Alright, overall I like this piece. Your Criss is a great character. There are, however, a few things I'd like to see.
--This is a really fast paced piece. I think it might benefit from slowing down a bit. It jumps quickly. What would slow it down, I don't know...maybe you do.
--I don't know much about Metallica except for their music....but there was something about your verison of James that rubbed me wrong...I think it was his voice. Maybe give him a more distinct way of speaking rather than just lacing his speech with profanity. The profanity can stay...but without a unique voice, he comes off as just one of the other characters swearing a lot.
--It might be me, but it seems like Peter and Shadow get a little too intimate a little too soon, especially since she got all mad at him for not knowing her name and for thinking she was a bitch in highschool. Maybe work on Peter bringing her around.
Comments 1
--This is a really fast paced piece. I think it might benefit from slowing down a bit. It jumps quickly. What would slow it down, I don't know...maybe you do.
--I don't know much about Metallica except for their music....but there was something about your verison of James that rubbed me wrong...I think it was his voice. Maybe give him a more distinct way of speaking rather than just lacing his speech with profanity. The profanity can stay...but without a unique voice, he comes off as just one of the other characters swearing a lot.
--It might be me, but it seems like Peter and Shadow get a little too intimate a little too soon, especially since she got all mad at him for not knowing her name and for thinking she was a bitch in highschool. Maybe work on Peter bringing her around.
Keep it up. This has worlds of potential.
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