Annoying the locals within 20 minutes!
That's the sign of a good vacation in my book. I spent the weekend with roguegambit26 ,jerseybelle77 and wordplay__ in St. Louis last weekend. I had a great time too!
Only click the link if you're not easily offended...because there will be inappropriate shit happening in the write-up.
On my way out there I pass this sign:
LEAVENWORTH?? Isn't that a major badass JAIL? I need to be on my best behavior. So what it's an Army jail...I could still end up in it by some freak accident. Military or regular jail: I'm still way too pretty for it.
About an hour after this sign some stupid ass inbred hillbilly dickhead came with in millimeters of side-swiping me. That ignorant mouth breather didn't even look back before he thought he'd change lanes. THEN he laughed like it was the funniest thing ever after I slammed on my brakes and honked at him. I had to pull off the highway to re-group because it was too close for comfort and all my shit flew forward and onto the floor when I slammed on the breaks.
We were meeting up for lunch at Dewey's Pizza. It was yummy as hell and the hilarity ensued within mere minutes of sitting down. Like I said, I'm pretty sure we annoyed the waitress in under 20 minutes. I think she was pissed she had to wait on people since we were the only ones in the place. She probably wanted to take a nap before the dinner crowd came in.
After we finished lunch and made a short detour near Johnnie's Dungeon (not nearly as cool as it sounds...it was a costume shop) we arrived at our hotel, The Hyatt Regency. We have a room with a view:
The Old Courthouse said "Jefferson Expansion Memorial" on a plaque out front.
No lie. That shit expanded overnight.
Busch Stadium...those fans love their baseball. The were EVERYWHERE. In Cardinals gear. At all times.
Hyatt really does have nice comfy beds. And the best freaking pillows EVER!!!
After we settle in we decide to head across the street to check out the Arch. We weren't going up it because it's cloudy and we thought it might be better to view everything when it's clear and sunny.
DUDE!!! It's like Watership Down over there. Bunnies EVERYWHERE!!! I'm pretty sure the really big ones were hiding and plotting to come out at night to eat our sorry asses.
Someone told us the Arch had been there over 150 years. I totally believed that someone. She said it so convincingly. Despite taking this photo even:
I can do math, yo! 42 years, NOT 150.
We ventured down to the riverbank. The Mississippi is high right now:
I was told by the lovely toothless cashier at Huck's that I looked very pretty in pink. I think she was right. I DO!
Freaky, right??
A look into downtown from under the Arch.
Ours is the third window under the ridge on the left. You can see my white bag in the window. These rooms were so cool with their window seat ledges!
We decided that we'd like some Mexican food and drink for dinner so based on the recommendation at the hotel we decided to give El Borracho ("The Drunk" in case you're ever in a trivia contest) a try. Telling us "it's just a 5 minute cab ride away" lead us to believe it was easily within walking distance. HA. Boy, were we fucking stupid to ever think that. It's on 20th street and we're starting at near 4th...16 blocks, easy enough right? WRONG with a big fat capital W!!!!! But I'll get to that in a minute.
Right next door to our hotel is this:
REPRESENT!! Brother of spooky!
Hey, a St. Louis Dirty Sexy Money Fountain. Totally forget to check if it was dirty and/or had money.
So, we start walking and find some cool shit along the way (in the first few blocks):
Should have thought more of the bars on the windows. For reals.
This building had cool windows and was right past this empty mall:
As we approach the mall we all voice our concerns that it looks creepy, dark, and not too safe. Psssssh! In retrospect I'd walk through it with a bikini made of gold coins yelling "I HAVE MONEY!! HELP YOURSELF!! considering where we where headed.
As a rule of thumb anything past 11th street will lead you into a sketchy neighborhood. True fax, yo. As we keep walking (and walking and walking and walking) things are looking more and more "hoody" and not really the greatest of areas. We pass a YMCA...that should have been a sign, homeless dudes, someone who wants "change for a quarter" (for what, bro? Seriously!!), security guards wandering about (I took that as a good sign, the crime analyst among us was quick to correct me on that!)...holy fucking shit. This is NOT looking good. What the bitch at the hotel chose to forget is that "5 minute cab ride" = 1.65 MILES away. OH. MY. GOD. did my feet, hips and ankles hurt at this point. Also? Two of the group decide to book it a good block away from us and refused to answer their phones when we tried to call and suggest they WAIT THE HELL UP!!!!!
FINALLY we see the restaurant and see that it's starting to look a little more "safe". We seat ourselves and I instantly spot this:
HARDCORE midget wrestling. Not just your run of the mill shit but, HARD. CORE. I laughed so fucking hard over that. After Jersey and Rogue clean up in the restroom they decide we need to move to the back of the place because the seating is better. I for one am happy as a pig in shit once I realize that this comes along with our waiter:
KYLE! My man. How are ya???
I wanted to ask him desperately if he'd joined a boy band...but that's only funny if you watched a recent Criminal Minds. Kyle was HOTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111!!!!! Even though he told me he hated Cincinnati (really?? people are that into their baseball???) he did agree to let me braid his hair at the end of the night. He thought we were fucking nuts for having walked 16 blocks from the Arch...yeah, we were. The food was really good and the margaritas (that were a ripoff in price) could have been better. Would it kill them to throw some extra tequila in there???? After we ordered ("it's like a sushi bar", whatever the fuck that means Kyle!) we made sure Kyle knew his fine ass was calling our stupid asses a cab to take back to the hotel.
Sure enough, it's a 5 minute fucking cab ride from the hotel. Also? It's $200 to clean a cab if you vomit or throw up in one? Can anyone tell me the difference in the two? (vomit/throwing up) I really want to know.
We are tired as fuck at this point and just shower and chill. Tomorrow is a busy day!