Queer as Folk: Four times (+ bonus) Justin heard ‘Save the last dance for me’ [1/1]
Title: Four times (+ bonus) Justin heard ‘Save the last dance for me’.
Author: Rae autumnrae89
Rating: PG-13
Characters/Pairings: Justin, Brian, Ethan; Brian/Justin, Justin/Ethan, Justin/Other.
Warnings/Spoilers: Swearing and innuendo. Spoilers (minor) for throughout the series.
Disclaimer: CowLip owns the characters of Queer as Folk; this is a piece of non-profit fiction and does not claim to be otherwise.
Summary: AU; It’s kind of surprising how one song can sum up one relationship so much and so well. It’s not surprising how much it means to Justin either.
Author Notes: Unbeta’d. My first (finished) Queer as Folk fic! I really hope you all enjoy it and feedback is appreciated.
~2,300ish.
I - When Brian tried to help Justin remember the bashing. S2.
You can dance,
every dance with the guy who gives you the eye,
Let him hold you tight,
…
But don’t forget whose taking you home and whose arms you’re going to be.
Justin forced himself to follow Brian as he led them backwards across the apartment. Daphne had left and Brian had told Justin not to force the issue but Justin needed to try again, regardless of how stupid he felt or how hard it was. He needed to remember this. He knew it. He knew deep down that if he didn’t try, Brian would never forgive him.
Justin stumbled as Brian turned them about the floor, he mumbled a ‘sorry’ but Brian shook his head. Brian pulled Justin back upright against the length of his body, letting Justin lean his weight on him for a moment as they continued their dance.
But Justin knew, the spark was gone, more than from the dance. There was too much hurt and pain between them. Leaning on his toes, Justin pressed a kiss to the side of Brian’s jaw before he let his hands fall away.
Sitting out on the curb beside Brian’s building, Justin wiped his face, trying to dry his tears before Brian found him.
Flexing his hand, fresh tears poured down Justin’s face. His hand might heal, might be okay, but this-- this was broken forever. Anything Brian felt for him would have been destroyed with that bat to his head.
Justin remembered as Mandy Sloan came to visit him at his house. She was a nice girl from his class, they spoke but neither was more inclined. She told him she was sorry and he believed her.
“What Chris did to you--” Mandy’s face scrunched up as she tried to articulate what she wanted to say.
“It’s fine Mandy, I get it.” Justin rolled his shoulders uncomfortably.
“But mostly I want to say, how brave you were.” Mandy blushed hard and looked down, “You and your boyfriend were wonderful.”
The word boyfriend had thrown him for a moment until he realised she meant Brian, “I- I don’t remember it.”
“I bet he told you all about it, the dance, the kiss. It was so romantic. Like a movie,” Mandy smiled until she realised Justin wasn’t smiling.
“Did something happen? Did you guys break up?”
“We were never together.”
II - On the radio at Ethan’s. S3.
“Hey,” Ethan said as he passed through the living room, searching and packing things. Justin sat on the old ratty couch with a pencil in his hand, listening to the soft sounds of the radio by his feet.
“You know, if you wanted music, I could have played for you,” Ethan said with a warm smile which Justin returned.
“I’m just enjoying the classics, the other classics,” Justin tapped his pencil on the paper as he waited for the inspiration to come.
Ethan looked at him, concerned, “Still having trouble with your art?”
Justin nodded.
“Well what do you draw when you don’t draw anything?” Ethan asked as he pulled a water bottle from the fridge.
Justin blushed and got up to cover it, walking into the bathroom. Ethan called to him, “Justin?”
Locking the door and shouting something to Ethan, Justin sat on the bathroom floor and started to sketch on his pad. He could draw his subject from memory, both visual and sensory. His fingers rubbed over lines of thighs and biceps and his pencil curved into a mouth and warm eyes.
Justin stayed where he was for as long as he could, just drawing and drawing, Brian in bed sleeping, Brian in the throes, Brian getting dressed for work, even Brian watching some old movie.
His hand cramped under the now suddenly steel weight of his pencil. He surveyed the pages, they were some of his best work. He knew why. He had forced himself to remember everything, every nook he remembered on Brian’s body, every sleek contour that made him the perfect artistic specimen.
Big wet tears plopped on to the drawing Justin was holding of Brian with Gus, on one of the rare days they had him. Brian had been smiling so wide at both him and Gus, Justin was sure Brian’s face would break.
Dropping the picture on top of the rest, Justin gathered them up and held them to his chest as he finally left the bathroom. His legs were cramping and his ass hurt from sitting on it but he didn’t notice. Ethan had left him a note but left the radio on.
Putting the papers down he turned it up until he recognised the song. His heart constricted painfully. Suddenly Brian was everywhere, in his head and his heart so much that Justin was convinced he had never left, never moved out, never even thought of coming to live with Ethan.
Go and have your fun,
Laugh and sing,
But while we’re apart don’t give your heart to anyone.
The words washed over Justin as he pulled out his packet of matches and lit one. Slowly he burnt every picture barring the one of Brian and Gus.
He was still Brian’s, he knew that now. He always would be, but he needed this. He needed to move on to be something other than Brian and Justin.
Rolling up the last picture, he placed it in his lock draw in the desk and kept it there until the right time. Just like his feelings for Brian.
III - When Brian let it play after a particularly bad radiotherapy session. S4.
Brian had been vomiting for about an hour since Justin arrived. Not all the time, but long enough that Brian had given up and was laying flat on his belly in the bathroom, waiting for the next round.
“I don’t know how you have anything more to throw up Brian,” Justin said, with a slightly forced amused tone. “Makes me wonder what you’ve been eating.”
Justin watched as Brian slowly rolled on his side, his eyelids droopy, his mouth slightly parted, “I don’t know Sunshine but I know it wasn’t that shit you made last night.”
Justin snorted, he had made plain rice with beef in a plainer sauce because Brian was feeling particularly fragile, not that either one mentioned it.
Shrugging, Justin sat beside Brian, stroking his now soaked shirt as he rolled back on to his front, “It wasn’t that bad, it’s not like I made you eat those regulation meals.”
“They burnt my balls, nothing is worse than that.” Brian said with a shudder. Justin moved in case Brian needed to vomit but slowly Brian reached out and patted Justin’s thigh, stilling him.
“Burnt your balls Brian? I don’t think hospitals are into--”
Brian grunted, “Side affect, I have the most unattractive tan lines you’ve ever seen.”
Justin quirked an eyebrow, “Well, I may just hold you to that Mr Kinney.”
Brian grabbed Justin’s hand as he tried to get up, his face scrunched up as he tried to control the reflex. Justin held Brian’s hand but looked away, he knew how much Brian hated him to see this. The sounds seemed to rip from Brian straight into Justin. Biting his lip, Justin let go of Brian’s hand to grab a washcloth from the sink.
“Hey,” Brian said as he laid on his back this time, “Put the stereo on.”
The state of the art system daunted Justin so he just clicked play on the remote as far away from it as possible. Some tech-y Babylon song came through and Brian groaned, so Justin flicked it off and a familiar song came through the speakers.
Justin remained frozen in the same spot while Brian seemed to sigh in relief, “Y’know, this isn’t such a bad song.”
Baby don’t you know I love you so,
Can’t you feel it when we touch,
I will never never let you go,
I love you oh so much.
IV - When Justin has a date. S5.
“You’re a great guy, Justin.”
Justin frowned when there was no but. He relaxed his face when he realised that it was because Matt was serious. He liked Justin, clearly by the amount of touching he seemed to be doing. Justin barely had his hands to himself all night because Matt kept grabbing them.
There’s a low hum of music in the restaurant, in truth it kind of annoys Justin until he catches half a song in its wake.
If he asks if you’re all alone
And he can walk you home,
You must tell him no,
But don’t forget whose taking you home and whose arms you’re going to be.
Matt doesn’t say anything when Justin calls for the bill and wants to leave. He just smiles, grabbing Justin’s hand again, rubbing it gently until they reach for their coats to leave.
Brian was standing at the end of the street when Justin exited the restaurant with Matt. His dark hair was plastered to his head from the rain and no umbrella. He’s surrounded by a plume of smoke, clearly cursing even though Justin can’t hear him. Michael comes out of what he assumes is a restaurant with two big food bags.
Matt tugs on Justin’s hand, clasping it in his, “You okay?”
He looks down the street and spots Brian. Everyone spots Brian. God’s gift to gay Pittsburgh. “Your ex?”
Justin shrugs, Matt looks at him slightly confused -- he either is or he isn’t, “He’s Brian. You don’t need to know any more than that.”
Matt nods, letting go of Justin’s hand. He doesn’t call after their date and Justin isn’t bothered by it.
V (Bonus) - And one time Justin didn‘t need to hear it but did anyway. Post-S5 and beyond.
Brian was giving him a particularly dirty smirk from the other side of the impromptu dance floor on the grounds of Britin, in full view of his mother, and sister, who promptly rolled her eyes.
“Dance with me,” Brian half purred, demanded, as he scooped Justin up into his embrace.
Justin’s eyebrows rose, “And here I thought I was getting a quick fuck in the bathroom.”
Brian nodded, “That too.”
“You were always ridiculously romantic,” Justin laughed as he spied the dark sky, wondering if it would rain.
Brian’s smile grew wider as he walked Justin in front of him, ass to his groin to the dance floor, his voice playful in Justin‘s ear, “Just for you Sunshine, only for you.”
“Yeah, ask me again in another ten years,” Justin said as he tilted his head, letting Brian guide him around into the circle of his arms.
“It better be another ten years before we have another one of these,” Brian said with mock distaste as Emmett colourfully flitted in the background, making sure everything was running smoothly. Michael had pulled Ben onto the dance floor around the same time as Brian and Justin while everyone else seemed content to watch the festivities.
“Brian, it’s a wedding, you only get one.” Justin said, not with a sunshine smile, much worse, with a ‘let’s forget this and fuck’ smile.
“If it were up to you, we wouldn’t have even had this one,” Brian’s hand fell to Justin’s slowly rolling the platinum band on his finger.
“So you’re saying that you wanted this,” Justin gestured around, his face devilish in the garden moonlight of Britin, “Because you love me so much and even though said I didn’t want it, you had to have it because you need the world to know you love me…”
“You’re pushing it.” Brian said almost warningly but Justin knew better.
“It’s what got me here!” Justin laughed as they swayed in time to the music.
Slowly it quietened down until the DJ announced, “Here at Britin, for the first time we would like to present Mr and Mr Taylor-Kinney.”
Brian frowned, “I’m not taking your name, you’re the wife remember.”
Justin slapped Brian’s arm as everyone parted on the floor for them. “Shut up and kiss me before I divorce you.”
“And take all my money?” Brian said with eyebrows raised.
“And take all your money.” Justin agreed.
“Fucking heteros.”
“I love you Brian,” Justin said before he tiptoed to kiss Brian. Brian pulled back, looking down on Justin. It was 50/50 whether or not Brian would return the sentiment, still not completely comfortable with the words.
“You too.” Brian said with a devastating smile. Justin sighed and wrapped his arms around Brian’s neck as the song played behind them.
It was the only song that Justin requested to be played. He made peace with the knowledge he would never remember that special night, the night of his Prom, but if he couldn’t have that, he would have this.
Darling, save the last dance for me,
Save the very last dance for me.
It was late, after much fucking and ice cream eating in various rooms of Britin, and narrowly avoiding the guests that Brian and Justin ended up back at their room.
Justin rubbed his hand as he stood in front of the bed. Brian came up behind him, blanketing him with his larger body as he took Justin’s hand in his own and rubbed gently.
“I guess I really shouldn’t have given you that fourth hand job.” Justin moaned as Brian hit just the right spot in his hand.
“Hey Sunshine?”
Justin hmm’d as he leant back into Brian, his head resting under Brian’s chin.
“I love you.”
Justin nodded, “I know.”
Fin.
Author: Rae autumnrae89
Rating: PG-13
Characters/Pairings: Justin, Brian, Ethan; Brian/Justin, Justin/Ethan, Justin/Other.
Warnings/Spoilers: Swearing and innuendo. Spoilers (minor) for throughout the series.
Disclaimer: CowLip owns the characters of Queer as Folk; this is a piece of non-profit fiction and does not claim to be otherwise.
Summary: AU; It’s kind of surprising how one song can sum up one relationship so much and so well. It’s not surprising how much it means to Justin either.
Author Notes: Unbeta’d. My first (finished) Queer as Folk fic! I really hope you all enjoy it and feedback is appreciated.
~2,300ish.
I - When Brian tried to help Justin remember the bashing. S2.
You can dance,
every dance with the guy who gives you the eye,
Let him hold you tight,
…
But don’t forget whose taking you home and whose arms you’re going to be.
Justin forced himself to follow Brian as he led them backwards across the apartment. Daphne had left and Brian had told Justin not to force the issue but Justin needed to try again, regardless of how stupid he felt or how hard it was. He needed to remember this. He knew it. He knew deep down that if he didn’t try, Brian would never forgive him.
Justin stumbled as Brian turned them about the floor, he mumbled a ‘sorry’ but Brian shook his head. Brian pulled Justin back upright against the length of his body, letting Justin lean his weight on him for a moment as they continued their dance.
But Justin knew, the spark was gone, more than from the dance. There was too much hurt and pain between them. Leaning on his toes, Justin pressed a kiss to the side of Brian’s jaw before he let his hands fall away.
Sitting out on the curb beside Brian’s building, Justin wiped his face, trying to dry his tears before Brian found him.
Flexing his hand, fresh tears poured down Justin’s face. His hand might heal, might be okay, but this-- this was broken forever. Anything Brian felt for him would have been destroyed with that bat to his head.
Justin remembered as Mandy Sloan came to visit him at his house. She was a nice girl from his class, they spoke but neither was more inclined. She told him she was sorry and he believed her.
“What Chris did to you--” Mandy’s face scrunched up as she tried to articulate what she wanted to say.
“It’s fine Mandy, I get it.” Justin rolled his shoulders uncomfortably.
“But mostly I want to say, how brave you were.” Mandy blushed hard and looked down, “You and your boyfriend were wonderful.”
The word boyfriend had thrown him for a moment until he realised she meant Brian, “I- I don’t remember it.”
“I bet he told you all about it, the dance, the kiss. It was so romantic. Like a movie,” Mandy smiled until she realised Justin wasn’t smiling.
“Did something happen? Did you guys break up?”
“We were never together.”
II - On the radio at Ethan’s. S3.
“Hey,” Ethan said as he passed through the living room, searching and packing things. Justin sat on the old ratty couch with a pencil in his hand, listening to the soft sounds of the radio by his feet.
“You know, if you wanted music, I could have played for you,” Ethan said with a warm smile which Justin returned.
“I’m just enjoying the classics, the other classics,” Justin tapped his pencil on the paper as he waited for the inspiration to come.
Ethan looked at him, concerned, “Still having trouble with your art?”
Justin nodded.
“Well what do you draw when you don’t draw anything?” Ethan asked as he pulled a water bottle from the fridge.
Justin blushed and got up to cover it, walking into the bathroom. Ethan called to him, “Justin?”
Locking the door and shouting something to Ethan, Justin sat on the bathroom floor and started to sketch on his pad. He could draw his subject from memory, both visual and sensory. His fingers rubbed over lines of thighs and biceps and his pencil curved into a mouth and warm eyes.
Justin stayed where he was for as long as he could, just drawing and drawing, Brian in bed sleeping, Brian in the throes, Brian getting dressed for work, even Brian watching some old movie.
His hand cramped under the now suddenly steel weight of his pencil. He surveyed the pages, they were some of his best work. He knew why. He had forced himself to remember everything, every nook he remembered on Brian’s body, every sleek contour that made him the perfect artistic specimen.
Big wet tears plopped on to the drawing Justin was holding of Brian with Gus, on one of the rare days they had him. Brian had been smiling so wide at both him and Gus, Justin was sure Brian’s face would break.
Dropping the picture on top of the rest, Justin gathered them up and held them to his chest as he finally left the bathroom. His legs were cramping and his ass hurt from sitting on it but he didn’t notice. Ethan had left him a note but left the radio on.
Putting the papers down he turned it up until he recognised the song. His heart constricted painfully. Suddenly Brian was everywhere, in his head and his heart so much that Justin was convinced he had never left, never moved out, never even thought of coming to live with Ethan.
Go and have your fun,
Laugh and sing,
But while we’re apart don’t give your heart to anyone.
The words washed over Justin as he pulled out his packet of matches and lit one. Slowly he burnt every picture barring the one of Brian and Gus.
He was still Brian’s, he knew that now. He always would be, but he needed this. He needed to move on to be something other than Brian and Justin.
Rolling up the last picture, he placed it in his lock draw in the desk and kept it there until the right time. Just like his feelings for Brian.
III - When Brian let it play after a particularly bad radiotherapy session. S4.
Brian had been vomiting for about an hour since Justin arrived. Not all the time, but long enough that Brian had given up and was laying flat on his belly in the bathroom, waiting for the next round.
“I don’t know how you have anything more to throw up Brian,” Justin said, with a slightly forced amused tone. “Makes me wonder what you’ve been eating.”
Justin watched as Brian slowly rolled on his side, his eyelids droopy, his mouth slightly parted, “I don’t know Sunshine but I know it wasn’t that shit you made last night.”
Justin snorted, he had made plain rice with beef in a plainer sauce because Brian was feeling particularly fragile, not that either one mentioned it.
Shrugging, Justin sat beside Brian, stroking his now soaked shirt as he rolled back on to his front, “It wasn’t that bad, it’s not like I made you eat those regulation meals.”
“They burnt my balls, nothing is worse than that.” Brian said with a shudder. Justin moved in case Brian needed to vomit but slowly Brian reached out and patted Justin’s thigh, stilling him.
“Burnt your balls Brian? I don’t think hospitals are into--”
Brian grunted, “Side affect, I have the most unattractive tan lines you’ve ever seen.”
Justin quirked an eyebrow, “Well, I may just hold you to that Mr Kinney.”
Brian grabbed Justin’s hand as he tried to get up, his face scrunched up as he tried to control the reflex. Justin held Brian’s hand but looked away, he knew how much Brian hated him to see this. The sounds seemed to rip from Brian straight into Justin. Biting his lip, Justin let go of Brian’s hand to grab a washcloth from the sink.
“Hey,” Brian said as he laid on his back this time, “Put the stereo on.”
The state of the art system daunted Justin so he just clicked play on the remote as far away from it as possible. Some tech-y Babylon song came through and Brian groaned, so Justin flicked it off and a familiar song came through the speakers.
Justin remained frozen in the same spot while Brian seemed to sigh in relief, “Y’know, this isn’t such a bad song.”
Baby don’t you know I love you so,
Can’t you feel it when we touch,
I will never never let you go,
I love you oh so much.
IV - When Justin has a date. S5.
“You’re a great guy, Justin.”
Justin frowned when there was no but. He relaxed his face when he realised that it was because Matt was serious. He liked Justin, clearly by the amount of touching he seemed to be doing. Justin barely had his hands to himself all night because Matt kept grabbing them.
There’s a low hum of music in the restaurant, in truth it kind of annoys Justin until he catches half a song in its wake.
If he asks if you’re all alone
And he can walk you home,
You must tell him no,
But don’t forget whose taking you home and whose arms you’re going to be.
Matt doesn’t say anything when Justin calls for the bill and wants to leave. He just smiles, grabbing Justin’s hand again, rubbing it gently until they reach for their coats to leave.
Brian was standing at the end of the street when Justin exited the restaurant with Matt. His dark hair was plastered to his head from the rain and no umbrella. He’s surrounded by a plume of smoke, clearly cursing even though Justin can’t hear him. Michael comes out of what he assumes is a restaurant with two big food bags.
Matt tugs on Justin’s hand, clasping it in his, “You okay?”
He looks down the street and spots Brian. Everyone spots Brian. God’s gift to gay Pittsburgh. “Your ex?”
Justin shrugs, Matt looks at him slightly confused -- he either is or he isn’t, “He’s Brian. You don’t need to know any more than that.”
Matt nods, letting go of Justin’s hand. He doesn’t call after their date and Justin isn’t bothered by it.
V (Bonus) - And one time Justin didn‘t need to hear it but did anyway. Post-S5 and beyond.
Brian was giving him a particularly dirty smirk from the other side of the impromptu dance floor on the grounds of Britin, in full view of his mother, and sister, who promptly rolled her eyes.
“Dance with me,” Brian half purred, demanded, as he scooped Justin up into his embrace.
Justin’s eyebrows rose, “And here I thought I was getting a quick fuck in the bathroom.”
Brian nodded, “That too.”
“You were always ridiculously romantic,” Justin laughed as he spied the dark sky, wondering if it would rain.
Brian’s smile grew wider as he walked Justin in front of him, ass to his groin to the dance floor, his voice playful in Justin‘s ear, “Just for you Sunshine, only for you.”
“Yeah, ask me again in another ten years,” Justin said as he tilted his head, letting Brian guide him around into the circle of his arms.
“It better be another ten years before we have another one of these,” Brian said with mock distaste as Emmett colourfully flitted in the background, making sure everything was running smoothly. Michael had pulled Ben onto the dance floor around the same time as Brian and Justin while everyone else seemed content to watch the festivities.
“Brian, it’s a wedding, you only get one.” Justin said, not with a sunshine smile, much worse, with a ‘let’s forget this and fuck’ smile.
“If it were up to you, we wouldn’t have even had this one,” Brian’s hand fell to Justin’s slowly rolling the platinum band on his finger.
“So you’re saying that you wanted this,” Justin gestured around, his face devilish in the garden moonlight of Britin, “Because you love me so much and even though said I didn’t want it, you had to have it because you need the world to know you love me…”
“You’re pushing it.” Brian said almost warningly but Justin knew better.
“It’s what got me here!” Justin laughed as they swayed in time to the music.
Slowly it quietened down until the DJ announced, “Here at Britin, for the first time we would like to present Mr and Mr Taylor-Kinney.”
Brian frowned, “I’m not taking your name, you’re the wife remember.”
Justin slapped Brian’s arm as everyone parted on the floor for them. “Shut up and kiss me before I divorce you.”
“And take all my money?” Brian said with eyebrows raised.
“And take all your money.” Justin agreed.
“Fucking heteros.”
“I love you Brian,” Justin said before he tiptoed to kiss Brian. Brian pulled back, looking down on Justin. It was 50/50 whether or not Brian would return the sentiment, still not completely comfortable with the words.
“You too.” Brian said with a devastating smile. Justin sighed and wrapped his arms around Brian’s neck as the song played behind them.
It was the only song that Justin requested to be played. He made peace with the knowledge he would never remember that special night, the night of his Prom, but if he couldn’t have that, he would have this.
Darling, save the last dance for me,
Save the very last dance for me.
It was late, after much fucking and ice cream eating in various rooms of Britin, and narrowly avoiding the guests that Brian and Justin ended up back at their room.
Justin rubbed his hand as he stood in front of the bed. Brian came up behind him, blanketing him with his larger body as he took Justin’s hand in his own and rubbed gently.
“I guess I really shouldn’t have given you that fourth hand job.” Justin moaned as Brian hit just the right spot in his hand.
“Hey Sunshine?”
Justin hmm’d as he leant back into Brian, his head resting under Brian’s chin.
“I love you.”
Justin nodded, “I know.”
Fin.