G-zuz it's been a long time.
First of all I apologize for the elongated pause in my posting, and also for the horrid and disheartening entry after which I decided to become to gawd-awful lazy.
Update on a life: (to start off with a pleasantly sour note) I am currently unemployed, however I have had bits of work here and there and presently don't really care if I get another job before the summer is out. I definitely don't feel as ambitious as I did at the beginning of the summer, it was like I NEEDED to busy myself, while my sisters were still at school I cleaned off my parent's roof- for free... cause I needed to be occupied, this was most probably because being busy is the absolute best distraction one can have. That’s tight the Wenders needed to be distracted from the elements of life. Jeff and I were taking an extended pause in our relationship, so he could sorta figure out his feelings (why are boys so freaking confused on this particular point?) without me giving him the lovey-dovey eyes cause they distract him... teehee (dun worry no extra details) but yeah, I had to be all industrious to avoid dwelling over the frightening possibilities the outcome of his self-exploration could yield. However I have little fears of danger now as things in that department seem to be unfolding quite nicely.
My poetry has I fear suffered from this flurry of industry. i do hope this will remedy itself soon. (I've written about 4 poems for the last three weeks which is a record low for this year). Although the stuff I have cranked out is interesting (if in need of major tweaking) I look forward to writing more.
I finished Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows at 10:34 on Saturday morning. I was satisfied and really wish I had kept my attachment to the series up more (it's been dwindling slightly since college... the effect of too many heckling intellectuals I'd say!) but yes I squeed and clapped and oooh-ed and gasped and all that lovely stuffins. And oh man there is no conceivable way in hell they are even quasi-properly making a movie out of it. I mean shit... it was a glorious excess of crucial details. And now before I am tempted to spoil any further...
New paragraph! Summer this has also brought to (in many forms) pieces of my past which given an extra year (last year the memories were still to close) have earned the most tasteful nostalgia and affection I could've hoped for. Instead of ashamed I am suddenly glad that I was the person I was in HS and not only because it lead me to where I am now.
I am teaching myself to take comfort in good company, something I had barely dared before, begun trusting my instincts, and not regreting feeling guilty about what my actions/words may have damaged. I am what I am, no apologies... and if you catch me apologizing for myself knock some sense into me!
I feel as if for the first time I'm looking forward for myself. The excitement is almost too much.
On a more tangible note: I was in eastern Washington for a while too so now I'm tan. it's hot.
and so... that's my life. Love it or leave it (although we all know I would prefer you choose the former)
poetry to come later