Redolence ♣ Original Prompt | Part 1
Title: Redolence
Prompt #: Original Prompt
Length: 12,016
Rating: NC-17
Warning/s: Bottom!Alpha
Summary: Yifan shouldn’t have wanted it but he had lusted after it for so long.
Yifan, an alpha of high social ranking, was never one to make a big deal out of his birthday, nothing really special happened when the seventh of November came each year. When he was a child his parties consisted of a simple dinner with his parents where they'd give him one gift each; a smaller but meaningful present from his father and another larger from his mother. When asked, he'd always say that his tenth birthday was the most prominent in his mind. His father had given him a basketball and his mother gave him tickets to visit Paris that Christmas. While the trip to France would be forever imprinted in his mind, it was the basketball that became his most prized possession, even as an adult. As soon as he could, he began to throw himself into learning the rules and guidelines of the game, as well as watching every match he could before it was time to go to bed.
In his academic subjects in school, he did neither badly or exceptionally. He remained forever in the middle threshold of the school rankings and was completely fine with that as long as he continued to be an ace in Basketball. With all that considered, he wasn't the best in his gym class. He often found his limbs were too long to control in anything other than basketball or track events.
It was in his emigration to Canada at eleven that really made his ability raise, swiftly climbing to be captain of the school's team in his second year and taking the squad to the finals for the first time ever. It was no surprise that he sat on top of the pyramid of popularity and it was great to start with, living as if he was looking through a kaleidoscope in glittering hues of yellow, red and light blue but it was when the slightly creepy girls began to amass around him that things went sour. His birthday and Valentine's Day became the worst days of the year extremely fast. He'd be adorned with gifts, cards and declarations that he could never wish to return. Yifan's parents always raised him to be polite and caring to others which became an issue as e true to learn the names of the girls and guys ― omegas, betas and alphas alike ― who doted on him and find out little details about them to be able to hold at least a short conversation with them.
His friends claimed he was giving them false hope by putting in an effort but in his mind, these girls were baring their feelings to him and he did not want to be the reason why they developed a complex in later life that hindered them in any way. It wasn't their fault, or his own, that he couldn't return their feelings. It often left him with an overwhelming sense of guilt and, weirdly, low self esteem.
He was placed on a pedestal so tall that the student population almost had a feeling of veneration towards him. He could never live up to what they had built him up to be and it really knocked his confidence. Nevertheless, Yifan always had basketball. The thick orange and black rubber held tightly in his hands as he sat in his room and considered if things had been the same had he been born an omega or beta. He often wondered if he would have been so good at basketball, especially since his stature and looks were down to his alpha dominated genes. He would probably never be able to jump as high for the final basket of the game or have the power to lead his team with such conviction. It was just, almost every other aspect of his life was lacking somehow.
He'd never dated or been appealed to by the scent of another, not even the male omega who had gone into heat right next to him in his lab class. He found people beautiful but never was attracted to them, it was a strange dilemma. One which had caused his mother to take him to see an expert in the sensory receptiveness of alphas. It would be a huge blow to the Wu family if Yifan couldn’t identify captivating scents but the doctor had told them not to worry given that Yifan could pick out and identify individual people by smell, that there was no problem in being picky in what would entice him.
There was nothing that could contain Yifan’s excitement when he boarded the plane that would take him back to China barely two weeks after finishing high school. Despite returning back to Guangzhou in every January and February for his wider family’s New Year celebrations, he missed China. There was something about landing Guangzhou Baiyun International that gave him a feeling of complete revitalisation, almost as if he was drowning in a glutinous like air when he was in Canada and around his parents. He was eighteen and had not once had any relationship beyond the physical with anybody, which worried his mother beyond belief. His lack of interest in either sex was less of a problem for his father who had more lax views on mating but the older man still showed visible concern. Almost every other alpha of Yifan’s age in Vancouver had been in at least one semi-serious relationship apart from Yifan himself. It was this pressure applied to him that urged him to seek out his return to China alone and he felt lighter with each step he took off the plane, more air rushing into his lungs despite the high pollution and particulate matter in the atmosphere.
It took barely anytime to move through customs and pick up his bags, he’d not told his grandparents that he was arriving on that day and so he had nobody to pick him up from the airport. That wasn’t a bother though, he had planned it that way. He wasn’t planning on staying in the city for long, just so he’d have enough time to find a job and somewhere to live anywhere else in the country. If anything, he only wanted a fresh start in a fresh place.
It was three months before his twentieth birthday that Yifan first caught a scent that stood out among the rest as he passed the entrance to Guomao station in Beijing on his way to meet a University student he’d befriended a few months after moving to the city. However, he ignored the appetising smell as somebody walking past with food, something he hadn’t eaten since he’d woken up that morning. It was because of that, that he dragged Zitao to go and get something to eat almost immediately.
Tao was an alpha but didn’t have the social power and Old Money that Yifan and his family did, hence the ‘wow, you live an apartment in the Marriott Imperial Mansion?’ when he first saw the obnoxious place Yifan’s parents had practically forced him into. Where Yifan's senses lacked in picking up on alluring people, Zitao’s nose seemed to hunt down people every second and was the main reason the both of them had managed to get laid over the eight months they'd known each other. However, that fact also meant they had gotten into numerous scrapes when Tao couldn't contain himself around an omega in heat and needed Yifan to drag him away or even use his status to overpower the other alpha.
It was two weeks later that the duo bumped into somebody who was far shorter than he and Zitao, the beta whose scent was nothing special happened to be an old friend from Tao’s first year of university when he did a language exchange project. The man had introduced himself as Jongdae and had somehow convinced them to go to this party he was hosting in his shared apartment.
Zitao, unlike Yifan, was the life of a party and had proclaimed that the both of them would be in attendance. It was Yifan’s worst nightmare, not only was the party the night after his birthday but it was one held in an area of the city he'd never been to before. It wasn't that Yifan had a silver spoon placed firmly between his lips that had caused him to avoid certain areas of Beijing but it was the fact that he was a creature of habit. The only places he dipped between were his apartment, Zitao’s apartment and the street the both of them worked on.
“Come on, it will help get you out of that ageing shell,” Zitao whined, his voice raising in pitch enough to make Yifan’s jaw tick. “The solitary alpha thing you have going on isn't going to find you a mate.”
Yifan hadn't exactly told his friend about his ineptitude for picking up on mouth-watering, sweet scents he'd read about in books and heard from friends. In Zitao’s eyes, Yifan should have mated long ago because of his own scent.
The aura, both invisible and sensory, Yifan carried was supposedly very desirable and had even made a few alphas away in their preference to be submissive rather than the dominant one. It had made Yifan shudder whenever he considered such a thing.
“Yeah, there will be lots of omegas there,” Jongdae promised, Zitao confirming by saying that his language partner hadn't ever lied to him before. “My neighbour is an omega and you know how they all cluster together.”
Yifan didn't know, he never really spent too much time with an omega that wasn't him trying to get a quick lay. Unlike Zitao, who wanted to claim every omega he touched. “I don't know, it's a weeknight and I'll have work the next morning.”
“Stop being such an adult, you're nineteen,” Zitao bit back, his eyes rolling and making Yifan flare up enough to flick his ear. “Oh right, you'll be twenty by then.”
Yifan could see that Jongdae was skeptical when looking him up and down, his thoughts clearly centred on the fact that Yifan was entering his twenties without a significant other. The alpha could see it in the beta's eyes and his own gaze slipped to the floor. He didn’t want to be judged because of it, there was a reason why he wanted to get lost in a population of over twenty million while in Beijing.
“I’ll send you the details or something over Weibo and we can see what comes of the evening,” Yifan didn’t look at Jongdae but he knew that his gaze was still dead set on him, as if he was trying to work him out.
Zitao, oblivious to the profiling happening right in front of him, pulled at Yifan’s arm in a signal that they were leaving, “We should probably go before this one dies from being outdoors so much. Bye, Dae, be sure to do that.”
“Have a good evening,” the beta smiled, his kittenish lips were in Yifan’s full view despite his head being slightly bowed down, “I hope to hear from both of you soon.”
Yifan let himself be dragged away, following Tao to the subway station and following the route back to the younger’s apartment.
“Tao,” Yifan hissed, some of his natural dominance seeping into his voice. “You can’t just invite me to this stuff, you know I’m not comfortable with it.”
“What’s there to be bothered by? You only need to show up, have a drink then leave again. It’s not taxing. It isn’t as if your parents will be there,” he knew that Tao didn’t understand his problem but it made it no easier trying to explain that going out was an onerous thing for Yifan in almost every respect.
He let the subject go, the more he fought it, the more he knew his friend would demand that he stay at the gathering for far longer than he could possibly ever want. Giving into Zitao and following his whims was always easier on the soul than fighting him. Yifan had learned that fast after befriending the boy.
~#~
Forgetting the party was something Yifan wished he could do but it seemed as though Jongdae had found him on Weibo (or Tao had given him his details, which he suspected was most likely to be the case) and was using it to live-post about his ever growing excitement. He had developed a habit of messaging Yifan to see if he was still going, as if facing the wrath of his best friend was not threat enough… Even hours before the gathering, Yifan received notifications from both boys to ensure that he was getting ready to be there at six. Yifan was half certain that they were going early, giving Jongdae and Tao time to catch up but he knew arguing was futile for his cause.
Turning up at the tightly packed apartment block filled him with dread, his bones felt heavy with it as he made his way up to the eighth floor by foot. A part of him wished he could throw himself down the stairs and be done with the party because of his ’accident’ but a call of his name as he reached the seventh floor caught him out. Tao dashed down the final flight of steps to greet him and guide him up to where there was a gentle hum of conversation swirling around.
It was at events such as Jongdae’s party that made Yifan feel relieved that he did not find scents overwhelming; he could see Zitao’s eyes dilating more with every breath he took in and a few of the beta guests were already struggling with the thick air around them. There was that tiny nagging part of his mind, the one he was certain was the merging existence of his parents, that told him that he should have been acting the same and he should have come undone around cloying pheromones. Yet, he was left breathing as though the room had the purest of oxygen sources around.
“You want a drink?” A semi-familiar voice asked from behind him.
He turned to look down at Jongdae and accepted the offered cup to him easily, “Thanks.”
He could feel the beta staring at his eyes, the heavy look made Yifan want to shut his eyes to conceal his small circle pupils, “I didn’t believe Tao when he said that you weren’t fazed by anybody but I guess it’s true.” Yifan thinned his lips in a tight smile, the perfect display of discomfort and he was happy to see that Jongdae was perceptive enough to pick up on the social cue. “Not that it’s a bad thing, I am dying here.”
“I’m sure you’ll survive,” the alpha commented as Jongdae’s eyes blew so wide at a group of alpha girls walking past them.
“I’m not sure I will,” Jongdae smiled, the movement making his cheekbones even more pronounced. “It’s all about choosing what I want tonight.” Yifan tilted his head to the side, making Jongdae laugh with an airy confidence Yifan could never claim to have. “I guess you alphas might not understand but the greatest thing about being a beta is the versatility to go either way. I get to pick what position I’m in, if you get what I mean?”
Yifan felt his throat close over, a vague envy towards betas simmering through his veins as he looked down at the pleased smile Jongdae was wearing across his ridiculously smooth skin. The funniest part was that the alpha could fully relate. For the first time in his life he wished that he was a beta with the ability to get everything he wanted, to have a more equal dynamic from his relationships and have control over that.
While he wasn’t a conventional alpha, he still had instincts to be in control but his were directed inwardly, he wanted to have power over his own social status and his own role in his relationships. He did not want his whole life to be commanded by what he was taught by everybody who could influence him. His parents, his teachers and his peers all pressed the idea that he had to be a certain way to be desirable onto him. Which wouldn’t have been a problem if he wanted to live like that.
“I think I kind of understand you,” he mumbled, taking a long drink from his cup and letting the mix of brandy and coke burn down his throat.
“Anyway, I have some friends I think you should meet. They aren’t here yet but my neighbour said they shouldn’t be long.”
“Which is your neighbour?” Jongdae pointed over his shoulder and he looked around to see a soft looking omega with eyes that were large enough for the dim lighting to sparkle into.
“Don’t be deceived by his looks, he’s a feisty omega,” the beta sounded almost delighted by that fact and Yifan could feel something akin to hope flare faintly in the pit of his stomach. “You don’t know how many times I’ve had to grant him sanctuary in my apartment because he’s riled a few alphas up a little too much.”
Yifan was itching to meet the omega, his fingers twitching by his sides as he felt the unmistakable weightlessness of relief whilst Jongdae whistled loudly to gain his attention and the omega made his way over. The alpha was ever so slightly disappointed to not gain any sensory reaction from himself towards to the newcomer but he knew he would probably never experience that kind of thing.
“I’m Lu Han,” the omega greeted, holding out his hand for Yifan to shake, which he accepted readily.
“Yifan,” he responded and he could feel the predatory once over the shorter omega gave him. “Jongdae says you’re quite a handful.”
“Jongdae says a lot of stuff he knows jackshit about,” Lu Han chimed, ruffling the hair of the beta affectionately and Yifan found the interaction endearing. “He’s constantly telling people how much of a naughty omega I am.”
Yifan was going to say something, what was going to fall from his lips was stopped short in his throat as he felt his world give out beneath his feet. A part of him wished it was an earthquake, that his shaking vision and lucid mind was because of a natural phenomena but he knew it wasn’t. He felt his mind wracking for more understanding of the situation but it was out of his reach.
“Xing-ah, you’re here,” Jongdae announced but it was so far away from Yifan’s consciousness that he barely registered that anybody had spoken. He could only look at the arrival who had made his presence known, his eyes were unwavering and he could feel the other looking back at him just as intently.
“Holy shit,” something hit Yifan’s arm with enough force to pull him out of his stupor and his eyes snapped over to Lu Han. “You two just had a moment, right?”
Yifan’s mind ran in circles to understand what was going on, his brain screaming at him to both run and stay; his fight or flight instincts getting jumbled up in a mass of unnerved feeling.
“Can you two just give me a minute?” Jongdae spoke softly, his hand going to Yifan’s elbow and dragging him away from the two omegas to find somebody else. Tao, Yifan guessed. When his best friend came into view, Jongdae was shouting his name and prying him away from the beta he seemed to have grown acquainted to. “I think he had his first moment.”
“Fuck,” Tao downed the rest of his drink before Yifan was being guided to a seat in the corner of the room, right beside the window but the elder alpha felt his eyes trying to to find the omega who had caused him to react like he was out of his own grip. “Yifan, how do you feel?”
“Confused,” he muttered, his voice breaking as he looked harder for the omega.
“You found somebody that has the mating effect on you, can you smell anything new?” Tao knew that Yifan’s scent memory was something that was unrivalled in power, the elder storing every individual smell he could pick up on for safekeeping.
“I’ve smelt it before, it was a long time ago and it was brief, I thought it was food,” Yifan allowed his eyes to jerk back to his friend and he saw Tao biting his lip to stop himself from laughing.
“You thought that the scent of an enticing omega was food?”
Yifan scowled, his brow knitting together darkly, “I didn’t know it could have been a person, I didn’t think I could even have a moment or whatever you’re all calling it.”
“I know, but it’s kind of funny though.” Jongdae interjected, finally taking his hand away from Yifan’s arm. “At least you know you want to eat him.”
“Dae-ge,” Tao gasped while Yifan felt his face turning red at what was implied. “That’s just crude.”
“I’m just saying,” the beta rose his hands up into a surrendering position and Yifan found himself thankful for the distraction. It helped to clear his head of chocolate coloured eyes, wide and glossy, looking up at him as though he was the only moon in existence.
“How do guys live like this?” Yifan queried, finally having some sympathy for those driven purely by their instincts.
“This stuff doesn’t happen often; a moment is pretty rare but they can happen. I had one before I left Korea, it doesn’t mean anything if you don’t let it, it’s more like a strong declaration of instant mutual attraction on almost every level,” the beta replied, Yifan taking in every word as if he was a sponge and Jongdae a fountain of knowledge. “Though, if you’ve never had this sort of appeal before, I would advise pursuing it. Yixing would be a good first for this thing.”
“Yixing?” Yifan asked, tilting his head more to the right.
“The omega, the one you had your earth shattering attraction to,” Jongdae’s tone was one that was ever so slightly condescending towards Yifan but the alpha didn’t have it in his heart to care in any way. “He’s probably having a harder time recovering than you, though, not having the alpha instincts guiding him out of it. So, it might be best if you went home.”
“Really?” The alpha didn’t quite know why he felt nervous at the thought of leaving the omega, Yixing, if he had felt everything at a more heightened rate. “Should I not see if he’s okay?”
“Take his advice, ge,” Tao advised, “We’ll give the omega your details and leave it up to him to contact you, he might not want what you do.”
Yifan nervously agreed, Jongdae finding a piece of paper for him to write on and the elder wrote almost every means of contacting him that he could. Other than his address, which Tao had cleverly told him to leave out ― just in case the omega was the type to chase for money ― which earned him a stern smack across the back of his head from Jongdae.
~#~
He hadn’t even got back to abundantly spaced apartment before his phone vibrated with a text message, Yifan prepared himself for a slightly intoxicated selca of his best friend but his head buzzed when he caught sight of the unknown number on the screen. He slid his thumb across the screen, his eyes taking in the grey bubble of text.
Unknown Number:
Hello, Yifan-ge, I am Zhang Yixing.
Yifan smiled at the words, his fingers saving the number into his contacts without really paying attention, the name of the omega standing prominent as one of the only omegas in the long list of people Yifan would barely call acquaintances.
Wu Yifan:
Yixing, from the party, right?
Zhang Yixing:
Yeah, I did try to find you but Jongdae said you’d left. He said it was your first /moment/ and they weren’t sure how you’d react, so I understand.
Yifan closed his eyes, wanting the world to swallow him whole as he read what the younger had written to him and he hoped with every fibre of his being that Yixing wouldn’t judge him for that. He only opened his eyes and let himself into his apartment once his phone had vibrated in his hand again.
It was my first too, so I’m kind of glad that I can have my first conversation with you without being in a complete state.
Wu Yifan:
I can make less of an idiot of myself talking like this too.
Yifan let himself sit on his sofa, his phone glued to his hand as he and Yixing learned the basics about each other. He had found that the omega was surprisingly easy to connect with, topics flowing endlessly between them and Yifan had never smiled so stupidly while tapping on the screen of his phone. There was so much he felt as though he didn’t know about life when Yixing sent something new, like the younger man had this predisposed aura of kindness and wonder with everything that Yifan admired. He had discovered that Yixing, too, hadn’t ever been in a serious or long term relationship ― much to his parents’ dismay. Yifan could relate. If there was anything that Yixing said about his life, specifically his love life, Yifan could establish a link through it. He felt that Yixing was also pushed into a box, that he needed to find a mate before some non-existent timer ran out or he would live his life as the lonely omega everybody pitied. While there was less stigma around an un-mated alpha, Yifan knew that it wasn’t favourable to be older and without a mate.
Yixing explained that, in more recent years, it had been increasingly difficult to get a job while being un-mated; as omegas without a beta or alpha were often viewed as unstable or lacking in control. They were viewed as something to tempt those who would spend a lot of time around them.
It made Yifan realise that the pressure he felt could have been even more if he had been born as an omega, the clear inadequacies he found in what Yixing had confided in him over their six hour long texting fest had him spluttering. He wondered if Yixing had ever thought of giving himself more control or if somebody had ever let themselves be at his whim ― emotionally or physically. The hope Yifan had found after Jongdae had talked about Lu Han returned with force in his stomach. Instead of being a kindling ember, it felt more like flames licking and caressing up his body and to his throat.
~#~
The date they set up was a simple one, no dinner or a trip to the cinema; it was just drinks at a bar. They hadn’t wanted the fuss of having to feel obligated to sit through over an hour of eating or multiple awkward hours in a movie theatre, it was casual. That was how they agreed to start out, casual. Neither had properly dated before, Yifan confessed vis their text messaging that he had never even consider asking somebody out before and they both felt as though being each other’s firsts in this was an already daunting task. So meeting in a middle of the range bar was what they had decided.
There were very few parts of Yifan that followed alpha instincts but his want to care for somebody else always showed through. He knew Yixing would have a lot less disposable money then himself, his parents’ hefty allowances still filled his bank, even after he had explained that he had a job that payed a slightly decent wage. Yixing seemed to welcome Yifan’s offer of being the one to buy each glass of whatever he fancied at that moment, it was a relief that Yixing had always asked for half sizes. The omega had admitted to his low alcohol tolerance, which made him a liability to drink full sized shots and larger drinks, it wasn’t like they were quite at drink sharing stage either. Yifan explained his childhood, his abstract success in basketball and average grading scores; he had even told Yixing of how he had booked his ticket back to China on a whim and tried to make his way on his own, as best he could. It wasn’t like he didn’t know that his parents could have involved themselves in his life at anytime.
Yixing, in return, told Yifan of dancing and student years. He, too, had made a split second decision to choose Beijing when filling out his applications. The omega wasn’t one to stray far from home, usually at least, and that he felt comfort in being around his beta father and omega mother. He had told of how he hadn’t ever fully got to know any alphas and the safety he sought in betas was what had drawn him to Jongdae when they met. The horror stories omegas shared of alphas who took everything too far filled university campuses and that was what made him more ready to accept the more submissive betas as his friends, not alphas like many other would.
Yixing was staring at him with an discernible expression, his lips pursing and eyes swirling as the cogs turned in his brain to speak the next words, “You’re pretty submissive for an alpha, you know?”
And just like that, Yifan’s childhood was flashing like a projected movie reel on the backs of his eyelids. All the times his parents frowned at how easily he gave in, all the times he ran instead of fighting and all the times he accepted that he was faulty, rather than urging everybody that he was fine. It made sense, he had always been submissive but he guess that couldn't be helped. He was raised by two powerful alphas, both of them proving their dominance over one another and Yifan himself. Maybe it wasn't in his nature to be submissive, but rather nurtured into him.
“Yeah, I do,” he laughed almost bitterly, his eyes slipping from Yixing’s face to his own drink. “My parents know too.”
“Oh, I'm sorry,” The apology was whispered, as though Yixing had damaged him further but Yifan patted his leg under the table.
“It's okay, it doesn't bother me,” Yifan assured him softly, Yixing’s eyes drew in up a concerned look, “It used to. Bother me, that is. I've accepted it now, it's just a shame that nobody else has. I've got this aura and power within me that fools everybody into thinking I'm something I'm not.”
“I don't really know how you feel,” Yixing mumbled, “I'm the embodiment of the ‘perfect’ omega. I don't ever argue, I don't let loose and I am drawn to the most dominating in the room.”
Yifan wasn't sure if it was one of the five double whiskey shots he had drunk in the previous half an hour but what little boldness he did have came out. “Come home with me and we can teach each other?”
It was out on the street when Yixing’s lips pressed softly to Yifan’s, making the alpha release a disappointed sigh, “Xing, you need to press harder. Your lips lead mine and your tongue stays in my mouth until the right time.”
“I don't think I can do this, Yifan,” Yixing stepped away, his eyes submissively drawn to the floor. “It isn't right for me.”
“I'm not forcing you into anything,” the alpha spoke calmly, allowing his soothing aura to relax the younger man. “It was a suggestion, not a command.”
“But I want to do this,” Yixing sounded shy, unsure of himself, “I want to know how it feels to dominate and see if I like it.”
“Then we can take it slow,” Yifan allowed himself to be the presence that the omega in Yixing needed, he knew Yixing was special from the moment his scent caught in his mouth. Yifan’s large hand caressed as the omega’s softly sculpted cheek, the other pressing lightly into the touch.
It felt strange that his alpha nature was announcing itself to comfort Yixing because Yixing couldn't dominate him just yet. Each thing Yifan knew about prospective mates flew out the window; he didn't feel the urge to claw for what he wanted, no pressure to be in control constantly and no cry of pure need. Schools taught alphas that all they would want was to knot the one they wanted to be their mate but the main thought Yifan had was how his knot would look trapped between their stomachs as the omega thrust into him.
Alphas weren't supposed to want that, let alone think like it but Yifan always had been a little faulty.
~#~
Yifan had walked Yixing home, the promise of doing more the next time lingering between them as Yifan kissed him goodbye. The alpha showing just how he wanted Yixing to dominate him, though the omega didn't look as though he had taken any notes with his flushed face and scent that seemed to grow damper the longer Yifan stared at him. It wasn’t like that scent didn’t have an impact on Yifan, Yixing was the only omega who had ever stood out to him and his arousal wasn’t something that could be ignored. If anything, it made Yifan want him more, that Yixing could sate a need that he shouldn’t have. He was relieved that Yixing hadn’t laughed at his unconventional desire, there was a consoling tier to the fact that his request had been taken earnestly and it had somewhat appealed to the omega.
He left Yixing with a warm smile, the expression returned with a dimple he poked lightly and he could see some of Yixing’s anxiety escape with the touch. His departing words seemed to have the desired effect as he saw the tense shoulders of the younger relax almost completely, “I don’t want there to be roles between us, I want there to be equality and space for a relationship to be nurtured on that basis. I’m not saying that I am fully ruling out myself being the ’top’ because there are going to be times where we both want and need that. Nevertheless, I will completely understand if you don’t want this. If you would rather want somebody who is more suited to your needs to be with then I will not get in your way but I thank you for trying.”
He walked away, not fulfilling his promise of taking the younger home with him but he knew Yixing would need some time to adjust to the idea. He was able to understand how it felt to go against each of his instincts, to drive them into the back of his mind and chase after something he truly wanted and not what his status dictated. He knew the turmoil Yixing would be having, every part of his brain would be yelling out for him to go with his instinctual urges, to let them be the baseline for how things would continue and Yifan found himself fretting that he had driven away his first potential mate within a few weeks of knowing him. He could have waited a few months, maybe after they had managed to build more rapport with each other, to feel more comfortable with the other’s presence and know the physical limitations they would face.
Yifan worried over the days that followed without Yixing contacting him, despite the fact that they hadn’t spoken everyday before their date. His thumbs lingered over the keyboard on his phone in attempts to formulate a text message to send to the omega, even though he normally just sent a plain ‘hello’ as his greeting in the times beforehand. Yifan didn’t want to seem pushy or obsessed with the idea of an omega being the one to dominate him, he spent hours on end going over his last conversation with the younger man, running through the things he could have said or what he should have kept to himself. It was a quandary he could not escape from.
At least until he woke up to head to work with an answer phone message from Yixing, the younger male staying up far later in the evening than himself on a regular basis, and it was the omega asking if Yifan wanted to meet up for lunch. Yifan, as always, had his hour long break at 13:20, he responded with a quick text to say just that and he hoped that Yixing would be awake for that time. There was a sense of uncertainty as he sat through a Monday morning meeting about the schedule for that week, it crept through him like a spider of concern and he had visions of Yixing telling him that something was wrong with him. Just like everybody else in his life.
It made Yifan think about how his parents would react if he were to introduce Yixing as his mate. He pondered over whether they would like the younger male, if they would accept him or say that Yifan hadn’t chosen right. It was something he disregarded quickly; Yixing seemed perfect. The omega was handsome, timid yet robust looking and charming to the nth degree. There was no way his mother wouldn't be cast under Yixing’s spell, her adoration for anything lively and cute was overwhelming; Yifan could only imagine her reaction to seeing a dimple.
Hours seemed to fly by once Yifan’s body had succumb to the anxiety that pitted itself in every crevice of his body. He could not bear to watch the clock tick by as he worked as a Runner for a television service, he was too busy to keep track of time and he was shocked when his boss called for lunch at the exact time he always did. If anything, the fact that five hours hurtled past him left him with the impression that he was under prepared to meet the young man he was sure to have scared off. He let his bones click as he stretched his body out and he checked his phone to see that Yixing had chosen to meet in a coffee shop across the street to Yifan’s work building. The neutral but familiar territory spoke to Yifan of high chances that Yixing would be pressing on the big red abort button that Yifan had placed on their relationship with his stupid, running mouth.
He arrived to find Yixing waiting at a small corner booth to the left hand side of the small space, his hair reflecting the light shining in through the floor to ceiling windows and Yifan wondered if he had ever seen something so radiant. It used to baffle him when he thought about his lack of attraction, yet watching Yixing stare as the world moved by left him with the sweetest taste in his mouth. It felt right to have waited until he had found somebody coaxing.
The younger male greeted him by standing up with a smile once he noticed Yifan lingering by the door, his fingers curled in a ‘come closer’ gesture and Yifan found himself readily obeying the request. There was a long pause before either of them spoke, the elder settling into his seat and taking his time in removing his jacket button by button, arm by arm. Yixing watched him with a concentrated gaze, his eyes were sharp but still had the lingering sparkled glossiness to them. Yifan was so easily mesmerised by the omega that it didn’t bother him that there was an awkward topic that hung between them on a fine thread and that the silence was something that needed to be broken.
Yixing looked as though he had just woken up, given his meagre attempts to tame his scruffy bed hair and there were fine wrinkles all over his shirt from where it had been either stuffed into a drawer or picked up from the floor. The alpha should have been offended at the lack of effort instead, he found it adorable. The young man sat in front of him was the vision of what everybody expected Yifan to have in a mate and, in all honesty, Yifan had thought he wouldn’t have ever been attracted to somebody who his parents would have approved of. Sons who had rebellious streaks did not usually go for the kind of person their parents would wish upon them but Yifan knew there was something different within Yixing. There was an unknown entity lying dormant beneath the omega's skin that had his mind swirling with possibilities.
“You called,” Yifan started, his mouth finally kicking into action once he saw Yixing’s dimpled smile appear, along with a dash of pinky bashfulness.
“Yes,” Yixing cleared his throat, shifting slightly on his hips in his seat, “I have been thinking. About what you said.”
Yifan felt his eyebrows raise involuntarily, his lips quirked at the edges, “Really?”
Yixing nodded softly, his eyes falling down to where his fingers were toying with the slightly frayed seam of his long sleeved t-shirt.
“I have,” he whispered, there was a long, pregnant pause before Yixing took in enough oxygen to formulate words. “I want to try and do it.”
“Seriously?” Yifan’s face, voice and posture screamed dumb innocence and Yixing laughed out awkwardly.
“Yes,” he reiterated. “I can see that you’ve had this secret for a long time and there was a sense of relief when you finally told somebody, I found that ridiculously brave. We barely know each other and there was this small voice in my head that told me that if you trust me enough to tell me that deepest secret then I should give you my trust back. I don’t feel like I owe you anything, so there is no need to worry about that.
“There’s this quote by John Churton Collins that says ‘If we knew each other’s secrets what comforts we should find.’ and I thought about it a lot while sifting through everything in my mind. I came to realise that knowing your secret has changed something in my mind, almost like some switch has been flicked somewhere far into my primal side that told me I wanted to try it. I slowly noticed how each of my friends who are of the same ranking as me felt used by alphas and betas so often and I don’t want to experience that. Not when I have just found this connection with you.”
Yifan took a moment to process everything, his initially surprise hadn’t yet morphed into another emotion and yet, he continued to stare at Yixing. He could not fathom as to how somebody could have been so wonderfully accepting of his strange predilection.
“I only have one requirement,” Yixing’s voice aided in the levelling of Yifan’s heart and the alpha was aware that he had begun to lean forwards with his elbows on the table.
“That is?”
Yixing gulped a breath, as if sucking in the most amount of oxygen into his lungs would push the words right out, “I want doing that to be our first time.”
Yifan wished he could have quashed the excited bleat in his throat before it left his lips, yet the undignified noise came out loudly and helped to push Yixing into a comfortable, teasing fit of giggles.
♣ Part 2 ♣
Prompt #: Original Prompt
Length: 12,016
Rating: NC-17
Warning/s: Bottom!Alpha
Summary: Yifan shouldn’t have wanted it but he had lusted after it for so long.
Yifan, an alpha of high social ranking, was never one to make a big deal out of his birthday, nothing really special happened when the seventh of November came each year. When he was a child his parties consisted of a simple dinner with his parents where they'd give him one gift each; a smaller but meaningful present from his father and another larger from his mother. When asked, he'd always say that his tenth birthday was the most prominent in his mind. His father had given him a basketball and his mother gave him tickets to visit Paris that Christmas. While the trip to France would be forever imprinted in his mind, it was the basketball that became his most prized possession, even as an adult. As soon as he could, he began to throw himself into learning the rules and guidelines of the game, as well as watching every match he could before it was time to go to bed.
In his academic subjects in school, he did neither badly or exceptionally. He remained forever in the middle threshold of the school rankings and was completely fine with that as long as he continued to be an ace in Basketball. With all that considered, he wasn't the best in his gym class. He often found his limbs were too long to control in anything other than basketball or track events.
It was in his emigration to Canada at eleven that really made his ability raise, swiftly climbing to be captain of the school's team in his second year and taking the squad to the finals for the first time ever. It was no surprise that he sat on top of the pyramid of popularity and it was great to start with, living as if he was looking through a kaleidoscope in glittering hues of yellow, red and light blue but it was when the slightly creepy girls began to amass around him that things went sour. His birthday and Valentine's Day became the worst days of the year extremely fast. He'd be adorned with gifts, cards and declarations that he could never wish to return. Yifan's parents always raised him to be polite and caring to others which became an issue as e true to learn the names of the girls and guys ― omegas, betas and alphas alike ― who doted on him and find out little details about them to be able to hold at least a short conversation with them.
His friends claimed he was giving them false hope by putting in an effort but in his mind, these girls were baring their feelings to him and he did not want to be the reason why they developed a complex in later life that hindered them in any way. It wasn't their fault, or his own, that he couldn't return their feelings. It often left him with an overwhelming sense of guilt and, weirdly, low self esteem.
He was placed on a pedestal so tall that the student population almost had a feeling of veneration towards him. He could never live up to what they had built him up to be and it really knocked his confidence. Nevertheless, Yifan always had basketball. The thick orange and black rubber held tightly in his hands as he sat in his room and considered if things had been the same had he been born an omega or beta. He often wondered if he would have been so good at basketball, especially since his stature and looks were down to his alpha dominated genes. He would probably never be able to jump as high for the final basket of the game or have the power to lead his team with such conviction. It was just, almost every other aspect of his life was lacking somehow.
He'd never dated or been appealed to by the scent of another, not even the male omega who had gone into heat right next to him in his lab class. He found people beautiful but never was attracted to them, it was a strange dilemma. One which had caused his mother to take him to see an expert in the sensory receptiveness of alphas. It would be a huge blow to the Wu family if Yifan couldn’t identify captivating scents but the doctor had told them not to worry given that Yifan could pick out and identify individual people by smell, that there was no problem in being picky in what would entice him.
There was nothing that could contain Yifan’s excitement when he boarded the plane that would take him back to China barely two weeks after finishing high school. Despite returning back to Guangzhou in every January and February for his wider family’s New Year celebrations, he missed China. There was something about landing Guangzhou Baiyun International that gave him a feeling of complete revitalisation, almost as if he was drowning in a glutinous like air when he was in Canada and around his parents. He was eighteen and had not once had any relationship beyond the physical with anybody, which worried his mother beyond belief. His lack of interest in either sex was less of a problem for his father who had more lax views on mating but the older man still showed visible concern. Almost every other alpha of Yifan’s age in Vancouver had been in at least one semi-serious relationship apart from Yifan himself. It was this pressure applied to him that urged him to seek out his return to China alone and he felt lighter with each step he took off the plane, more air rushing into his lungs despite the high pollution and particulate matter in the atmosphere.
It took barely anytime to move through customs and pick up his bags, he’d not told his grandparents that he was arriving on that day and so he had nobody to pick him up from the airport. That wasn’t a bother though, he had planned it that way. He wasn’t planning on staying in the city for long, just so he’d have enough time to find a job and somewhere to live anywhere else in the country. If anything, he only wanted a fresh start in a fresh place.
It was three months before his twentieth birthday that Yifan first caught a scent that stood out among the rest as he passed the entrance to Guomao station in Beijing on his way to meet a University student he’d befriended a few months after moving to the city. However, he ignored the appetising smell as somebody walking past with food, something he hadn’t eaten since he’d woken up that morning. It was because of that, that he dragged Zitao to go and get something to eat almost immediately.
Tao was an alpha but didn’t have the social power and Old Money that Yifan and his family did, hence the ‘wow, you live an apartment in the Marriott Imperial Mansion?’ when he first saw the obnoxious place Yifan’s parents had practically forced him into. Where Yifan's senses lacked in picking up on alluring people, Zitao’s nose seemed to hunt down people every second and was the main reason the both of them had managed to get laid over the eight months they'd known each other. However, that fact also meant they had gotten into numerous scrapes when Tao couldn't contain himself around an omega in heat and needed Yifan to drag him away or even use his status to overpower the other alpha.
It was two weeks later that the duo bumped into somebody who was far shorter than he and Zitao, the beta whose scent was nothing special happened to be an old friend from Tao’s first year of university when he did a language exchange project. The man had introduced himself as Jongdae and had somehow convinced them to go to this party he was hosting in his shared apartment.
Zitao, unlike Yifan, was the life of a party and had proclaimed that the both of them would be in attendance. It was Yifan’s worst nightmare, not only was the party the night after his birthday but it was one held in an area of the city he'd never been to before. It wasn't that Yifan had a silver spoon placed firmly between his lips that had caused him to avoid certain areas of Beijing but it was the fact that he was a creature of habit. The only places he dipped between were his apartment, Zitao’s apartment and the street the both of them worked on.
“Come on, it will help get you out of that ageing shell,” Zitao whined, his voice raising in pitch enough to make Yifan’s jaw tick. “The solitary alpha thing you have going on isn't going to find you a mate.”
Yifan hadn't exactly told his friend about his ineptitude for picking up on mouth-watering, sweet scents he'd read about in books and heard from friends. In Zitao’s eyes, Yifan should have mated long ago because of his own scent.
The aura, both invisible and sensory, Yifan carried was supposedly very desirable and had even made a few alphas away in their preference to be submissive rather than the dominant one. It had made Yifan shudder whenever he considered such a thing.
“Yeah, there will be lots of omegas there,” Jongdae promised, Zitao confirming by saying that his language partner hadn't ever lied to him before. “My neighbour is an omega and you know how they all cluster together.”
Yifan didn't know, he never really spent too much time with an omega that wasn't him trying to get a quick lay. Unlike Zitao, who wanted to claim every omega he touched. “I don't know, it's a weeknight and I'll have work the next morning.”
“Stop being such an adult, you're nineteen,” Zitao bit back, his eyes rolling and making Yifan flare up enough to flick his ear. “Oh right, you'll be twenty by then.”
Yifan could see that Jongdae was skeptical when looking him up and down, his thoughts clearly centred on the fact that Yifan was entering his twenties without a significant other. The alpha could see it in the beta's eyes and his own gaze slipped to the floor. He didn’t want to be judged because of it, there was a reason why he wanted to get lost in a population of over twenty million while in Beijing.
“I’ll send you the details or something over Weibo and we can see what comes of the evening,” Yifan didn’t look at Jongdae but he knew that his gaze was still dead set on him, as if he was trying to work him out.
Zitao, oblivious to the profiling happening right in front of him, pulled at Yifan’s arm in a signal that they were leaving, “We should probably go before this one dies from being outdoors so much. Bye, Dae, be sure to do that.”
“Have a good evening,” the beta smiled, his kittenish lips were in Yifan’s full view despite his head being slightly bowed down, “I hope to hear from both of you soon.”
Yifan let himself be dragged away, following Tao to the subway station and following the route back to the younger’s apartment.
“Tao,” Yifan hissed, some of his natural dominance seeping into his voice. “You can’t just invite me to this stuff, you know I’m not comfortable with it.”
“What’s there to be bothered by? You only need to show up, have a drink then leave again. It’s not taxing. It isn’t as if your parents will be there,” he knew that Tao didn’t understand his problem but it made it no easier trying to explain that going out was an onerous thing for Yifan in almost every respect.
He let the subject go, the more he fought it, the more he knew his friend would demand that he stay at the gathering for far longer than he could possibly ever want. Giving into Zitao and following his whims was always easier on the soul than fighting him. Yifan had learned that fast after befriending the boy.
~#~
Forgetting the party was something Yifan wished he could do but it seemed as though Jongdae had found him on Weibo (or Tao had given him his details, which he suspected was most likely to be the case) and was using it to live-post about his ever growing excitement. He had developed a habit of messaging Yifan to see if he was still going, as if facing the wrath of his best friend was not threat enough… Even hours before the gathering, Yifan received notifications from both boys to ensure that he was getting ready to be there at six. Yifan was half certain that they were going early, giving Jongdae and Tao time to catch up but he knew arguing was futile for his cause.
Turning up at the tightly packed apartment block filled him with dread, his bones felt heavy with it as he made his way up to the eighth floor by foot. A part of him wished he could throw himself down the stairs and be done with the party because of his ’accident’ but a call of his name as he reached the seventh floor caught him out. Tao dashed down the final flight of steps to greet him and guide him up to where there was a gentle hum of conversation swirling around.
It was at events such as Jongdae’s party that made Yifan feel relieved that he did not find scents overwhelming; he could see Zitao’s eyes dilating more with every breath he took in and a few of the beta guests were already struggling with the thick air around them. There was that tiny nagging part of his mind, the one he was certain was the merging existence of his parents, that told him that he should have been acting the same and he should have come undone around cloying pheromones. Yet, he was left breathing as though the room had the purest of oxygen sources around.
“You want a drink?” A semi-familiar voice asked from behind him.
He turned to look down at Jongdae and accepted the offered cup to him easily, “Thanks.”
He could feel the beta staring at his eyes, the heavy look made Yifan want to shut his eyes to conceal his small circle pupils, “I didn’t believe Tao when he said that you weren’t fazed by anybody but I guess it’s true.” Yifan thinned his lips in a tight smile, the perfect display of discomfort and he was happy to see that Jongdae was perceptive enough to pick up on the social cue. “Not that it’s a bad thing, I am dying here.”
“I’m sure you’ll survive,” the alpha commented as Jongdae’s eyes blew so wide at a group of alpha girls walking past them.
“I’m not sure I will,” Jongdae smiled, the movement making his cheekbones even more pronounced. “It’s all about choosing what I want tonight.” Yifan tilted his head to the side, making Jongdae laugh with an airy confidence Yifan could never claim to have. “I guess you alphas might not understand but the greatest thing about being a beta is the versatility to go either way. I get to pick what position I’m in, if you get what I mean?”
Yifan felt his throat close over, a vague envy towards betas simmering through his veins as he looked down at the pleased smile Jongdae was wearing across his ridiculously smooth skin. The funniest part was that the alpha could fully relate. For the first time in his life he wished that he was a beta with the ability to get everything he wanted, to have a more equal dynamic from his relationships and have control over that.
While he wasn’t a conventional alpha, he still had instincts to be in control but his were directed inwardly, he wanted to have power over his own social status and his own role in his relationships. He did not want his whole life to be commanded by what he was taught by everybody who could influence him. His parents, his teachers and his peers all pressed the idea that he had to be a certain way to be desirable onto him. Which wouldn’t have been a problem if he wanted to live like that.
“I think I kind of understand you,” he mumbled, taking a long drink from his cup and letting the mix of brandy and coke burn down his throat.
“Anyway, I have some friends I think you should meet. They aren’t here yet but my neighbour said they shouldn’t be long.”
“Which is your neighbour?” Jongdae pointed over his shoulder and he looked around to see a soft looking omega with eyes that were large enough for the dim lighting to sparkle into.
“Don’t be deceived by his looks, he’s a feisty omega,” the beta sounded almost delighted by that fact and Yifan could feel something akin to hope flare faintly in the pit of his stomach. “You don’t know how many times I’ve had to grant him sanctuary in my apartment because he’s riled a few alphas up a little too much.”
Yifan was itching to meet the omega, his fingers twitching by his sides as he felt the unmistakable weightlessness of relief whilst Jongdae whistled loudly to gain his attention and the omega made his way over. The alpha was ever so slightly disappointed to not gain any sensory reaction from himself towards to the newcomer but he knew he would probably never experience that kind of thing.
“I’m Lu Han,” the omega greeted, holding out his hand for Yifan to shake, which he accepted readily.
“Yifan,” he responded and he could feel the predatory once over the shorter omega gave him. “Jongdae says you’re quite a handful.”
“Jongdae says a lot of stuff he knows jackshit about,” Lu Han chimed, ruffling the hair of the beta affectionately and Yifan found the interaction endearing. “He’s constantly telling people how much of a naughty omega I am.”
Yifan was going to say something, what was going to fall from his lips was stopped short in his throat as he felt his world give out beneath his feet. A part of him wished it was an earthquake, that his shaking vision and lucid mind was because of a natural phenomena but he knew it wasn’t. He felt his mind wracking for more understanding of the situation but it was out of his reach.
“Xing-ah, you’re here,” Jongdae announced but it was so far away from Yifan’s consciousness that he barely registered that anybody had spoken. He could only look at the arrival who had made his presence known, his eyes were unwavering and he could feel the other looking back at him just as intently.
“Holy shit,” something hit Yifan’s arm with enough force to pull him out of his stupor and his eyes snapped over to Lu Han. “You two just had a moment, right?”
Yifan’s mind ran in circles to understand what was going on, his brain screaming at him to both run and stay; his fight or flight instincts getting jumbled up in a mass of unnerved feeling.
“Can you two just give me a minute?” Jongdae spoke softly, his hand going to Yifan’s elbow and dragging him away from the two omegas to find somebody else. Tao, Yifan guessed. When his best friend came into view, Jongdae was shouting his name and prying him away from the beta he seemed to have grown acquainted to. “I think he had his first moment.”
“Fuck,” Tao downed the rest of his drink before Yifan was being guided to a seat in the corner of the room, right beside the window but the elder alpha felt his eyes trying to to find the omega who had caused him to react like he was out of his own grip. “Yifan, how do you feel?”
“Confused,” he muttered, his voice breaking as he looked harder for the omega.
“You found somebody that has the mating effect on you, can you smell anything new?” Tao knew that Yifan’s scent memory was something that was unrivalled in power, the elder storing every individual smell he could pick up on for safekeeping.
“I’ve smelt it before, it was a long time ago and it was brief, I thought it was food,” Yifan allowed his eyes to jerk back to his friend and he saw Tao biting his lip to stop himself from laughing.
“You thought that the scent of an enticing omega was food?”
Yifan scowled, his brow knitting together darkly, “I didn’t know it could have been a person, I didn’t think I could even have a moment or whatever you’re all calling it.”
“I know, but it’s kind of funny though.” Jongdae interjected, finally taking his hand away from Yifan’s arm. “At least you know you want to eat him.”
“Dae-ge,” Tao gasped while Yifan felt his face turning red at what was implied. “That’s just crude.”
“I’m just saying,” the beta rose his hands up into a surrendering position and Yifan found himself thankful for the distraction. It helped to clear his head of chocolate coloured eyes, wide and glossy, looking up at him as though he was the only moon in existence.
“How do guys live like this?” Yifan queried, finally having some sympathy for those driven purely by their instincts.
“This stuff doesn’t happen often; a moment is pretty rare but they can happen. I had one before I left Korea, it doesn’t mean anything if you don’t let it, it’s more like a strong declaration of instant mutual attraction on almost every level,” the beta replied, Yifan taking in every word as if he was a sponge and Jongdae a fountain of knowledge. “Though, if you’ve never had this sort of appeal before, I would advise pursuing it. Yixing would be a good first for this thing.”
“Yixing?” Yifan asked, tilting his head more to the right.
“The omega, the one you had your earth shattering attraction to,” Jongdae’s tone was one that was ever so slightly condescending towards Yifan but the alpha didn’t have it in his heart to care in any way. “He’s probably having a harder time recovering than you, though, not having the alpha instincts guiding him out of it. So, it might be best if you went home.”
“Really?” The alpha didn’t quite know why he felt nervous at the thought of leaving the omega, Yixing, if he had felt everything at a more heightened rate. “Should I not see if he’s okay?”
“Take his advice, ge,” Tao advised, “We’ll give the omega your details and leave it up to him to contact you, he might not want what you do.”
Yifan nervously agreed, Jongdae finding a piece of paper for him to write on and the elder wrote almost every means of contacting him that he could. Other than his address, which Tao had cleverly told him to leave out ― just in case the omega was the type to chase for money ― which earned him a stern smack across the back of his head from Jongdae.
~#~
He hadn’t even got back to abundantly spaced apartment before his phone vibrated with a text message, Yifan prepared himself for a slightly intoxicated selca of his best friend but his head buzzed when he caught sight of the unknown number on the screen. He slid his thumb across the screen, his eyes taking in the grey bubble of text.
Unknown Number:
Hello, Yifan-ge, I am Zhang Yixing.
Yifan smiled at the words, his fingers saving the number into his contacts without really paying attention, the name of the omega standing prominent as one of the only omegas in the long list of people Yifan would barely call acquaintances.
Wu Yifan:
Yixing, from the party, right?
Zhang Yixing:
Yeah, I did try to find you but Jongdae said you’d left. He said it was your first /moment/ and they weren’t sure how you’d react, so I understand.
Yifan closed his eyes, wanting the world to swallow him whole as he read what the younger had written to him and he hoped with every fibre of his being that Yixing wouldn’t judge him for that. He only opened his eyes and let himself into his apartment once his phone had vibrated in his hand again.
It was my first too, so I’m kind of glad that I can have my first conversation with you without being in a complete state.
Wu Yifan:
I can make less of an idiot of myself talking like this too.
Yifan let himself sit on his sofa, his phone glued to his hand as he and Yixing learned the basics about each other. He had found that the omega was surprisingly easy to connect with, topics flowing endlessly between them and Yifan had never smiled so stupidly while tapping on the screen of his phone. There was so much he felt as though he didn’t know about life when Yixing sent something new, like the younger man had this predisposed aura of kindness and wonder with everything that Yifan admired. He had discovered that Yixing, too, hadn’t ever been in a serious or long term relationship ― much to his parents’ dismay. Yifan could relate. If there was anything that Yixing said about his life, specifically his love life, Yifan could establish a link through it. He felt that Yixing was also pushed into a box, that he needed to find a mate before some non-existent timer ran out or he would live his life as the lonely omega everybody pitied. While there was less stigma around an un-mated alpha, Yifan knew that it wasn’t favourable to be older and without a mate.
Yixing explained that, in more recent years, it had been increasingly difficult to get a job while being un-mated; as omegas without a beta or alpha were often viewed as unstable or lacking in control. They were viewed as something to tempt those who would spend a lot of time around them.
It made Yifan realise that the pressure he felt could have been even more if he had been born as an omega, the clear inadequacies he found in what Yixing had confided in him over their six hour long texting fest had him spluttering. He wondered if Yixing had ever thought of giving himself more control or if somebody had ever let themselves be at his whim ― emotionally or physically. The hope Yifan had found after Jongdae had talked about Lu Han returned with force in his stomach. Instead of being a kindling ember, it felt more like flames licking and caressing up his body and to his throat.
~#~
The date they set up was a simple one, no dinner or a trip to the cinema; it was just drinks at a bar. They hadn’t wanted the fuss of having to feel obligated to sit through over an hour of eating or multiple awkward hours in a movie theatre, it was casual. That was how they agreed to start out, casual. Neither had properly dated before, Yifan confessed vis their text messaging that he had never even consider asking somebody out before and they both felt as though being each other’s firsts in this was an already daunting task. So meeting in a middle of the range bar was what they had decided.
There were very few parts of Yifan that followed alpha instincts but his want to care for somebody else always showed through. He knew Yixing would have a lot less disposable money then himself, his parents’ hefty allowances still filled his bank, even after he had explained that he had a job that payed a slightly decent wage. Yixing seemed to welcome Yifan’s offer of being the one to buy each glass of whatever he fancied at that moment, it was a relief that Yixing had always asked for half sizes. The omega had admitted to his low alcohol tolerance, which made him a liability to drink full sized shots and larger drinks, it wasn’t like they were quite at drink sharing stage either. Yifan explained his childhood, his abstract success in basketball and average grading scores; he had even told Yixing of how he had booked his ticket back to China on a whim and tried to make his way on his own, as best he could. It wasn’t like he didn’t know that his parents could have involved themselves in his life at anytime.
Yixing, in return, told Yifan of dancing and student years. He, too, had made a split second decision to choose Beijing when filling out his applications. The omega wasn’t one to stray far from home, usually at least, and that he felt comfort in being around his beta father and omega mother. He had told of how he hadn’t ever fully got to know any alphas and the safety he sought in betas was what had drawn him to Jongdae when they met. The horror stories omegas shared of alphas who took everything too far filled university campuses and that was what made him more ready to accept the more submissive betas as his friends, not alphas like many other would.
Yixing was staring at him with an discernible expression, his lips pursing and eyes swirling as the cogs turned in his brain to speak the next words, “You’re pretty submissive for an alpha, you know?”
And just like that, Yifan’s childhood was flashing like a projected movie reel on the backs of his eyelids. All the times his parents frowned at how easily he gave in, all the times he ran instead of fighting and all the times he accepted that he was faulty, rather than urging everybody that he was fine. It made sense, he had always been submissive but he guess that couldn't be helped. He was raised by two powerful alphas, both of them proving their dominance over one another and Yifan himself. Maybe it wasn't in his nature to be submissive, but rather nurtured into him.
“Yeah, I do,” he laughed almost bitterly, his eyes slipping from Yixing’s face to his own drink. “My parents know too.”
“Oh, I'm sorry,” The apology was whispered, as though Yixing had damaged him further but Yifan patted his leg under the table.
“It's okay, it doesn't bother me,” Yifan assured him softly, Yixing’s eyes drew in up a concerned look, “It used to. Bother me, that is. I've accepted it now, it's just a shame that nobody else has. I've got this aura and power within me that fools everybody into thinking I'm something I'm not.”
“I don't really know how you feel,” Yixing mumbled, “I'm the embodiment of the ‘perfect’ omega. I don't ever argue, I don't let loose and I am drawn to the most dominating in the room.”
Yifan wasn't sure if it was one of the five double whiskey shots he had drunk in the previous half an hour but what little boldness he did have came out. “Come home with me and we can teach each other?”
It was out on the street when Yixing’s lips pressed softly to Yifan’s, making the alpha release a disappointed sigh, “Xing, you need to press harder. Your lips lead mine and your tongue stays in my mouth until the right time.”
“I don't think I can do this, Yifan,” Yixing stepped away, his eyes submissively drawn to the floor. “It isn't right for me.”
“I'm not forcing you into anything,” the alpha spoke calmly, allowing his soothing aura to relax the younger man. “It was a suggestion, not a command.”
“But I want to do this,” Yixing sounded shy, unsure of himself, “I want to know how it feels to dominate and see if I like it.”
“Then we can take it slow,” Yifan allowed himself to be the presence that the omega in Yixing needed, he knew Yixing was special from the moment his scent caught in his mouth. Yifan’s large hand caressed as the omega’s softly sculpted cheek, the other pressing lightly into the touch.
It felt strange that his alpha nature was announcing itself to comfort Yixing because Yixing couldn't dominate him just yet. Each thing Yifan knew about prospective mates flew out the window; he didn't feel the urge to claw for what he wanted, no pressure to be in control constantly and no cry of pure need. Schools taught alphas that all they would want was to knot the one they wanted to be their mate but the main thought Yifan had was how his knot would look trapped between their stomachs as the omega thrust into him.
Alphas weren't supposed to want that, let alone think like it but Yifan always had been a little faulty.
~#~
Yifan had walked Yixing home, the promise of doing more the next time lingering between them as Yifan kissed him goodbye. The alpha showing just how he wanted Yixing to dominate him, though the omega didn't look as though he had taken any notes with his flushed face and scent that seemed to grow damper the longer Yifan stared at him. It wasn’t like that scent didn’t have an impact on Yifan, Yixing was the only omega who had ever stood out to him and his arousal wasn’t something that could be ignored. If anything, it made Yifan want him more, that Yixing could sate a need that he shouldn’t have. He was relieved that Yixing hadn’t laughed at his unconventional desire, there was a consoling tier to the fact that his request had been taken earnestly and it had somewhat appealed to the omega.
He left Yixing with a warm smile, the expression returned with a dimple he poked lightly and he could see some of Yixing’s anxiety escape with the touch. His departing words seemed to have the desired effect as he saw the tense shoulders of the younger relax almost completely, “I don’t want there to be roles between us, I want there to be equality and space for a relationship to be nurtured on that basis. I’m not saying that I am fully ruling out myself being the ’top’ because there are going to be times where we both want and need that. Nevertheless, I will completely understand if you don’t want this. If you would rather want somebody who is more suited to your needs to be with then I will not get in your way but I thank you for trying.”
He walked away, not fulfilling his promise of taking the younger home with him but he knew Yixing would need some time to adjust to the idea. He was able to understand how it felt to go against each of his instincts, to drive them into the back of his mind and chase after something he truly wanted and not what his status dictated. He knew the turmoil Yixing would be having, every part of his brain would be yelling out for him to go with his instinctual urges, to let them be the baseline for how things would continue and Yifan found himself fretting that he had driven away his first potential mate within a few weeks of knowing him. He could have waited a few months, maybe after they had managed to build more rapport with each other, to feel more comfortable with the other’s presence and know the physical limitations they would face.
Yifan worried over the days that followed without Yixing contacting him, despite the fact that they hadn’t spoken everyday before their date. His thumbs lingered over the keyboard on his phone in attempts to formulate a text message to send to the omega, even though he normally just sent a plain ‘hello’ as his greeting in the times beforehand. Yifan didn’t want to seem pushy or obsessed with the idea of an omega being the one to dominate him, he spent hours on end going over his last conversation with the younger man, running through the things he could have said or what he should have kept to himself. It was a quandary he could not escape from.
At least until he woke up to head to work with an answer phone message from Yixing, the younger male staying up far later in the evening than himself on a regular basis, and it was the omega asking if Yifan wanted to meet up for lunch. Yifan, as always, had his hour long break at 13:20, he responded with a quick text to say just that and he hoped that Yixing would be awake for that time. There was a sense of uncertainty as he sat through a Monday morning meeting about the schedule for that week, it crept through him like a spider of concern and he had visions of Yixing telling him that something was wrong with him. Just like everybody else in his life.
It made Yifan think about how his parents would react if he were to introduce Yixing as his mate. He pondered over whether they would like the younger male, if they would accept him or say that Yifan hadn’t chosen right. It was something he disregarded quickly; Yixing seemed perfect. The omega was handsome, timid yet robust looking and charming to the nth degree. There was no way his mother wouldn't be cast under Yixing’s spell, her adoration for anything lively and cute was overwhelming; Yifan could only imagine her reaction to seeing a dimple.
Hours seemed to fly by once Yifan’s body had succumb to the anxiety that pitted itself in every crevice of his body. He could not bear to watch the clock tick by as he worked as a Runner for a television service, he was too busy to keep track of time and he was shocked when his boss called for lunch at the exact time he always did. If anything, the fact that five hours hurtled past him left him with the impression that he was under prepared to meet the young man he was sure to have scared off. He let his bones click as he stretched his body out and he checked his phone to see that Yixing had chosen to meet in a coffee shop across the street to Yifan’s work building. The neutral but familiar territory spoke to Yifan of high chances that Yixing would be pressing on the big red abort button that Yifan had placed on their relationship with his stupid, running mouth.
He arrived to find Yixing waiting at a small corner booth to the left hand side of the small space, his hair reflecting the light shining in through the floor to ceiling windows and Yifan wondered if he had ever seen something so radiant. It used to baffle him when he thought about his lack of attraction, yet watching Yixing stare as the world moved by left him with the sweetest taste in his mouth. It felt right to have waited until he had found somebody coaxing.
The younger male greeted him by standing up with a smile once he noticed Yifan lingering by the door, his fingers curled in a ‘come closer’ gesture and Yifan found himself readily obeying the request. There was a long pause before either of them spoke, the elder settling into his seat and taking his time in removing his jacket button by button, arm by arm. Yixing watched him with a concentrated gaze, his eyes were sharp but still had the lingering sparkled glossiness to them. Yifan was so easily mesmerised by the omega that it didn’t bother him that there was an awkward topic that hung between them on a fine thread and that the silence was something that needed to be broken.
Yixing looked as though he had just woken up, given his meagre attempts to tame his scruffy bed hair and there were fine wrinkles all over his shirt from where it had been either stuffed into a drawer or picked up from the floor. The alpha should have been offended at the lack of effort instead, he found it adorable. The young man sat in front of him was the vision of what everybody expected Yifan to have in a mate and, in all honesty, Yifan had thought he wouldn’t have ever been attracted to somebody who his parents would have approved of. Sons who had rebellious streaks did not usually go for the kind of person their parents would wish upon them but Yifan knew there was something different within Yixing. There was an unknown entity lying dormant beneath the omega's skin that had his mind swirling with possibilities.
“You called,” Yifan started, his mouth finally kicking into action once he saw Yixing’s dimpled smile appear, along with a dash of pinky bashfulness.
“Yes,” Yixing cleared his throat, shifting slightly on his hips in his seat, “I have been thinking. About what you said.”
Yifan felt his eyebrows raise involuntarily, his lips quirked at the edges, “Really?”
Yixing nodded softly, his eyes falling down to where his fingers were toying with the slightly frayed seam of his long sleeved t-shirt.
“I have,” he whispered, there was a long, pregnant pause before Yixing took in enough oxygen to formulate words. “I want to try and do it.”
“Seriously?” Yifan’s face, voice and posture screamed dumb innocence and Yixing laughed out awkwardly.
“Yes,” he reiterated. “I can see that you’ve had this secret for a long time and there was a sense of relief when you finally told somebody, I found that ridiculously brave. We barely know each other and there was this small voice in my head that told me that if you trust me enough to tell me that deepest secret then I should give you my trust back. I don’t feel like I owe you anything, so there is no need to worry about that.
“There’s this quote by John Churton Collins that says ‘If we knew each other’s secrets what comforts we should find.’ and I thought about it a lot while sifting through everything in my mind. I came to realise that knowing your secret has changed something in my mind, almost like some switch has been flicked somewhere far into my primal side that told me I wanted to try it. I slowly noticed how each of my friends who are of the same ranking as me felt used by alphas and betas so often and I don’t want to experience that. Not when I have just found this connection with you.”
Yifan took a moment to process everything, his initially surprise hadn’t yet morphed into another emotion and yet, he continued to stare at Yixing. He could not fathom as to how somebody could have been so wonderfully accepting of his strange predilection.
“I only have one requirement,” Yixing’s voice aided in the levelling of Yifan’s heart and the alpha was aware that he had begun to lean forwards with his elbows on the table.
“That is?”
Yixing gulped a breath, as if sucking in the most amount of oxygen into his lungs would push the words right out, “I want doing that to be our first time.”
Yifan wished he could have quashed the excited bleat in his throat before it left his lips, yet the undignified noise came out loudly and helped to push Yixing into a comfortable, teasing fit of giggles.
♣ Part 2 ♣