(no subject)
Allow me to vomit up some personal reflections...
I think part of the issue is that there really isn't anything I'm crazily passionate about right now. It feels like I'm drifting. A lot of my best work has come from being insanely dedicated to something. It encouraged me to want to be studious, to grow. Having a fandom helped like woah because I was always trying to grow with it. I don't know if it's depression, or lack of personal interest, or feeling burnt out from work, or just not being stimulated enough in my personal life-- school was wonderful because it was like-- forced stimulation. I welcomed the challenge of growth that it required of me. Maybe it's a mix of all of it. But I look at it, consider trying to do SOMEthing to grow, consider it not worth it, and decide to go to bed.
I've scheduled to make an appointment ASAP with a therapist. I want to have a few meetings with him before scheduling a psychiatrist appointment. I think my problem last time is that I immediately jumped to medication without trying to find life style changes. It was a band-aid that wasn't really working for me, especially when I was going through a complete life change.
I just. I see my closest friends creating things, being smart as fuck, being-- just being wow. And I'm like, I want to be like that too. But part of it is not knowing how. Part of it is realizing their interests are very different than mine, but I just don't know what mine currently are.
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