter as much as he thought it should’ve.
But then, nothing had been enough in his life. Not for a long time.
--The End--
Fandom: Prince of Tennis
Characters: Ibu Shinji, various others
Prompt: 034: Not Enough
Word Count: 1,176
Rating: PG-15
Summary: Shinji craves the feeling of being touched, even when it feels wrong.
Author's Notes: Shinji is 18 during this fic, during his “slut” phase his freshman year of college.
Main table can be found here and here.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Shinji was never sure if he liked touching and being touched too much or not enough.
From certain people, Shinji adored being touched. If it was Kamio, Hiyoshi, or Ishida, Shinji could spend hours being touched and cuddled. Even better, all of them seemed to have an absolute obsession with playing with Shinji’s hair. Once someone touched his hair, Shinji willingly gave himself to them.
Only to certain people, though.
There were people who touched Shinji, and he felt his skin crawl. An-chan, for example, and Shinji never understood it. She was a nice enough girl, and a friend, and Shinji didn’t mind it at all when her brother touched him, but for some reason, Shinji couldn’t stand feeling her hands on him. Mori was another one. There was no real reason for Shinji to avoid Mori’s touch, but he did anyway, because something about it just felt…not right to him, and Shinji had learned early on to not ignore those feelings. Not that he thought Mori or An-chan would ever do anything bad to him, but it was hard, to break a habit.
The first time Shinji went out with someone-on a date, not with a friend or team member or Echizen-Shinji realized that he didn’t want to be touched by his date. He spent the entire evening avoiding his date’s hands. He had no idea why he was doing it, as the guy had seemed perfectly nice, but still. He didn’t even want to hold his date’s hand, and when he tried to kiss Shinji goodnight, Shinji went out of his way to dodge it.
There was no second date, and Shinji wondered if he was meant to be dating at all.
The next time Shinji went on a date, it went better. His date was a nice man, one that he had actually met a long time ago, when he was younger. Tennis was a common ground for him and Momoshiro, as was discussions of the past, of Kamio, of Echizen (even though that topic was oftentimes painful for both of them), of their teams. When Momoshiro tried to hold Shinji’s hand, Shinji let him, and when Momoshiro kissed him goodnight, Shinji responded.
There was a second date that time, and a third, and a fourth….
On the fifth date, Shinji felt himself hesitating again. He had been very responsive to Momoshiro, very encouraging…but as they seemed to be moving closer and closer to actual sex, Shinji could feel himself hesitating, drawing back. Momoshiro was very kind about it, very understanding, but from that point on, Shinji was very uncomfortable with Momoshiro’s touch, and though he tried to hide it, Momoshiro picked up on it.
Two more dates, and Shinji was single again.
The next person Shinji dated was Itsuki, a person that Shinji had known of, but never known until they ran into each other in a park one day. Again, Shinji felt that discomfort, of wanting to be touched, but not sure if he wanted to be touched, not really. But Itsuki was so nice, and Shinji found, after a few dates, that he couldn’t say no, even if he wanted to.
Shinji’s second time was everything that his first with Echizen wasn’t. It was slower, unhurried, and in a bed instead of on a tennis court. Everything about the act was designed for pleasure and comfort. But, in the end, Shinji felt that same sense of wrongness, of a touch that he didn’t want, even though he didn’t want to stop being touched. He tried to make it work with Itsuki, he really did, but in the end, it was Shinji who ended the relationship a few weeks after that.
The next date Shinji went on was with Mukhai Gakuto, something that Shinji would’ve never seen coming for himself. He remembered the redhead, remembered the school, knew that he was a good friend of Hiyoshi’s, and for all those reasons Shinji was faintly appalled with himself when he realized that, not only had he let Gakuto buy him a drink, he had agreed to go on an actual date with the other man.
What was more amazing to Shinji, though, was that when Gakuto pulled Shinji in for a kiss after that date, Shinji didn’t feel any discomfort at all. In fact, Shinji felt comfortable with Gakuto, in a way he hadn’t felt outside of Akira, Tetsu, Kippei, Hiyoshi, or Echizen.
So, when on the second date, Shinji tumbled into bed-literally as well as metaphorically, as it happened-with Gakuto, Shinji wasn’t surprised at all. Nor was he surprised at how amazing the sex was, though he was a little surprised at how flexible Gakuto was-and how flexible he could be.
It was hot and wild, and memorable, and Shinji couldn’t get enough of it. He didn’t know if he loved Gakuto, not in the romantic sense, but Shinji did realize that he at the very least loved Gakuto like a close friend, and if they clicked hormonally as well…well, there was no one else in either of their lives that filled that void.
They didn’t promise each other forever or anything like that. There was just the understanding that Shinji and Gakuto couldn’t get enough of each other, and they both understood that, when the time was right, they’d be able to move on with no hard feelings.
As it happened, it was Gakuto that moved on first, with Niou of all people. Shinji was surprised by that, but encouraged his friend to find his happiness. He had to admit that Gakuto and Niou did compliment each other well, and for the first time in years, Shinji began to crave a different sort of touch.
He wanted someone to touch his heart. Not like Akira, or Tetsu, or Kippei, or Hiyoshi, or Gakuto…but to touch his heart even deeper. He knew that was what he was looking for, the person he really would never be able to get enough of.
He was looking to fill a hollow in his heart, one that Shinji couldn’t begin to explain.
Shinji just had no idea how to find it. All he knew was that, if he could just ignore his initial reaction to being touched, he could drown himself in someone else’s arms.
Shinji continued his affairs, always searching. His heart broke a little more as he give his body first to Inui, then to Saeki, to Sengoku, to Kite, to others he didn’t know, to people whose names he couldn’t always recall, never able to stay, never able to seem at peace.
Never able to find the person that Shinji knew was out there, the one that could make him complete. The one that could fill the aching void in his heart and soul
He didn’t feel like it was enough, these random affairs. He knew it wasn’t enough, but sometimes, that didn’t seem to matter as much as he thought it should’ve.
But then, nothing had been enough in his life. Not for a long time.
--The End--