Revisiting the past
Last week, I got out to ride a bit earlier one day, and rode for the longest distance yet, around 60km in 3.5 hours. It was almost totally dark when I got back to the car, with no bicycle light, and I was a bit sick of riding by the end. Why I was riding for so long was that I accidentally got to my high school, which I haven't been to since I left. There have been a lot of developement going on (2 brand new buidlings, a footbridge to an underpass under the freeway). I rode along the underpass and looked across the buidlings, but didn't go across. It was late, but kept riding for another 10 minutes after that, just wanted to see what that area is like now. Brought back some memories, what it was like running across that field, sports training after school. It was just after the school day had ended. There were students leaving school, at the boat shed getting ready, soccer and other sports training at the school across from mine, people queueing up for a run (cross-country running). My feelings have changed on school activities have changed subtly since then, it was ... quite a strange(?) feeling when I noticed it.
I graduated more than 5 years ago, but my room is still in a mess with university textbooks, course notes and some work materials littered all around with barely a walking path remaining. Finally got up the nerve to start organizing and cleaning up again last week. Looking at all the unversity course notes and materials, it seemed so remote and foreign. Did I really go through that? Of course, I was intimidated by the required/recommended reading in almost every subjects, so a lot of the material haven't been read at all. Regret also resurfaced, looking at the flimsy attempts at tutorials and exercises. Why didn't I work harder? For some stupid reasons, and didn't see, what I was doing and not doing, how it was affecting me, and future flow-on consequences. Hindsight is always clearer.
Last few days, I have been pretty stagnant. A lot of time looking at videos and on the net to occupy my mind and pass the day. Wondering what to do next even though I know there are a lot of things I can and should be doing. Can't carry on like this though. How will I support myself? Got to get a job and make a living somehow, the sooner the better, if not for me then for people who can benefit from me. Not all doom and gloom though, I got pretty big smiles on my face when I read about and saw pictures of my favourite person/actress online.
I graduated more than 5 years ago, but my room is still in a mess with university textbooks, course notes and some work materials littered all around with barely a walking path remaining. Finally got up the nerve to start organizing and cleaning up again last week. Looking at all the unversity course notes and materials, it seemed so remote and foreign. Did I really go through that? Of course, I was intimidated by the required/recommended reading in almost every subjects, so a lot of the material haven't been read at all. Regret also resurfaced, looking at the flimsy attempts at tutorials and exercises. Why didn't I work harder? For some stupid reasons, and didn't see, what I was doing and not doing, how it was affecting me, and future flow-on consequences. Hindsight is always clearer.
Last few days, I have been pretty stagnant. A lot of time looking at videos and on the net to occupy my mind and pass the day. Wondering what to do next even though I know there are a lot of things I can and should be doing. Can't carry on like this though. How will I support myself? Got to get a job and make a living somehow, the sooner the better, if not for me then for people who can benefit from me. Not all doom and gloom though, I got pretty big smiles on my face when I read about and saw pictures of my favourite person/actress online.