Glee fic(ish): Valentine's Day
(Spoilers up to episode 3.10 - Yes/No.)
One night when Fanny was bored she called the Glee kids together and asked them all a very important question:
BLAINE: Can't wait for Valentine's Day. I'm going to bring my romantic A-game.
KURT: Oh, I am looking forward to that. I have fond memories of last season's, I mean year's, A-game.
BLAINE: Oh. Um.
KURT: When you led me on for months-
BLAINE: Look-
KURT: -culminating in a ridiculously showy, cheesy and rather inappropriate Valentine's Day gesture-
BLAINE: I was-
KURT: -to another guy.
BLAINE: Look, I was an idiot! I'd never had a boyfriend! I was really bad at reading signals!
KURT: We used to sing duets together.
BLAINE: …OK, I guess I deserved that.
SANTANA: Also, you told me I would never find love, in front of about fifty Breadsticks patrons and most of the Glee Club. In song.
COACH SUE: I had no idea you could be so refreshingly cruel, Other Gay Kid! Ever considered joining Cheerios?
RACHEL: We were broken up last year, weren't we?
FINN: Yeah, we were, I remember, because I spent last Valentine's Day convincing my ex-girlfriend to cheat on her then-boyfriend.
RACHEL: This year is going to be so much better, because now we're engaged and everything is super romantic and given our track record I don't see how anything could ever go wrong with this relationship.
FINN: Especially since you want to move to New York and travel around the world as a musical theatre artist, and I'm planning to stay and become a car mechanic in Lima.
RACHEL: I think it's fate.
EMMA: As people heading into our second marriage-second and a half for me, if being left at the altar once counts-Will and I want to congratulate you to your soon-to-be-first. Don't we, Will?
WILL: *is ass-hole*
EMMA: That's so romantic.
SANTANA: I'm looking forward to spending some quality time with Brittany. Since we started dating we've somehow gone from regularly having great sex to occasionally holding hands, because there are limits to what the audience can accept, I guess. I think it's about time we fixed that.
KURT: That reminds me, have you explained to Brittany what dating means?
BRITTANY: Wait, what? I only get to have Valentine kisses with one person this year?
SUGAR: I'm going out with Artie.
ARTIE: Huh? You said last week you wouldn't go out with me!
SUGAR: Yeah... but then I realised the chances for me are you or the Leprechaun, and honestly, can you see me in a storyline with him? Put us two together and you still barely have enough personality for one guest star.
RORY: I'll have you know I'm more than my Irish accent! I'm a fully fledged person with important storylines! I'll be back as soon as I've managed to get some proof of that.
PUCK: So I'm single again, which means I'm back to being a stud and will have SEX with several different women and never call them back. Puckasaurus back in the game!
PUCK: …
PUCK: Oh god I'm so alone.
PUCK: *cries*
TINA&MIKE: We have big plans. We-
MERCEDES: Oh my god everyone, I just realised I'm in love with Sam and have been since season two!
TINA&MIKE: -so we-
MERCEDES: I thought it was a summer fling thing, because he left and no one ever really thought he'd be signing on again, but now that he has that whole “recurring character” vibe I'm starting to see that he's my soul mate.
TINA&MIKE: -we-
MERCEDES: I have this feeling that Valentine's Day is going to be a lot about me and Sam. But then I'm going to have to break up with Shane and I'm not happy about that, because I was kind of treasuring my status as practically the only one who hasn't been a total dick to their boy- or girlfriend.
TINA&MIKE: …
MERCEDES: So yeah, that's my Valentine's Day. Expect fireworks. Oh, hey, Mike and Tina! What are you guys up to?
TINA&MIKE: Oh, no, nothing important. Just standing here being monogamous and drama-free. Don't mind us.
QUINN: I hate everyone.
GLEE: >:(((
QUINN: I mean, yay, Glee Club. Saved my life. Taught me right from wrong. Yay.
One night when Fanny was bored she called the Glee kids together and asked them all a very important question:
BLAINE: Can't wait for Valentine's Day. I'm going to bring my romantic A-game.
KURT: Oh, I am looking forward to that. I have fond memories of last season's, I mean year's, A-game.
BLAINE: Oh. Um.
KURT: When you led me on for months-
BLAINE: Look-
KURT: -culminating in a ridiculously showy, cheesy and rather inappropriate Valentine's Day gesture-
BLAINE: I was-
KURT: -to another guy.
BLAINE: Look, I was an idiot! I'd never had a boyfriend! I was really bad at reading signals!
KURT: We used to sing duets together.
BLAINE: …OK, I guess I deserved that.
SANTANA: Also, you told me I would never find love, in front of about fifty Breadsticks patrons and most of the Glee Club. In song.
COACH SUE: I had no idea you could be so refreshingly cruel, Other Gay Kid! Ever considered joining Cheerios?
RACHEL: We were broken up last year, weren't we?
FINN: Yeah, we were, I remember, because I spent last Valentine's Day convincing my ex-girlfriend to cheat on her then-boyfriend.
RACHEL: This year is going to be so much better, because now we're engaged and everything is super romantic and given our track record I don't see how anything could ever go wrong with this relationship.
FINN: Especially since you want to move to New York and travel around the world as a musical theatre artist, and I'm planning to stay and become a car mechanic in Lima.
RACHEL: I think it's fate.
EMMA: As people heading into our second marriage-second and a half for me, if being left at the altar once counts-Will and I want to congratulate you to your soon-to-be-first. Don't we, Will?
WILL: *is ass-hole*
EMMA: That's so romantic.
SANTANA: I'm looking forward to spending some quality time with Brittany. Since we started dating we've somehow gone from regularly having great sex to occasionally holding hands, because there are limits to what the audience can accept, I guess. I think it's about time we fixed that.
KURT: That reminds me, have you explained to Brittany what dating means?
BRITTANY: Wait, what? I only get to have Valentine kisses with one person this year?
SUGAR: I'm going out with Artie.
ARTIE: Huh? You said last week you wouldn't go out with me!
SUGAR: Yeah... but then I realised the chances for me are you or the Leprechaun, and honestly, can you see me in a storyline with him? Put us two together and you still barely have enough personality for one guest star.
RORY: I'll have you know I'm more than my Irish accent! I'm a fully fledged person with important storylines! I'll be back as soon as I've managed to get some proof of that.
PUCK: So I'm single again, which means I'm back to being a stud and will have SEX with several different women and never call them back. Puckasaurus back in the game!
PUCK: …
PUCK: Oh god I'm so alone.
PUCK: *cries*
TINA&MIKE: We have big plans. We-
MERCEDES: Oh my god everyone, I just realised I'm in love with Sam and have been since season two!
TINA&MIKE: -so we-
MERCEDES: I thought it was a summer fling thing, because he left and no one ever really thought he'd be signing on again, but now that he has that whole “recurring character” vibe I'm starting to see that he's my soul mate.
TINA&MIKE: -we-
MERCEDES: I have this feeling that Valentine's Day is going to be a lot about me and Sam. But then I'm going to have to break up with Shane and I'm not happy about that, because I was kind of treasuring my status as practically the only one who hasn't been a total dick to their boy- or girlfriend.
TINA&MIKE: …
MERCEDES: So yeah, that's my Valentine's Day. Expect fireworks. Oh, hey, Mike and Tina! What are you guys up to?
TINA&MIKE: Oh, no, nothing important. Just standing here being monogamous and drama-free. Don't mind us.
QUINN: I hate everyone.
GLEE: >:(((
QUINN: I mean, yay, Glee Club. Saved my life. Taught me right from wrong. Yay.