(Untitled)

[signia]

Well, my night had taken an interesting turn. I came to Lorne's club for a little dance, expecting to maybe have a drink with him, see how he was doing. I didn't expect however, to end up in his office, taking advantage of his rather.. inviting.. couch

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[lornegreen]

Fuck.

That's all I could say. If there was ever a time I had to come clean, it was probably now. This girl was smart, and she would see through me in an instant if I tried to lie to her about that card, and my affiliation with that company.

I pursed my lips and ran my fingers through my hair. I heaved a sigh and sat down on the couch.

"I'm not going to lie to you, Nia," I told her. "That is.. WAS.. my business card."

[signia]

I flipped the card over in my hands, and looked over at him, my expression turned blank.

I walked over to where he sat and stood infront of him. So this was probably the big bad he was hiding. I wasn't going to judge him for it, of course. I mean, who the hell was I to judge anyone about being evil?

Sighing, I handed him the card and sat down on the couch beside him.

"Is that why you ran?" I asked him in a flat, even tone

[lornegreen]

I took the card and examined it myself. I don't know why I still had this. It was the last one left of all the business cards I ever so freely handed out. They were like a status symbol. I guess this was just a reminder of what I used to be. I should have just turfed it.

"What I ran from," I said quietly. "I probably would have died if I didn't. I didn't want to make that sacrifice for him, for any of them."

The others were pretty gung-ho for giving their lives for the cause. I was reluctant. I was always the reluctant one.

[signia]

I put a comforting hand on his knee. "For who, Lorne? Who's 'him'? Who're 'they'?" I asked.

I kinda felt bad now. This wasn't an easy subject for him. And I didn't want to have to do this to him. Me and my need to know everything, and now he's going to end up hurting because of it.

I could kick my own ass sometimes, you know?

[lornegreen]

She was toying with my hair, and I took her hand in mine and I looked at her. "Nia, SugarPie," I told her. "That's not the point. The point is, it's the kind of work I don't want to be doing."

I honestly didn't know what I wanted anymore. I was unhappy here in Hollywood running this gigantic club. I was unhappy in LA with my friends. So really, was anything going to make me happy?

Well, besides the company of my newfound lady friend, that is.

[signia]

I squeezed his hand. "Lorne, Honey," I said to him. "You willingly went into battle with your friends in the first place, and you could have backed out then. There was something inside your heart that told you it was the right thing to do. Otherwise you would have left them in the dust ages ago."

I looked him in the eye. "They're out there trying to save lives, and make a difference in this world even though you all got sidetracked with a big lawfirm and new digs. But in the end, now that your friends are back where they started, has the mission really changed? It's a chance for you to regain what you lost and start over. But with people who care about you."

I gave him a sidelong glance. "Besides," I went on. "If you didn't care so much about them, this wouldn't be affecting you this much. You're tied to them, Sweetie, whether you like it or not."

[lornegreen]

Tied to them? That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.. damnit, she was right. After everything we'd been through together, I just upped and left them all to die.

I sighed. "I don't even know for sure if things have gotten back to normal," I told her. "I'm not sure if Angel's gotten back on his path to redemption. So if I go back there and nothing's changed, then what do I do?"

[signia]

"Then," I said, "Maybe you can get on with your life. I mean, if you know for sure things haven't changed. Then at least you'll know and you can really say goodbye."

A thought popped into my head. I suddenly decided with all this cajoling to get him to go back home, I figured maybe it was worth my while if I go with him. This Angel character was on this road to atonement, and I was as well. Maybe if I joined in the fight to help the hopeless, I could perchance achieve my goal of redemption.

I rubbed my chin. "I'm sure your friends, especially the ones seeking atonement, could use all the help they could get."