Never an excuse (Sequel to No Excuses)
Title : Never an excuse
Author : fantasydesire @solace
Chapter: Oneshot (sequel to No Excuses by my awesome sis a_life_defiant )
Rating: R (WARNING! ABUSIVE Jinki)
Disclaimer: I only own them in my own fantasy-like mind - meaning they are not mine really..
“It was an umma’s job to protect his children; the others didn’t need to know that their leader was capable of such things.”
…
It had been almost a week after Jinki had beaten him. It was twisted and unlikely - no one would expect the nice smiling angel-like Jinki to be a monster underneath that beautiful exterior of a man.
Kibum stared at his reflection in the mirror and examined the hidden bruises under his shirt.
“Almost gone..”
Kibum smiled ironically as he was reminded of domestic violence since he was seen as the umma and Jinki as the appa of their SHINee group. He quickly pulled his shirt back down when he heard the dance room door opened. A tall figure was reflected in the mirror and Kibum exhales a breath of relief. Minho.
Minho met his eyes in the mirror and Kibum could see the calculating look in them. Kibum smiled reassuringly. He knew Minho was the observant albeit a bit silent one. He needed to be extra careful with that boy.
It was well past midnight. Almost 3 in the morning, but Kibum was still not in bed. Minho laid silently on his bed and waited. The door creaked open and Minho closed his eyes, listening to the soft padding of Kibum's movement as he tiptoed to his bed and Minho could hear the faintest ruffling of sheets when Kibum pulled the blanket over him.
He realized that Kibum would always be the last to sleep and the first to wake up this past week. Kibum was pushing himself harder than usual and Minho did not understand as he always thought that Kibum was already good. Minho caught the scared look in Kibum's eyes when he made a mistake during their dance routine or when he sang. It was just practice for God's sake.. so why was the man terrified? Two weeks passed and Minho was left to wonder about it every single night.
Minho and Jonghyun were busy with drama recordings and SM The Ballad promotions. That left Jinki, Kibum and Taemin alone in their dorm. Jinki had been very kind to Kibum for the past two weeks - as if nothing happened. Jinki was concerned when Kibum looked tired - he would trace Kibum's face just lightly which earned a hoot from Jonghyun and a glare from Minho. Jinki was as usual, tripping over air and smiling sickly sweet which made Kibum wonder whether it was really Jinki who had beaten him.
Just when Kibum thought everything was finally going fine, he heard a pained scream from Taemin's bedroom. He dropped the plates and ran to see what happened. Kibum wrenched open the door and at the sight of Jinki backhanding their magnae sent chills down Kibum's spine.
“No! Leave Taemin alone!!” Kibum screamed at the leader.
“Key hyung!!” Taemin scrambled, trying to reach for Kibum but Jinki pulled him back and tossed him against the wall.
Kibum strode forward, yelling at the crazed man. “Jinki! Are you crazy?!! That's our magnae!!”
Jinki whirled on Kibum and grabbed his collar forcefully. “Shut the fuck up!”
And just like that, everything came back to Kibum - the pain, the screams, the hits. He did not think twice before pushing Jinki and pulling Taemin away from the eldest. He lead Taemin to his own room where there was a bathroom. He could not think of anywhere else to hide the boy. He wrenched the bedroom door open and slammed it shut in his hurry.
Kibum shoved Taemin into the bathroom and said in a panicked voice, “Stay inside. No matter what happens, stay inside.”
“Key hyung! No-”
Kibum kissed Taemin's forehead and quickly locked the door. His bedroom door crashed open, revealing a very angry Jinki.
“You pushed me, bitch!” Jinki's eyes were blazed with anger and he backhanded Kibum once.
“How dare you?!!!” Jinki punched the younger boy once. Twice. Multiple times and Kibum's mouth started to bleed.
Jinki pulled Kibum's head up so he can hiss in the rapper's face. “Just because you're doing well doesn't make it okay for the youngest to be slacking..”
“He's doing his best, hyung..” Kibum tried but that only angered Jinki even more.
“I don't wanna hear any excuses!!” with that, Jinki slammed Kibum's battered body up against the wall causing his head to knock against the hard concrete, making him see stars.
Taemin could hear Kibum's cries of pain every single time Jinki hit him. Taemin banged against the door and screamed Kibum's name again and again.
It was silent for a full 15 seconds.
The bathroom door was thrown open and Taemin paled. His whole body trembled with inexplicable fear upon seeing his leader making his way to him. Jinki fisted his hand in Taemin's hair and the magnae whimpered in pain. Tears blinded his vision and he closed his eyes when he saw Jinki raised his hand.
Kibum quickly threw himself and hugged the eldest left leg, pleading, begging for the magnae to be released.
“No. Jinki. Please. I'll do anything. Just don't hurt Taemin, please... please..”
Jinki looked at the pleading boy and warned Taemin in a deathly low voice, “Sing properly next time. And keep your mouth shut or ELSE.”
He forced his leg out of Kibum's grasp and growled low. “I'll be claiming that anything whenever I feel like it.”
When they heard the bedroom door was slammed shut. Taemin immediately hyperventilated, his body was trembling so bad and his breaths came out short and shaky. Kibum's heart broke. He threw his arms around the boy in a protective hold.
“It's okay.. It's okay..” Kibum cooed at the crying boy. He ignored the searing pain all over his body and continued to rock Taemin.
When Minho and Jonghyun came back, it was to see Jinki peacefully sleeping on the couch, and Kibum and Taemin sleeping on Kibum's bunk. Jonghyun smiled at the picture they made but Minho frowned as his eyes caught the faint red mark on Kibum's cheek and the concealed split on his lower lip.
The next morning, Taemin latched himself onto Jonghyun while Minho tried to make breakfast since Kibum was still asleep though it was half past 8 in the morning. Weird, Jonghyun thought. He ignored the funny feeling he got in his gut and focused on cheering up Taemin who seemed so down and reclused.
Jinki sat beside Kibum who was on the bed. “Key.. why didn't you tell me you're unwell?”
Kibum looked away, his voice trembled a bit as he held back his tears. “I'm okay, hyung..”
Jinki traced Kibum's nose. He placed his warm palm against Kibum's cheek and Kibum had to steel himself not to flinch from the man's touch. He wanted to recoil, but he was afraid of the consequences, so he just endured the soft caring touch.
“Just hold on for awhile.. I'll get the medicine..” Jinki said before disappearing into the kitchen.
Minho hurried into the bedroom when he saw the leader came out. He heard the muffled sobs Kibum was trying hard to smother. He touched Kibum's shoulder and the man flinched. Minho's heart clenched.
He lied next to Kibum and seconds later he could feel Kibum relaxed as he recognized Minho's tall athletic form. The bruised man curled into Minho's torso and Minho threw his arms around the slightly smaller man in a protective hold. Kibum hid his face in Minho's chest and Minho hummed their song, A-Yo, to lull the other man to sleep.
When Jinki came back in the room, he found Kibum wrapped in Minho's limbs. He frowned a bit but he kept quite. He placed the medicine on the bedside table and left the two men to nap a bit. They have got no schedule anyway.
Jinki turned to the living room, but there he saw the magnae dozing in Jonghyun's lap. The second oldest member was caressing the youngest on the face and hair and Jinki blushed, feeling as though he had intruded some cozy private moment. He decided to spend the day lazying in their manager's room - he was never there, so it was fine.
It was an umma's job to protect his child.. at any cost. Kibum learned that about a month later and he learned it the hard way.
Kibum bit his bottom lip as Jinki bit his shoulder hard, more than enough to leave a mark, when his orgasm swept through the older man's body. He felt the searing pain as the older man gave his final painful forceful thrust, and he whimpered. He felt the Jinki slipped out of his tired pliant body and he gave a silent thanks to the heavens when he was spared from being trashed about after that round of 'consented out of desperation' sex.
Having had his fill, Jinki left Kibum to his tears and pain then. The leader did not even bother to cover Kibum's shivering body with a blanket before he disappeared into the bathroom. Kibum limped to shower half an hour later and when he got out, his arms were suddenly filled with teary eyed Taemin. The latter knew and he apologized to the older man, crying his lungs out for not being able to do anything. Kibum comforted the teen despite his broken heart and tired spirit.
Four nights later, Kibum stayed in the balcony, letting the night wind caress his tired form. A pair of strong arms wound around his torso and he let himself drown in the familiar warmth. He got a whiff of the soothing scent that belonged to the other man alone and he smiled despite of his pain.
Kibum felt the man pressed a kiss on his shoulder and he snuggled closer in response. He winced a little when the other man tightened his hold.
“I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry..” the man apologized upon seeing Kibum's pained expression.
When the man rubbed Kibum's arm, he noticed the faint imprint of fingers and the almost healed wounds caused by a belt and scratches. He fumed. His fingers trembled as he traced those almost, but not quite, invisible marks.
“I could kill him for this..” he hissed, turning to confront their leader. Kibum held his hand and pulled him back.
“Don't. Please. I'm okay. We're okay. Just stay.. I need you.. stay..” Kibum whispered. The other man quickly enveloped him in his arms and Kibum let himself drown in his warmth. For now, Kibum was healed.
Seven nights after, Kibum could not take it anymore. He was tired. He was just so fucking tired. He sat in the bath tub, staring at the blade he sneaked in with him. He felt as if he was not in his own body as he watched his right hand moved out of its own volition. He watched lifelessly as his right hand carved a deep cut on his left wrist. He watched as thick crimson coloured liquid poured out of the cut.
Kibum reached up and turned on the shower. He stayed where he was as he let the warm shower cleansed his pain. Kibum closed his eyes and prayed for this to be the last time he felt hurt.
Minho waited for Kibum outside the bathroom and when Kibum did not come out after 10 minutes, he started pacing. Suddenly he felt his heart stopped. Fear clawed at his heart.
Minho turned the knob. Locked. He banged on the door and called for Kibum. No answer. Panic started to fill his heart. He turned the knob forcefully but still it was locked. He yelled for Kibum again. Silence. He roared in anger and frustration as he kicked open the door. The force was so hard, the door was thrown open and Minho held out a hand to stop the door from slamming into him.
He stepped into the bathroom and copper scent filled his nostrils. The bathroom was fogged but he found Kibum easily. The man was soaking wet and his face was deathly pale. Minho heard a clatter of steel and his eyes widened in panic as he saw the blood-tainted blade on the bathroom floor.
“Key!! Key!! Open your eyes!!” Minho tried to shake the man awake, but Kibum's head lolled weakly to the side. Minho gathered the man in his arms and rushed outside the bathroom.
Taemin who ran into the bedroom when he heard Minho's roar, screamed when he saw Kibum's bloody hand.
“Baby, what? What? What's wr-” Jonghyun who rushed to Taemin's side faltered when he saw his bestfriend was wet and covered in blood. He flew to the closet and pulled out a towel, a shirt, pants and boxers. He rushed back to Minho's side to tend to Kibum.
“Taemin, get me another piece of cloth t-”
“Fuck this shit.” Minho pulled out his shirt and ripped them into pieces so that he could tie the bleeding wound on his beloved's wrist.
Taemin was crying now. Jonghyun pulled the wet shirt off of Kibum's body as gently as he could. He sucked in a sharp breath when he saw the bruises on Kibum's body. Minho's eyes burned with rage and his hands trembled as he traced those bruises with his fingers. A slight shiver wrecked through Kibum's cold body and that seemed to snap them all back to work - Jonghyun stripped his bestfriend while Minho dried him.
Taemin handed the clean shirt Jonghyun had taken earlier to Minho. Minho's lips twitched a bit when he recognized the shirt as his jersey. Minho dressed Kibum in his shirt and pulled
He wrapped Kibum in his blanket and lifted the man into his arms. He tried to walk as fast as possible, but he was also careful to not jostle the unconscious man. Yes. Minho loved Kibum.
Jonghyun wrenched open the car's door and shoved the key into ignition before starting the engine. He stepped on the pedal as soon as the car roared to life. Taemin was quiet as he kept staring at Kibum whose head was resting in the crook of Minho's neck. Minho checked the Kibum's pulse every now and then and he was relieved to feel it there. Faint, but still there.
When Jonghyun pulled over in front of the hospital, Taemin jumped out of the car and pulled open the door for Minho. The three rushed to the emergency ward.
“Help us please. He's hurt everywhere.”
The young female doctor eyed the boys quietly. Her gaze fell upon the unconscious Kibum - his lips were already blue. She turned and called assistance. She motioned them into one of the empty rooms and Minho wasted no time laying Kibum on the bed.
The female doctor checked on Kibum with two other female nurses. They worked briskly, precisely and hurriedly but they were handling Kibum gently at the same time. Minho just watched everything from the side with a bated breath. Jonghyun pulled Taemin into his side and the younger boy hid his tears in Jonghyun's shoulder.
“He's okay. Got some nasty bruises on him.. everywhere.” the doctor finally spoke.
Minho could see the hesitation painted on the young doctor's face. She seemed to be searching for something in his face. He supposed she did not find anything but when she spoke, his heart seemed to stop for a few seconds.
“Did you have sex with him within these past two weeks?” the doctor eyed him.
Minho stiffened, but he answered while staring straight into the doctor's eyes. “No. Why?”
“He was sexually abused and that is gonna leave scar. No, I'm not talking the physical kind as those can heal fast. I'm talking about the emotional and psychological type of scar.”
Her explanation was met with complete silence, save for the sobs from Taemin.
“Do you know anyone who would do that to him?” the doctor tried, but still silence was all she received. She sighed.
“I won't force you to tell me, but I hope you know what you're doing. It's not gonna be easy from here onwards. If you need help, just knock on my door - it has my name on it.” Minho smiled a bit at the bad attempt of joke.
“He's stable for the time being. Any changes on the screen, call for me.” Jonghyun thanked the doctor when she left.
Minho, Jonghyun and Taemin stared at Kibum's still form. Worry was evident in their faces.
“He's sleeping..” one of the nurses told them.
“When will he wake up?” Taemin asked, his voice low like a whisper.
“Soon. Hopefully. He's not in full coma.. He's just... resting.” the other nurse offered.
“When he wakes up, make sure you do these few things..” the first nurse started.
“Don't let him near sharp instruments.” the second nurse butted in.
“Never, at any rate, leave him with his abuser.” the first spoke again.
“Maybe one of you could cook and do the cleaning for a change..” the second nurse chimed in.
At that remark, Jonghyun stuttered, “You.. you know us?”
“It's pretty obvious isn't it?” the first one smiled.
“Don't worry, we won't say a thing. You have our word.” the second one reassured.
Minho stared at them and when he saw only kindness and understanding reflected in both of their eyes, he bowed. “Thank you.”
The two nurses left the room. Minho sat beside the bed, holding Kibum's hand in his and waited for the man to awaken. Jonghyun sat on the couch in the room with Taemin tucked between his legs as the younger felt safer when Jonghyun literally wrapped himself around him. They waited and fell asleep.
Kibum's eyelids fluttered open, adjusting to the bright light. He felt bad. He turned to his right and saw lines of tubes attached to his arm. I'm still bloody fucking alive. He turned his head to his left and he felt worse. There he was, the one who loved him, the one who he had always secretly praying to come to his rescue. He did.
Kibum stared at Minho's haggard form. Even in his sleep, he looked worried. Kibum flexed his fingers and ran it gently on Minho's short hair. He stirred. Minho opened his eyes and jumped when he saw Kibum was awake.
“Oh God! Thank God!!”
Jonghyun was startled awake, jolting the magnae out of his sleep. They rushed to the bed where Minho was hugging Kibum tightly, yet gently enough to not hurt the man.
“You scared me. God. You scared me so bad.. Don't do that again. Please.. Please..” Minho sobbed brokenly.
“Don't scare us like that again, Bummie..” Jonghyun held Kibum's hand.
“Key hyung.. I'm so sorry.. It was my fault.. I'm so sorry~” Taemin said while pressing his face against Kibum's palm, crying and pleading for forgiveness.
Kibum just stayed quiet. Minho placed butterfly kisses all over his wet face and Kibum finally broke. He whimpered, cried and screamed his suppressed pain against Minho's shoulder. Jonghyun and Taemin cried at the sides, both holding onto Kibum's left hand. Minho let the older man hit him with his right hand. He let Kibum pour out his sadness, frustrations, pain and agony. He held Kibum through it all. When Kibum finally fell asleep, Minho still did not let go.
The next morning, Kibum woke up groggily. His eyes puffy, his nose still red but he felt safe as he heard Minho's steady breath and heartbeat. He turned his head slightly and smiled when he saw his bestfriend sprawled over the couch with Taemin nestled on top of him. His eyes caught a card and a flower bouquet on the table right next to him. He took the card and frowned when he recognized the handwriting.
'I'm so sorry. I'm leaving for a few weeks, or months, to get help.
I hurt you a lot and I'm so sorry for that.
Please forgive me.
I love you, Kibum. I really do.
But I.. I'm just so sorry..
Jinki.'
A hand covered the card suddenly and Kibum looked up to find Minho staring at him. A crease formed between the tall man's brows as he frowned a bit. Kibum knew the other was searching for his reaction, trying to figure out what he was feeling. Kibum's heart melted at the clear jealousy written all over Minho's face.
Kibum leaned up and placed a warm chaste kiss on Minho's lips. He took Minho's hand and placed it on his chest, right above his beating heart. He locked his gaze with Minho before mouthing, 'for you~' at the lead rapper. Minho blinked. He grinned widely and laced their fingers together.
Minho leaned in and brushed his lips softly against Kibum's.
“I love you. Be mine, please..?” Minho whispered against Kibum's lips.
Kibum closed his eyes in relief as he realized that Minho was willing to be with him despite of everything that had happened to him. He remembered the times when Minho would slip in his bed, hugging him and humming to him until he fell sleep. He remembered how the taller man had always taken care of him, giving understanding and unconditional love no matter what. He remembered that Minho had always been there for him.. with him.
A tear slipped from his closed lids and he felt Minho's thumb brushed it dry. He felt soft warm lips against his closed lids. He opened his eyes and stared into the big doe eyes. He smiled warmly. He nodded.
Minho pulled him into a hug and everything was alright again. Everything was fine again. He was loved. He was safe. He was happy... after a long period of silent suffering.
When Kibum giggled because Minho was nuzzling his neck, Jonghyun and Taemin jumped on him on the bed. They tickled him and he laughed hard.
Life was good.
Life was safe.
Life was happy.
Life was theirs.
At least this moment in time - everything good was theirs.